1. I hate that I do not follow through on my passions. My writing, my dance, my photography, my creative juices... What are they all for? I'm seriously waisting all of them. I don't know why I can't get it together and do something about my loves.
2. I hate that I have to wait for inspiration. Don't get me wrong, I love being inspired, but if I'm not touched in some way, I don't initiate anything. Some people can create their own fires, but not I. Someone or something always has to create it within me first to get me going.
3. I hate that I lost my curves and I fear that I'll never be able to get them back. I used to have a butt for daaaaays. Back in my college days, my rear end used to be off the hook. It used to sit so high, it was amazing. Now, at the tender age of 27, I'd be lucky if anyone can find it. The recent stress attack I had totally killed any chances of having a curvacious body once again. They tell me to simply stuff myself with pasta, bread, shakes and desserts, but I'm afraid that it won't come back the same way. It'll probably miss my butt, head straight to my thighs and stay there.
4. I hate that it takes me so long to get it together. I've learned so much within the last past year. Moving home to dating to my job experience... All the things that I messed up on are all the things I could easily point out to someone else. I mean, they used to call me Mama Jen for goodness sakes. I thought I could navigate my own life without coming across major catastrophes but nope. I have to learn the hard way. For someone so smart, sometimes I can be so dumb.
5. I hate that I'm not fearless. I think that's the reason behind number 1. I'm so calculated and cautious that it holds me back.
6. I hate how in love I can get. Right now, I'm working on the word 'balance'. I have to remember not to forget about the two J's. j.a.c. and Jehovah.
7. I hate that I don't have a close girlfriend within my religion here in DC. JennWill was a comfort for me. Two girls, loving life and yet working to refrain from the things Jehovah hates. We were doing it together.
8. I hate that I can't/don't wear short dresses. I wish I could buy them on the regular, but where am I going in these fabulous dresses? First of all, I live in the house of an elder and secondly, my fiance would probably want me with him in these short dresses, but we can't go anywhere together. I miss feeling and looking sexy. I feel extremely mature and motherly now-a-days.
9. I hate that the days won't go by quicker. I want to get married.
10. And on a totally superficial note, I hate that my nails keep chipping!!! I got a manicure on Thursday and they already look a hot mess! Why even bother with manicures? They never last.