Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The origins of Halloween... Here's the story.
On October 31st, a day and night of sheer fear, the Celtics would hold their annual festival of Samhain (Lord of the Dead) in order to appease this terrifying spirit. The Celtic priests did so by holding cruel fire rites in his honor. The sacrafices given in the Lord of the Dead's honor came in the form of live prisoners, animals, and criminials. These sacrafices to the Celtic gods not only served to appease the Samhain but they assisted in the practice of prediction. The powers of prediction seem to be strongest on this night due to the idea that October 31st was the night when dead spirits were allowed to roam free on the earth. These spirits (which turn into today's ghosts, witches, goblins and black cats) are often thought to be at their most horrific and terrifying moments as they are released to run wild about the earth. Most of these wicked spirits are thought to return home, where the living would undoubtedly be frightened. So the living would customarily leave treats outside their houses to pacify the spirits. If the wicked spirits were ignored and no treats were found, the living would be haunted. (Hence the origin of trick or treat.) Others would wear costumes to disguise themselves from these wicked spirits. (Hence the origin of halloween costumes.) In addition, Jack-o-lanters were put out front of houses to be night watchmen for spirits and evil demons. (Hence Halloween pumpkins.) The day of Halloween was used to pray to the sun god Baal who watched over the harvest.
Now, that's the basic story. You can type in 'origins of Halloween' in any internet search engine and basically come up with the same thing.
So, is Halloween really the Devil's day? Well, here we have a holiday that is associated with demons, wicked spirits, false gods, magic, omens, terror, haugting ghosts, fear, etc. To touch on the tip of the iceburg, here are a few Bible principles to think about. The Bible tells us at Deut. 18:10, 11 that there should not be found anyone in you who employs divination, a practicer of magic or anyone who looks for omens or a sorcerer, or one who binds others with a spell or anyone who consults a spirit medium or a professional foreteller of events or anyone who inquires of the dead. The Bible also tells us that the Devil uses wicked spirits, demons, and fear to do his dirty work. In my origins of Halloween summary, we learned that the worship of false gods was a common practice. As Christians, we should know that God is a jelous god and that we should have no others before him. Revelation 21:8 tells us that those practicing spiritism and idolatry will be done away with. We also know that Jehovah/God/the Almighty/theLord is a god of order and peace. Halloween is anything but. It's a day of terror, fear and chaos. I could go on with the scriptural references but I'm sure you get the point. If you compare Halloween, it's origins, and all of it's practices with what we are taught from the Bible, you might be able to see that it's not in line with God's will.
So that's it. If you want more information feel free to ask. Either way, if you go out tonight, be safe.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
And what's up with this one hand lightly touching my waist thing? Your fingertips are barely making contact with me, so I'm sure it's more of a nuisance to hold your arm there than it is to drop it. Why do guys do that? So that other dudes know that she's dancing with you? I don't get it. But whatever it is, it's wack. If you're going to touch me, be a man and grab me!, so that I can then politely ask you to let go. =)
No more grindin on random individuals for me. It does nothing for me. Sorry fellas!
Friday, October 27, 2006
When standing among the smog and rough crowds of downtown LA, I dream of many wonderous things. Like countless acres of green on a warm day in France. Tiny brown villas under the heat of an African sun. Orange, red and yellow flowers in a field down by Tuscany.
I close my eyes among the superficiality of Beverly Hills and feel the breeze from the Aegean Sea roll into the Greek stone walls. The aromas from the jamon y queso shops on las calles in Sevillas engulf me. I think of tall blades of grass surrounding me up by the English chateau. I imagine the warmth of the sun in my body on an Australian beach.
All of it makes me wish I was somewhere else. Somewhere simple, natural, sweet. Somewhere amazing. I'm captivated by beauty. I'm not one of those who takes it for granted. My eyes are focused to see the wonder of daylight fading into a calm darkness and the coming glowing moon. I appreciate the glory of seeing something for the first time along with pristine sights that I see everyday. I want to walk out the door and see happiness. I want to feel air swirling around me, picking me up and carrying me anywhere. I want to experience a single candle in the window of a Scottish cottage. I dream in LA of everywhere.
I hope I looked at peace when I took my moment to daydream in the middle of Los Angeles County that day. But for some reason, I'm sure I looked a little crazy. =)
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I think I feel that way because it's especially hard for me to meet men that I want to get to know. Look at my situation with me. I am a..... Well actually, there's no need to get into a drawn out description of my situation when I can sum it all up by saying that I'm celibate. Because let's be honest. That's where the big issue lies between me and the various men that I meet. I feel like Vanessa in "Madea's Family Reunion" when she says that ever since giving her life over to God, she's been celibate, and finds it easier not to date. Being religious, celibate, and single feels like a curse. Every guy that I've ever 'talked to', I've had to end it with because he always wanted more than I was willing to give him. I feel like I'm a tape recorder on rewind when I tell them that I want to be as freaky and sensual as the next girl, but I can't do so until I'm married. Some guys can take that and some can't. The ones that can't are simply done away with. The ones that can tell me that they're stilling willing to be friends, but from the wisdom that I've acquired over the years, I know that's impossible.
