I just sat down.
Haven't even opened my work email yet.
Once I open Outlook, my day begins.
Sitting here listening to The Isley Brothers.
I LOVE The Isley Brothers.
My favorite oldies group.
"You're All I Need" is playing.
I just understand their music, ya know?
It finds its little way into my soul.
Maybe that's too deep.
Maybe it's too much.
Guys.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of almost making it.
Almost touching it but not grabbing it.
I don't know why this keeps happening to me.
Is it a test?
Am I being tested like Job was?
Job is inspiring.
He didn't know why he was suffering such calamities.
But he nevertheless remained loyal to Jehovah.
His integrity never wavered.
He didn't understand why he was living through such hard times.
He didn't know why such bad things were happening to him.
He didn't know that Satan had struck his life with pain and grief.
He didn't know Jehovah let Satan do that to him.
He didn't know he was part of a plan.
Thankfully, I know.
Jehovah tells us that Satan will try.
He'll try to run us through the mill.
But where will our integrity lie?
With Satan or with Jehovah?
"Don't Say Goodnight" is on.
Oh man.
This song is so...
I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
This music is ridiculous.
I do know one thing.
Ron Isley is keeping me very calm right now.
If I didn't have Ron Isley, I'd be a mess right now.
Having things placed in front of me that I can't have.
Being tempted on a constant basis.
"Now that you've made a personal dedication to Jehovah...
...Satan will do EVERYTHING he can to divert you."
That's what she told me.
Satan knows my weaknesses.
And if anyone knows how to use them against me, it's him.
I swear I hate him.
I truly truly hate him.
I was reading some Bible literature last night.
It said that sexual desires and urges are a part of growing up.
It's ok to have those feelings.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Who doesn't know that?
The question is why have those feelings when fornication is against Jehovah's will?
It's natural to want people to think good things of you.
You don't want people to know your mistakes and issues.
Then why is it wrong lie?
Why does Jehovah detest liars?
Is it me or does it seem like everything that is natural for us is wrong?
I guess that has to do with Adam and Eve right?
If it wasn't for them, it would be natural to do right.
We were all born into sin once our first parents made that grave mistake.
Today's Daily Scripture says this.
"Jehovah will never leave us if we laud him with uprightness of heart
and continue to keep his regulations." (Ps. 119:7, 8)
Encouraging right?
It makes you want to keep his regulations.
I mean we already know this.
We know it, but do we follow it?
This is too much thinking.
I promised I wouldn't think anymore.
It's hard to not think about principles that have been instilled in me.
And how they apply to every situation I live through.
That's my goal.
Apply Jehovah's word to every situation I find myself in.
If you do that, you should be straight right?
I think that's called living for God.
I don't know.
Things are hard.
Much harder than they should be.
I guess no one said it would be easy.
Serving Jehovah is not easy.
I'm human.
I want what I want.
My desires outshadow almost everything.
I know not to trust myself though.
Ugh.
I'm tired.
Gotta go.
3 comments:
First off...I like the new page layout...very crisp!
J its all a TEST! What doesn't kill you only makes your stronger....and it definitely could be a LOT worse! You are blessed stay focused, and stay true to yourself and your beliefs...its hard TRUST you know if anyone knows its ME...take things ONE day at a time...one day at a time...and breathe
Yeah I talked to my mom and she made me feel a lot better. You know how Lori does it! She always makes things so simple. One day at a time.
Oh and thanks for the compliment on the page. I'm trying that new Beta Blogger thing.
My Mom made an interesting point about a question I'd asked myself before, but didn't want to dwell on. The question is: With Angels who have the ability to choose, why make humans? What's the difference? We both have the choice to live for or against (look at the enemy.)
Here's the answer my Mom posed: The Almighty wants children not just servants. We live for him like his angels, but it's not the same. We do it out of love. We do it because we have to grow and don't have these celestial bodies that can't be tempted. We have to work to hold on to that relationship! I think the things we appreciate the most are those we have to struggle for. So we learn to not only praise, respect, and work for the Almighty, but to love Him as well!
We do this because over time we learn to trust him, appreciate him, grow through him, and get closer. You know that of course. Just thought that extra tid bit might help add something to whatever the Croom said (unless of course she said it :-) ) Either way, be blessed and know that I can sooooooo relate! We gotta be strong for each other! Knowing that another believer is going through the same thing and conquering makes it more doable.
Much love.
Peace,
Kep.
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