Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Do you know what I said to myself this morning?
While walking to my building, there was a man who said hello to me with the widest smile.
After I smile and said hello, I immediately started thinking, "why weren't you smiling J? why the frown? were you frowning? appear pleasant. smile. be happy. get it together."
I'm always find myself chastising myself!
What is this?!
To be honest, I chastise myself all day long.
"Do this. Stop doing that. Be more productive. Move your butt! Do better!"
My own mind is annoying.
I just want to be human.
There is room not to smile all the time, even though I want to smile at the world all the time.
So now we come to my favorite word.
It's really my least favorite word.
It's so ambiguous.
Hard to achieve.
Every single thing in the universe has a balance.
Unfortunately, nothing has the same balance.
So you have to figure out a separate balance for every separate item in the universe.
(I think too much.)
Like my photography passion for example.
I want to spend all day taking pictures, but that means neglecting the human beings in my life and other important things that I need to do.
I want to buy every accessory that I'll need to be a better photographer, but those things are expensive!
I have my bank account in one hand and my passion in the other.
I need to focus on growing and making myself a better woman, yet I can't be too hard on myself.
Can you see why I hate the word?
Well, not hate.
See, my brain just said, "J! Don't use the word 'hate'! It's so negative!"
There I go chastising myself again.
Does anyone else have a mind like this?
Why am I thinking so hard?
And that's just the thing.
I'm not thinking hard at all.
This kind of stuff just comes.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Well since I had a less than enthusiastic post yesterday, I thought I’d change the mood and bring something a little positive today. Lately I’ve been bombarded with phrases such as “live as if it were your last day!” and “no regrets!” and “live life to the fullest!” I feel like I should make huge colorful posters of these ideas and glue them onto my bedroom walls! They’re such positive notions. Of course there’s a grim underlying factor that you won’t be here tomorrow but who’s thinking about that?! =) It’s the message that counts. We’re sometimes so focused on the future and our long-term, and even short-term goals, that we forget to live in the moment. We tend forget about right now. So what’s your right now? What are you looking past? What can you give more attention to in your present? I think I’m going to jot my ideas down in my journal. This is a good exercise!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Three Things - This is kinda a summary of moms and my discussion yesterday. lol.
1. a man who cannot take care of himself cannot take care of you. does this need clarification?
2. women can endure. men cannot. well in my personal experience that is. mom and i were talking about me specifically. i can endure.
3. women take crap. men do not. we were talking about the nature of women in relationships.
The Lyric I'm Feeling - just something I heard today that I liked
You know that I want you, but boy not this way.
I want so much more than what you give today.
To show you I want you, I push you away.
If it's meant to be boy, I trust that in the end, we'll find a way.
Stuff About Me
1. I tire out easily. My mother said that I'm the worst in this regard. lol. If you get on my nerves, I am done. i won't be permanently done. i just mean for the time being. ha! i'm not the smile in your face when i'm burning inside kind of person. =)
2. Movies are my remedy. I saw a great foreign film called "Love Me If You Dare" last night. It was perfect. Completely opened my eyes. it was about friendship and love. a bit weird at first, but i guarantee you'll love it.
3. Too many choices is like death to me. Give me an option between A and B only. i almost wish i could go back to the point in life where mom and dad made all my decisions. it was so much easier back then.
4. I like my text messages answered. I don't care if it's just an OK, I need you to acknowledge that you received it. this was written to one person in particular so please don't take offense.
5. What irritates me more than anything (where relationships are concerned) is when someone thinks about themselves before the other person. like t.c. said in the comments... just read her comment.
"Woke Up Monday Morning Got a Lot of Bad News Today"
- a severe migraine woke my dad up in the middle of the night in which he had to pray through. he has a doctor's appointment in 15 minutes.
- my spiritual mom back east is fighting for her life. she's now in the hospital on oxygen.