So you see, it's a never ending cycle. Now I'm not going to say that I'm doomed because I believe that doing the right thing will lead to many rewards. I don't know when or how, but the scriptures tell me that God knows my heart's desires and to have faith. So that's what I'll do.
As for dating... geez. Whenever I think of it, I roll my eyes. I do want to get to know people and hang out with various individuals, but if it leads down that same old road, then you can have it back.
There's a book out there called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. It's so good. I originally picked it up because I was intrigued to understand how someone could completely kiss it goodbye. When I first saw what it was about, I thought the dude was crazy. He goes through the whole thing of answering that age old question that I asked above (How are you going to find that guy if you don't date?) along with explaining what you could be doing with your life while single. The back of the book says that it "shows what it means to entrust your love life to God." I think I like the book so much because it was from a young man's prospective. Maybe I should read it again, since I seem to have forgotten how I'm going to meet someone if I don't date. =) It's a good recommended read, but you have to be completely honest with yourself when you read it, or it won't mean anything to you.
Monday, October 23, 2006
i have a question.
on a 1st date, when a guy opens the door for you on a 1st date, do you attempt to open his door from inside the car?
why, do you expect that?
man...women of the boeing company scare me
i expect that!
im bout to call my moms
i would definitely unlock the door for him
make sure i aint get my facts twisted
but being that doors are automatic now a days
okay - but lets say its the automatic door lock...would u at least reach over?
see - technology are making a woman's life TOO easy
reach over to open his door?
yeah call your moms and see what she says
i don't think that's normal S.H.
and this is coming from a woman that has manners
but i guess that is the considerate thing to do
calling moms now
interesting question S.H.
it never crossed my mind!
lol - my moms is rolling
so if she was in a dress or a skirt or a low cut top, and shifting would cause some sort of accident, would you expect her to really lean over to keep your door from closing while you walked around?
isn't that awkward?
i'm about to call my mom too. cuz i'm at a lost for this one.
my mom and i are dying too!!
my mom says that's probably too difficult in an escalade! lmbo!
she said no!
that's too far!
it's awkward to do so!
back in the old days, unlocking it is protocol
my mom says she has never leaned all the way over to open a door
i have tears in my eyes!
oh my goodness
But opening the door...I'm not about to sweat out my hair and over-exert myself when you could easily do it yourself
thats what reecie said
i hear that!
cuz our doors now-a-days are so heavy
that they're just going to close anyway
i mean what do we have to do? 1, 2, 3. PUSHHH!!!
if you're hands were full, yes
but thanks for this. i'll definitely be more conscious of it.
i don't know if i'll do it, but i'll be conscious
my mom said that she should attempt to unlock the doors
i am seriously drying my eyes off
but if they are automatic, then she should look cute
but im just gonna disable automatic locks from my car
get an old school car.
So are you convinced?
Good. I was hoping I wasn't the only inconsiderate woman out here.
i was shocked....i realized that i was wrong
you're not wrong. it's just not feasible.
if that's the right word.
in a perfect world, absolutely...
but not in an escalade
in a 1994 acura legend...red (a little faded) with no rims...its feasible, huh?
my mom is hilarious
if the car is not too wide!
i can't remember how far away your door is
well, if we go on a date, be conscience AND active! open that door!
uh huh, i'll dag on well be on my knees pushing your door open
haha - yes! ride or die chick
She’s mature (age has nothing to do with this).
She has morals and values.
She has her head on straight (regardless of level of education).
She takes care of herself.
She's confident in the woman she is.
She’s always looking to better herself.
She supports the man in her life.
She doesn’t have to have a man in her life (by any means necessary).
She has a valid line of work.
She has own her place to lay her head.
- A woman on the move
Man! I am really feeling my womanhood today! You know how somedays, you feel like a girl, or just a lady, or somebody's daughter? Well today I feel none of that. I truly feel like my own woman. For a long time, I felt like I was playing grown up. I had the responsibilities of a woman on her own (rent, OB/GYN visits, insurance, hair appointments, buying my pinot grigio's at the bar =), etc.), but I didn't absorb any of it. The little girl that I was used to being was just taking care of her business because she knew she was expected to. But now, something is different. I don't feel like I'm filling some other grown up's shoes. I'm actually walking in my own size eights for once. And did I mention that I feel sexy!? I know how true sexy looks. I know how sexy walks. I know how sexy dresses classy. But this time, I don't just know... I feel and I understand.
When you're 16 and 18 years old... when you're in college doing your own thing, you may think that you're grown up. You may think that you're a woman, but you seriously have no idea. It takes some time before you truly understand the full arrangement of a woman. I mean, it took me nearly 24 years to figure it out and I'm sure I have a WHOLE other sector of womanhood to grow into. I've grown from a baby to a girl to a pre-teen to a teenager to a confused young lady to a not-so-confused young lady to a young woman and then finally to a woman. That confused young lady stage lasts quite a long time. But I think it's between that stage and the young woman stage where you learn the most about yourself. Thank GOD for those years.
