San Diego Freeway

I can't sleep.

I can remember the times when I was most happy. Or should I say, the most free. It was during drives from San Diego on a never ending freeway. I was often escorted home to my place by darkness... the beautiful night sky with a few trickling lights here and there. But my biggest accompaniment was music. Music that filled my car up to the sunroof. When I close my eyes and play certain songs, I can feel those night drives. Whizzing by traffic at 80 miles per hour while notes carried me away. There was a certain comfort and free space that those moments gave me. I was given a sense of entitlement and independence. I needed no one to survive but my car, the road ahead of me, the night sky and my music. Sometimes I would pull into my parking spot after the two hour drive and wonder where the time went, and even question if I was really driving. Looking back, I can only be amazed that I'm still alive because I was definitely not in my conscious self. The only things I remember are my headlights on the road in front of me, and that feeling... That free feeling... Perhaps I felt so free because I felt confined at my ex boyfriend's place in San Diego. It was always a relief to get back into my own rhythm. To not have to rely on someone to make me feel comfortable... a someone who never cared about my comfort. I miss that highway. I miss that feeling. An out of body experience, but nonetheless, a feeling I can never forget. That's when I was the most happy. On the dark San Diego freeway with music in my ear and stars above my head.

(Where in the world did that come from?)