Queen, Beautiful

Today, I feel beautiful.
It's not always that I feel like this.
But today is special.

It's an insecurity of mine.
Looks, appearance, beauty.
I don't see what others see.
Do others even see?

But today, with braids piled high.
I feel regal.
Royal.
In charge.
Eyes pulled up in the corners.


I'm not sure when I turned this way.
Looking in the mirror was pleasing.
The reflection agreed with me.
But I took it for granted and looked away.

I didn't recognize me when I turned back.
Features, curves, and bones.
Could it be age?
Am I past my prime?
Will it no longer be like it was?

But today I feel beautiful.
Braids piled high.
A queen in my own right.
Today I feel beautiful.

Thoughts on a Monday

I love that my family wants me to have children.

"Y'all better get started soon." - Dad
"I really want to be an aunt!" - Sis
"You better get these kids out while I'm still young and full of energy!" - Mom

I think it's cute. And no, I feel no pressure. It's simply cute.

So for laughs and giggles, the three of us (mom, sis and I) googled preschools and the like and came up with all sorts of plans and schedules. My mother even called a school that we all agreed to like. "This may sound crazy but I'm an aspiring grandmother..." Yes, she did that. But get this! People sign up for the wait list even before they are pregnant! How insane is that?!

Let the insanity begin.



I love to write. I think you all know that. Lately I've been writing more in my journal than on the blog. I hope to even it out a bit. I saw something on another website about a 'writer's contract'. Perhaps I'll sign it. I definitely want to get a bit more creative. Write prose and lyrics - the stuff I used to do before I got married.

-like-

I almost forgot to put panties on.
I almost forgot to cover up.
Exposed.
Unhidden from the lights that beam.
I did forget to put makeup on.
Flaws highlighted in the spotlight of the world.
In places where no one should see.
Nooks and crannies.

I'd rather be naked.
In every way.
An open book.
Blurting thoughts that should be kept quiet.
Secrets that really aren't secrets.

Instead, I write my soul down.
In private places.
In hopes that I'll lose it.
So someone can find it.

I almost forgot to throw the blunt away.
So no one would know.
Who I really am.
Hiding the eventualities of my personality.
I did forget to shut the door.
It's not like they could see me.
Others tell me differently.
Too exposed.
They call me 'inappropriate'.

I'd rather be naked.

-Fin-

The Most Beautiful Flower

I am the most beautiful flower in the entire world.

When men see me, touch me, smell me, understand me, they can't help but to fall in love.

I don't mean for them to though.

Because I know what's going to happen.

When it's time for them to go, their hearts will be crushed.

They'll be swept by unswerving sadness.

They all want to know why.

Why can't we just be.

But I'm the most beautiful flower in the entire world.

My exquisteness must be matched.

No regular man can survive.

No measure of mediocrity can I accept.

I have a way in which I can save their hearts.

The venom inside of my petals can drive them away.

Even before they have a chance, I can make them hate me.

But I never use my weapon of destruction.

I'm addicted to the affection I receive.

Nor can I bear to have someone hate me.

Then, if hated, would I be the most beautiful flower in the world?

Nevertheless, I don't like breaking hearts.

Instead, I want them to realize that there's more.

A beauty like mine should be the norm.

Settling for a rose is not enough.

Settling for her is not enough.

Require a hire existance just like I have.

So while I break hearts, I also change lives.

Is that a good trade-off?

Do you think that's enough?

be with me

Today's one of those nights
When you should be here with me
Doing what we normally do
You know...just being into we
I'm not quite sure why you're away
You mentioned something about your plan
But as i said to you earlier
Forget about that damn plan
You wouldn't put a plan before me
Now would you baby boi?
Where does your loyalty lie?
Right here in the bed with me
Nothing could be better than this
If you disagree I want you to prove it
Show me that you'll be okay without me
Remember when you whispered it to me
That you'll never be the same without we
Well come here and act like it
I made my decision when I approved
I acquiesed when I fell in love
So explain to me one more time
Why are you not here with me?
And this time do me a huge favor
Think deeply before you answer
This time I'm asking you to cut the crap
You know you want to be where I am
So come and get me
I'm waiting for you
But I only waiting for a little while

Perfectly Melancholy

A tear squeezed out of my eye before I could catch it
In the palm of my hand
A hand that hasn't been held in a very long time
It's my turn to lay in the dark
Pitch blackness that comforts me more than a lover's voice
All the noises are purposefully silent
Quiet enough for me to hear my own soft and even breathing
Preferring the dark random moments
Allowing me time to restore my missing inner peace
Pure minutes of living between chaos
Nothing's wrong but nothing's particularly right
It's in this space where I'm warm
Lyrics can sweep and lay heavily on top of me
Blue notes can crush my heart
The tears that well up behind my eyes overflow
Breezes are thick with passion
I'm in love with this gaping hole in my universe
A divinely paralleled place
Inspiring beyond any potential comparison
I'm at home here
I am perfectly melancholy

Dedicated To You

"At this point in our relationship, I have come to the conclusion that the word love no longer can describe how I feel about you. The magnitude of how much I care, the intensity with which I miss you, the degree to which I want to make you happy, cannot be expressed by telling you, "I love you." The mere fact that you have heard the words "I love you" in a past relationship confirms that you will not be bale to grasp how much more you mean to me when I say it. For the reality is, no man, except for Jesus Christ Himself, has or will ever love you more than I do. That is why I need another word. Not just a synonym or acronym, but a powerful, potent word that makes you shiver every time you hear it. A word so filled with passion and conviction that your eyes water just in anticipation of me saying it to you. Until that day comes, it is my only hope that my everyday actions of putting these feelings into practice will make up for the inability to express them to you in words. So what I want for you to do right now is fall into my arms and allow me to squeeze you ever so carefully and sensually. Let the warmth, sincerity, tenderness and protectiveness of my arms say what man has yet to define."

-S. James Guitard

"Cream In My Coffee"

i see them!
i see white boyz!
i promise you they weren't there before.
they were not a part of my world.
but now...
they're everywhere!
where did they come from?
and why are they so fine?
the blinders are off.
i'm in a new world.
unchartered territory.
there's no love lost for my chocolate bars.
i will 4ever love dark chocolate.
my first love.
nothing like it.
but i'm wondering.
could i like white chocolate?
would he know what to do with me?
will he appreciate my cinnamon?
can he do it too?
i wonder.