Tuesday, June 05, 2012

What's My Identity?

I was watching one of my tv shows this morning and was basking in how womanly the main characters were. Strong. Fierce. Solid. Curvy. Feminine. They were true grown women. Women with confidence. Women with experience. Women who know what they want and what they have to offer the world.

While putting on my M.A.C. red lipstick and I had to pause a little bit while meditating on what a 'grown woman' is. After about 10 seconds, a light bulb went off, I titled my head to the side, looked at myself in the mirror and said 'I'm a grown woman too!' Well I didn't quite say that out loud, but I might as well have because the sentence was so clear in my head. If I were to have this conversation with another, I can already hear the response. 'Well what did you think you were?!' Yes, technically I am a grown woman, but I haven't thought of myself in the way in a very long time.

Then, of course, I began to wonder why. Immediately, I narrowed in on my relationship with my husband. I don't know if it's that he's younger than me and loves to joke, play around and have fun, but I don't feel like a grown woman when I'm with him. Actually, bag that younger-than-me-stuff. Yes we are young at heart together but that's not it. It's more than that. I feel like a female who's under the wing of a man. And that image/sentiment makes me more of a kin to a little yellow, newborn chic than a strong, independent gazelle. Does that make sense? I don't know why I'm likening myself to farm animals but the analogy fits right?

It's interesting how having a husbandly head changes my identity. For sure I used to be that confident, experienced, truly grown woman, especially as a single woman. And maybe that's the way people see me from the outside, but that's definitely not how I feel. And that's not a bad thing. I feel protected. I feel delicate like a well-made vase. I feel like I'm second-in-command, which I am and have no problems with. I like how my husband makes me feel. I love not having to be in charge of everything and having to make major life decisions, difficult decisions on my own. I like being able to watch him handle it all, because he can and does it well. Well of course a woman keeps a household together so I like being in charge without really having to be in charge, if you know what I mean. In any case, I am someone's complement. I am someone's someone. I am attached to someone else. On the outside and to others, I may be what I'm seeing in other women, but I certainly don't feel like one.

But that begs the question...Should having a husbandly head change my identity? I am definitely not the person I used to be when I was single. But there should be things about you that are firm and true. You should have a foundation and know who you are right? So, I repeat. Should having a husbandly head change my identity?


Alisa Renee' said...

I don't think it's bad that your identity has changed. God gives us what we need at certain points in our lives. When you were single, the characteristics that were manifesting in your identity had to be different than those that manifest as a married woman because those are two totally different lifestyles, you know what I mean? I am the head of a household. I make all the decisions, pay the bills, raise my son, run things on my own. If I got married, ALL those things would shift, and that's okay. I wouldn't need them as much anymore. Just don't lose Jendayi in your marriage... That's not good. But if you have a handle on Jendayi and are completely comfortable in who she is as a wife, then I think you're right where you need to be. I love the woman you've become!!

jendayi said...

Going back through my posts. Thank you for this Alisa.

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