To all the young ladies and teenagers out there. Please slow down and take your time. The experiences you go through are there for a reason. Admit that you don't know everything and reach out to ones you love for guidance and assistance. Take care of yourselves please!! We need you out here!
Have a wonderful week everyone!
Friday, October 20, 2006
It's Friday and I'm happy to be alive. I was in a little bit of a weird funk during the week. Not really a funk, but I was very apathetic about life. I don't really know why and it's not really important because I don't feel that way today. I have too many things to be happy about. I'm too blessed to walk around like nothing matters. I'm on the straight and narrow path to becoming a baptized publisher of God's word. I have an adorable family that recently came to spend a little time in my happiness. Incredible outpours of "good" music have illuminated me. My body and its senses still operate well enough to tell me when I'm cold and help me put on mascara in the morning. I could afford a major service tune-up on Missy yesterday. I have a girlfriend who cares about me like a blood sister. I receive compliments on my personality due to the wonderful job my mother and father did. I eat apple pie and vanilla ice cream. I have an abundance of clothes and shoes that could sustain me for a lifetime (even though it may not feel like that sometimes). I have three long time gentlemanly friends in my life who make me feel beautiful everyday. Jehovah loves me and I love him. Life is truly good.
So everyone out there going through a tough situation, a discouraging time, a disappointing day, or an unfortunate circumstance, remember to count your blessings. There's no better remedy than to do something for another and God. Use your energy to make someone happy and I guarantee your outlook on that very day will change for the better. Love one another everyone and have a beautiful day and weekend!
This post is dedicated to Trizzy... May God find her encouraged and well.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
I just don't agree with how you're doing things.
Would you do to me what you're doing to them? Could I be another one of those girls? You always treated me with upright respect and dignity. You never led me on to believe it was more or less than it really was. You took my feelings and emotions into consideration at all times. Shouldn't you do the same with everyone else? Whether they deserve it or not?
Just don't be one of those guys. You're better than that.
I still love you.
Giving me the room to be me.
He's providing me space.
Leaving me personal time in my place.
He's taking his time.
Knowing I need a moment to make up my mind.
He's breaking the chains.
Keeping me free to live my dreams.
I appreciate the air and the freedom you're so kindly giving.
It means more to me than you would ever recognize.
The time I have will give me the chance to let life happen.
Against your wishes you let me go so we could compromise.
Don't think that I don't appreciate what you're doing.
I'm very cognizant of how much you care for me.
It's amazing how you do it without much complaining.
I love how you let go of yourself for me.
I won't always need all this room that I'm craving.
I know that the selfishness won't last forever.
At some time, these me-isms will no longer appealing.
I pray you will be there to fill me from January to December.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
So here's Daneger's truth - "Ok I'll ask you something simple. When you dream of your perfect man who do you picture as that man and why? (this is just the first thing to come to mind) Now I completely expect you to have some P.C. way out of answering this but there is always someone in mind even if you know that person isn't what you want them to be."
Lol. You're right Daneger. I do have an incredibly P.C. way of answering this question. It just so happens that it's the absolute truth. When I close my eyes and dream of the perfect man, I dream of my father. I'm sorry to say it Daneger, but he is truly my perfect man. However, since I know that answer does not please you, I'll say this. There's this guy out there, who shall remain nameless of course, who I regret not giving a chance to. Actually, I had no choice in the matter being that I went away to college and then to California afterwards so I guess there's no regret to have. I had to go away, so... I guess everything happens for a reason. But in high school, I took notice of a guy in my congregation that I was very much attracted to. He was a bit wild and all over the place when I was in high school and college, so I never pursued it. I guess he was going through that player/sowing his wild oats phase. To my shock, during my last visit home, this now calm, mature, spiritual, responsible man introduces me to his wife... hmm... I don't even feel like relaying that experience to you right now. All I will say is that I can't even tell you how uncomfortable it was being that he and I used to flirt all the time and constantly have people tell us that we were going to get married. But anyway, yeah. If I had to pick someone, it would be him. He's a good man (now), and if circumstances were different, I wouldn't have let him go.
How's that Dane?
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I've thought about what I should do for this post and I orginally decided that I would challenge myself by listing 100 things about myself that people might not know, but that would be difficult (hence the word 'challenge'), so then I decided that I would take a line from or talk about the point of each of my previous 99 posts intertwined with the a couple of tid bits about me here and there. So here it goes. I hope you enjoy. (If you actually get through this whole thing, I'll be very impressed.)
1. Get My Eagle On - The beginning of a beautiful blogging relationship. It was on this day that I decided to spread my wings and get my eagle on.
2. Hoodies and Sweatpants - "Can I please get a hoodie and some sweatpants please?! ...Don't get me wrong now. I'll step out in some stilettos and a fresh ensemble in a minute, but sometimes I just want to take it back."
