The dating game can be so tiring, which is the exact reason why I choose not to date. When I think of the long, drawn out, daunting, journey of a task, I get exhausted. I do want to be in a committed relationship and to eventually get married, but dating quite frankly scares me. So then, here comes the inevitable question right? How are you going to find that guy if you don't date? Well, to be honest, I don't know!! I really don't know, but I just chalk it all up to having faith. In addition to praying that he'll "find" me, instead of the other way around, I don't feel like I have to be wide open on the market to bump into a potential partner and develop a friendship. Maybe my thinking is too ideal. I think I feel that way because it's especially hard for me to meet men that I want to get to know. Look at my situation with me. I am a..... Well actually, there's no need to get into a drawn out description of my situation when I can sum it all up by saying that I'm celibate. Because let's be honest. That's where the big issue lies between me and the various men that I meet. I feel like Vanessa in "Madea's Family Reunion" when she says that ever since giving her life over to God, she's been celibate, and finds it easier not to date. Being religious, celibate, and single feels like a curse. Every guy that I've ever 'talked to', I've had to end it with because he always wanted more than I was willing to give him. I feel like I'm a tape recorder on rewind when I tell them that I want to be as freaky and sensual as the next girl, but I can't do so until I'm married. Some guys can take that and some can't. The ones that can't are simply done away with. The ones that can tell me that they're stilling willing to be friends, but from the wisdom that I've acquired over the years, I know that's impossible.
So you see, it's a never ending cycle. Now I'm not going to say that I'm doomed because I believe that doing the right thing will lead to many rewards. I don't know when or how, but the scriptures tell me that God knows my heart's desires and to have faith. So that's what I'll do.
As for dating... geez. Whenever I think of it, I roll my eyes. I do want to get to know people and hang out with various individuals, but if it leads down that same old road, then you can have it back.
There's a book out there called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. It's so good. I originally picked it up because I was intrigued to understand how someone could completely kiss it goodbye. When I first saw what it was about, I thought the dude was crazy. He goes through the whole thing of answering that age old question that I asked above (How are you going to find that guy if you don't date?) along with explaining what you could be doing with your life while single. The back of the book says that it "shows what it means to entrust your love life to God." I think I like the book so much because it was from a young man's prospective. Maybe I should read it again, since I seem to have forgotten how I'm going to meet someone if I don't date. =) It's a good recommended read, but you have to be completely honest with yourself when you read it, or it won't mean anything to you.
So, is it as hard for you as it is for me?
8 comments:
"Being religious, celibate, and single feels like a curse."
Feel ya, homie! Lol For me, I can't be talking to someone if they're not on the same page regarding that. It'll go one of two ways: A. I'll get weak and enp up giving in. B. I'll stay strong and it's very likely that she'll cheat or do something stupid in that area.
This ish is entirely too complicated. It's like our society raises people with extra issues! And this is all of my little ideosyncracies aside. I still hold to the belief that the best way to get to know someone is platonically, and then if there's chemistry and attraction sometimes both parties pick up on it. Beautiful thing about platonic is that everything is out in the open (at least a lot of it.)
I guess the hard thing for you, being really attractive physically, would be maintaining an actual platonic relationship where the guy is being real. Hard to get that rawness if he's really trying to get at you. You'll find him, sooner or later though. Like you said, the Almighty will do His thang.
One thing I know about the Almighty though is that when it's right. . .everything happens in decency and in order.
Peace,
Kep.
Yeah its rough...and I feel you completely....its tiring, draining all of that...Imma check out that book and see what I can get out of it...but unfortunately got to date or mingle or hang out...whatever you wanna call it...ugggggggggggg
@kep - "I guess the hard thing for you, being really attractive physically, would be maintaining an actual platonic relationship..." I'm so glad you said this because 1) that would sound really conceited coming out of my mouth and 2) I really feel that this plays a HUGE factor in why I can't gain platonic male friends. Males don't want me as a friend! If I was "Ugly Betty" then that wouldn't be a problem!
Why don't all Christians just want to follow God's guidance and wait until marriage?! Life would be so much easier! Well for me at least. =/
Oh and thanks Kep.
@t.c. - See, that's the thing. You DON'T have to date or mingle or hang out to come into a relationship with someone. Like Kepa said, the best way to get to know someone is platonically through a class, a same interest group, a community project, etc. Someone that you initially have no intentions of dating. There IS a way. Definitely pick up the book. You'll enjoy it. It's an eye opener.
How are you going to find that guy if you don't date?
I’ve asked myself this exact question. But I also ask myself how many “interviews” I want to conduct; only to find out he was a waste of my valuable time. LOL
But I figure since I was raised to have faith in God and his grace; why not apply that to other aspects of my life (referring to faith). Faith in the ability to be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do. Most importantly having faith that the right guy will come my way at the right time…
Hoping it’s sooner than later...LOL
@a.w.o.t.m. - Those interviews can be quit exhausting huh? I remember reading one of your blogs which included the very questions we women should be asking. I remember reacting with a profound "AMEN!" but in the next thought thinking "Boy that's a lot of energy and time!"
Faith... Doesn't that feel like the answer to everything?
I've been here before...celibate and trying to hold on for marriage...ok so I messed that up LOL!!
But seriously, my Pastor tells us that single people see single life as a curse and we sometimes envy the lives of married people because they have this other person to constantly rely on and have comfort them. When truth is being single is just as much...if not more of a blessing because we as single people have more time to do God's work, to focus on him and not have to divide our attentions between him and our spouse/children. That being single is also a place of honor because we can devote more time to being intimate with the Most High. I love when he (my Pastor) preaches on the value of singlehood...it blesses me everytime. Don't worry about dating...we sometimes forget that until God delivers us a someone...He's more then enough!!!
Be Blessed and thanks for coming through my page!!
@royce's daughter - I agree with you 100% and don't think I could have said it any better. My religion teaches the same thing and encourages single ones to serve God with ALL of our youth while our attentions aren't divided. I know that God likes to keep single ones close and uses them to do His will in areas that married persons and families cannot. I must admit that during my single time, I have been able to cultivate a relationship with Him that I couldn't have done if in a relationship with a male. I'm so glad that you brought this point out and was able to remind me of this very profound fact.
Hence my resolution remains the same - no dating for me!
Thanks royce's daughter. Your thoughts were very much appreciated.
I appreciate all the comments. However, I get a negative vibe from you all about dating. I think you can date and there would be nothing wrong with it if you were dating somebody like mind as your self. Also, I believe you can see if that person is like minded without dating him. This can be done by observation outside of dating. I love to observe people and their behavior even before I approach, talk to or get to know a person. Therefore, you don't waste your time or energy (this is not the case always).
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