Love - Part 1

Why True Love Is So Hard To Find

Before I mention why I believe true love is so hard to find, I'd like to preface this with something...

There is no shortage of advice on romantic love. Therapists, internet web sites, books, magazines, television shows, astrologers, etc. offer guidance on the subject. You might be told that you wil discover "fascinating and incredible secrets" and will learn from "professional matchmakers", "relationship experts", and "love doctors". Books claim to show you "how to make anyone fall in love with you" or offer to reveal how you can find "the perfect partner in just one month." Much of this advice comes at a price though. And many people pay this price twice. Once when paying to receive counsel and then again when the guidance turns out to be flawed and they pay emotionally for the let-down. There is however, a source of advice that when applied, never fails. It discusses the subject truthfully, without making wild claims and unrealistic promises. The author is limitless in wisdom and matchless in love. You might already know what source I'm speaking of. Yep...You're right. It's the Holy Bible. Will the Bible enable us to have a good relationship with everyone? No. Some people will not warm to us, no matter how hard we try. Genuine love cannot be forced. However, by applying the Bible's guidance, we will increase our opportunities of cultivating loving relationships with others, even though this may take time and effort.

Now.. Why Is True Love So Hard To Find?

Reason 1

In one of Jesus' prophecies, He accurately foretold the conditions and trends of our day. He said the world would be marked by lawlessness and wars - the very opposite of love. He also said that "many...will betray one another and will hate one another" and that "the love of the greater number will cool off". Isn't this clearly evident in the time we live in? The apostle Paul also wrote that people would be "lovers of themselves, lovers of money...haughty... disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement...without self-control...without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God". How many of those traits do you see around you? Aren't most of these pretty common? For these very reasons, there aren't many attractive people out there. Looking for someone who is NOT these things is like searching for Waldo in 'Where's Waldo'. Think about it. Are you drawn to proud, unthankful people or to those who are disloyal or to those who will slander and betray you? Do you warm to individuals who are in love with themselves, money or with pleasures? Because self-centered people allow greed and personal desires to define and govern their relationships, any interest they show in others is likely to be selfish. Wisely, the Scriptures counsel to "turn away" from these.

Reason 2

We're all influenced by the media. Right? We're barraged with fairy-tale deceptions and hard-to-break stereotypes of sex, love and romance in movies, novels, music, advertising, the news, etc. Unfortunately, most mass media portrayals of sex, love and romance shape or reinforce unrealistic expectations that most of us just can not seem to dismiss. Books, movies, and songs rarely present an accurate picture of love. After all, their purpose is primarily to entertain and not to educate right? Sadly though, it is easy to confuse such fiction with reality. That is why people are often disappointed when their relationships do not match those of fictional characters. That is why it's so important to distinguish between fantasy and reality, between media romance and genuine love.

Let's compare storybook love and real love. In books, movies, or plays, the actual love story may vary, but their essential structure stays the same... Part 1 - Boy-meets-girl: a handsome prince meets a beautiful woman, and love is born. Part 2 - Boy-loses-girl: an evil count kidnaps the beautiful woman and flees the castle. The prince embarks on a dangerous quest to find her. Part 3 - Boy-gets-girl: the prince rescues the beautiful woman and banishes the count. The couple marry and live happily ever after. Well, regarding Part 1, a successful author advises writers, "it should be apparent to your reader from the couple's first glance that these two souls belong together". The love-at-first-sight notion implies that true love is just a feeling - an overpowering emotion that grips you when you meet the right someone - that such love just happens and requires little effort or knowledge of the other person. Real love, however, is much more than a feeling. Yeah, feelings are involved, but love is a profound human bond that also includes principles and values that never cease to grow, providing it is properly nurtured and maintained. Moreover, it takes time to ge to know another person. To assume that at first sight you have found the perfect partner smacks of fantasy and usually leads to disappointment. In quickly assuming that you have found true love, you may shut your mind to evidence to the contrary. Choosing a suitable mate requires more than a strong impression influenced by a flush of infatuation. For part 2, the romance writer says, "the main plot of the romance must concern two people falling in love and struggling to make the relationship work". In most novels, the relationship WILL work. We already know that. Obstacles, often only of an external kind (the evil count), are overcome. In real life, there are usually problems of an external AND internal kind. They may involve money, work, relatives, and friends. Problems also emerge when one person does not meet the other's expectations. In fictional characters, flaws are usually minor, but this is not always the case in real life. Further, real love does not carry us effortlessly through trials or differences in views, backgrounds, desires, and personalities. Rather, love involves cooperation, humility, mildness, patience, and long-suffering - qualities that do not always come naturally or easily. Part 3 - The romance novel writer again says, "you need that happily-ever-after ending". =I [that's my blank stare] Years afer marriage, disagreements and a host of other challenges and difficulties may have tested the relationship. As divorce statistics show, many marriages fail the test! So you see, storybook love is relatively easy; real love requires effort. So....Understanding the difference between the two will probably mean the difference between a promising relationship and a doomed one. It will safeguard you against naive, unrealistic expectations. It will also prevent you from making hasty commitments that you may later regret.

So Why Is True Love Hard To Find? Not only are we thrown off by the devastating attitudes of people in this world, but we are severly blinded by our perceptions of love due to false advertisements of love.

Well that's what I believe at least... Do you agree? Can you think of more reasons?

credit for ideas given to Awake! March 2006