3. My Husband - This is one my favorite posts... "the feel of mature hands moving across my cocoa-colored shoulder blades..." You haven't read it, please do so. I'm sure you'll like it.
4. One talent I wish I possessed - the ability to SANG. I can sing, but unfortunately I wasn't equipped with the tools to blow. =/
5. Yesterday morning while talking with my mother, I decided that it is not imperative that I move in January. I'm in no rush to leave California after all, and my mother agreed that upon her visit, she could see that there's no dire need for me to leave right now. "No rush", I told her.
6. 5 Minutes of Free Association - I love free association posts. I always found out something about myself I didn't know before. "My moods, personalities, alter egos, curves, dips, and peaks."
7. A Man Who Finds A Wife Finds A Good Thing - Does a woman need a man or is it more so the man who needs the woman? How about this? We need each other.
8. Be My - "Be my lover darling... I promise I'll give you goosebumps..." Another one of my all time favorites. Read this one too!
9. In My Childhood - My dad is CRAZY, and that's why I love him!
10. Today's Message - "If God can see what will happen in the future, why does he let bad things happen to people?" Good question. Read the post for the answer.
11. There's nothing better than a tall glass of Mrs. Smith's warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top. Yep, I said glass.
12. One thing I love about myself - my body.
13. Honoroble Media - http://www.honorablemedia.com/blog/
14. I'm a sucker for a man who can write heartfelt lyrics/poetic words.
15. Music = Good Mood - I'm in love with music. Joe's music makes me feel like a woman.
16. I understood just how much my parents love doing things for their children when they surprised me by taking me to a Janet Jackson concert when I was little. The smiles on their faces when they saw how excited I was will never leave my memory.
17. I wish that I could perform again. I miss the stage.
18. Sigh...=( - "I have no permanence and if it wasn't for the fact that I know my purpose is to minister to others, I wouldn't have a point either."
19. Sisters and Friends - I LOVE my sister. (click on the link to see her pic.) I miss you Pooh!!
20. 1/2 the equation - Oh man. This post is the essence of my life as it relates to relationships. It never fails.
21. Random Thoughts All Day Long! - This post makes me smile. I should do more of this.
22. Good Question Kepa - A post on what it takes to impress me and what I want in a man. That was a hard one.
23. The Model Prayer - Have you ever thought about what the model prayer means? Read this if you haven't.
24. Favorite Song!!! Thanks T!!! - My happy song!!
25. The last time I cried was this past weekend.
26. My bday is next month!!! Yay!!! Too bad I can't celebrate it. Shoot. Happy to be turning 24 ya'll!
27. Admist all the papers and supplies I have on my desk at work are the three pics that mean to the most to me. One of my sister and I, one of the four of us (the fam), and one black and white of my sister's face that I took.
28. Current Mood - I must say that that was a pretty expressive way of saying that my job was killing me. Very creative J!
29. Something's Missing - I wrote this at a time when I was pretty confused about my life. This doesn't happen often because I often have a plan, but the plan just wasn't making any sense. It's funny because this doesn't seem like too long ago, but I'm not anywhere near this anymore.
30. My Wonderful Weekend - I still remember how perfect this weekend was.
31. Quote of the Week - "A man is only as faithful as his options." Boy did I start something with that one!
32. You're No Longer In Love - My most chilling revelation every. I can honestly say that I grew by writing this. I deem this post the "J's Choice Award".
33. Stupid Diddy - I can't stand that man. Period.
34. I Order You To... - Mmmm. Lovely. Definitely One of the Honorable Mentions. Read this one too.
35. Free Association - More of J's thoughts. Good stuff.
36. Hair - Pics of me with different hair styles. I will NEVER get another weave again!
37. What makes me smile - When someone I know is experiencing a happy moment.
38. I Made It - My reflection on my two year California anniversary. Am I happy to still be here or not?
39. New World Flamenco - I'm crazy about Spanish dance styles. My editorial review on a performance.
40. Quote of the Week - "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." And this STILL applies!
41. Weird - I had a weird night that spilled over into the morning. I'm glad those don't happen too often.
42. I have a hard time walking down unchartered territory. It makes me really nervous. Oddly enough, I do it all the time, and never regret it.
43. Zuri - "She picked up her right hand, flicked her shoulder-length pressed hair and walked out of the mirror's reflection."
44. Names/Personalities - This was funny but true. Who is J.C.?
45. Will You Be My Boss? - I like it when you take charge! ; - )
46. Where Are You? - A song about a boy named Kenneth.
47. I often feel divided between the idea of someone only needing to know what I tell them and the idea of being 100% honest in all situations.
48. Her Entrance - "Her stature and quiet confidence challengesthe room. Not one person can avoid noticing."
49. I hate cleaning the kitchen. I'd rather clean a toilet bowl.
50. I'm at #50 and I already think this is too much but I declare I will finish this before the day is over!
51. Untitled - About a boy named Kenneth.
52. Right now, I'm wearing my favorite pair of jeans laced with a brown leather belt, brown round-toe heels, a beige shirt with little hearts on it, and a brown blazer. Gotta Coooordinate!
