Thankful and Other Crap

There's so much crap going on right now that it's best to focus on my blessings. Here's are three things I'm thankful for.

• I'm very well rested. I do not miss the days when I would push my body to the extreme and run on E for days. My body is calm and I am so thankful.
• I'm not broke. That's always something to be thankful for. I was penny pinching for a minute there but I'm not anymore. I got a check that I wasn't expecting and was able to use some of it for myself. I haven't actually shopped at a VS Semi-Annual sale in years. Finally, yesterday, I was able to. It was therapeutic.
• My father. He's a man unlike any other. When I'm not right, he fixes me in such a mild and loving way. I love that man.

I've thought about becoming a little loco. Unraveling a little. Changing my personality and stepping out the box. I'm a very formal, laced up to the neck sorta gal in my persona, but I'm starting to see the benefits in being totally unconfined. I guess more free-spirited is what I'm referring to. Free-spirited but smart. And the best way to start this phase (because I'm sure it's a phase) is to change the way I dress. More polka dots instead of solid colors. More yellow instead of black. More balloon skirts instead of pencil skirts. A turban instead of a tortoise headband or a beret. A little more Carrie Bradshaw and less Charlotte. You know what I mean jellybean? I want to live outside this box.

The thought of disappearing has been on my mind a lot. Not literally disappearing, but exploring different parts of the world and finding my little secret loves with a patch of the earth that no one knows about. I've been craving nature for a very long time now, and the winter freeze does nothing to help me. I just want to tip toe through a field of dandylions or something. Lay down on a pile of leaves and watch the clouds go by. Do I sound odd? I really do have a fascination with the outdoors that I haven't been able to revel in. I think I'm going to become a flower child and a tree hugger.

If you noticed the theme, I'm trying to be everything else but myself. But what if what I've been for the last decade is just a phase, and who I really am lies ahead of me?! I just want to break lose of the uniformity!