Black vs. White

I've been looking at a lot of photos of black couples lately. I love black love. But as a photographer, you have to watch that kind of stuff, especially if you wish for your portfolio to be published in part or full. I'm not too worried about this being that photography is just a hobby of mine. But even still, should I begin to shoot white people too?

There's an article floating out here about the lack of images of black couples. I agree with it. Other than Gabby & Dwayne, Beyonce & Jay-Z, LaLa & Carmelo and the Obamas, you don't have much. The article then went into interracial dating. If you didn't know, I'm one of those black women who see all these black men with non-black women and feel some kind of way. I perhaps can take seeing it sparsely, here and there. But when I see it in flux, my heart hurts. I guess it's about the realization that this decision that my black men are making is not rare, it's actually very common.

That leads me to something very interesting. My husband is starting to have a thing for white women. (Let's just pause there for a minute. Yeah, go on ahead and cock your head to the side. And then pause some more.) I'm not too sure how to take it because the whole white women crush thing he has going on might be a joke. MIGHT is the operative word. I'm not sure though. My husband plays too much and I'm gullible so you never really know. I'm teetering on the edge about it all though. Some time ago, we were talking about females that we think are beautiful and I named people like Jennifer Lopez, Paula Patton, Zoe Saldana, and Jessica Alba. Hubby pointed out to me that I didn't include any black people in my list. From then on, it's been a running joke that I don't think black people are pretty (which is absolutely false by the way). So just last week, hubby made a joke and said that he's beginning to see things "my way". Ugh. I think I just rolled my eyes. But as the joke continues and I hear his comments about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, something just doesn't feel right.

It's funny how we have these "black love" photos floating out on the web of us right now. Very ironic. Who my husband perceives as beautiful is very important to me because I want to be beautiful to him.

Queen, Beautiful

Today, I feel beautiful.
It's not always that I feel like this.
But today is special.

It's an insecurity of mine.
Looks, appearance, beauty.
I don't see what others see.
Do others even see?

But today, with braids piled high.
I feel regal.
Royal.
In charge.
Eyes pulled up in the corners.


I'm not sure when I turned this way.
Looking in the mirror was pleasing.
The reflection agreed with me.
But I took it for granted and looked away.

I didn't recognize me when I turned back.
Features, curves, and bones.
Could it be age?
Am I past my prime?
Will it no longer be like it was?

But today I feel beautiful.
Braids piled high.
A queen in my own right.
Today I feel beautiful.

I Wonder How People See Me

When I see Beyonce, a feeling of admiration comes over me. Not because she's Beyonce. Forget the celebrity part of it. I'm talking about the everyday, personal stuff. The natural, human element of her that she's allowed us to see. Out of all the celebrities I can think of, her personality and regular-ness appeals to me the most. I've gone to her tumblr page on a number of occasions since it's been up and I always get this feeling of calm and peace. This regular down to earth feeling. And then I wonder...how does this girl with an extraordinary life keep it so regular and so together? Allow me to explain because those are two separate things. 1.) How is she not a total diva in her personal life considering the worldly power she has? and 2.) How does she maintain this friendly, upbeat, girl next door pleasantness about her while living in the midst of crazy schedules and paparazzi? I see so much when I look at everyday pictures of her. She's strong. There's no other way of putting it. And she knows who she is. Celebrity doesn't disrupt her. And she experiences and learns everything. Maybe it's because she has the opportunity to.

And so, I wonder how people see me. I wonder this even more so right now because I feel aBSolUtelY crazy inside. I don't know what's happening to me but my mood swings are on some extreme stuff. Well I do know what's happening to me. I'm off birth control after a 2+ year run and my hormones are different. I am 100% off balance and feel quite a bit unstable if I'm honest. But do I appear to be calm?

I want to soak up the inspiration I get from B. The sense of lightness and joy and love. The sense of friendliness and peace. I feel like I need a master class from her. How To Live Unphased And Still Be Present And Experience Love. Cause she definitely has the secret. I'm a fan of her PERSON, if that makes sense.

On a separate topic, I'm discovering an insecurity of mine... Being emotionally a mess probably has lent itself to this realization. It's funny because when my hormones are in check, I really don't have anything to say. Life is good. But when they're not in check, the floodgates break loose. Anyway, my insecurity...ugh. Never mind. I don't think I can type it. Anyone who reads this is going to think I'm insane. Let's just put it this way. I don't accept compliments very well on my looks. I'll leave it at that.

Changing subjects really quickly. I'm starving! What's for lunch?

Jones Magazine

If you haven't already subscribed, please do! Jones Magazine is awesome. The whole concept of the magazine speaks to me. Cultured, fashionable, informative, selective (for black women only), and elegant. It's very high quality and very thorough amidst the topics that concern most black fashionista women. If you're anything like me, you'll love it!

In the national premiere issue (the mag used to be Houston based only, so congrats to the mag's expansion!), there were two very interesting articles on power tools such as blow dryers, flat irons, etc. and another on au natural hair. I learned what heated hair tools are better than others and the seriousness of the misconception that just because you have natural hair means that you don't have to treat or maintain it as much as if you had relaxed chemically treated hair. Being an au natural beauty myself, I learned a lot from that article. If the ingredients on your hair care substances contain alcohol or menthol, chuck them. They'll dry your hair out in a second. The article explains that many women with natural hair suffer from under moisturized hair. This really hit me because every morning when I wake up, even after wearing my silk scarf, my hair is bristly dry. I hate it. So with the article's suggestion, I picked up a product from Target that my mom used that I absolutely love - Nourish & Shine by jane carter solution. It shines and moisturizes up the hair in an instant without any of the weightiness you would expect. Lol. I sound like a commercial don't I?

But anyway, back to Jones. Peep the episodes of the reality show they had on Centric here. It'll draw you into the magazine and the editor-in-chief's life in a second. Tracey Ferguson is fabulous. I only hope that they continue the show sooner than later. Tracey is a major personal inspiration. If she can follow a dream, so can I. Thanks Jones Magazine and Tracey Ferguson!

My New Stalk Victim

There is something about this girl. Zoe Saldana screams class.

Aveeno

I'm in love with Aveeno. From the bath and shower gel to the lotion and back. Even though I've been using it for years, I just realized that I am positively in love with the stuff. From today on out, I promise to never stray from my Aveeno products. I got a huge tub of Intense Relief Repair Cream from one of the beauty give-a-ways when I used to work for Essence, that is to die for. I mean, I never have to lotion up more than once. And even on a day that I become haphazardly lazy and fail to roll out my beauty regiments, my skin still feels silky. I love it! I've finally found a product that kisses my skin. Yoo hooo!

Oh! I heard that Ambi was pretty great too. I may take a dabble of someone else's tube of lotion if I ever come across it. Oh and Neutrogena Makeup Removal Cleansing Clothes are the truth. But yeah, Aveeno for life baby!