53. My Favorite - Teedra Moses' CD means so much to me.
54. Press my button to make me feel you. Explore the depths of me and make me experience the ways of your perfection. - J.C.
55. Gently bite me there. It's here that I can feel when you need me. - J.C.
56. That Good Ole Tender Lovin Care - I still long for this.
57. I choose to remain neutral on all political affairs.
58. I miss my best friend - Kacey, I can't wait to see you.
59. UGGGHHHH - According to miKeSee, this post marked the day I became a true blogger. lol. Thanks miKeSee!
60. I love that my mother calls me to ask for advice. She's such a great woman.
61. To date, I am working on my 8th journal. I began journaling at the age of 12.
62. What I Want In A Man - hmm... Interesting. I don't know if I still feel the same.
63. Moving Down South - No more Atlanta for me! Unless I determine that I DO want a MBA and get into Emory.
64. About Me - More stuff on J.C.!
65. The Good Wife's Guide - 1955 - I'd be a good wife, just not like this!
66. My ex wrote "just wanted you to know you are a great person and anybody in their right frame of mind would be blessed to have you by their side being their significant other, so Never sell yourself short, and you are a lot stronger than you may think sometimes. Give yourself some credit. I love you mumi will all of my soul and i want everything for you." He could have made me cry with that.
67. Real Quick - I realize that I have to blog in order to release.
68. Oh Los Angeles - This was a fun experience. Bow Wow, Chris Brown, and JD video shoot.
69. I need a bigger apartment so I can have a bigger kitchen and a dishwasher. If I had a bigger kitchen and a dishwasher, I would actually cook sometimes. Everytime I go in my kitchen I suffer from clastrophobia. =/
70. Football Season Starts Today - I think I made a lot of men happy with this post.
71. Stupid Police! - They truly bring out the nasty in me. Welcome to J's mean streak.
72. Fav - My favorite music video of all time!!
73. There's a meeting in my bedrooooooooommm!! - Silkk. I had to take a minute and play the video ya'll!!!
74. I got a lot of compliments on my hair yesterday. 4 to be exact. I think I'll keep it short for a while. I really like my new cut.
75. Phew! 25 More to Go. I WILL DO THIS!
76. Lesson Learned - Never hit a parked car and drive away without leaving a note.
77. Sunday - This just reminds me of my independence. I always seem to find a way to entertain myself (except for last Saturday).
78. On My Mind - Again, I love my body. No one can make me feel otherwise.
79. Reflection - I miss my college gfs. We had so much fun together!
80. Blogging - To What Degree? - Apparently I'm not the only one who loves blogging. Oh and I inspired Dane with this post!! Yay!!
81. I used to be obsessed with farting. That didn't come out right. What I meant to say was... Well, look. lol. As a kid, I used to die laughing whenever anyone farted. For some reason, I used to get GREAT kicks out of it. I was a weird child.
82. It Never Rains - I miss the rain! Where's the rain!?
83. I miss working with kids. I loved giving back during my time with Kiamsha. If I worked with Kiamsha again, I'd only want to do the performing arts portion though. I would love to write, produce and direct the shows.
84. The Standard Conversation - So sad when I think about it. I think I need to change my approach to this. I'm starting to cultivate a new philosophy on this. Look out for a post on this soon.
85. One of My Fav R&B Artists - There's just something about them. Men, passionate lyrics, singing, R&B... I just love it. I think it's the vulnerability. So great.
86. Ladies - I had a great time with the ladies! Girls night out!!! Reminded me of those good ole college times.
87. I pay over $2,000 a month in bills. Ridiculous!!!
88. Believe Me - Another one that has to go in the compilation case. I still can't believe I write things like this.
89. Cigarette Break/I Can't/Right Now - A post written about a guy named Michael.
90. Mood: Pensive - A post inspired by Michael.
91. Mama Dukes - I love my mommy. She helped me figure everything out!
92. Free Me - I Know That's Right!!! I will Always feel like this!
93. I finally received that beautifully cased piece of paper that says "This is to certify that J.A.C. has successfully completed the 36 unit requirement for the Professional Designation In Business" complete with the UCLA seal!! Even though in reality it may not mean much, I worked my butt off for this piece of paper. And I am so happy.
94. Truth - "I do know that I want to be a wife and a mother. That's always been a desire."
95. I am intersted in increasing my portfolio of investments. I need to do some research and get back on the grind on this.
96. A Recommendation - Jazz music makes me feel good and relaxed. It has a wonderfully calming affect on me.
97. Ooooh! - This joint is tight! (There goes that east coast lingo coming out of me.)
98. I'm a city girl. I love the hustle and bustle of a city's heartbeat. The pulsing, throbbing vibe energizes me. I miss the city.
