Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Slow Down?

I want to preface this blog by saying that my feelings may be totally different tomorrow. But here it goes anyway.

My attitudes towards settling down are changing. Notice the '-ing' in changing. I'm not all the way there yet, but I can see myself slowly leaning away from where I was last month. Reading this article, "Sound-Off: In No Tush To Settle Down", actually confirmed my thoughts.

Like the author of the article, I too thought I would be deep into marriage and motherhood by now. If you were to tell my 17 year old self that at 28 I would only be in my 2nd year of marriage and be no where near having children, I would have burst into tears. Disappointment wouldn't even be the word. But as time progresses, I'm beginning to very gradually get rid of the time shackles I've been dragging around on my left ankle. Don't get me wrong though. I still do feel like it would be great to have baby number one before 30. As a matter of fact, I would LOVE for that to happen, but maybe, just maybe, it would be beneficial to wait a little longer.

We haven't traveled to Europe yet. We're not in the home we wan to be in. We haven't had a consistent run of fulfilling each other's needs yet. So with that in mind, wouldn't it be better to follow the flow of things? Or is it better to plan, especially since my clock will start ticking soon? What if Jehovah has my timing all laid out and I'm fighting against that? None of my close friends are getting pregnant or are on their way to doing so. If I waited, I might be able to share pregnancy and marriage stories with someone who's going through the same experience. I bet that would be nice. But why base my timing on others? Is that a good move?

Even with all the questions, I do feel in my heart however that I need to work on my marriage more and get into a new house before making any drastic changes. To work towards expanding our family in a few months is unrealistic. More important than all the aforementioned reasons put together, my husband isn't ready. The last thing I want to do is force him to do or be something he's not ready to do or be. That wouldn't be the nicest thing. Especially if I can yield a little.

I'm still unsure about this whole in-it's-own-time thing, but I definitely don't want to force this baby-before-30 thing. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, 30 1/2 will have to be the new goal. =) Ha!

2 comments:

MJ said...

After reading this blog and your inspiration. I can respect your changing view :)

T.C. said...

2014 let's go for it

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