Defining Success

You know what? I had to take a moment and blog this. I'm having an aha moment. I've been doing some recreational reading lately and there are a bunch thoughts I've come across that are hitting me. This is one of them....

This is what I wanted. When I was praying and dreaming about a successful life, this is what I prayed for. So I'm glad to take the moment to reflect back on what I asked for and to see that I really do have exactly that. A good marriage, a beautiful house, an approved relationship with Jehovah, a comfortable financial standing and more. I know that I get so focused on what's not right and where I need to be that I don't appreciate the here and now. I'm sure that if the person I was 5 years ago was looking at me right now, she'd be happy. So here I am being happy for the here and now. I've worked hard to attain to my goals and have traveled on a wild journey to get here. A journey I don't regret... It was all worth it because I've created the life that I want for myself and couldn't be more proud.

Do The Work

I took the day off today. When I woke up this morning, I had that familiar feeling. The feeling of disdain when thinking of another day of work. It's been over a year since I've been at my job and up until recently, I've enjoyed it. For the most part. But these past couple of weeks have been trying. I've experienced what I call 'work dread' in past jobs and it's not the business. 'Work dread' consumes your life. You spend weekends living it up way past the point that you should all to mask the eventuality of 5 days of prison. So I've made a decision. I'm going to do the work and fortify myself. I'm going to make the decision to not have that old experience again.

So I'm revisiting a book by Amy DuBois Barnett that had a profound effect on me in my 20's. While I'm in a different place in my life now, I can probably pull some quotes out of it that'll help me. Like this one...

"We don't appreciate the good things we may already have and we certainly don't value the experience of adversity and the strength it gives us to make the life we truly want." ~ Two things... My job is a good thing. It's a blessing. I'm financially comfortable and appreciate that. Secondly, the adversity that I'm going through right now is only going to make me stronger. Maybe I'm learning tools that'll help me to be a good wife or mother. I should always look at the adversity and say 'what can you learn out of this?'

"For the first time in my life, I was truly happy because I'd created this life for myself." My sis Tiff has been posting thoughts like this on instagram lately and it's forced me to think. Happiness is a choice. It's a unilateral choice. No one can help you be happy and no one can force you to be unhappy. My manager cannot force me to be unhappy. I have to create my own happiness.

"When you fall in love with who you really are, it's that much easier to be you, always." This isn't work related. Just something that strikes me and is worth typing out. I think I was at my best when I lived in LA. It wasn't so much the location as it was the space I was in. I was learning, growing, understanding, and defining myself.

"Living a full life is actually experiencing the entire range of emotions we have...being able to understand challenges as experiences in one long adventure will change your whole attitude." This is a good one. If you understand the challenge as that, then you can also understand the positives.

"Learn from others' successes and failures." This is under the subheading Stop Comparing Yourself To Others. I think this will help me with my manager. He's a bit of an overachiever which means that sometimes the work he has me do is over and above. I'm a numbers person and if you know anything about math, engineering and technical people, you know that we look for shortcuts. We're lazy. We try to complete a task with the least amount of steps. So my manager frustrates me when he asks me to do things that I feel are unnecessary. But I need not focus on that. The fact of the matter is that he's a smart guy who leaves no leaf unturned. He is more thorough than anyone I've ever met. I can learn from that. I need to learn from that. There's no problem with stretching myself a little bit more.

Ok, I think that's enough. I'm going to keep reading but I'm done with typing. I'm all about doing the work today...

There's A Difference - What You Feel and What's Real

As I sit here in the living room with my husband and sister on a Saturday, I recognize how important family is. I have a really great bunch of people in my life. All people who love me and put effort into the relationships they have with me. It makes me think about the past month or so and the number of different things I've been through with my family and have decided write about here in my little space of the Internet.

When I have the sudden urge to write about my feelings, I'm mostly writing from an emotional place. The feelings are raw. They aren't well thought out and they aren't necessarily what's true. It reminds me of a quote from the movie 'ATL'. After the drama went down with T.I.'s girlfriend, T.I. had a little bit of an attitude problem. His uncle came to him though, and said something that's stuck with me. "I want you to recognize the difference between what you feel and what's real."

I've been writing a lot lately about my feelings. And that's exactly what they are. After a few days the sometimes PMS, sometimes emotional, sometimes insane feelings dissipate. They are in fact always temporary... until the next emotional occurrence.

