Ran-dumb Thoughts

Is there anything going on?
Cuz I'm bored.
I'm going to see Maxwell Friday.
It seems so far away.
I'm not hype for it yet.
I will be when I actually get to the arena.
Where's the new music?
Anybody got any good stories?
You know what I've been missing?
My tv shows.
SYTYCD and Project Runway.
They add spark to my life.
And then my MTV shows.
The City and The Hills.
Where are those?
Are they even out yet?
I watch absolutely no tv anymore.
Where has my life gone!?
What if I walk out of my job and never come back?
How about it?
My bf is great.
Beginnings are wonderful.
My mom's venting on the phone with me right now.
She said she was almost in tears yesterday.
We all have those days.
You just wanna cry.
And have no idea why.
Mom said I looked fly this morning.
Bf didn't say so.
Bf just called and asked me if I'm okay.
Gotta call him back.
PMS-ing man!
Freak.
My back hurts.
Too much.

Amerie - "Heard 'Em All"

Finally! Something I can finally appreciate from Amerie. This song and video are hot. I can already see me getting me diva on to this.

A New Life!

There's so much to do and so little time. And I'm excited! I have a nice little stretch of time to work it out and I can't wait to experience the blessings that will come from pushing my relationship with Jehovah to new heights. I am ready to taste Jehovah and see that He is good. So from now, as a newly baptized one, until a pre-determined time, I am ready to grind. I am ready to build an unmovable foundation. Well actually, I want to do more than just build. I want to live all up in that house. I want to move in, get settled and even get a little wear and tear in there. I want it to be nice and cozy. I have my list of goals in my head but I need to write them down in the new journal I got as a baptismal gift from a friend. I think I'll use that journal as my spiritual journal. I'm ready for this new life ya'll! So excited! Let's grind it out ya'll!

I Want That Old Girl Back

Who am I?

I have a hard time figuring out what looks right on me among a myriad of clothes. There are scratched up CDs in my armoire, my glove compartment, and in the basement. Missy is the worst right now with tree sap stamped all over her like small bullet holes. The Mama Jen that everyone once knew me as has died as I'm constantly inundated with advice from others. I don't know who I am anymore.

One would suggest that I re-define who I am because change is good. That's all good and well but what am I trying to re-define? Am I trying to get back what I used to be or am I turning into a whole new person? If my fierceness, my touch and my edge are all gone, do I try to get it back or just transform into something else? Truth of the matter is that I want that old girl back. I liked her. I knew her well. I was comfortable with her. She suited me like a perfectly tailored suit.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I'm a girls girl. Pretty dainty if I do say so myself. Pink phone, high heel shoes, lace lingerie and endless makeup. For some reason, however, I feel like a boy. Maybe it's because I was dressed like one today. My hair isn't done either. In other words, I feel like a hot mess. I've been so uninspired lately. I have to coax myself to wear heels during the week even though they're my favorite article of clothing. I'm not sure what's going on with me but I hope my inner ladybug comes back soon. I miss her.

Sometimes I get jealous of my parents. Well, I'm not sure if jealous is the right word, but when we came into the house tonight, my mother went right downstairs to find her husband. They're down there now just a laughing and giggling. How sweet. I wish I had that.

It's getting cold again. I had to turn on my electric blanket a few minutes ago. There's a permanent chill creeping through my bones. The winter is no fun unless you can find ingenuous ways to keep warm. I'm not a fan of the winter at all. It does give me the opportunity to look sharp, but I'd rather stick with the days where less is more. As Madea said in I Can Do Bad All By Myself, 'clothes make you broke'. Too bad I like them so much. I wouldn't need an extra warm sweater if I could curl up to someone's warmth. Dah well. Silver Daddy is even cold.

My mom is watching Jay-Z's concert now. She keeps yelling "heeey!" My sister is fighting with her boyfriend over the phone so there goes my peace. I think I could sleep through it though. At least I'm going to try.

Looking forward to an empty weekend. I'm going to enjoy it. I hope you enjoy yours too.

I'm Back!

I'm Back!

No, not to blogworld. I'm back to my dancing! Yaaaaay! Aren't you so excited for me? Te he he. My Afro Modern class was excellent this evening. It was exactly what I needed. Yes, every muscle in my body hurts right now, but I love this feeling. The pain is wonderful! Even the throbbing that I'll feel in the morning; I'm truly looking forward to it! What this really means though is that I have a lot of work to do. I remember being able to leave dance classes with the routine on my mind, and not how badly my back hurts. But don't worry, I'll get it back. I'm about to get it in and be REAL strong. I told my teacher, Taurus, that this was my first class in four years. He looked at me with a sympathetic face. True dancers feel your pain when you mention how long you've been away. You can liken being away from dance to being away from food. When dancing stops, life stops. And I truly believe that. I got my life back tonight. It's a wonder I even stopped in the first place. Knowing how much I love to dance, I can't fathom why it always takes me so long to get back into the groove and then stay there. I'm just lazy I guess. But this class should put a halt to the procrastination. Every Wednesday, my butt needs to be in class. Guess what Taurus said to me? We were doing the cool down and I guess he was watching me do a section of it. He looks at me when the music ended and said, "yeah I can tell that you USED to dance". We all started busting out laughing. But it was a real compliment. He can see what I used to have, and if my health depends on it, I'll get that "used to" back. He told me that it's there. He can see it in me. Now all I have to do is keep taking classes. I'm thinking about adding a ballet class to my weekly dance ritual because it's truly what I am. A graceful, tall, ballet-like dancer. Ballet is my core. Everything else is auxiliary. But anyway, I'm really happy to be dancing again. Maybe I'm not as old and done as I thought I was. It's happy feet time!

Oh and SYTYCD started it's season today! How perfect! 'Tis the time to dance!