Reflection

Been sorta bummed lately.
I think it's because I miss my friends from back home.
College was great for me.
I would love to do it all over again but only with the knowledge and wisdom I have now.
Things would go over so much more smoothly than it did back then.
I know so much more now.
But I miss rolling with the 7 or so girls who were all so put together.
Shaunei, Trash, Monie, V, Merry, Rana, Nat, Soph, Nadi, Francie, Gabi...
Did I miss anyone?
Ok so there were more than 7.
We had so many great moments together.
You know those pics that you look back on and you just smile.
You remmeber where you were and what you were thinking about at that very moment.
I don't think I'll ever have girlfriends like that again.
The Barnard Mafia.
Ha!
We were some bad girls with great heads on our shoulders.
They're the reason why I don't believe men when they talk about how crazy females can be.
I seriously don't know any.
Yeah we all went through our growing pains but we were strong.
I think that's what I respected most about my girls.
They were strong.
Still are!
I don't talk to them like I used to, but they're all doing so well for themselves.
I'm proud of them all.
I love you ladies.

College was easy.
I probably didn't think so then, but looking back...
It was so simple what I had to do.
Class, work, activities, sleep, study, and be a friend.
Now-a-days... I don't even want to list the things I'm responsible for.
I guess it's sorta the same.
Work, sleep, feed myself, study.
But there's so much more on it.
I'm now responsible for my life, my attitude, my business, my womanhood, my health.
It's so much more than I ever thought it would be.
It's ok though because I'm doing well with everything.
But what I would give to go back.
I wouldn't do anything different though.
I'd still make the same stupid decisions and learn the same hard lessons.
Unless I could go back at the age I am now.
What if we could all go back to the same school all over again but at our current ages.
How different would that be?

I'm so lost in the every day, robotic-ness of my life.
I think the quote of yesterday was "You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play."
Definitely haven't achieved that yet.
Boeing is a job.
It's work.
It's hard.
It's corporate America.
I have no idea what type of career would help me accomplish that type of success.
Why do I not even care anymore?
I want to be happy and successful, but I feel like I could do that apart from a job.
I know I can.
My relationship with Jehovah makes me happy.
I DO know that.
But I feel like I'm missing something.
Something's not being fullfilled here.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about relationships.
But I hate going there because it's such a dead subject.
I promised myself I wouldn't talk about that.
So I won't.
I'm stronger than that.

Something's not right.
I'm homesick.
No matter how old I get, I always have the urge to see my families faces.
My daddy.
My mom.
My incredible little sister.
It's the four of us til the end.

I think it's time for a little deeper soul searching in my journal.

Good night everyone.