- my 17 year old cousin is in jail without bail.
my stomach is officially in knots...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I did an inordinate amount of shopping in the last two weeks... I mean crazy, random, out of my mind shopping. Spending beyond my means shopping. Stupid I know... So I've decided to put myself on punishment in an attempt to slow down, get my shopping addiction under control, and eliminate debt. In an attempt to regain control, I went home yesterday and went through every single Essence magazine I have to gather tips on financial freedom. (I love that magazine! Except for the stupid articles on how to get a man in bed and other 'let's-promote-pre-marital-sex' articles. Come on now Essence!) Each magazine has a section on work & wealth in which they dive into finances, careers, and homeownership. There's SO much helpful information, it's incredible. Let me educate you guys on a little bit of what I found out. Some of this you may already know, but hopefully you take as much of the info to heart as I have.
- need to make some quick cash? hit up e-bay or craigslist! i know there are some things in your house that you can sell that you've never used or can get rid of. e-bay makes their money off of fees and commissions, so if you don't want to go that route, stick with craigslist. consignment shops are a prize as well. thrift shops won't pay you for the goods you take them, but consignment shops will. as soon as your products are sold, you'll get a check! you normally you split the profits 50/50 or 60/40 with the shop, but get a contract if that's what you decide to do!
- pay yourself first! before paying bills and shopping, tuck at least 10% if your income into a savings account. (if you can't do 10%, do 5%.) automatic withdrawal works the best. build at 3 - 6 months of cash to cover living expenses in case of emergency. it would be best to separate the 10% savings from the emergency fund, but if you're just starting out, keep it as one.
- open a high-yield saving account! instead of the measly 0.05% normal interest account, visit INGdirect.com, HSBC.com, or etrade.com for 4-7% yields. and you can open these with a single $1 if that's all you have. gotta start somewhere!
- ask for lower interest rates on your bills. almost every credit bureau can appease your request. visit bcsalliance.com for talking scripts or letters that you can mail.
- STOP CHARGING! (ha.)
- get your hair and nails done at a beauty school. the costs for a wash and blowdry are half the price of your normal salon. each student is supervised by a professional so have no fear. they will do you right.
- get a money buddy. the best way to keep it all in check is to have someone who's right there next to you. start a moneyclub! visit moneyclubs.com for more information.
- put your amazon.com and blockbuster cards away and get your books and DVDs from the library!
- increase montly payments on your credit cards. never just pay the minimum. your FICO is directly correlated to your debt management!
- open a Roth IRA - another high interest yielding account. you have open with a large amount of money so if you're a little tight, go with those online internet sites I mentioned above.
- get a side hustle! and advertise your skills on craigslist. everyone has a skill that they can profit off. if you clean well, buy a mop, a broom, some sponges and some Pine Sol and clean a neighbors house for a fee. if you tend to find jobs easily, open a business to help people find their dream job. if you write well, write letters for people who can't express themselves so well. use your skills! open a business!
- BUY A HOUSE! the greatest investment you can make.
So be on your way to financial freedom people. Get your money right. Make it work for you. Don't work for it!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
You know what just accidentally slipped out of my mouth? "If I could quit my job and take pictures for a living, I would." Hmm... Nice thought.
This weekend I'll be at UCLA for my Introduction to Digital Photography Intensive 2-day workshop. 9:30am-2:30pm. So excited.
Monday, September 17, 2007
"The Devil will be destroyed because that is what he deserves, but he would like to have you feel that you deserve the same judgment. (Rev. 20:10) Do not let Satan succeed in this scheme to destroy your faith. (Eph. 6:11) Instead, "take your stand against him" in this regard, even as you do in other ways. (1 Pet. 5:9) At Revelation 12:10, Satan is called "the accuser of our brothers". He "accuses them day and night" before God. Reflecting on that verse may help you to see that Satan, the false accuser, would be pleased if you were to accuse and condemn yourself, although Jehovah does not do so. (1 John 3:19-22) Why keep on agonizing over your failings to such an extent that you feel like giving up? Do not let Satan destroy your relationship with God. Never let the Devil blind you to the fact that Jehovah is good."
I feel like I've been failing lately... so this was right on time.
