Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Friday, December 05, 2014
Thursday, March 06, 2014
My Eyes Well Up
Today, I told my 18 year old grandson that nobody asked me to prom when I
was in high school, so I didn’t attend. He showed up at my house this
evening dressed in a tuxedo and took me as his date to his prom.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O- blood. We didn’t have
any, but her twin brother has O- blood. I explained to him that it was a
matter of life and death. He sat quietly for a moment, and then said
goodbye to his parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we
took his blood and he asked, “So when will I die?” He thought he was
giving his life for hers. Thankfully, they’ll both be fine.
Today, my 21 year old Labrador can barely stand up, can’t see, can’t
hear, and doesn’t have enough strength to bark. But it doesn’t stop her
from wagging her tail a mile a minute every single time I walk into the
room.
Today, after I heard that my mom stayed home from work with the flu, I
stopped by Wal-Mart on my way home from school to pick her up some
canned soup. I ran into my dad who was already in the check-out line. He
had 5 cans of soup, NyQuil, tissues, tampons, 4 romantic comedy DVDs
and a bouquet of flowers. My dad makes me smile.
Today, my 75-year-old grandpa who has been blind from cataracts for
almost 15 years said to me, “Your grandma is just the most beautiful
thing, isn’t she?” I paused for a second and said, “Yes she is. I bet
you miss seeing that beauty on a daily basis.” “Sweety,” my grandpa
said, “I still see her beauty every day. In fact, I see it more now than
I used to when we were young.”
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Bliss
At this very moment, I should be working. But something has been nagging at me that I must record. A lot of times, we tend to remember the bad and not the good. We gravitate towards drama and live in the past. We blog or write or talk to others when there is something wrong. So in an effort to break from this mold, I've decided to write about this wonderful and amazing sense of bliss that I feel right now.
Last night, my husband put together a closet for himself. I noticed that there were wrappers and instructions and cardboard pieces all over the floor so I went downstairs to get a trash bag and tidy up his space. While trashing all the trash, I joked to him about how I don't want to see not another piece of trash on the floor now that he has this trash bag. We laughed. A little bit later, I came back and he just so happened to be peeling the plastic off another part for the closet. I almost walked away, but then came back to peak around the corner to make sure he put the plastic in the trash and not on the floor. Out of an effort not to be policed, hubby laughed at me and chucked the plastic right on the floor. I don't know why this was so funny, but we both laughed so hard as I ran up to him to physically accost him. "You ain't going to stand there and police ME." Even after that episode was over, I caught myself still smiling and giggling in the next room.
I love experiences like that. My marriage is so divine at this moment.
Have you ever met a friend who expands your mind? Well hubby and I have. We are currently 'dating' a new couple who we both absolutely adore. I say dating because we are always out together at a restaurant tasting new foods, enjoying stimulating conversation and wearing our best attire. We have had such amazing conversation. They have introduced us to restaurants that blow my mind. Little lounges and bars that are tucked away. Next on the dating agenda is the ballet at the Kennedy Center and a weekend trip to NY. What I like about them most of all is the effect they have on my man. The ballet, frolicking around NY, going out on a weeknight...all activities my hubby did not enjoy are finally interesting to him. His mind is open and I'm loving it.
In general, without the effect the new couple, my husband is growing. He's maturing. He's becoming wise. He's enjoying life. He's enjoying me. He's no where near the man that I married. I'm falling in love with him all over again.
I did have an awkward moment with my sisters this weekend. My longest and closest friend turned sister and I have a strange relationship. We talked through it yesterday, but even within the weirdness and the possibility that an area of my life might not be perfect, my world is still so amazing. I believe the balance of other areas of my life are making me capable of handling anything right now. Having happiness I can cling to makes difficulty not so bad.
I've always wanted a life were my weeks don't blend it to the other. I've always wanted to be outside and to explore new sites and sounds. I've wanted a man in my life who is open minded, cultured, funny, interesting and loving. I've wanted to be involved in fiend relationships that are easy. I've always needed an element of peace.
I can say at this very moment, I have all of that. That's my definition of living. Thus, the quality of my life is amazing. And I must document this.
Last night, my husband put together a closet for himself. I noticed that there were wrappers and instructions and cardboard pieces all over the floor so I went downstairs to get a trash bag and tidy up his space. While trashing all the trash, I joked to him about how I don't want to see not another piece of trash on the floor now that he has this trash bag. We laughed. A little bit later, I came back and he just so happened to be peeling the plastic off another part for the closet. I almost walked away, but then came back to peak around the corner to make sure he put the plastic in the trash and not on the floor. Out of an effort not to be policed, hubby laughed at me and chucked the plastic right on the floor. I don't know why this was so funny, but we both laughed so hard as I ran up to him to physically accost him. "You ain't going to stand there and police ME." Even after that episode was over, I caught myself still smiling and giggling in the next room.
I love experiences like that. My marriage is so divine at this moment.
Have you ever met a friend who expands your mind? Well hubby and I have. We are currently 'dating' a new couple who we both absolutely adore. I say dating because we are always out together at a restaurant tasting new foods, enjoying stimulating conversation and wearing our best attire. We have had such amazing conversation. They have introduced us to restaurants that blow my mind. Little lounges and bars that are tucked away. Next on the dating agenda is the ballet at the Kennedy Center and a weekend trip to NY. What I like about them most of all is the effect they have on my man. The ballet, frolicking around NY, going out on a weeknight...all activities my hubby did not enjoy are finally interesting to him. His mind is open and I'm loving it.
In general, without the effect the new couple, my husband is growing. He's maturing. He's becoming wise. He's enjoying life. He's enjoying me. He's no where near the man that I married. I'm falling in love with him all over again.
I did have an awkward moment with my sisters this weekend. My longest and closest friend turned sister and I have a strange relationship. We talked through it yesterday, but even within the weirdness and the possibility that an area of my life might not be perfect, my world is still so amazing. I believe the balance of other areas of my life are making me capable of handling anything right now. Having happiness I can cling to makes difficulty not so bad.
I've always wanted a life were my weeks don't blend it to the other. I've always wanted to be outside and to explore new sites and sounds. I've wanted a man in my life who is open minded, cultured, funny, interesting and loving. I've wanted to be involved in fiend relationships that are easy. I've always needed an element of peace.
I can say at this very moment, I have all of that. That's my definition of living. Thus, the quality of my life is amazing. And I must document this.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Fool For You
I'm coming with terms with how powerful these lyrics are as I listen to Alice Smith's cover of Cee-Lo's amazing song. They are so intense and deep. This right here is LOVE. It can dang on near make you cry.
That deep, that sweet, that soaking
That wet, that fire, that powerful stuff
That up and that down, that front and that back
Baby, I can't seem to get enough
Everybody know who I'm talking to
And maybe I'm just getting it because of how serious Alice Smith is in this performance. She turns this thang OUT and brings up an emotion that overwhelms me.
That deep, that sweet, that soaking
That wet, that fire, that powerful stuff
That up and that down, that front and that back
Baby, I can't seem to get enough
Ooh baby, let me do it, let me do it 'til I'm satisfied
Oh baby, now right now, baby, I ain't got no more pride
Oh, sweet sugar, I surrender
I don't want no other man, baby, you win
Oh baby, now right now, baby, I ain't got no more pride
Oh, sweet sugar, I surrender
I don't want no other man, baby, you win
And you ain't never got to worry, ever got to worry
You'll never be alone again
There's nothing, there's nothing
That ooh, that I wouldn't do, ah, ooh
Write a song about it, daddyYou'll never be alone again
There's nothing, there's nothing
That ooh, that I wouldn't do, ah, ooh
Everybody know who I'm talking to
And maybe I'm just getting it because of how serious Alice Smith is in this performance. She turns this thang OUT and brings up an emotion that overwhelms me.