99. My 99th post is actually a 'draft'. So in actuality this is my 99th post since the other one isn't up yet, BUT I don't care. I've officially written 100 posts, no matter whether they're able to be read or not. Plus, if I didn't count that post, it would make this moment so much less meaningful. =(
100. And if you've made it to this part, please respond with my initials and you will receive a reward!!! ;-) But on the real, from the bottom of my heart, thanks for taking the time out to get to know my crazy butt through my 100 posts and personal tid bits. I really appreciate your interest and for giving me a reason to blog every day (or so). While I love to blog for my own personal reflection, it makes it all the more worthwhile when I know that people actually care. Awww... This calls for a hug! Come here! MMMmmmmmmmmm. Ok. Go on now. Get!
See you on the flip side homie!
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
T.C. and MikeSee inspired me to start blogging. I didn't even know what a blog was until T.C. sent me the link to MikeSee's Day2Day blog over a year ago. I found the content of his posts very interesting so I read them faithfully. I'm surprised that it took me so long to start blogging, but I guess I didn't think I could do what MikeSee does. I love to write, but I normally pen everything in my journal for my own personal release. Thinking that others would want to read what I have to say was a foreign idea. So after T.C. started doing her thing, I was inspired to do mine. I still can't believe people actually want to read what I write. =/
I can honestly say that I LOVE BLOGGING and I don't know what I would do without Zuri She Wrote. I mean my journal is my first love but being that I sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, blogging is so much more convenient. I still reserve my journal for late nights under the covers and by a single table lamp. It's especially intimate to write in my journal. And it's there where I can write about anything and anyone. On the blog, I have an audience. In my journal, I have me.
And for the second part of the question, "how long do I read a blog before commenting", if the blog captures me right away, I'll read the whole thing and then comment. If it doesn't capture me, I'll skim it and decide to comment if something grabs my attention. I actually have a lot to do at work which doesn't afford me a lot of commenting time. That brings me to a question. How long to you bloggers actually spend on this thing?! Do the more intense bloggers just not have intense jobs or what?! =)
Thanks for listening.
Have a good one.
"I can do better than make love to you.
Better than make you say my name.
Please Please Please
Oh don't you make me have to beg."
Monday, October 09, 2006
Here in the room we used so well.
I lie and stare now.
Here where love was born.
My eyes are wet.
My heart is torn.
The room is bare now.
Roses on the wall.
Laughter in the hall.
All as I recall.
But where are you.
Here in this hotel.
How many stories could it tell.
Of ghosts who dwell here.
We have joined the cast.
Lovers in the past.
Of this hotel.
I'll return again.
Just to dream of them.
In this hotel.
I've an awfully funny feeling that this thought that's been a stealing through my brain is not to be ignored. But to really tell the truth thought I am not a well known sleuth, I honestly believe you are bored. You've changed. That sparkle in your eyes is gone. Your smile is just a careless yawn. You're breaking my heart. You've changed.
All those things we've done together
I relive when we're apart
All the tender fun together
Stays on in my heart
Too late now
To forget your smile
The way we cling when we danced
Too late now to forget and go on
To someone new
Too late now
To forget your voice
The way one word makes my heart rejoice
Too late now to imagine myself away from you
Maybe I should have saved those leftover dreams. Funny but here's that rainy day. Here's that rainy day they told me about. And I laughed at the thought that it might turn out this way. Where is that worn out wish that I threw aside. After it brought my lovin near. Funny how love becomes a cold rainy day. Funny that rainy day is here.
When sunny gets blue
her eyes get grey and cloudy
then the rain begins to fall
pitter patter pitter patter
love is gone
so what can matter
no sweet lover man comes to call
when sunny gets blue
she breathes a side of sadness
like the wind that stirs the trees
when that sets the leaves to swaying
like some violins a playing
weird and haughnting melodies
people used to love
to hear her laugh
see her smile
that's how she got her name
since that sad affair
she's lost her smile
changed her style
somehow she's not the same
but memories will fade
and pretty dreams will rise up
where her other dream fell through
hurry new love hurry
to kiss away lonely tears
and hold her near
when sunny gets blue
Like they used to shine
And the thrill is gone
When your lips meet mine
The masquerade is over
And so is love
And so is love
What they used to mean
They were once despite
Now they're just routine
The masquerade is over
And so is love
And so is love
I was in the mood for a little jazz in my life so I pulled out my Nancy Wilson CD and actually listened to it for the first time. The lyrics above are all parts of this album. I don't think I've ever heard an album or read lyrics so haughting and touching before. The era of Nancy Wilson represents a time when songs actually moved your heart. I sincerely love these songs. Yes they might be sad but they're real. I wish I could write like this. These lyrics make me want to tear my journal apart. I really recommend this CD. It's amazingly beautiful.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Why does it seem like the hours are just dragging by? Who would have ever thought I would say that about a Saturday? I just want this weekend to be over. I want to go back to work, get busy with all my meetings, and plummet back into the weeknight tv schedule.
