Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I think I'm in love with Maxwell. and I know I love this video. The simplicity is refreshing. It's so easy and pure. Who thought to capture the moment when a woman just lays in the bed with her eyes closed? We all do it. Whether we're tired, feeling a bit sad, or just don't want to get up yet. Laying in the bed fully awake but not up is something I love to do. Kicking covers off...turning to the other side...moving my fingers slightly... tiny movements... The unhidden treasures of resting. I really appreciate this video. Nice job Maxwell.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Priscilla covering Drake's "Best I Ever Had". Everytime I hear another version of this song (Drake's clean version and now this), I think, 'there's no way it could be better than the original!' Again, I put my foot in my mouth. I guess this is just one of those songs. No matter what you do to it, it cannot be ruined. That's genius right there. But anyway, no need to explain anything further. Just listen.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Take Me Away - John Legend
There's nothing wrong. I'm just really really really tired. Actually, sleepy is the better word. I'm PMS-ing so this time around, my body is just really weak. I could sleep for 2 days straight if time allowed. I remember when I used to take advantage of the hours after work and sleep from 5 until the next morning when I lived on the other side of the country, but this job prevents me from doing so. I can't find the time to slow down. My mother called and said, "you're more than just sleepy. something else is wrong, so are you going to be okay?" Mmm. Is there something else wrong? I mean I know I've been longing to break away and recharge my batteries using the sun's energy, but I didn't know it was that serious. Perhaps it is though. When I was on the train, I read a passage in the book I was talking about yesterday. "But most of all, I remembered the virgin-bride-white sands of Varadero, and it filled me with joy. I remembered sinking my hands and feet into the silkiest, softest mounds in the world, the sands of my best childhood memories." When I read that, I found myself somewhere deep in the back of my mind rolling around in that sand and taking big scoops of it in my hands and pouring them on top of me with my eyes closed. It sounds so weird, but yeah. That's me and that's where my mind went. Maybe my need to get away is stronger than I think. Maybe the current weather situation is doing something to my head. I have never seen so many gloomy April showers days in my life. But I like the rain. So I'm not sure what's the real deal.
Cue Alicia Keys.
Superwoman - Alicia Keys
Perhaps my job is sucking the life out of me. I don't know. I'm not trying to think too hard about this job. It is what it is, and I don't want it to get inside of my head to the point where I start to dread waking up everyday. I've been there before and it's definitely not a good place to wish you miraculously had the flu every morning. That's depressing and then something will definitely be wrong. I won't become conquered by that feeling. It's not even that serious. Albeit, perhaps something is subconciously wrong and I don't know it. If there is, I'm not even sure if I want to figure it out. Right now, all I want to do is sleep. I want to stop feeling as if I will plummet into my keyboard any second. I may need to forgo the show I paid for. I'll exchange the price of my ticket for extra hours of sleep in a heartbeat. I have so much to do this weekend - produce 30 resumes for these kids at Powell House, sister's brunch, handle wedding responsibilities for K.M., car emissions testing, and so on. It's going to be a doosie. But superwoman must prevail. She must always prevail.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I wrote this two years ago and still feel the same way. I need a life pick me up. The routinue is just starting to get to me, and I know all too well how that feeling can overwhelm. I need a sporadic, spontaneous intervention. Let's go stay in a cottage rental in Massachusetts people. Or walk down the coast of Malibu with the sun on our faces. Let's lay in a field of daisies down in the country and watch the bees circle our heads. I'm serious! I wanna go! Just take me somewhere!!! Anywhere! Just get me out of here!
I have a random question.
Who do you play on repeat in your iPod right now?
You already know who I'm playing.
Did you see all the references and blogs below?
I have a social networking event to attend tonight.
I don't think anyone's going to come though.
Today, there was this man on the train who just would not stop staring at me.
Can you say freaky?
He wasn't even trying to hide it.
He just stood there at the door with his body facing straight towards me.
You would think he would aim his frame to an angle and turn his head so as to not be so obvious.
You're wack dude.
I'm want to gain 5 pounds.
Or stay the same.
I don't know.
I killed some NY pizza over the weekend.
I was craving it like a feign.
My legs need some toning though.
I heard some disturbing news this morning.
Why it's so disturbing I'm not sure.
Disturbing shouldn't even be the word.
It's too harsh, but still yet...
Essence is reporting on the age old discussion - black men and white women.
I have to be honest.
I do have an issue with it.
Not to the point where I'ma do something about it.
