Friday, August 02, 2013

Needed

O.M. to the G. You have NO idea how badly I need this vacation I'm about to embark on. One entire week, on the beach with the people I love the most. My family. I feel like I've been on everyone else's vacation but my own and I'm way past ready to do my own thing the way I like to do it. What I like most about my family reunion is the freedom I get to meander on the beach. I yearn for the beach right now like it's my long lost lover. The beach provides me with a sense of peace and comfort that I can't get from anywhere else. And since peace and comfort are what is lacking most in my life right now, I need him more than ever. Yes, the beach is him. That's my boyfriend for the next few days. I'm going to get lost in him and let him swallow me up. I'm going to let him whisper to me. I'm going to let his thoughts overtake me. I'm going to let him toast me. I'm going to let him love me the way I want to be loved. It's going to be so beautiful. But you know what the best time to be with my boyfriend is? At night. Have you ever connected with the beach at night?! You're just sitting there with the mass of darkness in front of you that you can't quite make out, but you feel it. And you hear it. And you know it's powerful. And it's much grander than you. You respect it and remember how small and inconsequential you are to it. There's nothing like the ocean.

So yes, that's what I'm looking forward to doing. Connecting with my boyfriend. I'm also glad all of my cousins will be together. I'm anxious to hear how everyone is doing. I'm anxious to be around my dad. The most refreshing male ever. My father... He's probably the only man who treats me how I want to be treated. I feel how strongly his heart goes out for me and how badly he wants to see me happy... I love that man. And then I'm anxious to go ATV riding with my fam bam! There's a trail or a course that's called 'down and dirty'. Awwwwwwwwwww yeah. My sisters and I rode ATVs for the first time on our vacation in Mexico and that it was so much fun. I felt so EMPOWERED riding that machine through the back, rough terrain. Woman Hear Me Roar!!! Lol. I saw pics from the 'down and dirty' trail and we are really about to get dirty, as in mudddddddyyyyy. It's going to be so much fun. But not to worry for all my bougie sisters out there (yes I am one of you too!) because I'll counteract all that with the spa later on in the week. =)

Indeed, this vacation is needed. It's coming at a good time. I need to disconnect from the problems at home in this Washington, D.C. area and get back to doing me. When I was single, I was great at channeling peace and doing me. I was so calm and clear back then. I understood everything. I was super reasonable in dealings with other human beings. I could isolate out intentions from mistakes that people (and I) made. Bible principles were easy to practice. Everything just clicked. The difficulties of marriage can cause you to feel wild and confused, so I will work on getting back to that place that I loved. I really loved that about myself when I was single. I took such good care of myself. I was strong and responsible and clear-headed and FUN. I haven't been feeling so strong and fun lately. Actually, I've been feeling very much beat down and drained. So I'm thankful. I'm thankful that this isn't just another vacation. I'm thankful that I NEED this vacation and it's more of a savior to me than just another trip. Thank you Jehovah! 

Oh! One last thing. I've been having SOOOO many dreams about my past lately!!!! I don't know WHAT the heck is going on in my mind but my dreams are really going in on me! It seems like every morning when I wake up, I need to pray and ask Jehovah to get those thoughts and dreams out of my head. My dreams are plaguing me! See why I need to clear my head? T minus 1 day and it's on.

1 comment:

YaYa R said...

have fun on vacation. Jealous you get to spend a week at the beach. Love it there

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