I totally didn't notice the vibe of my last 4 or 5 blogs until R.C. said something. "I gotta get you out cupcake." Yeah you do R. Please save me.
It's painfully clear that I'm struggling. I'm trying to keep it together but I occasionally find that my vision is blurry from slight moistness. Nooooo, they're not tears. It's called ummm....moistness. Yes, moistness! And that's what I'm claiming. I don't even notice when it's coming, the moistness. It kind of just...shows up. Out of nowhere too! But the reason behind the moistness is that I think the stress in my life is at an all time high. Better yet, I'm 110% overwhelmed. That's what it is. 110% overwhelmed-ness. I'm always fine in the mornings, but by the time 7pm rolls around, I look and feel like I'm clawing my way up a mountain just to get into my car and drive myself home. I don't even listen to music on the way home anymore. When I turn my car on after work, the stereo is usually blaring from the morning's high. But as soon as I can move my hand towards the on/off button, I'm happy for the silence. Everything in my life right now is hard. Work is the epitome of hard. My commute is getting hard. Even this new situation I'm in is hard. There is no fun in any of it. It's all so serious and exhausting. What ever happened to easy, light, airy, fun and uncomplicated?
Because I could not quiet my mind on the train this evening, I wrote down a few thoughts. Two pages worth to be specific. What I've decided to do... is hibernate. I am going to hibernate to restore my peace and get my much needed energy back. I don't care about what anyone wants, expects, needs or has to have from me. Before I go postal, I need to take care of me. And that means putting back a little fun in my life. So here's the plan. While in hibernation, I plan to return to the renaissance J that I am and do the things that excite me. Reading, photography, writing, etc. You guys know that already. While I can't get away from work, I will find a way to insert slices of heaven into my groove to keep me alive and well. That'll be a challenge, but it has to be done. I'm going on a much needed vacation in 13 days with my dear JennWill, and I plan to use every second of every day either relaxing or having fun. I might just leave my phone off the entire time (and of course check in with the fam every once in a while). Separation from everything back home WILL BE KEY.
So here's to holding on for a little bit longer. Hibernate and then release.