I want to close my eyes and breathe in and out for a while. Do some simple meditation. Calm my whole body down and stop my heart from racing. The funk-jazz station on 22tracks.com is doing me well. It's giving me a slither of peace.
Things are cool though. As cool as they can be when there's a demon roaming around trying hard to break me. Satan is real.
Time to turn on my mini heater under the desk. I haven't really been affected by the cold yet. I remember my days in NY standing at the bus stop while the cold hawk cut at my face. Thank goodness for my car. I'm so hot by the time I step outside that the cold air is a relief. By the time the novelty of the cool air fades, my car's heat has kicked in. Nope, haven't felt the frigidness of the season yet.
Man. I am drained. I cried this morning about feeling like I need too much personal work. Sometimes ready the daily scripture makes me feel low. There's always something to work on, something that I'm not doing enough of. It gets overwhelming at times. I'm supposed to look at them as helpful reminders though. Hmm...
I'm going to make my mom's hot wings tonight. I just emailed her about the recipe. I wonder if she does anything else other than adding loads of hot sauce. I've been doing well with cooking, especially since I'm on my period. Ooooh. That's why I cried. Totally forgot to connect that.
I'm about over this female. I keep trying to reach out. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she must be pretty busy, at the same time, it's time for me to move on. LC has been a sweetheart lately. LH joined our congregation and lives close by. We should have some future good times I'm sure. Mom is thinking about getting the girls together. I'm looking forward to being with the KW girls and TC and RH and 'em. Hopefully that'll come to fruition since my mom is leaving soon.
How do I feel about my parents leaving for Huntsville in less than 30 days? I'm not sure yet. I say that because while I know that my husband can never replace my parents, I'm wondering how less of a shock it will be because I have him. I'll definitely notice that I can't run to 2001 anymore. The only house that I've known of will be someone elses. That's strange. Good thing Huntsville is an hour and half away by plane. The issue is that I never plan when I'm going to see my parents. I just see them. Whenever I need to. Now I have to plan. Eww.
Last Sunday, I had a great time at SO's house. That was the best Sunday afternoon/evening gathering that I've ever been to. We played games, had grown folk discussions, ate, watched football, joked around. It was laid back and easy. I was most thankful for the discussion we had about marriage and kids. Only one couple there had children so we basically interviewed them on the joys of having kids....cuz we all know the disavantages. They really gave me some profound insight. From what your kids give you to home schooling to varying methods of parenting. I can't say that I've changed my mind about having kids, but I am less fearful. To know that there are options, methods and ways to do it so that you don't have to live in fear was freeing. To be honest, I wish this world would hurry up and end so that I can have kids in a perfect new world...if I make it. I want kids, just not like this.
I prayed today that my job applications that are out there will return with fruit. I'm tired of OCI. I need a job that suits my personality and my spirituality. Sitting next to the most cursing-est man in the office kills my peace. I've asked him to curtail, but I don't think he cares. Either that or it's so engrained in him that he doesn't even know the difference. I also don't want to be with a company that doesn't pay its bills or who gives me a paychek that bounces. I'm tired of waiting for my boss to pay the bill so that I can make a phone call. It's quite trifling. Trifling, ghetto, black people trying to get over and make a dollar. Nope. This is not me. I want a 9 to 5 where the people are nice and they do the work that they're supposed to do. Oh and that has a work-life balance culture. Can't forget that.
My sis called me for the first time since our blow out on Tuesday. I texted her the week before and it was tense as it surrounded her Bible study. She called to ask for ideas on venues for a going away party. Like I told my dad, Pooh and I do business well and that's about it. We're two very different people who don't really understand each other. Everyone is praying about our relationship so I know it'll get better. When is the question... I'm supposed to write something to her, but I don't even know what to say. What is there to say?
I watched a couple of dance videos today and got sad. I can only exercise in warm weather. Leaving gyms and studios with perspiration on my person in the winter is a no no for me. I guess I could do my NYCBallet DVD at home. That's what I'll do. I want my flexibility back. Mondays and Wednesdays...
Shopping...I want to but I can't. I'm trying to give a bit more. End of story.
Have a good day everyone.
2 comments:
i am looking forward to the "ladies night in" i think it will be AWESOME!
i think you will do ok with your parents move, it will be an adjustment, but since you have been away before you know how to communicate and bond long distance :)
i am also SICED that you had a great couple event and that you talked to people that get and respect where you are coming from with regard to children
we ALL never stop growing and having to be adjusted, it says a lot about how seriously your take your spirituality that it gets to you, that shows that no matter how strong you are in the word you still allow yourself to be humbled by HIM that's a beautiful thing because that means HE is still in control of it all :) and for someone like me who is still learning and growing it gives us relief, sounds strange, but i KNOW how much you know, so if you are still growing, then its ok that i am too :)
i too am praying for you both to have understanding, you may not get each other, but hopefully you two will learn to just co-exist and be in love, it will happen
I'm glad that you posted... I've been peeking in here for the past couple weeks waiting for something to be said! :)
I agree with TC when she said "we ALL never stop growing and having to be adjusted, it says a lot about how seriously your take your spirituality that it gets to you, that shows that no matter how strong you are in the word you still allow yourself to be humbled by HIM that's a beautiful thing..." Excellent statement... I don't think I could've worded it better.
Can't wait for dinner tonight!!
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