"Every New Breath Is A New Opportunity"
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Last night I had Tyrese's song "Lately" in my head. You know, the one that goes "have I told you I love you lately?" Well I don't know how this happened but I managed to harpoon on the word "love" and went into this deep spiral of thought and research into what love really is. =/ You should have seen me. I had my Bible out, my journal was in my lap, the web was up, and tons of Bible literature were scattered around me on the bed. Let me tell you, a girl surely knows how to research when she's motivated! Ha! Anyway, with all my research, I came to one important question.
Let me give you some background. There are four types of love according to the scriptures. There's storagé which is familial love, then you have philía which is friendly love, éros which is romantic love, and finally agape which is that all encompassing, greatest type of love. The very principle of love itself. The love that Jesus has for us. The love that is more important than the others. You know.. Christian love. When in relationships, a lot of people distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone. Because there is a difference right? Or maybe not. I'm not sure how I feel about the terminology now-a-days. When I was younger, I was all into the idea of falling in love - that sweeping emotional, sentimental, head over heels notion where the sun rises with his smile and when he's not near I cease to breathe. I know you all know what I'm talking about. lol. But as I get older, I realize that's not true love. If I were to pursue a relationship based on romantic love, the chances are that it won't last. Love is not a feeling. It's deeper than that. It's long-suffering, kind, patient, rejoices with truth, faithful, bears all things, endures all things, etc. You guys know the scripture. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Feelings change. Éros comes and goes. Especially when's there are arguments to be had. Feel me?
So here's my question. Considering everything I've stated above, in order to marry someone, is falling in love all that important? If you have that crazy agape love for someone - the love that never fails and endures all, it's faithful and respectful, it cherishes and nutures - is it necessary to have romantic love? Of course the perfect answer is to have both, but I'm asking the more difficult question. Do you have to love (agape) AND be in love (éros) with someone to marry them? Would you consider marrying someone that you simply loved without all the romance present? Perhaps the romance will come right? I feel like people used to do this all the time in arranged marriages. But what about in today's society? How important is the romance, the stuff that love songs are made out of, the goosebumps that you get when the love overwhelms you...?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I'm in love with tennis shoes again. Check out this boutique for women. http://www.myspace.com/kendolosangeles (scroll all the way through to the right) These shoes are dangerous! Jenn, Krysti, and I are going to go off in this place this weekend. Hopefully I can maintain my self-control and stick to one pair. My friend says that there's nothing wrong with being a shoe ho. lol.
So I guess we're about to be stuffed full of 50 vs. Kanye stuff for the rest of the week huh? Not looking forward to it.
This weekend should be fun. A BBQ at Kenneth Hahn park, shopping on Melrose with the girls, running around downtown for whatever reason. I might even go the aquarium. Goodness I love it here.
Speaking of loving it here, I know that Charlotte is going to be something new. I know that I'm not going to have what I have here. I know that it's not going to be as marvelous as LA, but I'm okay with that. Charlotte is going to be especially good for my spirituality. Whenever I'm alone and new, I tend to focus on my spirituality. Hopefully what happened here won't happen there though. Once I get good, I usually put my spirituality on the back burner. We'll see. I need to move to recharge so to speak. Find out who I am separate from all the razzle dazzle of it all. Maybe I'll be back?
I'm having financial problems, but I think I'm going to go ahead and buy my camera.
I'm in a Van Hunt, Maxwell, Raheem DeVaughn, D'Angelo mood. "Make You Feel Beautiful" is on right now. Jenn is right. This is a beautiful song. I remember when he dedicated it to me.
I'm off Friday. Not sure what I'll do yet. Don't really feel like the beach or the park like I usually do. I think I'll start throwing out stuff. Purge my life of all the crap in my place. Less is better. Maybe I'll even wash my dishes. =/ I HATE washing my dishes. They've been there for so long. I should probably also go to the gym. I just did my hair but I'm willing to sacrifice the pretty press for a healthy body. Friday would be a perfect day for a photography class. In fact, I'm going to look one up right now... Okay. Found one for the 22nd and 23rd. I'm enrolled! I love how Boeing pays for classes. I'll practice my photo taking skills on Friday so I can have something to go off of.