But it always evokes some sort of tweek in my eyebrow.
I wish I could look at it like I look at someone who just said something stupid.
A blank face.
But I can't.
My eyebrow will always tweek.
Remember when Angela Bassett set her husband's stuff on fire in "Waiting to Exhale" when he left her for a white woman?
That scene was so real.
I can still see her fierce, agressive walk towards the camera as catastrophic flames illuminate her from behind.
I never fully indentified and understand the anger of a black woman until that scene.
I'm reading about how them crazy Isrealites kept complaining about what they didn't have after God parted the Red Sea and helped them to escape from Egypt.
It makes me think about how I used to complain about men.
But if God has your back and has already showed you how great He is, why would you be sitting there complaining like He doesn't exist and want what's best for you?
Oh ye of little faith.
My ex-fiance texted me.
"I love how u made me better."
I can't even front.
He got me with that one.
My heart was all warm and whatnot.
I'm supposed to be having sister brunch with the 3 on saturday.
Gotta check with them and see if it's still on.
It's supposed to be 83 degrees on Sat.
I'm saving up for a Mac.
Does anyone know anyone who gets Mac discounts?
$1599 is a lot for a laptop.
Apple rapes all of us; for all of their products.
My sis is designing my business cards for me.
I'm excited about them.
Someone asked me for a card during my shoot over the weekend, and I felt so lame not having one.
I've been thinking a lot about this job and what I'm going to do when my contract is up.
That's a whole 'nother blog though.
I feel like I'll be deciding on the rest of my life.
I know it need not be that dramatic, so I'm trying to tame it down a little.
Lisa Leslie got married.
I'm ready to switch my winter wardrobe out but the weather keeps tricking me.
I need absolute warmth to wear my spring line of clothing.
I get cold too easily and therefore still wear heavy stuff.
Does MTA keep the air conditioning on year round?!
It is not that hot outside yet!
Turn it off!
But I'm excited for spring.
I love spring clothes.
I'm getting my convention clothes together too.
In all of my years going to the convention, I've never wore anything new.
This year will be different.
What I wear may not be stark new but at least it'll be this season's attire.
I'm tired of wearing the same skirt I've had since 2003.
My mom used to laugh at me while asking "is that the same skirt your Nana bought for you in college?!"
Now either stop laughing at me or give me some money!
I just stopped being broke about a year and a half ago.
So why didn't I wear something new last year?
Maybe I did.
I could remember if I knew which city I attended the convention in.
I had a Bible study last night and the sisters said that it must be nice to live in a house with parents who share your faith.
Never thought about it, but yeah, it is nice to all worship together.
Makes for a peaceful environment.
My family is great.
I'm reading some poll results.
"Have you ever lived with a boyfriend?
Here's what you ladies said:
Yes, and I'll never do it again. 34%"
Here's the rest.
"Yes. It worked out great. 19%
No, and I wouldn't consider it. 27%
No, but it's a possibility. 18%
Cohabiting has not worked out for most of us and we're glad to say we've learned from our experiences!
Tell us: Some people believe that moving in before marriage will tell you a lot about the person. Should it be obligatory for an engaged couple? When is it too soon, if ever, to move in with someone you're in a relationship with? When a couple realizes living together may be harmful to their relationship, does it mean they are not compatible and they're future together is doomed? It's time for Girl Talk!"
Man oh man.
What a topic.
I'll leave that alone.
What is twitter?
You want to be considered young and in the know but when people keep putting out stuff that makes you say 'why?', you're forced into acting old. =)
I'm looking for a really good fiction book.
A deep one.
Not a self help book or a chick novel.
A literary masterpiece.
I never did read "The Kite Runner".
Right now I'm reading "Reclaiming Paris".
It's pretty good.
It's about a woman born in Havana Cuba who moves to Miami and struggles to get to know her roots and find her future.
It's interesting because a lot of it deals with her relationships with men.
What woman who is trying to find herself doesn't directly tie the search to finding her way with men?
But anyway, with every man she dates, she wears a different perfume.
So perfumes are tied to old memories.
I think that's quite smart.
Smells are indentifying marks are they not?
Why not associate a perfume with a man?
It's called "Reclaiming Paris" because Havana is the Paris of Cuba.
The language in the book is simply exquisite.
I want to steal some of Fabiola Santiago's phrases and terms.
I probably already have.
A live version of The Isley's "Summer Breeze" just came on Pandora.
Goodness gracious this song is sexy.
