I'm An Outcast

I'm having a hard time finding my place here. But that's not uncommon when you move to a new city. When I moved the time before this, it took me over a year to get adjusted, and even longer to begin to like the place. It's been 4+ months, so I really have nothing to worry about, but something tells me that I'm going to have to work very hard to get myself in the mix of things. I'm already hating the fact that it takes me a mile of walking, a bus, a train and another mile of walking to get anywhere. While waiting at the bus stop for about 20 minutes last Sunday, I remember thinking "this #&%@ is for the birds". I can't entirely bag on the experience though because one thing I can appreciate is that New Yorkers are not lazy and are probably some of the most fit people I know. So I love the fact that I'm eating like a horse but still weigh 160 lbs. My thighs and butt are tight and my legs are strong. But back to what I was saying... One wouldn't imagine that I know so many people here, being that I'm such a homebody, but I have acquaintances all over this state. Most from college, new ones from work, one or two from my place of worship, many random ones from my network, and even family... Unfortunately... and please forgive me for saying this, especially to those NY acquaintances who are reading this... I just don't care! The last time I saw my girls from college, they said, "Where the %#^& have you been?!" Yes, just like that. And I really had no response for them. 'I don't know. It's cold? I'm tired? I've been at home?' But this is who I am. When in LA, I did the same thing until JenWill forced me out of the darkness and lured me into the California light. This time around however, no one is forcing me. No one really needs me like that. They have their cliques and they've had them since we graduated. So j.a.c. is indeed an afterthought. Which means, like I stated in the beginning of this post, that I'm going to have to put in the work. Now, therein lies my dilemma. I'm getting old. Yes 25 is old! And I don't care about clubs, lounges, drinks, men, and that how social scene as much as some people do. So put in work for what?! I have music (club), a sofa (lounge), cranberry juice (drink), and baby boi (men) right where I am. For Free! So then what's the problem you might say. Sit down at home and be happy. Well, yeah, but... I'm still young! Yes 25 is still young! And I do like to dance. And the girls are very sweet ladies. And it's good for my soul to get out of the house sometimes. So...what's a girl to do. Well in the last 30 seconds, I've decided that I'm going to reach out to a friend at least once a month. Yes. That's what I'll do. Once a month, I'll put forth the effort to hang out with some friends. Whether it's brunch, a museum exhibition, a (window) shopping excursion or a club, I'll muster up my strength to incoorporate myself into the NY life. When I was in middle school and even high school, I felt like an outcast. My mother said something to me that I still remember to this day. "You feel like an outcast because you're making yourself an outcast." From her words, I've learned a lot about myself and how to deal with future social experiences. Because of my isolated nature, I must work to insert myself into civilization. If I begin to feel left out, it's not because of anyone else but myself. It was a good lesson indeed. One that I'm incorporating today. Wish me luck!