Fall Is Here - Shoe Edition

Monday Morning

Falling in love is a glorious thing. Some say it's better to walk into love. When you fall, you often hurt yourself. But I don't mind falling this time. This time, I know I'll be caught. I've never trusted as openly as I do now. I trust with my whole soul. I know I won't be let down. He won't even let me get close to bumping my head. I'm safe in his arms. I want to share my love with the world. I want to tell everyone what I've found, but I can't. I'm bound to discretion. It shall be the theme of the relationship. Silence and discretion.

Life throws unexpected turns. Happenings unravel behind your back. Things are taken care of without you even knowing. It's a wonder how it all comes together. (wonder - the feelings aroused by something strange and surprising) I'm wrapping my mind around the way things move. The forces that rearrange my life and point it into the direction I'm now heading. Is it okay to have no control over your path? Will I feel like a white pond in a game of chess? Innocent and ignorant of the intentions of the move maker...

I'm ready for my life to begin. The journey ahead of me is so bright. I'm dying to take a step into the light and experience the joy that will commence. But I'm also careful to love the current moment. "Anticipation is the purest form of pleasure," one once said. What if I get to that anticpated moment and have no more anticipation? I never want the longing for the future to disappear. Even 10 years from now, I want to long. Life should always move towards something better. Goals raise you reach to higher levels. I like reaching new levels. I hope the levels ascend into the clouds.

A Better Day

I got dressed this morning. I didn't throw something on like before. I got dressed. I used mascara and eyeliner today. I styled my hair. I opened the refrigerator instead of just walking out. Today will be a better day.

Satan

My person is super sensitive
I feel every cell and atom in my body girate
My hands quiver and my heart races
The muscles in my body are taut and unyielding
There is no makeup on my face
My hair is not curled
The softness of my skin depleting
My essence diminishing
Legs I once relied on are weak
Cramps are seething through my uterus

The smiles and good mornings I give are fake
Mornings are a grim segment of the day
I feel the air shoving me down into the dirt
Like a corkscrew
Quicksand clawing at my feet
I believe that escape is imminent
But wondering if I have the patience to believe

There's nothing to think about
except the trillion thoughts that are packed tightly in my head
I wish they would go away
Fizz out of my ears like a balloon losing helium
All the empty spaces are full and over-expanded
It's no wonder my eyes feel heavy throughout the day
There's too much weight up there

I know I'll get through
Especially when I keep telling myself to take it slow
This is nothing but a mere passing thing
A test of my wills and determination
The future will be brighter
I'll look back and laugh one day
Also be thankful for the sharpening
The refining process
The strength that I've gained to bear it all
I pray for Jah
But I don't know if He hears me
Satan is powerful today

Goodnight

the sun has set on another day
and with the sun my fears have diminished
i pray that as the night time ascends into the air.
sleep extends itself past the normal span.
i beckon the subconscious space that covers
when we close our eyes
to stay and visit as long as it likes.
it's in the quiet of slumber
that peace finds its perfect habitat.
for the regrets of another day
are as far off as a lover left behind.
life is in slumber itself
as we retreat to exist tomorrow.
but tomorrow's day is a mere passing thought
when its sun dies again.
and as we shake away the remnants of a dire day
we are left with the honey suckled-ness
of sweet and tender sleep.

- by j.a.c.

yes Keri!

Marques Is Back, Me Not So Much

Sorry I haven't been blogging! I've been a bit...cough cough... preoccupied. New things and all. You know how that goes. Probably won't be blogging that much. But I promise I'll try!

But I have something for you that I just HAD to post.

Didn't realize I missed him until I saw these. My sis and I can play a whole MH CD from front to back. His music is on point. Can't wait.



"Let me just take you on a date. I ain't tryna sleep with you....I just wanna take you on a date." Love it. This song is off the hook.



According to Marques' official blog, he'll be making a video for every song on his album. Get it Marques. The album comes out September 29th.