But yeah, I want a good book.
A romantic book.
Not necessarily a book about romance between a woman and a man though.
One that makes you fall in love with language or a place or a moment.
I want to read something that says 'and the exuberance from the wind swept her hair into a swoop that only formed once a year.'
You know what I mean?
Speak to me!
Speak to my soul man!
That sentence I made up seems like the beginnings of something.
I should continue that thought somewhere.
I think I may write my article for Infinite Investor today.
As a matter of fact, let me do that now while I have inspiration running through my blood and am bored at work.
Have a good day people.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Listen to a couple tracks from old stuff of Drake's. Crazy beats.
Share - Drake
Pop Rose - Drake & Trey Songz
And lastly (I promise!), is JennWill's fav track off that So Far Gone mixtape I TOLD you to download. (did you do it yet?!) When Jenn told me this was her fav, I somehow already knew it. I promise you, my girl loves to hear a man apologize. LOL. I love you Jenn!
Sooner Than Later - Drake
And here he is with one of the sexiest R&B singers out here at the beginning of it all. This no where near touches where Drake is today. Drake and Trey. Check it.
Things are really happening for me. I am at a point in my path in which I can say 'this is the beginning of your dreams J'. I'm working my butt off for a slice of the pie - a slice I actually have no business asking for. But without a name and experience, I'm fortunate and extremely busy doing what I'm meant to do. And that equivocally means that I'm happy doing what I want to do.
This weekend's fashion shoot went extremelly well. I even dropped and damaged a lens, but nothing could prevent me from experiencing the high of a paying photography gig. I have an article due on Saturday that I have not yet begun. I have no anxiety, however. I'm looking forward to weaving my thoughts together for the next couple of days. I've climbed on board with another writing endeavor which will have me submitting work every single week. Challenging? I'm not sure yet. As often as I blog, I should be able to commit to a schedule. This is not the time for laziness. Portfolio work is next. I need a temporary online situation and a few soft copy prints in a presentable package. After that, education. Class class class. Talent will only take you so far. You need the knowledge to back it up.
I'm excited about the future. I have a lot of work to do - happy, good, fullfilling work.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I understand why I have yet another Bible study to complete. To be refined and draw closer to Jehovah so that I can be who I need to be when my time does come.
I understand why God put it in me to have as a resolve not to deal with men in 2009. So I can not be distracted and focus on the Kingdom.
I understand why I've had the painful experiences I've had. They've kicked my butt into running towards the right path.
I understand why God made me the way I am. People say that I'm too hard on myself, but I know it serves as a protection. I know I am imperfect, but I'm striving for perfection as a sinner. My conscious is strong which keeps me out of trouble.
I understand why I am home at this point in my life. To reap the benefits from being in a spiritually sound house.
I understand why my engagement did not last. It was not in my best interest and would not have afforded me true happiness.
I can see God's hand in everything. He is preparing me.
Where would I be without God?
As I contemplate on the precious twinklings, the little things that used to fill me, I realize how big the silent spaces are in my life; how empty they feel. So I fill them with God. In moments of solidarity, separate from Him, I yearn to travel backwards to places I can no longer grab for and hold close. My ever present remedy of 'harden-your-heart-ness' works marvelously when things shatter to the ground in pieces so minute it's impossible to repair them. The only thing left to do - sweep up the ruins and discard them into the gigantic receptacle I keep close at all times. In this way, I escape the rapture that is falling over me like a large and heavy black, satin bedsheet. I try to pretend that these memories have not installed themselves in my imagination. But the fact that I am sitting here penning these words from the dark back corners of my consciousness, speaks for me.
Realities versus fantasies. Oh the juxtaposition.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Ride Of Our Lives - Jon B
I LOVE Jon B. His voice is so amazingly beautiful to me.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
I need a beach. Like right now. It's funny because when I was going through whatever I was going through, what I needed the most was LA. I needed L.A.'s air, it blue sky, it's vastness, it's openess, it's weather... I can go on. I seriously missed having the ability to leave my apartment one minute and lay on an open beach in my bikini and sunglasses 15 minutes later. That's surely a luxury that I miss. So yes, I need a vacay. I'm going to NY on the 17th which I'm going to enjoy of course, but I need a warm weather vacay. I NEED a beach. Someone! Please give me a beach! Ugh! I just went through the last 5 days of YBF posts (being that I missed all of them during my 5 day funk) and sure enough Serena Williams is just chillin ON A BEACH! I mean, sure she just worked it out at the Sony Ericsson shibang, but dang! Don't flaunt it! *smacking my teeth* She's looking all comfortable and whatnot. NOT FAIR!
