I'm Not Right

I wish I wouldn't have sold my tickets. Now that our deal fell through, which I'm not surprised it did, we're supposed to save our pennies to become as liquid as possible. But I don't think that's going to happen. It didn't take us but a week to dip into the pot we already saved after we got the negative word. It's hard to save when you have no specific goal in mind. Thus, I feel it was a bad idea to let go of the formal. Not so much because it's a formal, but because we were going with a couple that I really wanted to get to know. I don't think that door will open again any time soon. Why is it so hard for married couples to get together? Single people seem to have no problem hooking up on a random Wednesday night. Married folks seem to need all this planning and whatnot to do things, me included. Makes me think about how spontaneous JennWill was (or is?). I should plan something but I have no idea what to plan. I don't want to cook and I am supposedly saving.

I can't stand cliques. But the truth is that I want to be in one. I want to be in one so that I can open it wide up and welcome individuals that have never been welcomed before.

I'm appreciative of my life. My husband is good to me. My parents are healthy and close by. I have a good amount of shoes. I have a comfortable bed to sleep in. So why am I not ecstatic? I feel like I'm missing something on the spiritual side. Is Jah's holy spirit leaving me? I feel restless and disorderly. I'm not connected and in cahoots like I used to be. I feel myself fading. This is not good. I think it has something to do with my attention span. When I'm reading the Bible or studying, I can hardly focus or get the full meaning of things... I don't know what's going on with me.

Be right back.

Okay. I just took a quick trip to drop of the tickets to TNC. I feel better now. Engaged in some girl talk and now I feel re-charged. I'm really sad though that we're not going. Ugh! I think I need a nap before we have our family worship.

Later