I Love Jay-Z

Maxwell - "Pretty Wings"

New Orleans Here I Come!

What am I thinking? I leave on Wednesday! Why am I acting like I have no where to go and nothing to do. If Jenn didn't call me today and mention that we would be laying bikini clad in the sun next weekend, I would have been out staring at the clouds. There's just so much to do! My weekend is crammed like a fat kid in a size zero. I need to schedule some appointments quick. Hair, mani/pedi, grooming. You know a lady gotta be extra fly in hot New Orleans. I have NO IDEA what I'm wearing. I have this one mini skirt that you better believe I'm going to rock. But other than that...*shrugs shoulders*. It'll all come together. That's a lot of clothes though. 5 days worth. And I'll definitely have more than one fit for each day. Good thing I just did laundry.

Did Michael Jackson just die?

The Ministry

I just had the most awesome conversation with my co-worker. We went to get coffee (in my case, chai latte) at Starbucks and talked about everything from my latest career decision, to how to measure success, to fear of death, to the purpose of the JW ministry, to the paradise. He was especially impressed with my sense of peace and spiritual stance in life. When I told him that I sometimes feel behind in life, he told me that that's impossible considering that my understanding and grasp of life is way ahead of anybody that he knows. Not to be big-headed but when he said that, I had to agree with him. Understanding my purpose in life, which ultimately gives me peace, does indeed put me in a different place. I was a little sad for him as he talked about how finite death was and how he doesn't have anything to put faith in but himself. Hopefully I'll be able to give him some of my peace of mind soon. ;-)

I'm way above the national average this month which is fantastic for me. I think if I can get one long day in a month like I did this month, I'll be set. Going on the Pere's family study with my dad was cool too. Those little kids are so eager to learn it's amazing. The young boy asked, "so is it too late to change from being bad?" Awwwwwwwwwww! No baby. It's never too late! Be still my heart.

The co-worker who sits directly in front of me is super excited about the message she's receiving in her church. She has this great passion for God's word and has expressed the desire to take a discipleship class in order to learn how to teach from the Bible. She's really eager to learn more about God which is incredible. We've also talked about speaking in tongues. I told her that I was going to do my research on that and share with her what I find. That should be a good convo. In general though, I love that she loves God. I think I'm going to tell her that and help her to pull out more ways to show that she loves God.

It's cool putting my focus on the ministry. I love it when people connect with Jehovah. It's a cool thing to see, especially when I had a hand in it.

Je l'aime - I Love It

I stole my sister's Haapers Bazaar this morning. I couldn't tear myself away from it. I was completely obsessed with each fashion spread, each trend, and each photographed present. I'm not consumed with fashion. I'm fixated on the art of fashion. Put a fashion magazine in front of me and I will devour it. I will study the thing from cover to cover memorizing textures, shapes, moods, personalities, and shilouettes of clothes, shoes and accessories. It's not a game to me. Nothing is more natural to me than understanding and connecting with fashion.

Hibernation

I totally didn't notice the vibe of my last 4 or 5 blogs until R.C. said something. "I gotta get you out cupcake." Yeah you do R. Please save me.

It's painfully clear that I'm struggling. I'm trying to keep it together but I occasionally find that my vision is blurry from slight moistness. Nooooo, they're not tears. It's called ummm....moistness. Yes, moistness! And that's what I'm claiming. I don't even notice when it's coming, the moistness. It kind of just...shows up. Out of nowhere too! But the reason behind the moistness is that I think the stress in my life is at an all time high. Better yet, I'm 110% overwhelmed. That's what it is. 110% overwhelmed-ness. I'm always fine in the mornings, but by the time 7pm rolls around, I look and feel like I'm clawing my way up a mountain just to get into my car and drive myself home. I don't even listen to music on the way home anymore. When I turn my car on after work, the stereo is usually blaring from the morning's high. But as soon as I can move my hand towards the on/off button, I'm happy for the silence. Everything in my life right now is hard. Work is the epitome of hard. My commute is getting hard. Even this new situation I'm in is hard. There is no fun in any of it. It's all so serious and exhausting. What ever happened to easy, light, airy, fun and uncomplicated?

Because I could not quiet my mind on the train this evening, I wrote down a few thoughts. Two pages worth to be specific. What I've decided to do... is hibernate. I am going to hibernate to restore my peace and get my much needed energy back. I don't care about what anyone wants, expects, needs or has to have from me. Before I go postal, I need to take care of me. And that means putting back a little fun in my life. So here's the plan. While in hibernation, I plan to return to the renaissance J that I am and do the things that excite me. Reading, photography, writing, etc. You guys know that already. While I can't get away from work, I will find a way to insert slices of heaven into my groove to keep me alive and well. That'll be a challenge, but it has to be done. I'm going on a much needed vacation in 13 days with my dear JennWill, and I plan to use every second of every day either relaxing or having fun. I might just leave my phone off the entire time (and of course check in with the fam every once in a while). Separation from everything back home WILL BE KEY.

So here's to holding on for a little bit longer. Hibernate and then release.

The Perfect Song

On her way to work this morning, Zuri opens her journal to jot down a few important topics looming in her mind. As the train is terrorized with heavy silence, she sticks her ipod's earbuds into her ears to fill the deadly space. While scratching through one page after another with red ink, Zuri feels busy; that is until the song came on. Without warning, the sweet sounds of a keyboard and bass guitar floods into her head. Zuri hypnotically puts the pen away and closes her journal. To heighten her ability to take in the fullness that is "You're The One For Me" by Smokey Robinson featuring Joss Stone, Zuri closes her eyes. It has never become more important to block out all the other four senses until that moment. What went from busy now morphed into a sweet tranquility. Zuri knows before the first verse is over that she needs to change the song settings on her ipod to repeat. There is no way she can get enough of this song. It is the epitome of perfection.