Monday, January 06, 2014
2013 in Review
UPDATE: I FORGOT TWO IMPORTANT THINGS!
I feel like I need to write a post about my year in review, but I can't remember half of what happened in 2013. It's all a blur. One year simply fades into the next. But from looking at my 2013 calendar, here's what I could compile about the year.
Bought a new car.
My husband sold his condo from the bachelor days.
I did a handful of photo shoots and interior design consultations for friends.
Had a great district convention.
Went to a couple of concerts.
Formally recognized myself as a photography and design consultant.
Signed up for the Regional Building Committee.
Adopted the most adorable puppy.
Designed and built a closet in one of the spare rooms.
Had a relaxing family reunion vacation.
Built a wonderful relationship with a new couple.
Participated in a few beautiful photo shoots with hubby.
Witnessed the release of a new Bible translation!
Went to CT and NY with my family.
Got out of jury duty.
Did some territory assist field service.
Traveled to San Francisco for work.
Went on a cruise to the Bahamas.
Partied and had dinners and outings with all kinds of friends.
Ended the year in Alabama with my family (grandfather, grandmother and uncle included!).
I'd say I had a very fulfilling year. The highlight of it was being with friends in all different kinds of capacities (shows, concerts, anniversary parties, restaurants, gatherings at each others houses, etc.) and doing more for Jehovah while witnessing Jehovah doing so much for me. Serving in a territory that needs assistance and signing up to help build Kingdom Halls makes me feel happy. Being a part of a special program in which we are given a new Bible... there are no words to sum up how incredibly historic it was. I was so honored to witness that.
Next year, I look forward to continuing my friendships and having even more great dinners, outings, gatherings, etc. Becoming one with the new Bible that I received is imperative. I so badly want to show my appreciation for this gift, but have such a hard time doing daily Bible reading. So I want to try hard, very hard, to make it happen. I want to go back to sitting in the front of the Kingdom Hall so as to block out distractions. By maintaining my spiritual focus, I know I'll have an even better relationship with my husband than I did last year. Continuing to grow with him is exciting as well. My husband is my best friend and my boo, so doing everything with him is my desire while still allowing time separately. Speaking of 'separately', I need to figure out how to do something. On a daily basis during the week, I am either working or trying to recuperate from working. There's no in between and there's nothing else. Work, recupe, work, recupe. I feel like I don't have much personal happy time during the week. There's no reason why spontaneity and fun has to be restricted to the weekend. So that's what I want to try to do for myself. Find energizing, happy, fun, spontaneous moments during the week. Yeah, that sounds good.
If anyone is reading this, what have you learned about yourself in 2013 and where do you see 2014 taking you?
I feel like I need to write a post about my year in review, but I can't remember half of what happened in 2013. It's all a blur. One year simply fades into the next. But from looking at my 2013 calendar, here's what I could compile about the year.
Bought a new car.
My husband sold his condo from the bachelor days.
I did a handful of photo shoots and interior design consultations for friends.
Had a great district convention.
Went to a couple of concerts.
Formally recognized myself as a photography and design consultant.
Signed up for the Regional Building Committee.
Adopted the most adorable puppy.
Designed and built a closet in one of the spare rooms.
Had a relaxing family reunion vacation.
Built a wonderful relationship with a new couple.
Participated in a few beautiful photo shoots with hubby.
Witnessed the release of a new Bible translation!
Went to CT and NY with my family.
Got out of jury duty.
Did some territory assist field service.
Traveled to San Francisco for work.
Went on a cruise to the Bahamas.
Partied and had dinners and outings with all kinds of friends.
Ended the year in Alabama with my family (grandfather, grandmother and uncle included!).
I'd say I had a very fulfilling year. The highlight of it was being with friends in all different kinds of capacities (shows, concerts, anniversary parties, restaurants, gatherings at each others houses, etc.) and doing more for Jehovah while witnessing Jehovah doing so much for me. Serving in a territory that needs assistance and signing up to help build Kingdom Halls makes me feel happy. Being a part of a special program in which we are given a new Bible... there are no words to sum up how incredibly historic it was. I was so honored to witness that.
Next year, I look forward to continuing my friendships and having even more great dinners, outings, gatherings, etc. Becoming one with the new Bible that I received is imperative. I so badly want to show my appreciation for this gift, but have such a hard time doing daily Bible reading. So I want to try hard, very hard, to make it happen. I want to go back to sitting in the front of the Kingdom Hall so as to block out distractions. By maintaining my spiritual focus, I know I'll have an even better relationship with my husband than I did last year. Continuing to grow with him is exciting as well. My husband is my best friend and my boo, so doing everything with him is my desire while still allowing time separately. Speaking of 'separately', I need to figure out how to do something. On a daily basis during the week, I am either working or trying to recuperate from working. There's no in between and there's nothing else. Work, recupe, work, recupe. I feel like I don't have much personal happy time during the week. There's no reason why spontaneity and fun has to be restricted to the weekend. So that's what I want to try to do for myself. Find energizing, happy, fun, spontaneous moments during the week. Yeah, that sounds good.
If anyone is reading this, what have you learned about yourself in 2013 and where do you see 2014 taking you?
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Time Flies
Wow. Time certainly flies doesn't it? It's been 3 weeks since I blogged last. Summer is already here. And half of the year is already pretty much over. I feel like I need to catch up before I get left behind. Speaking of catching up, here's an update on life.
Love
My marriage hasn't been this good since my first month of marriage. You know what he said to me this weekend? We were relaxing in bed. I was on my iPad searching for a special something (more on that to come!), and he was laying there watching me. Out of the blue he says, 'You're so cute.' Since I had my bonnet on my head, I turned to look at him with disbelief in my eyes, but then he went on to mention that he really likes me and plays with me so much because of how much he enjoys me. If you know my husband, you know how much of a joker he is, so to be the object of his jokes I guess is a good thing. Nevertheless, it was so nice to hear him express himself out of the blue. I live for moments like that.
Right now, he's in the man cave with 4 or 5 other guys who kind of invited themselves over at the last minute. Game 7 must be entertaining because I can hear them all the way up here in my bedroom. I'm glad hubby is having fun though. As time has progressed, I care more about him smiling and having fun and being happy than I used to. One can either look at that as a terrible thing, or a good thing. I choose the latter.
Girlfriends
I've only had one girlfriend who I talked to almost every single day. I was her person and she was mine. I miss that a bit. I have a great group of girls to hang out with and talk to if needed, but it doesn't go much farther. And I'm ok with that for now. I had a great double date with a new couple on Friday. It's interesting to watch a budding romance as a married person. You have so many suggestions and ideas and cautions to give. At the same time, by watching the new couple, you get to remember your courtship days. Besides all that though, I had a really good time. We dived into a few good conversations that allowed us to all show each other who we really are. I love stuff like that. Not to mention that the weather was perfect. I haven't gone to a rooftop lounge in a long time… since days in LA in fact. Looking out over the DC landscape was nice. I want to do more things like that with people. Eat, talk, have deep conversation, laugh. Sometimes I wish I had my person that made me her person so I could do that all the time without having to call someone up and ask them, but it's all good. Sometimes you have to put the work in and I'm not going to be lazy about it.