So here's what's real. I have a good life. I am healthy. I have a good relationship with Jehovah. I have no major problems. I have a really good husband who wants to love me like Christ loves the congregation. I honestly am very blessed and love these people sitting here in this living room more than words can express. Because of my emotions, I might make things out to be worse than they are, which I really need to stop. When I'm in the middle of a tough spot, I need to remember the difference between how I feel and what's real.

Music and Cars

Morning! Check out my new post on my creative blog. I did my first photo shoot since Tiff's bridal shower and it went fantastic! Woohoo!

So I have a lot on my mind. Nothing bad. I just feel like talking and I haven't really been able to blog like I want to. For some reason, every time I try to blog at work in my 10 minutes of down time, I get this proxy notice that irrates the mess out of me. So today, I'm trying this from a different browser. Blogger doesn't support this browser though, so we'll see if this actually posts.

Anyway, did I mention that I got a new car? This is actually an important milestone in my life I feel. My now retired charcoal Mazda was my first baby. I loved that car. It did me so well and was right there by my side for so many experiences. Missy the Mazda rode with me through my years in Cali, was parked for a year while I lived in NY, and then carried me through my return to DC. I cried in Missy, I laughed in Missy, I had make out sessions in Missy, I partied in Missy. The time came, however, to let her go. *moment of silence* I was actually quite ready to part ways with her. I felt like she wasn't quite on my level anymore with the amount of bumps and bruises she had on her. Not to mention, her technology parts weren't sufficient for today's day and age. So now, I have a new Missy. Missy 2.0. A white, top of the line, fully loaded Kia Optima. I'm in LOVE with her. She is so beautiful I can't stand it. Getting exactly what I wanted in this car was very important to me. You see, I feel like I've always been the one to settle... on engagement rings (my ex, not my husband), on jobs, on apartments... so I wanted to make this car decision without any outside influence. I'm at an age now and have a career where I can afford not to settle. I'm too old to settle. So Missy 2.0 is very important for me for that reason. It's the first big decision I've made that's totally for myself that I did not settle on. And it feels good. I'm grown y'all!

I've been thinking about music a lot lately. The type of music I listen to... The upcoming concerts that I'll be attending... Yesterday's daily text mentioned that we have to abhor what is wicked and apply that principle to our choices of entertainment. It said, "Not all forms of entertainment center on practices that are expressly condemned in God’s Word. In such cases, before choosing the entertainment, we should carefully compare the activity with Jehovah’s view of what is wholesome, as expressed in Bible principles." Now, lately Rihanna and Beyonce have made me very uncomfortable in this area, which is why I'm kinda having second thoughts about these concert tickets that I bought. Rihanna more than Beyonce. For Beyonce, I'm not quite sure how this is going to play out. I feel like this "Bow Down/I Be On" song is just for giggles. Perhaps she just needed to get that one out. Perhaps she knows better than to include that on her album and even worse perform it in concert. I'm not trying to be at her show while she's yelling 'bow down b$*@#'. First of all, don't call me a witch with a b, and secondly, bow down? Huh? And then there's Rihanna. Chile... I had to stop following her on instagram. I think the chick has lost her mind. She is so nasty, raunchy and funky it's not even funny. The chick looks dirty. There's no way I could ever roll with her. So I kinda regret the Rihanna ticket buy. But I'm going with a friend all the way to Revel in NJ, so... I don't know how I'ma get outta that one. Beyonce, I'll suck it up for now and keep a close eye on her. Her next moves will determine a lot.

But anyway, I took hubby to see Questlove DJ at the Howard Theatre on Saturday. My first Questlove experience with Jenn out in LA changed my life. So I had to see him again. I realized my absolute obsession and passion for soul/neo-soul/hip hop. Not the hip hop that you hear on the radio. Not the Kanye's and the Jeezy's and the Jay-Z's. I'm talking about the Camp Lo's, the J. Dilla's and the Little Brother's. The music is so soul piercing! It hits me in a place I can't describe. I almost feel myself getting high off the sounds. It's simply amazing. I am definitely an undergound music lover. A soul lover. Give me the Rahsaan's, the Chico Debarge's, the Foreign Exchange's and the Van Hunt's all day long please. When I look back at the years of blog posts on here, I seem to post this paragraph about music once a year. I love all types of music, but I keep coming back here. If I had to listen to only one genre of music for the rest of my life, I guess this would be it. Reggae comes in a close second place.

Well, work is calling my name. I sent out the sales reps' commissions yesterday and they are emailing me back telling me that this is missing and that is missing. They keep an eye on their MoNEy!

Ciao!