Friday, December 17, 2010

Torment

I've been having a really hard time in life lately. There are so many issues that I could speak on (but thank God none of them have to do with my marriage), but what they all merge to is the fact that I'm not being who I know I should be. Instead, I'm being angry. When I'm at work surrounded by general stupidity, I'm angry. When I'm at the hall and I'm getting yet another correction by way of the Watchtower or whatever else we're studying, I'm angry. When I think about my sister, I'm angry. And then when I'm angry, I just end up being mean. My co-workers come up to me, and I'm cold. They ask me to do something and I do it like they're bothering me. When I see my sis tonight, I already know that I'm going to sit there quietly to avoid saying or being disrespectful to her. Every fiber in my body is angry. Anytime that I read anything spiritual and see the 10,000 things that I am not, I feel like tossing it in the trash. But I don't. I just close it and put it away. Truth be told, that's no better.

So I don't feel like studying. I don't feel like chit chatting. I don't feel like laughing at your joke. I don't care about your office supplies or what you did over the weekend. Miss me with that.

I know this is not how I'm supposed to be. And that's what's killing me the most. It's tormenting me.

Somebody pray for me. I need relief quick.

1 comment:

miss alisa said...

Love you, Jendayi. You could never be angry enough for me to stop loving you!!

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