Family
Sis and brother-in-law are good. They are studying the Bible together with another spiritually mature couple. Loving that. The couple that they're studying with visited DC over Memorial weekend so hubby and I got to meet them. I think they are all a good fit for each other. I'm excited to see where the studies take my family. Mom and Dad are good too. Same ole with them. My mom calls me every day it seems. Dad is still as chipper and happy as he's always been. My in-laws are all doing well. They have teenage son issues, but what family with a teenage son doesn't?
Spirituality
If I had to rate my zeal right now, it would be a 7 with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest. We had a public talk recently about whether your heart goes out in the ministry with you whenever you do field service. I thought that was interesting because I'm not sure mine does. So I want to work on that. I'm still very consistent in my commenting and my preparation. My Bible reading isn't that great though. In family worship tonight, hubby and I did the Bible reading for the week together. That was nice. We put in our applications for the Regional Building Committee a few weeks back. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. The idea of building Kingdom Halls and Assembly Halls is cool. Especially since I love interior design. Hopefully I'll get to help out with something like that.
Car
Can I just say that I love my car?! I had to drive out to Reston, VA today for a meeting and the drive was so much more enjoyable simply because of my car. I was thinking about my love for my car as I was breezing down George Washington Memorial Parkway. I haven't felt this good about a choice in a long time.
Career
Meh. It's there. I have a job. I get paid on time. The end.
Future
Here's what I'm looking forward to.
1. Visiting Hampton this weekend, seeing hubby's dad and my preggers amiga and of course, doing some outlet shopping which I really saved for this time! No credit cards.
2. The convention. I think we're getting a new Bible or something. There have been plenty of clues/hints leading me to this conclusion. I mean why else can no one order a Bible anymore at the literature counter?
3. My family reunion. I have $72 more to pay and then I'm free. A week long vacation on the beach with all of my family can't come soon enough. I think this is the first year that every single person will be there too. All of the cousins, the grand babies…everyone.
I think that's a sufficient update, don't you?
Love
My marriage hasn't been this good since my first month of marriage. You know what he said to me this weekend? We were relaxing in bed. I was on my iPad searching for a special something (more on that to come!), and he was laying there watching me. Out of the blue he says, 'You're so cute.' Since I had my bonnet on my head, I turned to look at him with disbelief in my eyes, but then he went on to mention that he really likes me and plays with me so much because of how much he enjoys me. If you know my husband, you know how much of a joker he is, so to be the object of his jokes I guess is a good thing. Nevertheless, it was so nice to hear him express himself out of the blue. I live for moments like that.
Right now, he's in the man cave with 4 or 5 other guys who kind of invited themselves over at the last minute. Game 7 must be entertaining because I can hear them all the way up here in my bedroom. I'm glad hubby is having fun though. As time has progressed, I care more about him smiling and having fun and being happy than I used to. One can either look at that as a terrible thing, or a good thing. I choose the latter.
Girlfriends
I've only had one girlfriend who I talked to almost every single day. I was her person and she was mine. I miss that a bit. I have a great group of girls to hang out with and talk to if needed, but it doesn't go much farther. And I'm ok with that for now. I had a great double date with a new couple on Friday. It's interesting to watch a budding romance as a married person. You have so many suggestions and ideas and cautions to give. At the same time, by watching the new couple, you get to remember your courtship days. Besides all that though, I had a really good time. We dived into a few good conversations that allowed us to all show each other who we really are. I love stuff like that. Not to mention that the weather was perfect. I haven't gone to a rooftop lounge in a long time… since days in LA in fact. Looking out over the DC landscape was nice. I want to do more things like that with people. Eat, talk, have deep conversation, laugh. Sometimes I wish I had my person that made me her person so I could do that all the time without having to call someone up and ask them, but it's all good. Sometimes you have to put the work in and I'm not going to be lazy about it.
Family
Sis and brother-in-law are good. They are studying the Bible together with another spiritually mature couple. Loving that. The couple that they're studying with visited DC over Memorial weekend so hubby and I got to meet them. I think they are all a good fit for each other. I'm excited to see where the studies take my family. Mom and Dad are good too. Same ole with them. My mom calls me every day it seems. Dad is still as chipper and happy as he's always been. My in-laws are all doing well. They have teenage son issues, but what family with a teenage son doesn't?
Spirituality
If I had to rate my zeal right now, it would be a 7 with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest. We had a public talk recently about whether your heart goes out in the ministry with you whenever you do field service. I thought that was interesting because I'm not sure mine does. So I want to work on that. I'm still very consistent in my commenting and my preparation. My Bible reading isn't that great though. In family worship tonight, hubby and I did the Bible reading for the week together. That was nice. We put in our applications for the Regional Building Committee a few weeks back. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. The idea of building Kingdom Halls and Assembly Halls is cool. Especially since I love interior design. Hopefully I'll get to help out with something like that.
Car
Can I just say that I love my car?! I had to drive out to Reston, VA today for a meeting and the drive was so much more enjoyable simply because of my car. I was thinking about my love for my car as I was breezing down George Washington Memorial Parkway. I haven't felt this good about a choice in a long time.
Career
Meh. It's there. I have a job. I get paid on time. The end.
Future
Here's what I'm looking forward to.
1. Visiting Hampton this weekend, seeing hubby's dad and my preggers amiga and of course, doing some outlet shopping which I really saved for this time! No credit cards.
2. The convention. I think we're getting a new Bible or something. There have been plenty of clues/hints leading me to this conclusion. I mean why else can no one order a Bible anymore at the literature counter?
3. My family reunion. I have $72 more to pay and then I'm free. A week long vacation on the beach with all of my family can't come soon enough. I think this is the first year that every single person will be there too. All of the cousins, the grand babies…everyone.
I think that's a sufficient update, don't you?
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Give To Get
I've been obsessing lately over the lack of romance in my marriage. It's
consuming my every thought and breathe. More than hubby knows. But with the help of a tweet, I just had an aha moment. (This is the first time twitter has made my life. Put a little effort into it and magical things happen.)
"The key for both sides is to do what's needed to have the other side wanting to offer... whether it be sex or romance." - Tweeter that shall remain anonymous
Hubby and I went on a date the other night, and although he tried by opening up the car door on 2 occasions, the romance fell flat. But I don't want to harp on what he didn't do. Instead I want to talk about that quote... I was told that a man's idea of romance is sex. yes, very basic and to be expected. A woman's idea of romance has very little to do with sex and can take an unlimited number of forms. Whatever the form, as long as the woman feels like she's the most beautiful and most special woman in the universe, romance has been accomplished.
The problem in my house, (here's where the quote comes in) is that neither of us have the other side wanting to offer what each other needs. Hubby doesn't do anything that makes me want to offer sex. And I don't do anything that makes him want to offer romance. I have relations with him because I know I need to in order to keep my man and whenever the urge hits me. Hubby romances me when... well. He romanced me when he was trying to become my one and only. In the here and now? Not so much.
So now that we're 3 years in, and the romance is gone and relations are by obligation or by my need, I'm finding that that quote will be my inspiration for a better relationship. And it's not that our relationship is all that bad because we've been doing very well lately. It's just that I have a need that is not getting filled. I'm 99% sure that he'll say the same thing of me. The danger of not fulfilling each others needs could be detrimental. An extra marital affair, the-needle-that-broke-the-camels-back argument, or all out disappointment in our marriage.
