Monday, October 05, 2009

Ran-dumb Thoughts

He asked me if I was going to write today.
I guess I should.
I definitely don't write as often as I want.
I've fallen off on a lot of things.
Not necessarily because I want to or I'm lazy.
Life has been busy.
My time has been occupied.
One thing that I've completely fallen off track with is my picture taking.
Not my SLR hobby stuff, but my everyday picture taking.
I used to carry my point and shoot around like my licensce.
I don't know what happened to that.
My camera definitely needs to go back in my handbag.
I'm missing out on a lot of memories by not having it.
I have so many pictures from my LA and NY existances.
I feel bad that I haven't took the same initiative while I've been in the DMV.
Being here is just as important as being there was.
I guess I better act like it.
I'm feeling blah this morning.
The Monday blues.
You know how that goes.
I didn't want the weekend to go away.
It was so good to me.
I don't feel all that pretty today.
Tried to put a little more makeup than the usual on my face, but that never helps.
I really miss Essence.
There was hardly a day when I felt down while working there.
This is not to say that my job now makes me down because it's 100x better than it used to be.
But there's something about working for the magazine you love which writes about topics you like which are written and put together by woman who look and think like you.
It was so inspiring.
While my current job isn't horrible, it doesn't inspire me.
But not most people's jobs do.
My family is good.
We had a bruising this weekend, but it's as resolved as it's going to get.
I'm still a little cautious but my mom is making great efforts, so I know that I can too.
My sis and I spent some time in Hallmark on Sunday.
You know you're getting old when you start buying greeting cards in packs for future special occassions.
It was necessary though.
People are passing, anniversaries are coming and going, people's feelings are hurt and milestones are happening.
I was taught a lesson this weekend.
I'm no longer a child and when events happen, it's up to me to make mention and say that I care.
Parents are not responsible for my sending my well wishes along with theirs.
I'm grown.
Autumn just tagged me in this note.
"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." -Author Unknown
It's so funny that I'm getting this because I was trying to put into words something that seems buried deep down inside.
I was thinking about my best friends (sis, mj, kace, kara, etc.) and how they have clear gifts.
My gift on the other hand is hard to see which makes me feel discontent.
I don't think I'm content just the way I am.
I want more.
I want to do better.
But of course, we're harder on ourselves than anyone else.
Maybe I'm thinking too hard.

1 comment:

B-More BAP said...

Just seeing this. Love your blog! ...So to the heart :)

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