I Made It

Yesterday was my two year anniversary. On August 12, 2004, I moved to Los Angeles, CA to begin a new journey; to start a new chapter of my life. I remember being very upset about the move. Picking up and moving to the west was very dramatic for me. I hated the fact that I was making such a big move for something as retarded as money. But now that it's been two years, I can look back and say that my new transition was a blessing. I guess this would be a good time to recap some of my lessons during this expedition.

So....
I was always good with money and budgets, but with the student loans, the car note, the insurance, the rent, and so on kicking in all at the same time, I learned very fast how to maintain my finances and keep a good credit standing. While I have a weakness for shopping, I learned to hold down my own and developed good discipline. I'm a very stubborn person, so asking anybody for help was not an option. That might be something that I have to work on for future reference, but I'm proud to say that I never really needed substantial help with money issues and I never relied on my parents.

Moving also afforded me the challenge of learning the difference between independence, lonliness and being alone. I've always been independent but never alone so adjusting to running around solo took a minute. (It's funny because I go everywhere alone now. As a matter of fact, I'm going to see 'New World Flamenco' at the Irvine Barclay Theatre today.) I'm not 100% sure when, but I do think that lonliness started to creep in there somewhere. I didn't have any friends, I recently broke up with my deepest love, and I was dealing with the idea that my family wasn't a hop, skip and a jump away. So as you might imagine, I went through every sorrowful emotion that a person could conjure up. I don't really remember how I did it, but I got through. Of course, good ole faithfuls, music and writing, played a huge part. I was also determined to not let my pain show on the outside so preoccupying myself with appearing "ok" helped. I've seen what depression can do to individuals so I knew that I couldn't let myself fall into that cycle. I also knew that it wasn't that serious and that no situation will ever be that bad. Nothing will ever take my shine.

I went through my shortest relationship ever within these two years as well. Even though the relationship only lastest 6 months, I learned more than I could have ever wanted to. It was a very painful one, so everything sort of kicked in high gear. It was certainly a crash course if I've ever had one. I learned what I want out of a relationship, what my limitations are, how to compromise, how to be a better girlfriend, how to let things go, etc... But the one thing I learned more than anything else was how to be strong. Of course, you're always taught not to let men take advantage of you and to respect you but you never realize how critical your reflexes have to be once a man mistreats you. If you let the first instance go by without saying anything, it only gets worse. I learned how to stick up for myself and to get out of a relationship that was costing my happiness.

The greatest blessing of this move would have to have been my spiritual growth. With the time I had to myself, I learned to rely on Jehovah. Being away from old influences and the pressure from my parents, I was able to make my own decisions. Decisions that came from my heart insteaf of outside forces.

I learned how to be a woman! I'm not quite sure what that means but I can definitely feel it. Well, maybe this is it: I know my personal style. I'm very aware of my feminine wiles. I'm in touch with my sexuality. I love my body. I love wearing heels and all the things that make me so girlie. I take pride in feminism. lol! I'm such a female and I love it! Coming from a time where I wore awkwardness like it was my only pair of jeans, I really appreciate the rites of passage. In retrospect, I'm glad I went through this passage the way I did. Being slow and goofy-looking protected me from things when I was younger. I only pray that my child is as nerdy and boney as I was! lol.

There are many other things I probably haven't tapped into yet, but those are the main lessons I've been through since 2004. It'll be time to say goodbye to California soon...which will be hard, but I'm grateful for my time here. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.