What did I do today? I woke up at 7 to go into field service. By 9, I was home and in the bed again. I thought I would fall asleep since I went out last night and only had 4 hours of sleep, but I wasn't so lucky. There it was. 9am. The beginning of the day. Wide awake. And not a plan in sight. Usually I do homework, but I finished my certificate program in September so I had no help there. Someone asked me recently what I do on Saturdays and I really couldn't answer them. I mean, the last couple of Saturdays have been filled with family visits, fun events, appointments, and girlfriend's in town, but ever since I graduated, nothing has been mandatory. So to help pass some hours by, I put in a movie. Moulin Rouge. I love that movie. It made me sad though, and when I was finished as early as 10:45, I was even more sad. So I called my homie and yapped away, but that was all done by 1. Ok, so now I had about 9 more hours to go (assuming I'll turn in around 10). I then turned on Moulin Rouge again with the director's commentary and began to go through that. (lol. twice in one day huh J? was the day that bad? lol.) I didn't finish it though because I became distracted by a song Nicole Kidman sang. The lyrics hit me so much that I went online to search for the song. That led me into checking emails and reading blogs. I got back on the phone for a brief moment, and then got a call from B telling me to go see The Departed (which is a great movie by the way). That's what I did at 4:30. I was happy when I left the theatre because 3 hours had passed. I didn't realize the movie was so long. Now I'm home, blogging, and counting down the time until I go to bed. I'll probably read my WatchTower and pass out early. Tomorrow should be a better day. With service and football, I should be cool.
You know what? I don't like being inside my apartment on Saturday. It's not that I necessarily want to go anywhere, but I'd rather sit outside in the courtyard under the blue, Saturday sky then be inside my dimly, lit apartment. There's just something wrong with being in here during my day of rest. Maybe if I had a roommate it would be different. I'm not saying I want one because that couldn't be any further from the truth, but I'm sure I would feel differently.
I hope your Saturday was more eventful.
Friday, October 06, 2006
"If you could be ANYTHING in life what would you be?"
Oh goodness... I've been trying to figure that out for the last couple of months. Ok. I've been avoiding this question, so maybe it's time to really think about this. Well let's see. Let me go through a free association on this one. By the time I'm done, maybe I'll have an answer.
If I could be anything in life...
I know this one!
When T.C. asked that, I immediately thought about careers,
but I don't have to take it like that.
I don't know what I want to do in terms of a career,
but I do know that I want to be a wife and a mother.
That's always been a desire.
My number one dream.
I know that I have what it takes to be an amazing wife.
As you can slightly see from the previous post, I've had experiences that have basically whipped me into shape.
I'm glad that I got them all out of the way.
I know that I was only being prepared and preserved for something greater.
I've learned how to respect, comfort, provide, please, upbuild, relate to, and trust a man I love.
This reminds me of Trizzy and Teej's post on a woman and a man's role.
The balance between submissiveness and strength.
How to be a strong woman yet sensitive at the same time.
Watching all the wives and mothers I know along with learning what God requires of husbands and wives has prepared me.
So yes, if I could be anything in the world, it would be a wife and a mother.
I know I didn't touch on the mother part, but I have a meeting in about 15 minutes.
15 minutes is definitely not long enough to explain how I feel about that!
Thanks for asking T!
Have a good day everyone!
I don't really feel like waiting for anyone to get back to me so I'm going to ask my own Truth (cuz that's what I picked at *~Rapturous Soul~* and Golden Time Of Day 's blogs.) I've always been a real punk at this game, therefore staying as far away from dares as possible. The last time I took a dare in college, I ended up having to give a lap dance. Thank GOD I am no longer that type of girl!!!! I used to hate truth or dare because whenever anyone found out that I was a dance major, they would make me do something related to dance. "Dance on top of this table!" "Do a split!" "Give him a lap dance!" You know what? you horny, nasty, triflin people! It's amazing how badly we seek stupid thrills from the opposite sex in college. I mean that's what it's all about right? Wondering how far someone will go. So dumb. So insanely dumb. But anyway, my truth...
j.c.? What is your biggest regret in life?
Well, it's kinda hard to answer that question because of the sensitivity of the subject, but I'll let you know that it's a tie between an episode that I had with my high school ex and an episode that I had with my college ex. Actually, I would put what happened with my college ex above the other because I was in love which meant that the emotions and pain and grief were so much more worse. ('so much more worse' - that's not grammatically correct is it?) I basically had an emotional affair with another guy, which ended up in a kiss, which definitely means that I cheated. It's crazy because when it happened, I was SO sure that the kiss didn't constitute as cheating. It wasn't a passionate kiss and it just so happened that I kissed him while under the influence. So those two points together was enough for me to dispute that the fact that I cheated. But it wasn't so much the kiss that I regret because it didn't mean anything to me. It's the pain that I caused that I regret the most. I spent a crazy amount of time getting to know this guy and whatever I felt I wasn't getting from my bf at the time, I sought out from the other guy. That was DEAD wrong. The emotional affair which ultimately led into the kiss was DEAD wrong. I was basically choosing someone else over my bf and stomping on his heart at the same time. I learned to never involve another person in your personal, romantic affairs and to RESPECT the person that you're with. I hurt my ex-bf so much, and I vowed to myself that I would never be the person to cause that much pain in another person's life again. It's my place to bring smiles and pleasure to people's lifes. Not pain, tears, and grief. That's not me and that's not what Jehovah purposed me to do. I regret hurting him, but I don't regret the experience. I wouldn't have learned as much about myself if it wasn't for the incident.