I guess I'll make the most of my time in NY. How could I not right? Anytime that I get to play, I should make the most of it. But yo... =) ... I still need a beach.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Not even one minute after I updated my facebook status, which spoke on my stress levels, I got a phone call of concern from a very good friend who I've been trying to get in touch with unsuccessfully. With all of the emotion whirling inside of me, I couldn't help but to be extremely touched by his reaching out. Even though I was too overwhelmed to talk about what was bothering me, I texted him shortly after we hung up... "Thank you so much for calling. I'm rather emotional right now so your kind concern just about has me in tears. I'll try to call you this weekend." When he responded again, he did so in a way that made me feel like he was reaching through the phone to wrap his arms around me and hold me up while my legs buckled from underneath me. J.E. saved me at that moment. He noticed when I thought no one did.
I've had a lot of time to think things through and I've decide to focus on the solutions rather than the problems. The answers are as follows (and the rest will most likely be clear): 1. I need to sit down and have a conversation with him. This whole thing is not right and I know in my soul that this isn't what it should be. He can't marry her if he still has feelings for me. Well he can, but before he makes that decision, we need to talk. I just want him to be happy and be able to live his life without the problems that are existing between him and his fiance'. He's more than an ex-boyfriend. He's family. Hopefully I can help him. 2. I will stop letting my to-do lists overwhelm me by simplifying them, file for an extension on my taxes, have my dad take my car to get checked for emissions for me, tell L. that I need more time, and notify Mrs. D. and Mr. E. of the fact that I can't right now. Sometimes it's best to tell people no. I will not be pressured. 3. It's clear that my standards are overwhelming to him. So I will give him the space he should take. Regardless if he feels like he needs it or not. I am not in a relationship with anyone so I will not act like I am. Even though I want to do what comes natural...communicate, see how he's feeling, reassure him, blah blah blah, it's not my place. He'll work it out on his own. I don't owe anyone anything. 4. I will not renew my contract or accept a permanent positions with Washington Post Digital come June. I will find a career which I love and that will want to pay me for the full hours that I give in service. I need things to be uncomplicated. Not paying me for the hours that I've worked is unacceptable. 5. I understand what happens when a man become serious about a woman. So I'm going to be a big girl and suck it up. I will miss our closeness and our conversations, but I'm going to step out of the way and wish him nothing but joy. If we are true friends, it will shine through and he won't forget about me. 6. When people ask me what I do, I will never say that I am an accountant or I do finance work. No. I am a photographer, writer, dancer and an executive with Artistry Group. My occupation will be what I love. Finance is my side job. It's what pays my car note. Nothing more, nothing less. 7. I'm going to write about investing in family relationships. I have a story to tell regarding my relationship with my father and it needs to be told.
I can't say that even though I now have the answers that I'm okay now. It was hard getting there. Especially on my own. It was a lot to handle all at once, even though I did it. I've always been a superwoman. I always come out on top. But I'm sad because I'm exhausted and there's still so much more to do. I have to now apply the solutions and make them work for me. I have to put action behind everything so that I can go back to that state of peace that I desire. But I need help. I can't think about who to ask or where to turn, because my brain is fried and I'm verging on empty. I've gotten far, but I need help. My family and Jehovah are just about my own havens at the moment. In reality, that's enough and that's exactly what they're there for. Oh and writing! My friends may all seem to be disappearing (due to responsibilities, new girlfriends, distance, etc.), but at least I have my therapy.
I desire stillness and quiet. When I get that, maybe the sadness will dissipate. Until then, I'll keep climbing.
Friday, April 03, 2009
So the rumors were right. Teedra does indeed have a new album out. LIONHEARTED. Well, a mixtape rather. But I'm listening to it now for the 3rd or 4th time since I bought it last night and it might as well be an album. Ain't many cover songs on this thang. As for my review, the music is perfect. Pretty much every track has that powerful underlying beat that Teedra is known to rock to. I can see her dancing on stage to each and every one of these songs. Her voice doesn't disappoint either. I'm very much looking forward to learning each and every lyric and rift on this "album". Hopefully you'll enjoy it just as much as I do.
This woman has inspired me to pick up the paper and pen again. Let's write some songs ya'll. =)
Did you know Teedra wrote this too, among many other of our favorites?