Wants Not Needs, Or Maybe Needs

Hubby asked me what I wanted as a gift. While I think he has no idea what he's gotten himself into, this is a hard question for me to answer. If you know anything about me, you know that I love interior design. So there's a ton of stuff that I want for the house, but for some reason that doesn't totally feel like it's for me. I feels like it's his too. I mean, he gets to reap the rewards from it too right? But I guess I shouldn't be too concerned with that. So what if the gifts that I want are also the very items that he'll use.

I haven't shared any of these thoughts with him because I know how overwhelmed he gets with my ideas, but these are the 3 things I want (or need).

• A Willing Spirit - That's what I want my from my hubby more than anything right now. I'm a girl with ideas for the home, dreams of adventures, desires of life, aspirations of the heart, thoughts out the wazoo... And getting him to make a memory with me or help bring an idea to fruition takes a bit of work on my part. The ironic part about it is that when he finally gets into whatever idea I have, he loves it! You should have seen him as he created a new outlet source for our bedroom tv! He was in heaven! So, yeah. That's the greatest gift he could give me. Reminds me of a scripture we're all too used to hearing at our congregation meetings. "Let each one do just as he has resolved in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

• An Experience - I keep telling my man that an experience is worth more than some item of a gift. He actually listened to me when thinking of gifts for our anniversary. A couples massage and a horse back riding lesson for beginners. We didn't actually ever get to use the deals that he bought for me (they expired before he got around to booking them - boo), but it was a great start in the right direction. I recently had a convo with hubby about my desire to paint. So what better gift than to go to Michael's, buy the supplies and set us up in the garage with a painting session for two? Right?!

• An Office Space - I've desperately wanted an office space just for me for a while. And now that we have a bit of free space in our bedroom after moving some things into our bedroom-turned-closet, I think we're ready! We don't have a TON of room though so I think a thin mirrored desk would be perfect against our corner window, complete with a beautiful desk lamp and a chair. Just enough thickness for my laptop, maybe a few books, etc. I think this is a perfect gift because whenever we get the chance to sleep in, hubby gets slightly irritated at the tapping of my nails on my keyboard as I lay next to him. I love Rachel's space. I mean how amazing would it be for me to come home and see that hubby tried his hand at designing a space just for me that I can then take over and keep designing? Ugh. I just might cry.

That's it!

Discovering Joy

I had a creative orgasm this weekend. Yep. That's what I'm going to call it. While recuperating from a sinus cold on Saturday, I went from blog to website to blog to website discovering new designers, photographers and fashionistas who nearly made me loose my mind. I think I have an obsession with clean and crisp sites. There's something about them that draws me in and immediately impresses me. The site could be about doo doo. If it's clean and well organized and pretty, I'll read it. Anyway, I learned so much from browsing these sites.

I found a new 'Olivia Palermo' (my fashion icon) that I probably will steal outfit ideas from. I figured out where all these bloggers are getting their customized templates from. I happened upon some design ideas for my jacreative blog and I was introduced to a woman named Joy Deangdeelert Cho by way of Emily Henderson's blog (my designer icon). Emily just finished designing Joy's new studio space. You should take a look here. It's pretty cute.

Now Joy is an interesting woman. She is a mother and wife but more interestingly, she has her own design company called 'Oh Joy'. But I don't think it's fair to corner her into the box of 'designer'. This woman does A LOT. At her studio, she helps clients figure out their identity, packaging and more. She also creates products like stationary, fabric, baby clothing and wallpaper. I mean this woman has stuff in Target, Anthropologie AND Urban Outfitters. And then to top it off, she has a new branch of her company called 'Rx' in which she consults for and mentors small businesses/individuals on how to get their business off the ground, keep work/life balance, decide on next steps career wise, etc. I mean, hello?! Who does all of that?!

So you know of course she's a writer too. I bought both of these books.



"Creative, Inc." made me think of two of my 'sisters' who are new into the freelancing business world. "Blog, Inc." obviously piqued my interest because I'm a blogger. I skimmed through both books and as I did so, I found it funny how the key items she discussed like how to organize your blog and the importance of getting your site's link on other people's blogs had everything to do with how I found Joy and ultimately purchased not one, but two of her products. Smart cookie. But I think she's more than smart. She's helpful. I see that from 'Rx' and from these two books. There's no doubt that she's more than a designer. She's a philanthropist, a mentor and a… what's the best way to put this? A human being! And I can bet you $100 that that's what she wants her brand to represent. I got all of that from a blog, a website which housed her portfolio, a short youtube video and a book (or two). Sounds like a recipe for success to me.

To all my freelance readers and freelancers in the making, I think there's a lesson or two to learn here. Right?

A Story

I had a dream the other night. A good one. One of those dreams I didn't want to wake up from. I tried to force myself back into the dream but it didn't work. So I went over the parts that I could remember over and over again in my mind. I didn't want to forget. Here's how it started.

"I signed the divorce papers." 
When he said that, her movements came to a halt and her heart dropped into her stomach. She filed for divorce over 6 months ago. Three months ago, they became friends again. 
"Oh," was all she could manage to say. He continued to place the groceries on the conveyor belt. Her best friend who was behind her and in tune to every shock of panic that radiated from her body, grabbed for her hand and squeezed it. Her soon-to-be ex husband never looked up.

Maybe I'll exercise my brain and finish it one day.

Black vs. White

I've been looking at a lot of photos of black couples lately. I love black love. But as a photographer, you have to watch that kind of stuff, especially if you wish for your portfolio to be published in part or full. I'm not too worried about this being that photography is just a hobby of mine. But even still, should I begin to shoot white people too?

There's an article floating out here about the lack of images of black couples. I agree with it. Other than Gabby & Dwayne, Beyonce & Jay-Z, LaLa & Carmelo and the Obamas, you don't have much. The article then went into interracial dating. If you didn't know, I'm one of those black women who see all these black men with non-black women and feel some kind of way. I perhaps can take seeing it sparsely, here and there. But when I see it in flux, my heart hurts. I guess it's about the realization that this decision that my black men are making is not rare, it's actually very common.

That leads me to something very interesting. My husband is starting to have a thing for white women. (Let's just pause there for a minute. Yeah, go on ahead and cock your head to the side. And then pause some more.) I'm not too sure how to take it because the whole white women crush thing he has going on might be a joke. MIGHT is the operative word. I'm not sure though. My husband plays too much and I'm gullible so you never really know. I'm teetering on the edge about it all though. Some time ago, we were talking about females that we think are beautiful and I named people like Jennifer Lopez, Paula Patton, Zoe Saldana, and Jessica Alba. Hubby pointed out to me that I didn't include any black people in my list. From then on, it's been a running joke that I don't think black people are pretty (which is absolutely false by the way). So just last week, hubby made a joke and said that he's beginning to see things "my way". Ugh. I think I just rolled my eyes. But as the joke continues and I hear his comments about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, something just doesn't feel right.

It's funny how we have these "black love" photos floating out on the web of us right now. Very ironic. Who my husband perceives as beautiful is very important to me because I want to be beautiful to him.

Video: If We Had Your Eyes - Michelle Williams

Love love love this song.