So. One truth down. Any others?
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Do you think your mom is as great as mine? =)
Haven't even opened my work email yet.
Once I open Outlook, my day begins.
Sitting here listening to The Isley Brothers.
I LOVE The Isley Brothers.
My favorite oldies group.
"You're All I Need" is playing.
I just understand their music, ya know?
It finds its little way into my soul.
Maybe that's too deep.
Maybe it's too much.
I'm tired of almost making it.
Almost touching it but not grabbing it.
I don't know why this keeps happening to me.
Is it a test?
Am I being tested like Job was?
Job is inspiring.
He didn't know why he was suffering such calamities.
But he nevertheless remained loyal to Jehovah.
His integrity never wavered.
He didn't understand why he was living through such hard times.
He didn't know why such bad things were happening to him.
He didn't know that Satan had struck his life with pain and grief.
He didn't know Jehovah let Satan do that to him.
He didn't know he was part of a plan.
Thankfully, I know.
Jehovah tells us that Satan will try.
He'll try to run us through the mill.
But where will our integrity lie?
With Satan or with Jehovah?
"Don't Say Goodnight" is on.
This song is so...
I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
This music is ridiculous.
I do know one thing.
Ron Isley is keeping me very calm right now.
If I didn't have Ron Isley, I'd be a mess right now.
Having things placed in front of me that I can't have.
Being tempted on a constant basis.
"Now that you've made a personal dedication to Jehovah...
...Satan will do EVERYTHING he can to divert you."
That's what she told me.
Satan knows my weaknesses.
And if anyone knows how to use them against me, it's him.
I swear I hate him.
I truly truly hate him.
I was reading some Bible literature last night.
It said that sexual desires and urges are a part of growing up.
It's ok to have those feelings.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Who doesn't know that?
The question is why have those feelings when fornication is against Jehovah's will?
It's natural to want people to think good things of you.
You don't want people to know your mistakes and issues.
Then why is it wrong lie?
Why does Jehovah detest liars?
Is it me or does it seem like everything that is natural for us is wrong?
I guess that has to do with Adam and Eve right?
If it wasn't for them, it would be natural to do right.
We were all born into sin once our first parents made that grave mistake.
Today's Daily Scripture says this.
"Jehovah will never leave us if we laud him with uprightness of heart
and continue to keep his regulations." (Ps. 119:7, 8)
It makes you want to keep his regulations.
I mean we already know this.
We know it, but do we follow it?
This is too much thinking.
I promised I wouldn't think anymore.
It's hard to not think about principles that have been instilled in me.
And how they apply to every situation I live through.
That's my goal.
Apply Jehovah's word to every situation I find myself in.
If you do that, you should be straight right?
I think that's called living for God.
I don't know.
Things are hard.
Much harder than they should be.
I guess no one said it would be easy.
Serving Jehovah is not easy.
I want what I want.
My desires outshadow almost everything.
I know not to trust myself though.
Monday, October 02, 2006
I'd take the time to relieve the frustration pent up in me.
I'd take a moment to breath and sort out the feeling.
The cigarette smoke would soothe my thoughts.
The frustration would seep out of my pores as the smoke fills.
I would be so much more calm and relaxed right now.
It could be so good only if I smoked.
i can't say that i wasn't ready
it wasn't an issue of whether i was ready or not
logically i didn't want to go there
i don't want to become attached
i don't want to care
i don't want to stare and consume
that's one thing that's never really in our control
it's so out of my control and i HATE that!
i HAVE to be in control!
the last thing you want to do is suffocate your emotions with logic
why not suffocate my emotions with logic?
You just don't know.
What I'd do to you..
If the situation were different...
It'd be on for sure.
It's too bad that we can't
You make me wanna do
something i never do.
Wanna go there with you
Boy I'm scared of you
But we're not prepared to do it.
So I can't love you right now
Like I want to right now
We just can't do it.
And it's taking everything in me
I want to right now
You know I want to right now
But it's this one rule
And it's keeping me from giving you my love
I must admit
Baby ooh your kiss
It's taking my mind
to places that my body's never seen before
leave me wanting more
You make me wanna do
something i never do.
Wanna go there with you
Boy I'm scared of you
But we're not prepared to do it.
So I can't love you right now
Like I want to right now
We just can't do it.
I want to right now
You know I want to right now
But it's this one rule
And it's keeping me from giving you my love
so you just can't have my love"
- Right Now