Deep down inside though, I find it hard to be the one to start this giving process. It's a very complex thing to give of yourself intimately when you don't feel cherished. Yes, he'll say that he cherishes me. But I don't FEEL cherished. We're best friends. We laugh. We can hang. I enjoy being with him. He enjoys picking on me. That's my homie. But does he make me blush? When he sings Carl Thomas' lyrics in the car ("I couldn't take my eyes off that girl for nothing. She looks like love. It felt so natural...I'm all caught up..."), I always get jealous of the air that he sings that too. If those words fell on me in all sincerity and genuineness that I can read from his eyes, I'd be putty in his hands.
But we're young. Relationships go through phases. At 28 and 30, being homies is what it's all about. We're hanging out with friends, we have no kids, we're having a whole bunch of fun. At 38 and 40, I'm hoping that the game changes up a bit. It seems like the older you get, the more you appreciate each other and see the beauty of the other.
But before I die of this lack, I have to figure out how to get it. Cause telling him just doesn't work.
"The key for both sides is to do what's needed to have the other side wanting to offer... whether it be sex or romance." - Tweeter that shall remain anonymous
Hubby and I went on a date the other night, and although he tried by opening up the car door on 2 occasions, the romance fell flat. But I don't want to harp on what he didn't do. Instead I want to talk about that quote... I was told that a man's idea of romance is sex. yes, very basic and to be expected. A woman's idea of romance has very little to do with sex and can take an unlimited number of forms. Whatever the form, as long as the woman feels like she's the most beautiful and most special woman in the universe, romance has been accomplished.
The problem in my house, (here's where the quote comes in) is that neither of us have the other side wanting to offer what each other needs. Hubby doesn't do anything that makes me want to offer sex. And I don't do anything that makes him want to offer romance. I have relations with him because I know I need to in order to keep my man and whenever the urge hits me. Hubby romances me when... well. He romanced me when he was trying to become my one and only. In the here and now? Not so much.
So now that we're 3 years in, and the romance is gone and relations are by obligation or by my need, I'm finding that that quote will be my inspiration for a better relationship. And it's not that our relationship is all that bad because we've been doing very well lately. It's just that I have a need that is not getting filled. I'm 99% sure that he'll say the same thing of me. The danger of not fulfilling each others needs could be detrimental. An extra marital affair, the-needle-that-broke-the-camels-back argument, or all out disappointment in our marriage.
Deep down inside though, I find it hard to be the one to start this giving process. It's a very complex thing to give of yourself intimately when you don't feel cherished. Yes, he'll say that he cherishes me. But I don't FEEL cherished. We're best friends. We laugh. We can hang. I enjoy being with him. He enjoys picking on me. That's my homie. But does he make me blush? When he sings Carl Thomas' lyrics in the car ("I couldn't take my eyes off that girl for nothing. She looks like love. It felt so natural...I'm all caught up..."), I always get jealous of the air that he sings that too. If those words fell on me in all sincerity and genuineness that I can read from his eyes, I'd be putty in his hands.
But we're young. Relationships go through phases. At 28 and 30, being homies is what it's all about. We're hanging out with friends, we have no kids, we're having a whole bunch of fun. At 38 and 40, I'm hoping that the game changes up a bit. It seems like the older you get, the more you appreciate each other and see the beauty of the other.
But before I die of this lack, I have to figure out how to get it. Cause telling him just doesn't work.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Ran-Dumb Thoughts (Special Edition)
I'm struggling
I think I'm getting sick
And marriage has been incredibly hard
It's internally hard
There's not a day that goes by where I'm not fighting myself
Fighting not to say something
Fighting not to nag
Fighting to do what's unnatural
Fighting to be upbuilding
Fighting to remember what the Bible says to do
This morning, there was a serious war in my brain
Do I push him to get up since he's late?
Will he think I'm nagging?
Is there a way I can say it nicely?
Just don't say anything at all
He's grown
He knows what time he needs to be at work
But wouldn't it be considered helpful?
Looking out for his best interest?
Especially since he has to leave on time today
That means he'll have to stay late one day
I hate it when he stays late
Is it my job to make him a better man?
Yes
No
Just shutup J
Seriously
That's what I did this morning while trying to snuggle into him
For 15 minutes straight
Every single minute that I'm around him seems to be like that
A constant battle
Cannons and rifles and knifes
Shots and screams and explosions
That's how I feel internally
And when I say it's like that every single minute I'm around him
I'M NOT LYING
My mind moves a mile a minute
It's tiring
And when he reads this
I wonder if he'll use it against me
Will my super active mind come up in discussion
Or even an argument
I'm trying to be the best me
Which is why it moves like that
Trying to think before I act
Find the right course
Find the path of least resistance
I want to do the right thing
Cause the least amount of stress as possible
I want to be the best me
But maybe the best 'me' is not stress free?
But I've begun to question whether it's 'me' he wants
Perhaps he doesn't like my natural 'me'
So how do I be 'me'
I want to be his buddy
I want to be his roll dog
I want us to have each other's backs
I want us to be close
But in reality
I'm his wife
And not in a good way either
I think he sees me as his mate that tries to keep him in line
The nagging one
The strict one
The enforcer
I'd rather not be those things
I'd rather not have to nag
I'd rather not have to say 'Can you clean the...'
I wish the household tasks where like a robotic machine
All wheels, rivets and gears did what they should do without word
I don't know
It's hard to be a wife
To have this craving for a man
And to be the backbone of the house
And to be the backbone of the man
To encourage
To be chill
To be fun
To be sweet
To sex
To cook
To clean
I have so many roles
So many support function
I feel like I'm juggling 10 balls
And not doing a very good job of it
I'm not balancing them all correctly
And that's why he doesn't like 'me'
Every day is a constant struggle
We're not as close as we used to be
And it breaks my heart
But I can't say anything
Because I'm just drunk off love
I'm extra
I'm over and above
He says love is not like that
He rolls his eyes or laughs
Or worse
Gets sad
Then I made him sad
I'm not being encouraging
I'm not lifting him up
I failed as a wife
What it is to be a wife
I had no idea
I have to be everything
And I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing
I'm trying to smile
Trying to be 'cool'
Trying to be 'fun'
Whatever he wants me to be
I want to be it all for him
Because I crave him
I need to touch him
Feel his heat
Hold his hand
I love it when he lays his hand on me in bed
He probably thinks its nothing
And it means nothing to him
But for me it's everything
It begins fills the gaping hole I have to feel 'in love'
It makes me feel like he recognizes me
It makes me feel like he appreciates how hard I'm working
How much I DON'T say
I know that's not what he's thinking
But I like to imagine
To remember the single moments when he touches me
I don't know why I'm crying
I'm overwhelmed by life I guess
I wonder if he'll ever be into me like he was
Or will I always feel like something on his to do list
Will he ever again take my face in his hands and say something beautiful
Will he ever nervously wonder if I'll be with him forever
Will he ever again think I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him
Or is all that a distant memory?
I want us to be solid
'Solid as a rock'
But I feel we're fighting to hold on
Fighting for peace
And it's with this fight that I'm pressing forward with
At the same time though...
I'm struggling
I think I'm getting sick
And marriage has been incredibly hard
It's internally hard
There's not a day that goes by where I'm not fighting myself
Fighting not to say something
Fighting not to nag
Fighting to do what's unnatural
Fighting to be upbuilding
Fighting to remember what the Bible says to do
This morning, there was a serious war in my brain
Do I push him to get up since he's late?
Will he think I'm nagging?
Is there a way I can say it nicely?
Just don't say anything at all
He's grown
He knows what time he needs to be at work
But wouldn't it be considered helpful?
Looking out for his best interest?
