I have so much to say, and none of it is related. Here it goes.
My ex-fiance sent me a message the other day. We haven't talked in a while so it was a very bittersweet note. In it, he mentioned how we must be getting over each other because it's getting a little easier to be apart. He made it known however that he still wishes we would have gotten married and that he thinks about me everyday. His note got me thinking about the idea of heartbreak, because sadly, it's something I associate with him. Yes, we shared some great times and I have plenty of happy memories with him, but the lasting emotional ride I took with him was one of terrible, terrible pain. When I think back to the weeks and months after we broke up, I have to stop and catch my breath. Flashing back, I remember laying on the bed in the den curled up into a tight ball, seeing through blurs of tears. Streams and streams of tears. I wanted to rip my heart out of my chest just so I might have the hope of living again. I had never experienced a pain like that. Not even when I was recooperating from surgery. It is with that experience that I have promised myself that I will NEVER hurt that like again because of my own choices. I ultimately hurt myself by risking everything and by following my heart and not my head. Now, today on this day, I can say that I am so smart. So S-M-A-R-T when it comes to men. No no no. I don't think you understand me. I mean smart in the true essence of the word smart. As in having or showing quick intelligence or ready mental capability. There is nothing wishy washy about where my next decisions will lead me in terms of men. All the guessing work in this stuff we call relationships has been eliminated.
The ski trip was fun, but it was filled with so much debauchery. The Eastern Light Getaway vacations are more so for people who are looking to get away and cut as loose as humanly possible before returning to work on Monday. When I say that people were getting it in, I really mean they were Getting It In. I can't even talk about some of the stuff that went on but just know that I had to sit down a few times out of shock. My genre of party is definitely more grown and classy than what I got on this trip. I'm not knocking anyone though! I can tell that people had the absolute time of their lives, which is great. It's just that my idea of partying didn't mesh well with the environment. But all in all, I had a good time with my girls. I'm not a snob so it's not hard to make memories and have some good laughs when you are in good close company, even when everyone around you is acting absurd. I think that's the key to a lot of situations, and maybe to life in general. Just be yourself, and enjoy your days no matter what's going on around you. Let people be who they are. It's no one else's business to judge another. Feel me?
I think I'm beginning to master the quality of patience. Well not master, but it's coming a lot easier to me now-a-days. No matter whether it's in the areas of job or love, I'm sitting pretty. I could easily jump into something right now within both of the areas I mentioned above, but for some reason, I'm extremely calm and am really getting this idea of having a waiting attitude. I certainly did not used to be like this. The last time I was on the hunt for a job, I was under so much pressure that I stressed myself out about it. When I did not get the job at Mattel, I cried my eyes out. After interview after interview after interview with company after company, I became so frustrated at my situation and made myself so unhappy that I walked out of work one day and had to take a week of sick leave. I remember crying on the phone to my mother, who was 3,000 miles away, that I wanted to be fullfilled doing something that I love and it was unfair that I had to wait so long to get it. Who would have known that less than 3 months later, I would be working at Essence. I could have avoided a lot of maddening moments if I would have been patient. So that is my resolve. To be patient. To apply that to my situation now, I have to display that waiting attitude. I know that I will be taken care of, so there's no need to make myself sick about anything. Not even about finding love. Speaking of love though... I'm pretty sure that I've found love. I just have to wait for them to find God. Lol. And that, my friends, is a whole 'nother discussion for a whole 'nother day. =)
I'm going to read "Get Yours!" again. I need a little inspiration.