To Move or Not To Move

I want to move out.
Safe mode at the parent's house is cool but I need to learn some lessons.
I don't feel like I'm growing at home.
I'm rather stagnant and a little bored.
Challenges are interesting.
Even if I don't overcome each one to the best of my ability, I feed off of them.
Challenges help me evolve.
The b side of things tells me to sit tight.
Avoid challenges.
Be safe.
I'm not sure what to do.
If I move out, I need to do it now.
There's not much time to mull this over.
I'm not 100% responsible for anything at home.
I definitely could do more in my parent's house to help, but it's mentally difficult when you know your parents are going to take care of it anyway.
Especially when my timeline is different from my mom's.
What she sees as dirty ("OMG, the whole house needs a big bleaching!"), I don't.
I want to get back into the mode of cleaning and cooking...
I need to get my responsible swag back.
I can't do that at 2001.
Living alone automatically raises your levels.
You rise to the occassion.
You handle business.
I would be so much more on point if I moved out.
What's the smarter move?
Stay and pay off debt.
Stay and avoid even the INKLING of compromising situations that could arise with my bf.
What's best for my spirituality?
Mmm.
That question doesn't really help.
My spirituality isn't tied to my parents so no matter where I am, my desire will be the same.
My relationship with Jehovah is not contigent upon where I am.
That's a beautiful thought, by the way.
There's not one person or one solitary place can separate me from Him.
What to do, what to do?
I guess my next step is to toss the idea around with the ones who love me.
Not too many people.
Just a select few.
I can't handle five different opinions.
I would get lost in what everyone else thinks instead of the two people that matter the most.
The man upstairs and me.
"There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk, but in the multitude of counselors there is accomplishment." - Prov. 15:22

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Two Faced Moschino Heels

Oh the ingenuity! What will they think of next?! For a closer look, click here.

Janelle Monae On Repeat

This will get me through the day.

Metropolis - Janelle Monae

Janelle Monae "I Won't Let Go"

I Wont Let Go - Janelle Monáe

Goapele - "Milk and Honey"

Milk and Honey - Goapele from goapele on Vimeo.

Glad she's back with this huge one.

Some Seriousness, Some Not So Serious

I completed my burgundy journal. I believed this is the 8th or 9th journal I've filled with my life's ramblings. As I topped off the last pages, I realized there would be no better time to start a new chapter. What a difference a year makes. This time last year, I was suffering through a heart ripping break-up. This year, I'm going through a different type of suffering. Long-suffering. I don't mind however. The blessings that have already come and will come from this situation will be enormous. I'm going through a test, and as far as I can see, remaining calm and collected will see me through. I will indeed prove Satan a liar. I will not live my life for selfish reasons as Satan said I would do. This new chapter of my life will be unlike any other. This new journal will be unlike any other. I'm praying that it'll be filled with thoughts that come from a better human being. A wiser human being. A mature and fully developed human being. Clearly my goal is to be a better person than I was last year - as should be the case everyday. With every new day, we should strive to be a better person than yesterday. Prayerfully, I can realize that goal, and as long as I keep the mind of Christ, I should be able to stay on course.

Enough of the seriousness. My sis and I played all Keri Hilson songs this morning while getting ready. Keri has quite a collection of work. The girl seriously has taken the world by storm. To go from "The Way I Are" to "Energy" to "Turning Me Off" to "Knock You Down", the girl is on fire! I'm looking forward to seeing what she does next. I hope she does something with "Intuition". I really like that song. And then there's Teedra Moses. I heard she's been in town recently. I've been missing a lot of performances lately because of my schedule. Mos Def, Bilal, and Eric Roberson were here last week. I have to get back on my live music game. I miss my sister's band Black Alley. Like actually miss hearing them. I guess that's where I'll be Sunday. At Indulj. Radiohead's "Rainbows" is an incredible album. It's pure musical genuis packaged in a plastic disc. Makes me wonder what other gems are out there that I don't know about.

It's raining today and I like it. Makes for a thoughtful day. A day for reflection. Today is Thursday. One more day until the weekend. Even though I have to work, Friday morning starts my weekend. It's all about the feeling. Knowing that relief is here means a better day. Saturday, Pooh and I are attending Erykah Badu's concert at Merriweather. Can't wait to experience that woman. You don't just watch her. You experience her. She takes you on a journey. It's going to be wonderful. Especially with Foreign Exchange there. Or was it Slum Village? One of the members of SV just passed away so I hope Foreign Exchange was the pick. SV is one of the greatest hip hop groups in my opinion. I wish them the best during this trial.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I'm A Spectacle

J.K. is offended that I didn't invite her to my baptism. Now I'm hurt that she's hurt. I hate it when people are hurt by me because I never intend to hurt anyone. (I feel like I said this before in regards to something else that happened with J.K.) I can walk along minding my business when someone will be hurt by me and I would never expect it.... I wasn't thinking of inviting my hanging out buddies to my baptism. Why would they care? Despite my disdain for attention, there are already so many people coming that it's turning into a family reunion. It's uncomfortable. Especially because I don't want to steal away people's joy. If seeing me get baptized is going to make them happy, then so be it. It can't always be about what I want. Baptisms are a public declaration so... It's about to be real public. I wish it could just be me and Him.

I hate, hate, hate to be a spectacle.