Especially since he has to leave on time today
That means he'll have to stay late one day
I hate it when he stays late
Is it my job to make him a better man?
Yes
No
Just shutup J
Seriously
That's what I did this morning while trying to snuggle into him
For 15 minutes straight
Every single minute that I'm around him seems to be like that
A constant battle
Cannons and rifles and knifes
Shots and screams and explosions
That's how I feel internally
And when I say it's like that every single minute I'm around him
I'M NOT LYING
My mind moves a mile a minute
It's tiring
And when he reads this
I wonder if he'll use it against me
Will my super active mind come up in discussion
Or even an argument
I'm trying to be the best me
Which is why it moves like that
Trying to think before I act
Find the right course
Find the path of least resistance
I want to do the right thing
Cause the least amount of stress as possible
I want to be the best me
But maybe the best 'me' is not stress free?
But I've begun to question whether it's 'me' he wants
Perhaps he doesn't like my natural 'me'
So how do I be 'me'
I want to be his buddy
I want to be his roll dog
I want us to have each other's backs
I want us to be close
But in reality
I'm his wife
And not in a good way either
I think he sees me as his mate that tries to keep him in line
The nagging one
The strict one
The enforcer
I'd rather not be those things
I'd rather not have to nag
I'd rather not have to say 'Can you clean the...'
I wish the household tasks where like a robotic machine
All wheels, rivets and gears did what they should do without word
I don't know
It's hard to be a wife
To have this craving for a man
And to be the backbone of the house
And to be the backbone of the man
To encourage
To be chill
To be fun
To be sweet
To sex
To cook
To clean
I have so many roles
So many support function
I feel like I'm juggling 10 balls
And not doing a very good job of it
I'm not balancing them all correctly
And that's why he doesn't like 'me'
Every day is a constant struggle
We're not as close as we used to be
And it breaks my heart
But I can't say anything
Because I'm just drunk off love
I'm extra
I'm over and above
He says love is not like that
He rolls his eyes or laughs
Or worse
Gets sad
Then I made him sad
I'm not being encouraging
I'm not lifting him up
I failed as a wife
What it is to be a wife
I had no idea
I have to be everything
And I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing
I'm trying to smile
Trying to be 'cool'
Trying to be 'fun'
Whatever he wants me to be
I want to be it all for him
Because I crave him
I need to touch him
Feel his heat
Hold his hand
I love it when he lays his hand on me in bed
He probably thinks its nothing
And it means nothing to him
But for me it's everything
It begins fills the gaping hole I have to feel 'in love'
It makes me feel like he recognizes me
It makes me feel like he appreciates how hard I'm working
How much I DON'T say
I know that's not what he's thinking
But I like to imagine
To remember the single moments when he touches me
I don't know why I'm crying
I'm overwhelmed by life I guess
I wonder if he'll ever be into me like he was
Or will I always feel like something on his to do list
Will he ever again take my face in his hands and say something beautiful
Will he ever nervously wonder if I'll be with him forever
Will he ever again think I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him
Or is all that a distant memory?
I want us to be solid
'Solid as a rock'
But I feel we're fighting to hold on
Fighting for peace
And it's with this fight that I'm pressing forward with
At the same time though...
I'm struggling
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Showered With Love
I had the honor of photographing my good friend Tiffany's "Brunch At Tiffany's" vintage inspired bridal shower. I'm glad I was able to capture moments of a very special day. Here are a few of the shots I'm gifting the bride. Enjoy!
Congratulations Tiff!
Congratulations Tiff!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Friday, April 06, 2012
Cue Tony Toni Tone: It's Our Anniversary...
My neck is killing me and this office is dead. Why even bother opening the office on Good Friday?
Anyway. Our anniversary is coming up. May 7th. Been thinking about how my cousins' (May 4th), my parents' (May 13th) and our anniversary will be all around the same time. So happy that my fam bam is getting married. It's going to be a fun weekend with all of my family in town. I'm really looking forward to that weekend. I got my dress. I didn't realize it's as body hugging as it is. I would send it back for another size but then the top might be too big. A loose wrap or light sweater it is. No time to be messing around and switching outfits.
Back to my anniversary. I managed to "sucker" (as he calls it) hubby into buying Beyonce tickets for us. Well for me. I canNOT wait. I have not seen her since The Beyonce Experience in 2008. Seeing as those she's one of my favorite performers, that's far too long. We had our honeymoon in Atlantic City too so it's the perfect choice. Atlantic City here we come! Next year, I don't expect to be able to go away or do too much for our anniversary. I want to plan for an out of the country trip in 2015. But that's neither here nor there. MJ requested that I purchase him a couple of new wedding bands being that he spent an inordinate amount of money on those tickets. Thank goodness tungsten rings are inexpensive. I wonder what else he's going to ask for though. I know he's not going to let me get away with spending what I spent.
Separate from the superficial and material stuff, I really am looking forward to celebrating two years of marriage with my man. It feels like we've been together forever one on hand, but on the other hand, it feels like we're just starting our lives together. I like that. I was thinking about my exes the other day and I was able to think with certainty that I married the man who was best for me. While he's not perfect, he's perfect for me. He makes me be a better woman in the most important ways which is something my exes didn't do for me. I had a whole bunch of fun and heartfelt times with them, but I looking back on it, I don't feel like they were looking out for my desires and needs. Well actually, my ex-fiance did me the greatest service by breaking up with me. It was because he was looking out for me that he did so. Not feeling like he could give me what I want or be what I needed, he ended our relationship. While I died inside in that moment (and for a good 6 months later), it was the greatest gift he could have ever given me. So yeah, hubby is right for me in all the areas that matter the most. Sure there are areas that could be better, but that's what happens with imperfect people. The great part is that both of us are fighters. Fighters for a happy marriage that is. I'm so proud of my husband. He's grown so much since we've first started dating. I remember thanking Jehovah so profusely for MJ when he first popped up in my life. I should continue doing that, because Jehovah knows he is a gift!
Happy anniversary love of my life! I wholeheartedly look forward to all the experiences that we'll have in the coming years. Stick with me babe. It's going to be fun!
Anyway. Our anniversary is coming up. May 7th. Been thinking about how my cousins' (May 4th), my parents' (May 13th) and our anniversary will be all around the same time. So happy that my fam bam is getting married. It's going to be a fun weekend with all of my family in town. I'm really looking forward to that weekend. I got my dress. I didn't realize it's as body hugging as it is. I would send it back for another size but then the top might be too big. A loose wrap or light sweater it is. No time to be messing around and switching outfits.
Back to my anniversary. I managed to "sucker" (as he calls it) hubby into buying Beyonce tickets for us. Well for me. I canNOT wait. I have not seen her since The Beyonce Experience in 2008. Seeing as those she's one of my favorite performers, that's far too long. We had our honeymoon in Atlantic City too so it's the perfect choice. Atlantic City here we come! Next year, I don't expect to be able to go away or do too much for our anniversary. I want to plan for an out of the country trip in 2015. But that's neither here nor there. MJ requested that I purchase him a couple of new wedding bands being that he spent an inordinate amount of money on those tickets. Thank goodness tungsten rings are inexpensive. I wonder what else he's going to ask for though. I know he's not going to let me get away with spending what I spent.