Youre The One For Me (featuring Joss Stone) - Smokey Robinson


Can't you just feel the Chicago step or the cha cha to this song? =) I'm reading the lyrics to the song above... How do you know that someone is the one for you? Hmm. That's an age old question if there was one. The answer lies in time though. Only time will tell right?

Mood: Melancholy

My mind's been going a thousand miles a minute. Planning, daydreaming, considering, worrying, intellectualizing (is that a word?), etc. This morning I prayed for a quiet spirit. I prayed for peace. As I've said before, if I could change my middle name, it would be to Peace. It's such an important concept. Vital for my life. I had a fantastic weekend, however. Can't really complain when you spend most of it contemplating the things of Jah. My heart was so full yesterday as I connected with some amazing women, one in particular who continues to keep me in awe.

When I came home last night, I took a few minutes to dance ballet in front of the mirror in the basement. I'm working on strengthening my legs. During those few minutes that I spent doing basic port de bras, tendus, and turns, I was in a different world. I felt so light and airy it was weird. I felt free. I miss dance with all of my heart. Watching SYTYCD inevitably reignites whatever fire burns inside of me for the art form. I promised my other sister that we would take a challenging class on Wednesdays. That creates somewhat of a problem with my job however. On my to do list today is to speak with my director about the lack of balance this job affords me. I pray I can conjure up the nerve and clarity to say everything I'm feeling before I leave her office. I really need her to understand. I don't live to work. I work to live. I want to work to afford time to dance. I want to work so that I can afford to breathe.

I am a complete fool when I'm watching SYTYCD. I promise you that my heart stops beating every time. In addition to all the jumping up and down and screaming I do, the chills spread through me like a tidal wave. It's the best feeling in the world. That show makes me feel so exhilarated.

Be careful what you ask for, they say. Today's my light day of the month. I wish it were heavy instead.

My mom is asking sooo many questions. It's becoming increasingly difficult to respond to her. I had to tell her that I didn't want to talk about a certain topic yesterday. Once she gets something into her head that she's all gung ho for, she pushes its potential joys on others full force. "Wouldn't it be so great J!" Deep breath. She doesn't really know what she's doing, nor will I tell her. But the weight is heavy. The weight is really really heavy. I wish she would catch a hint because I'm hurting inside. I just got this overwhelming feeling to cry. But I won't. I wonder what it would be like if I didn't walk down the path I did. I've been listening to one of my old CDs from Cali times and Kumasi says it the best. "God don't make yesterdays, only tomorrows." Moving on.

I'm sitting here with so much to say but nothing to say at all. What I wish I could do is take a day off and lay in the grass somewhere and stare at the clouds. Or take it to the beach. I miss the beach. Either way, to lay there and let the breeze sweep me would be perfect. I'm huge fans of air and breezes. During family worship a while back, the four of us went around and shared what part of Jehovah's creation we're most enthralled with. My dad said the birds, my sis said whatever is beautiful like the foliage in our neighborhood. I said that I respect the air, the sky and the breeze. I guess that's why I like the beach so much. You get all sorts of air and breezes there. You know what else?! Air and breezes are synonymous to peace!

I feel like I'm almost there. All of the prayers that I've been offering are right outside of my grasp. I can taste the success. I can feel the blessings coming. I wonder though if I'll ever stop wanting something so badly. Will there ever come a time when I have everything I've ever wanted or will there be something else to pleadingly petition Him for? Hmmm....

Yeah so... melancholy.

Nite.

My brain is fried. And I don't even want to watch my favorite show of all time (So You Think You Can Dance). I just want to sit here and let the steam roll off. Let the silence cool my brain cells off. I think I did too much today. I had too many intense conversations on top of too many intense projects. All the while trying to format the entire billing file for all Washington Post digital campaigns, I had conversations on chat, AIM and the phone that ranged from the challenges of dating to the heartbreak of a 5 year separation to the validity of a questionable man-made prophecy to the loss of spiritual footing in a congregation. While every single one of my conversations was deep and required more attention that I was prepared to give, I still managed to get my work done. Well most of it. There are still a couple of kinks I need to work out tomorrow, but I'm in a good place.

The conversation that concerned me the most however was the one I had with my little spiritual brother S.M. Our exchange started on a happy note but the little and jovial-ness of it all quickly dissapated when he got to talking about how unsettled he is in his spirituality. It's crazy because this was the same guy who had to check me when I was making bad decisions. It seems as if the tables have turned as he feels that he has no where to turn. I feel a little guilty for not being able to turn everything off and give him 110% of my attention because he really needed it. I'm not quite sure what to do at this point. He's engaging in some things that are not good for him and while I know what needs to be said and done, I want to do it in a way that'll reach him the best. I'm trying to give it to him with a spoon full of sugar. I have to figure this one out.

But I'm going to bed people. And yes, it's only 9am. But I'm done. I have this sharp pain in my side that feels like it's telling me that I'm doing too much. I can't even think about taking my shower right now. A morning shower will have to do.

Nite.

Immediate Things To Do

1. Book flight to New Orleans

2. Missy
-tires
-40,000 mile service

3. Update resume

OMG!

My eyes are popping out of my head on this one!! What kind of sick nonsense is this?!!!

Low Down Dirty Shame

“I have had two women take my man. We had been together for two years, lived together, shared a car, dogs, everything, and the whole time he was stepping out with two females. One who was supposed to be a high school friend. And to top it off, both females are pregnant by him and due in November and December. One put holes in the condom.”
—Dawn G., 27, Houston


Source - Essence.com