I have so much to say and so little time to say it in. Luckily, Jillly from Philly says it for me.
"You can hold me close, kiss me nice. Talk to me in the moonlight. You can take my hand. Be that strong man, you can. Hold me close. Make me feel so good. Talk to me in my ear. Tell me things that I need to hear...Come and give it to me soon, cause I need you. I can't take all of this without lovin. I'm tired of being strong all day. I need to get to know you in a familiar way. I can handle it all, but in the middle of the night, I need something right. I need you to get closer. Come a little bit closer boy. I need you to get closer to... Come and feel the fire with me. I need to feel the King in you. Let me see it soon."
I've been thinking a lot about the gift of singleness, in part because of a blog post that one of my sisters sent me about waiting for the right man. It was deep. I 100% agreed with everything that was said. There's no better time to explore who you are and to build a tough relationship with God than when you are single. No better time. Going into a marriage not knowing who you are is tough. It creates all kinds of problems later on. Going into a marriage with a strong spiritual relationship with God is tough. That too creates all sorts of problems.
As I go through these years of marriage, I am so happy that I took that time. I discerned, I researched, I discussed, I learned, I experienced hard lessons, I consulted, I prayed... I did a lot of work as a single person. I think my blog history can attest to that. Learning who you are is not easy. Forget about the fact that you still wonder if you accurately figured out who you are later on in life. Getting to a place where you are comfortable in your skin takes work. Let me say that again. Getting to a place where you are comfortable in your skin takes WORK. I mean real work people. You actually have to do something. For me, that involved a lot of reading and a lot of writing and a lot of decision-making. No, I will not be that person. No, I do not like that. Yes, I can own that character trait. Yes, this hobby definitely affects my personality for the better. Nope, another person's opinion can not alter how I feel about x. I really worked at planting my feet in soil, attaching my roots deep and growing from there.
Moving across the country was a blessing. Every single puppet string was detached when I made that move. I decided everything for myself. One of the most significant decisions was my decision to make a spiritual search. Proving the scriptures to myself, going against what the Bible recommended and learning the hard way that God's Word really has some truth to it helped me to draw closer to God. With the help of Jehovah, I studied my butt off and my conscious was trained. My social experiences also helped define my spirituality. As I partied all over LA, I learned what my Bible-trained conscious would allow me to do and what it wouldn't. I was actively putting my Bible studies to work (although not necessarily in a good way). I challenged everything I was learning and used my social life to do so. "Let me see if I can socialize with people who have not an inkling of spirituality about them, drink until 2am and still feel okay about myself the next day." lol. I did it. I did it all!
I say all that to say that yes lawd singleness is a gift. As I think back, everything experience was for a purpose. It was hard, but it was well worth it. And as I continue to grow in marriage, I look forward to looking back again and rounding up all the lessons and gaining insight into how marriage helped me spiritually and personally. So the work continues! I have a nice base, a great foundation, and now I have to keep building. Keep working. Keep reading, praying, writing, studying, consulting, researching... The hard work is well worth it. I promise you.
Do the work.