Separate from the superficial and material stuff, I really am looking forward to celebrating two years of marriage with my man. It feels like we've been together forever one on hand, but on the other hand, it feels like we're just starting our lives together. I like that. I was thinking about my exes the other day and I was able to think with certainty that I married the man who was best for me. While he's not perfect, he's perfect for me. He makes me be a better woman in the most important ways which is something my exes didn't do for me. I had a whole bunch of fun and heartfelt times with them, but I looking back on it, I don't feel like they were looking out for my desires and needs. Well actually, my ex-fiance did me the greatest service by breaking up with me. It was because he was looking out for me that he did so. Not feeling like he could give me what I want or be what I needed, he ended our relationship. While I died inside in that moment (and for a good 6 months later), it was the greatest gift he could have ever given me. So yeah, hubby is right for me in all the areas that matter the most. Sure there are areas that could be better, but that's what happens with imperfect people. The great part is that both of us are fighters. Fighters for a happy marriage that is. I'm so proud of my husband. He's grown so much since we've first started dating. I remember thanking Jehovah so profusely for MJ when he first popped up in my life. I should continue doing that, because Jehovah knows he is a gift!
Happy anniversary love of my life! I wholeheartedly look forward to all the experiences that we'll have in the coming years. Stick with me babe. It's going to be fun!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Crying over love
I've written plenty of blog posts in the past few years about what I wanted in a man. I've written poems, lists, copied lyrics, etc...and today I can honestly say that all of the desires I put to paper (or to the computer screen) have come true. Jehovah has truly truly blessed me.
I wish for all the women in the world to experience what I feel. I think that's why I'm such a romantic. I watch 'The Bachelor' and other shows like it, all the while rooting intensely for romantic connections and heartfelt moments. Every female (and every man) deserves to be appreciated and loved. It's everyone's right!
So this is dedicated to love and the man who I feel like was made especially for me. I am truly stuck in amazement.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Read With Me
 |
| source: vogue.com |
I don't read much as I spend most of my time reading the Bible and Bible literature, but I have a desire to get back into books. I teetered on the idea of getting a Kindle or e-Reader, but I don't think I want one of those. I'm an old school reader. I like books. I like the look, smell and feel of them. I like to write in them, earmark them and pass them on. While I like the library, I prefer to keep books. I'm really looking forward to building a library once I have a room to do so.
Well anyway, can we read the top book pictured above? Ariel Sabar's Heart of the City: Nine Stories of Love and Serendipity on the Streets of New York. Doesn't that just sound like a glow? I don't know how 'glow' sounds, but if it had one, that's what I would use to describe what I hope this book is. If anyone picks it up before me, let me know how it is!
Friday, December 03, 2010
The Best Love Moments
Do you know where the best love moments are? In perfume and diamond commercials! Especially French commercials. These things make me want to fall in love all over again. One of these makes me want to shed a tear. Guess which one.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Another Week In My Life
Yaaaawwwn. Another week to go.
How ya doin folks? Me? I'm just fine. Lovin life and life is lovin me. We're getting ready to attend our annual district convention in Richmond for three days of spiritual food. There's so much to do before we get there. Today I have to get our laundry down to a bearable size. I need to take MJ's shirts to the cleaners. And I have to start planning our meals for the three days. Sunday after the convention, we're staying down in VA for a 'Meet & Greet Mr. and Mrs. Jackson' event that my mother-in-law is throwing. I hear that a lot of people are coming. I'm excited to meet MJ's family. We're going to get home waaay late that night. Maybe I should take off Monday too. Let me email hubby to see if he thought about that. I'm expecting to get the new clothes that I bought off modcloth.com by Tuesday or Wednesday. Then I'll really be able to figure out what I'm going to wear. Tuesday I need to wash my hair and Wednesday, I need to get it trimmed up again and then make sure I'm all packed. Detra never cuts my hair short enough the first time. She thinks that I'm not going to be able to grab it if it's too short. She underestimates my skill. lol.
I got my new Essence magazine yesterday. I'm always excited about that. Maybe today I won't be so bored at work now. Oh! I have a new tv series that I'm watching too. Keeping up with the Joneses. It's a pretty inspiring show because it's everything that I'm interested in. The creator of the Texas regional fashion magazine "Jones", Tracey Ferguson, is chronicling her life while being a mother of two and while trying to expand the magazine to a national status. Tracey is so fabulous and together that I'm enthralled. I'm hoping to use the inspiration I get from the show to dabble into some things of my own. We'll see how far I get with it. Love it!
What else is up? Marcus got a phone call from a friend last night that he missed. We were so excited to call him back hoping that we were going to get invited out somewhere, but when we heard that the call was accidental, we were quite bummed. So pathetic we are... But that's okay. We had a great weekend together. Saturday amongst the misty rain of the morning, my husband told me to get in the car without knowing where he was taking me. To my smile's benefit, we ended up at the local pond that's looped by a woodside trail that I've mentioned I wanted to take a peak at. We pass by it everyday but we never knew what was beyond the first glance. It was so special because I always talk about playing in the rain and that's exactly what Marcus had us do. We ran hand in hand through the misty downpours throughout our excursion around the pond. What's best about it is that he didn't even complain! With white sneakers on and all, he never said a word. He just grabbed my hand and let me through the woods. Even when I told him that we couldn't do this because of his sneakers and the heavy rain drops, he said no and pulled me onwards. My husband is so good to me. Ever since I explained to him through tears about how I need someone who likes the same things I like, he's stepped his game up. The man truly takes care of my heart and I love him for that. He's so tender with me and works very hard to make me happy. I'm so blessed.
Okay, I'm all mushy inside so I'm going to go now. Lol.
Have a nice day everyone.
How ya doin folks? Me? I'm just fine. Lovin life and life is lovin me. We're getting ready to attend our annual district convention in Richmond for three days of spiritual food. There's so much to do before we get there. Today I have to get our laundry down to a bearable size. I need to take MJ's shirts to the cleaners. And I have to start planning our meals for the three days. Sunday after the convention, we're staying down in VA for a 'Meet & Greet Mr. and Mrs. Jackson' event that my mother-in-law is throwing. I hear that a lot of people are coming. I'm excited to meet MJ's family. We're going to get home waaay late that night. Maybe I should take off Monday too. Let me email hubby to see if he thought about that. I'm expecting to get the new clothes that I bought off modcloth.com by Tuesday or Wednesday. Then I'll really be able to figure out what I'm going to wear. Tuesday I need to wash my hair and Wednesday, I need to get it trimmed up again and then make sure I'm all packed. Detra never cuts my hair short enough the first time. She thinks that I'm not going to be able to grab it if it's too short. She underestimates my skill. lol.
I got my new Essence magazine yesterday. I'm always excited about that. Maybe today I won't be so bored at work now. Oh! I have a new tv series that I'm watching too. Keeping up with the Joneses. It's a pretty inspiring show because it's everything that I'm interested in. The creator of the Texas regional fashion magazine "Jones", Tracey Ferguson, is chronicling her life while being a mother of two and while trying to expand the magazine to a national status. Tracey is so fabulous and together that I'm enthralled. I'm hoping to use the inspiration I get from the show to dabble into some things of my own. We'll see how far I get with it. Love it!
What else is up? Marcus got a phone call from a friend last night that he missed. We were so excited to call him back hoping that we were going to get invited out somewhere, but when we heard that the call was accidental, we were quite bummed. So pathetic we are... But that's okay. We had a great weekend together. Saturday amongst the misty rain of the morning, my husband told me to get in the car without knowing where he was taking me. To my smile's benefit, we ended up at the local pond that's looped by a woodside trail that I've mentioned I wanted to take a peak at. We pass by it everyday but we never knew what was beyond the first glance. It was so special because I always talk about playing in the rain and that's exactly what Marcus had us do. We ran hand in hand through the misty downpours throughout our excursion around the pond. What's best about it is that he didn't even complain! With white sneakers on and all, he never said a word. He just grabbed my hand and let me through the woods. Even when I told him that we couldn't do this because of his sneakers and the heavy rain drops, he said no and pulled me onwards. My husband is so good to me. Ever since I explained to him through tears about how I need someone who likes the same things I like, he's stepped his game up. The man truly takes care of my heart and I love him for that. He's so tender with me and works very hard to make me happy. I'm so blessed.
