Monday, July 23, 2012

i Need a Bathtub

I just came back from my convention. I really haven't had time to process the usual post-convention action item list. I'm kind of drained really.

I sat by myself a lot this year. Hubby was busy being an attendant. On the contrary to what I thought, I didn't mind it much. I'm not my naturally quiet self when I'm with hubby so it was nice to revert back to calm, quiet, pensive J. What tends to be dangerous about that though is being left to my own thoughts. I hate it when I get ta thinking. Thankfully I stayed 90% in tune to the program so the awakening thoughts were abruptly shoved to the side before they had time to fester. And that's why I need a moment to process. I feel like I have a ton of little seeds of thoughts to develop. I have feelings that I definitely feel, but am not sure what they are yet. If that makes any sense. Basically, I'm unsettled.

But that's okay. I'll iron it out. Or not. It probably would be best not to. Who knows what tunnel I'll burrow myself into if I do.

I'm exhausted as all... Listening to my 'Black Men' Pandora station with Jodeci-esque songs doesn't help. All I want right now is to be right there, in that tub. Music in the background, candles on the floor, bubbles up to the neck, warm water cradling me, shades drawn... Wouldn't matter if I had this joy in my bathroom anyway right now. The water would be red.

Sorry to destroy that image for you...

JenWill wrote a post. After a year of silence... We've been on separate coasts for 5 years now. Haven't talked that much save for a few email exchanges once or twice a year. But whenever I read her blog posts, I feel like I never left. It's good to "see" her.

Man, I'm so tired. And we're supposed to go see this Batman movie after work. I hope I don't fall asleep. I also need to find out who the Bachelorette chose. Ever since coming off birth control, my periods have been heavy and long. I miss being on it, but now that I escaped it without any medical issues (unlike my sister who ended up hospitalized - death to Nuva Ring!), I'm afraid to go back on. And nope. Still not settled over this baby stuff. *shrugs shoulders* Too tired to go into it.

What else is there to speak on? I guess the last thing on my mind concerns looking forward to the new system. With these Colorado shootings and pain in my lower back and fear of having kids in this crazy world and the infirmities of all the older friends I saw on the convention arena floor... I'm so tired of this mess. I'm almost in the mind frame to ask Jehovah to hurry up and get this Armageddon stuff going and over with. Destroy the wicked! Get rid of sickness and death! End fear of man doing terrible, stupid stuff! But if I did that, I might not be included on that righteous list. Of course I hope I am. I'm doing pretty okay but since there's always room for improvement in our worship to Jehovah, who really knows. I just want peace. I'm ready for my own beautifully designed home on a paradise earth with no greedy, insane, sick or lying people. I'm ready to see my passed grandfather again... I miss him.

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