Hallelujah

"Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone
Your whole life waiting on the ring to know you're not alone"

Yes P¡nk. I couldn't have said it any better, but guess what? My man called today.

Cryptic

Aww man. So much going on. So many things are speeding through my mind. I can’t keep up.

John Legend - “Soon as I saw you baby, I had plans. Plans to do it til we have a baby. Even if the world is crazy. Pick some names – boy or girl. Then we’ll change. Change the world… It’s the beginning of forever.”

If I don’t have kids, who will take care of me when I’m old? I’m afraid I’ll be alone.

My grandmother was crying today. She said she has a family but doesn’t have a family. What if that becomes me? Except that my family will be long gone…

Emotional. Scruntch my face so I don’t cry.

I expressed my love through action this morning. I wanted him to know he was needed. I wanted to feed his soul. Don’t know if I was successful.

Times are difficult. I dream of being 10 or 20 years in. Future love. Different love. Mature love.

Research time. I need to dig into history. Carry the lessons forward. What did you love about me? How can I get that back? How can I be what you need?

I’ve never failed at anything. My universe has shifted. I need to rebuild. I wonder what’s happening. What am I going through? What needs to be learned?

Gotta collect my goals. Gotta do the work. Peaks and valleys.

Valleys - Monday. Peak - Today. Relieved.