Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Marriage = Work + Moments of Loveliness

TIP gets married Sat. Wedding planning is torture. I know that. So while I'm concerned about her, I'm super excited. I hope that she's keeping her head above water. Most of all, amid all the chaos, I hope she feels like she's making the best decision of her life. I want her to have her happy ending.

For real for real, the wedding day IS the happy ending. Look at all the movies and fairy tales we see. That's usually how it ends. Because from that day forward, is the beginning of a life full of work and tolerance. I don't mean to sound so grim, but I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it. The wedding day is all about a celebration of love and feeling those emotions of warmth and romance and whatever else. After that, it's about the grind. Yes, you do come upon the days when you feel loved and give love, but for the most part, it's about co-existing in peace and order. For real for real, it's about being friends.

I find that in marriage you have to force yourself to remember how you were during the dating period - that kind, attentive, loving, sweet person that you were. And then after you heave those memories into your mind, you have to channel it into the present. If it's done right, you can probably bet a day or two of loveliness. But because we're all creatures of habit, it won't last long. That's why as married people, we have to make sure to create daily habits that foster a peaceful co-existence. I read this blog the other day entitled "Ten Basic Reminders All Couples Should Have In Their Phone". I thought this was very practical and useful. If couples can get in the habit of practicing some or all of these on a normal, regular day, than I think you pretty much have a successful marriage. Here are the ten below, but click here to view the blog for a more detailed explanation.

1. Say I love You.
2. Be Considerate.
3. Send a Nice Text.
4. Say please AND thank you.
5. Put the (fill in the blank) down NOW and have a conversation.
6. Give a hug.
7. Remember, no one is perfect, including YOU.
8. Show some interest.
9. Get over IT.
10. Try harder to get over IT.

I want to add 2 to this list.
11. Apply Bible principles. You know like the fruitage of the spirit. joy, peace, long-suffering, etc.
12. Pray together.

Notice that all of these things take WORK and none of this comes easy. So if couples who really love each other want to make sure they stay together forever, they will WORK for it each and every day and hopefully have moments and peppered days of romance and pure loveliness. That's what I call a good marriage.

Congratulations to my strong, smart and loyal sistafriend. I love you Tiff!


Alisa Renee' said...

That's a lot of work. Nobody tells you how much work marriage is... Sounds hard. Like raising kids hard. Lol. I think I can only handle one at a time. Eight years til Michael goes to college...

T.C. said...

thank you my love!
i am glad you posted this, it's not grim, it's reality! life is not sunshine and rainbows
it's not thunder clouds and gray skies all the time either
it's a mixture and you celebrate the good with the bad and you appreciate what comes with life and like all things in life you have to know you are going ot have to WORK at it
the list you have for the things to do daily, every single last one we were told to do daily in our pre-marital counseling!
we are so sure that marriage is going to be work that we will go into marital counseling during the month of November!
we will keep it up and continue to learn the skills to grow into a healthy stable marriage! you have to have the skills inorder to even try to do the work, otherwise you'll think you are working and getting nowhere!
love you and i thank you for all your guidence and joy and peace and wisdom over the years and the years to come!

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