Okay, I'm all mushy inside so I'm going to go now. Lol.
Have a nice day everyone.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Two Months Down
Today is our two month anniversary. It's kinda laughable to bring it up, but I can't help but to notice. So how has it been so far? Umm... Let me see. One thing is for sure. We've had more happy moments than sad. We've had two major fights so far and they were pretty huge ones. It's funny how we often remember the bad times more than the good times. That sucks quite frankly. What I do remember though is our day together this past Monday. Simply beautiful. The highlight of it for me was the time we spent on the couch together. We read the Bible together, prepared for the Bible study and talked about our relationship and the experiences we've shared together. It's not often that we sit down and have a focused conversation about something sweet. I can now see how easy it is for married ones to have exchanges about bills, food, and to dos and forget about expressing our feelings for one another. The conversations that two people who are dating have are different than the conversations that married people have. But that shouldn't be the case. I hope to infuse more of that dating spirit into my marriage. Overall though, things are good. We have little problems compared to the things I've heard. Those little attitudes that each of us get are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I really do feel like I married the best man for me. There's no one in this world that's as j.a.c. as MJ. The love in my heart for him will never go away. I look at him often and am so pleased with my decision. When I look at him, there's no fear, no worry, no unsettling feeling. When I look at him, everything is all good. I am so thankful for that feeling. So with two months down, I look forward to the many more months to come. Happy Anniversary to me.
Update: Michyle asked, so I provide ---> Wedding Pics
Update: Michyle asked, so I provide ---> Wedding Pics
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
101 WAYS TO MAKE LOVE WITHOUT HAVING SEX!!!
1. Tell her “I love you”. 2. Hug him. 3. Kiss her. 4. Send flowers. 5. Hold hands. 6. Have deep, meaningful conversations. 7. Treat each other nice. 8. Smile at each other. 9. Write poems to each other. 10. Dance together. 11. Talk about your feelings. 12. Discuss problems. 13. Just be together. 14. Take him out. 15. Tell her “I don’t want to be with anyone else”. 16. Go to a drive-in. 17. Ask how she’s feeling. 18. Sort out disagreements. 9. Give each other a back rub. 20. Let him do your hair. 21. Put up with his friends. 22. Go to a concert together. 23. Give each other gifts. 24. Play pool together. 25. Observe the stars together. 26. Share some of the same hobbies. 27. Kiss him on the ear. 28. Whisper that I love him. 29. Be nice to each other. 30. Give a token from the heart. 31. Visit his mother. 32. Write love letters. 33. Call him just to say “hello” or “good night”. 34. Play footsie. 35. Blow her kisses. 36. Give her a ring. 37. Take her someplace meaningful or special. 38. Have a romantic picnic in the park. 39. Show my affection. 40. Talk about the reasons for our decision to wait to have sex. 41. Buy him nice things. 42. Go swimming together. 43. Go hiking together. 44. Be her best friend. 45. Sit and talk for a long time. 46. Be close. 47. Share thoughts. 48. Kiss her neck. 49. Sing her a song. 50. Do the things you used to do. 51. Ask to be with her more. 52. Build a stronger relationship. 53. Do her housework. 54. Communicate. 55. Tell her you care. 56. Caress each other. 57. Stick up for him if he gets in trouble. 58. Be sensitive. 59. Tell her I’ll always be there for her. 60. Listen. 61. Go out of the way for each other. 62. Go camping. 63. Tell her I appreciate how she treats me. 64. Respect each other. 65. Buy him something sentimental. 66. Carry her books home from school. 67. Never let him go. 68. Take a walk together. 69. Go to a party. 70. Cook for each other. 71. Just touch each other. 72. Leave a little love note in his pocket. 73. Dedicate our favorite song on the radio. 74. Speak the language of love – French – to him. 75. Tell her the longer you wait, the better it will be. 76. Arrange a date where we first met. 77. Watch him compete in a sporting event. 78. Spend the day at a carnival. 79. Eat at a romantic restaurant with elegant music and a dance floor . 80. Do homework together. 81. Slip a note into her notebook. 82. Treat her like a queen. 83. Pay attention to her likes and dislikes. 84. Make sure he’s comfortable. 85. Send him a card. 86. Draw a heart on a tree and put both names in the middle. 87. Call her every night. 88. Hold each other close. 89. Trust him. 90. Support each other. 91. Go for a drive. 92. Take him skiing. 93. Sit really close while watching a movie. 94. Make him a present. 95. Take care of him when he’s sick. 96. Carry pictures of each other. 97. Cuddle. 98. Go to a sports event together. 99. Watch a sunset together. 100. Be faithful. 101. Share secrets.
REMEMBER: The safest sex is NO sex; if you do have sex, always use a condom correctly as protection from sexually transmitted diseases
REMEMBER: The safest sex is NO sex; if you do have sex, always use a condom correctly as protection from sexually transmitted diseases
Monday, July 13, 2009
Cue Kelis - I Like You
Like You - Kelis
"I don't just like you/ I like you like you"
It's been a long time people! How ya been? Me? I'm hanging in there. Work is a serious drag, but overall, life is good. I still have a smile on my face. Wanna know why?!!! Well I'm going to tell you why. I can attribute much of this cute and endearing smile to a new growing interest in my life. And no, thew new growing interest is not photography, writing, a new pottery class, pet grooming, the new travel interest group, the insect collectors team, or whatever I've managed to fill my life with since I decided to become the busiest woman in the world. It's finally a man! Yep!A real and actual human being! Go figure! It's super new but I'm having a LOT of fun. I didn't expect to be 'Caught Up' as Usher puts it, but I really like this feeling. Aren't beginnings always so beautiful? <3 I think what I find so unique about this new growing interest of mine is that it's so convenient. I've never really known what it's like to date someone who has the same plans as I. Location wise that is. Well, in every area actually, but location wise sticks out to me the most because I've always dated people who were not from my city. There's no threat of someone moving or any worry about who's going to make the biggest compromise or change their life the most. There are no 'huge' issues to work out. It's simple. Simplicity at it's best in fact. We even live right down the street from one another. And anyone who knows me knows that I've NEVER had that before. We ride the same train to work, go to the same place of worship and can easily bump into each other whenever we want. How nice! I can literally see him every single day if I choose. No schedule issues, no meet-me-at-this-central-place-between-the-minutes-of-5:15pm-and-5:22pm-on-Tuesday-the-10th-or-I-have-to-run-to-my-next-encounter-and-won't-be-able-to-see-until-the-weekend. No more sucky situations! I like it a lot. I've seen him every single day for the past 7 days. And these have been ordinary, non-vacation days too. I've never done that before with anyone I've dated. Now I'm not this crazy, keep-my-eye-on-you, wanna-be-stuck-under-you-every-day type of girl either. So don't get me wrong. He wants to see me just as much, if not more than I want to see him. It's actually pretty crazy how this is all going down. Within the last 7 days, we've probably gone from a level 2 to a level 6. I'm a lot more comfortable around him now. The comfort level isn't to the point yet where I don't mind him seeing me at my worst, but it's getting there! My feeling and looking like a hot mess times will come soon I'm sure. The man is so incredibly sweet it's fantastic. Guess what he said to me today. We were talking about a particular subject and I asked him was there anything else he wanted to know/say. He said, "nothing more other than just letting you know that ur everything i could ever ask for." Now let's just pause on that for a second and let it marinate. Every time I re-read that, I get all warm and fuzzy inside. Hooray for the warm and fuzzies! I love getting to know this guy. He's so vivid and happy all of the time. It could be that he's gung ho for me, but nevertheless, he keeps me upbeat when I could be otherwise. Work is really hard for me, so his energy is priceless right now. It helps to cancel out all the crap I go through at this place. I'm a serious woman so his youthfulness is also right on time for me. Two serious people don't really