It's lunch time. I'll be back...
I spent my lunch choking on cereal. Geez.
Now I'm in a Power Women mood. I just posted those videos of Mya, JLo and Kelly. Get it girls. Fashionistas all the way! The only thing I want of theirs is their stylists. If I could wear stuff like that everyday, I would be more than happy. Actually I'll also take their concerts too. You know how I love to be on stage. While at the Beyonce concert, I was thinking "Man. I could be one of Bey's backup dancers. How awesome would that be? Running around the country dancing with the Beyonce Experience." I don't think I would do it long though. Just long enough for me to get a taste.
I'm going to Charlotte in three weeks to participate in 2 conferences. One for the Association for the Study of African-American Life and History and the other for the Partners for Environmental Progress Summit. It's going to be a lot of work, but fun (I hope). At least I get to see my Kiamsha family along with my mom and best friend.
I've had my heart in a headlock for a while but I'm slowly beginning to let go. I'm thinking about things I've never thought of before where love is concerned. It's funny how things go, how time changes everything. Speaking of love, I haven't talked to my little sis in a while. I miss her. She's a senior in college with a bf in tote so I know she has a lot going on. Since we're with different cellular providers, it's hard to talk. When we do, it's usually for hours so we gotta work it when it's free. Hopefully I'll get to catch up with her this weekend.
The day's almost over. I'll probably go pick up Kanye before I go home. I don't feel like going to the gym, so I'll do some cardio in the house. I need to do something being that I told everyone to report their exercise in to me tomorrow. Can't have everyone exercising and I didn't do my part. I have to go to the hall tonight anyway. There's no time to prepare for the meeting and go to the gym. Well actually there is but I'll be rushing and I don't want to do that. Yeah, I'll definitely do it in the house. Or maybe I'll run around the block a couple of times.
Tomorrow I'm going to do some real work. I promise. =)
Friday, September 07, 2007
I had a man feast last night.
It was almost too much to take.
But I took it like a trooper.
Sopped it up in fact. =)
I saw Eric Roberson last night.
Off the hook!
Every time I see him I fall in love just a little deeper.
I was emotionally exhausted by the time the show was over.
All that deep, sentimental, touching ish.
You know what would be perfect?
A duet with Eric and Teedra.
Better yet, a whole entire album.
I would just about loose my mind.
That would be a dream.
Check out www.myspace.com/jesseboykinsiii .
He opened for Eric.
I believe that I have a thing for young boys that can sing.
Him, Trey Songz (who I am crazy about by the way), Omarion.
A young man that knows his talent and sings his heart out.
A young man that just gets it.
Understands the power of lyrics.
Especially when they're singing to a female.
Geez Louise it's sexy!
Young men that are serious and mature about their passions...
That gets me.
Especially when they're gorgeous. (Trey)
And now here's my special tribute to my man in neon tennis shoes and spikes.
Mr. Curt Chambers.
(He supported Eric with his amazing skills.)
When I tell you that all the ladies love him, I'm not kidding.
*close my eyes and rock back and forth*
Oh my goodness.
There is nothing that I can say to explain this man's magnificence.
It's just one of those things you have to see for yourself.
But ladies, let me tell you that once you see him live, it's over.
You will forever and ever be lost.
The way he cuddles his guitar.
The facial expressions he makes during his musical rendezvous.
The smile that takes over his beauty when he's performing.
The sexiness that seeps from his skin when he sings.
The veins in his arms that bulge when he strums.
Let me come back to you...
Cot Dang he's fine!
I just can't get over this guy.
Okay, let me stop.
Check out his band, Franklin Bridge, on The Next Great American Band produced by Simon Fuller on October 19th on FOX.
His band has made it to the top ten!
Let's hope Simon's eyes and ears are open.
Rock on Curt!
Have a great weekend people!