I'm so hard on myself.
Do you know what I said to myself this morning?
While walking to my building, there was a man who said hello to me with the widest smile.
After I smile and said hello, I immediately started thinking, "why weren't you smiling J? why the frown? were you frowning? appear pleasant. smile. be happy. get it together."
I'm always find myself chastising myself!
What is this?!
To be honest, I chastise myself all day long.
"Do this. Stop doing that. Be more productive. Move your butt! Do better!"
My own mind is annoying.
I just want to be human.
There is room not to smile all the time, even though I want to smile at the world all the time.
So now we come to my favorite word.
Balance.
It's really my least favorite word.
It's so ambiguous.
Hard to achieve.
Every single thing in the universe has a balance.
Unfortunately, nothing has the same balance.
So you have to figure out a separate balance for every separate item in the universe.
(I think too much.)
Like my photography passion for example.
I want to spend all day taking pictures, but that means neglecting the human beings in my life and other important things that I need to do.
Balance.
I want to buy every accessory that I'll need to be a better photographer, but those things are expensive!
I have my bank account in one hand and my passion in the other.
Balance.
I need to focus on growing and making myself a better woman, yet I can't be too hard on myself.
Balance.
Can you see why I hate the word?
Well, not hate.
Dislike.
See, my brain just said, "J! Don't use the word 'hate'! It's so negative!"
There I go chastising myself again.
Does anyone else have a mind like this?
Why am I thinking so hard?
And that's just the thing.
I'm not thinking hard at all.
This kind of stuff just comes.
5 comments:
this is a fantastic and very timely post for me.
I have been struggling with balance being in a new marriage and having a teenage son, writing, working and trying to be husband/father/boss is taxing.
thank you for sharing. I hope it worked as well for you as it did for me.
laters!!
yes i can totally relate to finding a balance in life, with yourself, with your finances, between work and play, downtown and giving back, finances and working more than one job...
mind constantly running around telling you stop, go right, go left, don't say this, don't do that...
yes in deed finding the balance of not putting to much pressure on your life and yourself can be hard, but its worth it...
now to have it...
so in short, I can relate...
You are seeking perfection.. I do it too. I think it's normal....when you want to be the best you can be. We are or should be are strongest critic. Have a good day..:) ilu
I used to have a mind JUST LIKE YOURS!! Lol. And I still struggle daily not to fall back into that. Yes, it is about balance(s). It is just a process that you have to decide to take on and put positive thoughts in place of the negative ones. Lift your self up honey!
Many blessings.
You hit it on the head when you said :
Balance.
It's really my least favorite word.
It's so ambiguous.
Hard to achieve.
AMEN!!
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