fit well together as I've learned. He's goofy too, which I thought I would get sick of, but it's balanced well with his drive, determination and spiritual side. He's also not as much of a square as I thought he was. There are some things that he needs to reel back more than me! It all goes to show just how much you don't know people when you're looking at them from the surface. That's the mistake I made when he was nothing more than just the corny guy who smiles at me all the time. I could easily tell how deep he was, but I was sure he didn't have an ounce of relaxation in him. After he pronounced his undying love for me... ok not really... he forced me to open my eyes. I'm glad he told me how he felt about me. It was after that day that I began to see him. Now what I see is nothing but a tall, dark and handsome chocolate bar especially churned, milked, and packaged just for me. The j.a.c. special. I know that Jehovah made this man for me. I'm looking forward to growing with him. It's interesting that now that an actual real future with him can be imminent, I'm nervous about it. All that husband and children talk that I used to spit all the time... yeah. It doesn't even touch my lips anymore. Remember how I said that I feel like I was put on this earth to be a wife and a mother? Well now I wonder whether I'll be a good wife or not and whether my body can handle having babies. Lol. One area that I worry about in particular is this cooking thing. I am soooooooooooo not a food person. He, on the other hand, is eating every 2 hours. Talk about greedy! I've never had to burn like that because the only person's stomach I've ever had to take care of is my own. My own tiny fist-sized stomach. But I guess if I decide that I love the man, my love for him will propel me to taking care of his stomach as well. But you best believe that he's going to have to burn as well! If he wants ALLL of this food, he's going to have to help himself more times than he realizes. Boy am I glad he's lived on his own for a while. He's learned to cook his own meals, which will come in handy if I marry him. And yes, we have talked about marriage. Neither one of us is trying to learn each other for no reason. I'm not some body's boo. I'm some one's future wife. We're not playing games. If we're not looking towards marriage than I don't know what we'd be doing. He says he sees me as his wife and can't wait to wear a big chain around his neck that says JAC's HUSBAND, so all is said and done. The only thing we have to do is fall (or walk) in love. You think that's backwards huh? Well not to me. If the foundation is there... the chemistry, the qualities, the goals, the values... then we can build on everything else within time. Love will come. It always does. It's inevitable. Especially considering how much time we spend with one another. And I already know who's going to say it first once we get there. =) But that's pretty important to me. Saying it only when you know that you know that you know that you know. Once you admit that you love someone, the floodgates are doubly open. But I believe that this is about to be one heck of a roller coaster. I'm excited for it. And I'm going to soak it all in. This beginning part is so lovely, as beginnings are, so I'm treasuring each moment of it. I'll keep you posted ladies and gentleman, but this one just might be the one!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I'm The Leading Lady In My Own Movie
I feel it again! That adorable, happy sensation called love! I just watched one of my favorite movies ever and I feel like I saw, heard and felt things that I hadn't the first 10 times that I've seen it. The score, the one liners, the looks... they all made me feel it! It's honestly been a while since I've felt that blushing moment when someone says they love you for the first time. And even though it didn't happen to me per se, the movie helped me to realize that I'm grateful for the sensation. The blushing feeling, the goosebumps, the swelling warm heart, etc. I'm grateful that it all exists, and I know that I hopefully will feel it again. Someday. I feel like calling someone and being mushy with them, but since I don't have that option I'm trying to write down this thing inside of me. Word for word. Emotion for emotion.
What this movie does though, is makes me want to be truthful with the idea of "love". It makes me take a candid picture of myself and evaluate whether or not I love the way I want that next man to love me. As free, spontaneous and fun as I want my future relationship to be, this movie pushes me claim spontaneity and fun in my own life. I have to admit, I am bit of a stickler, so it takes work for me to let go and be silly. It takes work for me to be free and emit rays of sunshine and energy. But that's why I love movies! They help you to realize emotions and to see things in characters that you want to toy around with for yourself.... Wait a minute... I have a thought here... follow me on this one if you will... Sooooo, I think that characters in movies are idealized versions of people that writers really would like to see in the world. People with extremely open hearts or people with vast amounts of guts - those who turn their dreams into realities. So since we're kinda seeing a fantasy version of what the world should really look like (through a writer eyes)....you know, the things that make life beautiful....I like to take a little piece of it with me and add it to my personality. This might not make ANY sense at all, but the moral of the story is that I LOVE movies and I LOVE what they do to me. I love who they help me to become. And as a result for my love of movies, I have this whole concept of 'creating movie moments' in my own life that I like to do from time to time. I become the leading lady in my own movie. Yep! I've always wanted a knight in shining armor to say to me what so and so said to his leading lady in that romantic film, but since I've wised up and realized that life ISN'T a movie in other people's minds, I need to take the lead and create my own movie moments. I did so recently and I'm sure - actually 100% positive - that my co-lead will never forget that moment. It was movie-perfect.
So if you haven't seen "The Holiday" with Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, Jude Law, and Kate Winslet, rent it now. It's an extremely underrated film. I relate to it in so many ways. And it's deep too because it's honestly about being the leading lady in your own movie. The movie is simply divine.
What this movie does though, is makes me want to be truthful with the idea of "love". It makes me take a candid picture of myself and evaluate whether or not I love the way I want that next man to love me. As free, spontaneous and fun as I want my future relationship to be, this movie pushes me claim spontaneity and fun in my own life. I have to admit, I am bit of a stickler, so it takes work for me to let go and be silly. It takes work for me to be free and emit rays of sunshine and energy. But that's why I love movies! They help you to realize emotions and to see things in characters that you want to toy around with for yourself.... Wait a minute... I have a thought here... follow me on this one if you will... Sooooo, I think that characters in movies are idealized versions of people that writers really would like to see in the world. People with extremely open hearts or people with vast amounts of guts - those who turn their dreams into realities. So since we're kinda seeing a fantasy version of what the world should really look like (through a writer eyes)....you know, the things that make life beautiful....I like to take a little piece of it with me and add it to my personality. This might not make ANY sense at all, but the moral of the story is that I LOVE movies and I LOVE what they do to me. I love who they help me to become. And as a result for my love of movies, I have this whole concept of 'creating movie moments' in my own life that I like to do from time to time. I become the leading lady in my own movie. Yep! I've always wanted a knight in shining armor to say to me what so and so said to his leading lady in that romantic film, but since I've wised up and realized that life ISN'T a movie in other people's minds, I need to take the lead and create my own movie moments. I did so recently and I'm sure - actually 100% positive - that my co-lead will never forget that moment. It was movie-perfect.
So if you haven't seen "The Holiday" with Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, Jude Law, and Kate Winslet, rent it now. It's an extremely underrated film. I relate to it in so many ways. And it's deep too because it's honestly about being the leading lady in your own movie. The movie is simply divine.
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