The Ride of Our Lives

I said it once, I said it twice, I said it three times and I have to say it again. Has a song every captured your heart so obsessively that you write a blog about it every single time you hear it?

I gave love one more last time

Not what I expected, it was true perfection

Still I wasn’t sure you fit my rhyme

Like a poets letter streaming words together forever

Then you gave me life through a precious little girl

She changed my focus and helped me notice

That that’s what love is

I wanted it

You wanted it

We had to see

What this felt like

We wanted it

Once we got to it

We had a peek

Spending way more time

Somehow this feeling

Is kinda splendid

Once we start

We shifted into overdrive

What we both wanted

Now we both on it

The ride of our lives

I knew from the first glance, I was frozen

Fresh like a photo car on the show floor

Staring at perfection, gone in 60 seconds

Instant upgrade with this affection

As the passion rose like a speedometer

On the dashboard, I put my petal to the floor

I put it right there, and I floated right through your front door

That’s what the seat belt is for

I wanted it

You wanted it

We had to see

What this felt like

We wanted it

Once we got to it

We had a peek

Spending way more time

Somehow this feeling

Is kinda splendid

Once we start

We shifted into overdrive

What we both wanted

Now we both on it

The ride of our lives

Let’s take it to the next level

You made me rearrange my life for you

We never knew how special

And I know that’s it worth it, I know that it’s worth it

This life’s so incredible

Cuz I see the same look in that little girl’s eyes

We both make it work

We’re gonna make it work

Cuz I’ve earned the right to say this time

- Jon B.

This song makes me remember who I am and what I want and what my life is about. It re-centers me and helps me to find myself again. I can't explain it. It's like my light is dimmed. Certain parts of me are suppressed. My values and desires are compromised. And then, all of a sudden, I hear the twinkling intro and I remember who I am. This song is everything I want and has every sentiment I've ever dreamed of having in my life as a woman. It touches me over and over and over again. 

Love

Romance

Sweetness

Tenderness

Family

Children

Passion

Connection

Soul mate

Special

Femininity
Partnership
Companionship

Chemistry

Desire
Harmony

I feel all of this and more. This song means everything to me because it represents everything I ever wanted my life to be.

Thoughts on a Monday

I love that my family wants me to have children.

"Y'all better get started soon." - Dad
"I really want to be an aunt!" - Sis
"You better get these kids out while I'm still young and full of energy!" - Mom

I think it's cute. And no, I feel no pressure. It's simply cute.

So for laughs and giggles, the three of us (mom, sis and I) googled preschools and the like and came up with all sorts of plans and schedules. My mother even called a school that we all agreed to like. "This may sound crazy but I'm an aspiring grandmother..." Yes, she did that. But get this! People sign up for the wait list even before they are pregnant! How insane is that?!

Let the insanity begin.



I love to write. I think you all know that. Lately I've been writing more in my journal than on the blog. I hope to even it out a bit. I saw something on another website about a 'writer's contract'. Perhaps I'll sign it. I definitely want to get a bit more creative. Write prose and lyrics - the stuff I used to do before I got married.

-like-

I almost forgot to put panties on.
I almost forgot to cover up.
Exposed.
Unhidden from the lights that beam.
I did forget to put makeup on.
Flaws highlighted in the spotlight of the world.
In places where no one should see.
Nooks and crannies.

I'd rather be naked.
In every way.
An open book.
Blurting thoughts that should be kept quiet.
Secrets that really aren't secrets.

Instead, I write my soul down.
In private places.
In hopes that I'll lose it.
So someone can find it.

I almost forgot to throw the blunt away.
So no one would know.
Who I really am.
Hiding the eventualities of my personality.
I did forget to shut the door.
It's not like they could see me.
Others tell me differently.
Too exposed.
They call me 'inappropriate'.

I'd rather be naked.

-Fin-

Is Parenthood Losing Its Luster?

There's a discussion going on under this title on VSB's blog. Click here to read. I'm finding out that many people in my demographic aren't in favor of having kids. My immediate and lasting reaction was shock. This stirred a bit of emotion in me that I can't shake.

Three of the comments that hit me the most are the following:

When I read that most don't want children, I had this emotion that I couldn't explain. This was what I was trying to express but couldn't.

"This is making me sad. I’m always pro child-free living for the individual… but to see it collectively… to see the vast majority completely opting out… makes me so.entirely.sad.
It’s like… if it’s a few folks, it’s a personal choice…. if it’s an entire population, it’s cultural suicide."

There are so many comments dedicated to why it's not a good idea to have kids, but then I read this and said WOW.

"Even though I have a son, I can understand those not wanting to have any kids, and have no desire to condemn their ambivalence. Some people are just not meant to be parent’s and I applaud those who are honest with themselves about it, as opposed to squeezing some out to please other people.
But then again not wanting to have kids doesn’t necessarily stop you from having them.Even birth control isn’t a complete fail safe, shout out to my BFF on baby #3 while on the IUD. If you hump, they will come…eventually.
 

Truth be told, I never wanted kids or to be married, then I looked up at 21 and found myself with both. I guess that Paul McCartney song is right, “life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans, and stuff.”
 

But I didn’t really have any rigid life plans before I had my son, I’m not really good with structure, so my son’s birth didn’t really interrupt anything besides my plans to own a 69 Mustang.
 

True enough children do change everything about your life. When I wonder about what my life would be like if I didn’t have a child, I figure I’d have nicer things, more free time, and less stress. And yeah that’s nice, it seems real nice since all three are scarce commodities when being a single parent. But I honestly, feel that nicer things and more free time , pales in comparison with what my son gives me. He’s the first human being I’ve ever been able to maintain a stable loving relationship with, and the only person who motivates me to be a better person, the only person I’ve ever felt accountable to. In a lot of ways he taught me a lot about myself, and what I’m capable of. I wasn’t confident I could be the maternal type. I owe a lot of who I am now, to having a child, though it is the most challenging, sometimes hair pulling , and tequila guzzle inducing experience I ever encountered, and eventually he will turn into a teenager (which I am not looking forward to). I’m sure I’ve had 2 mini strokes already, but I wouldn’t want a life without him, I never known anything so significant, then again I didn’t know that when I was childless. So for those who are kinda “meh” about it, that’s not abnormal, a lot of parent’s were “meh” before having kids, but you’d be surprised how much you learn to kinda like the lil buggers once they enter your life."

And then I read this... Why can't more men be like this? sniffle.

"Both of my parents are from the south and almost since birth I was made to understand that the most important thing in life is family and that the MOST important thing a REAL man can do is to protect, cherish, provide for and love his family. The idea or notion that man abandon’s his family or doesn’t want a family is beyond me and one that I just can’t grasp; while I do not knock those that don’t share the same values regarding family that I do, I just don’t understand. Not having a child is not going to be the end of my life but I know and have known for a long time now that I wanted to be a father."

Some people don't understand why this is such a big deal to me. This is simply put a topic that really means a lot to me. I can't explain it. It just is what it is. The attachment to this is real. I can't help it just like I am who I am.