Open Your Eyes

Dwele's CD is off the hook. I love this man (he came to the office Tuesday to meet with us!). There's one song that just... ugh! Can you say On REPEAT?! The way that he sings it... so soft... so smooth... And I love how he throws a little piece of Common's "The Light" back into the mix. Just stupidly beautiful.

I see you
in a lonley place
How can you be so blind?
You're still regretting the love you left
left behind
Oh Darling
I see you go through your changes
sitting alone each night
Are you expecting to find a love
love that's right?
Well darlin open your eyes
and let me show you the light
Girl, you'll never find a love that's right
But darling open your eyes
and let me show you the light
Oh you'll think you're so wise
so wise


There are times
when you need someone
I will be by your side
I'll take my chances before they pass
pass me by
There is a light that shines
special for you and me
You need to look at the other side
You'll agree
Well darling open your eyes
and let me show you the light
Girl, you'll never find a love that's right
But darling open your eyes
and let me show you the light

"Open Your Eyes" by Dwele

My Convo with Ms. Keys

I saw Alicia Keys at Madison Square Garden last night and we had a conversation. I was feeling very emotional moments before I met up with her, and you know when your emotions are on your sleeve, everything means so much more. Quotes hit you harder, Bible verses are more profound... even lyrics that you've heard over and over again hit cords they've never hit before. So because of my emotional state, when I conversed with Alicia last night, I understood her more than I ever have.

I was feeling very under appreciated last night. Even slightly angry. I told her that there was one song in particular that I was feigning to hear. She asked me what it was and I gave her a piece of the lyrics. "Used to look at you and see the possibilities. I see you for who you are. Boy you've disappointed me. Go Ahead. Go on and get up on outta here. Go ahead baby. You knew you was wrong. You knew all along. Must be crazy. If you think I'ma fall for this anymore, everybody say naa naa naa naa." She said to me that she thinks she sees what's going on here. She said that she knew exactly what I was feeling and that there was something that she once said to her under-appreciating friends and acquaintances that helped her out a lot. Alicia must have been reading my mind because she looked at me and said "And a real woman knows a real man ain't fraid to please her. If you treat me fairly, I'll give you all my goods. Treat you like a real woman should. Baby I know you're worth it. If you never play me, promise not to bluff, I'll hold you down when it get's rough. Don't take for granted the passion that she has for you. You will lose if choose to refuse to put her first. She will and she can find a man who knows her worth. And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth." By the end of her anecdote, I was down with her. You know? I felt her. I told her, 'dag on real! If a person treats me up to my full worth, they could walk away with my soul! I'll give them everything they need! My goods, my soul, my everything!' So I was wide open by then. She spoke to my heart and I was really feeling her. So then she began to tell me that a lot of times they just don't get it. They mistake your feelings for something different and come out of their mouth with some mess that doesn't even make sense. Even AFTER you've given your heart and soul. You would think they would know by now, but... they don't. So she tells me, "How could you look me in my eyes and not see what, what I feel inside. Tell me how could you doubt the fact that I love. Don't you ever think like that. Don't you ever never do that. There will never be two things that go together better than you and me! I need you." I agreed, I told her that I don't understand how you could be so tight with someone and then all of a sudden they tell you that you're not down. It baffles me too. But she told me that it's alright. When all of that mess surrounds you, and you feel distorted, just remember that you're a strong, surviving woman. We all have to be when the valleys hit hard and you're feeling the blues. She told me that I have to be a superwomen and told me like this, "Everywhere I'm turning, nothing seems complete. I hang my head from sorrow. The state of humanity wearing on my shoulders. Gotta find the strength in me. Cuz I am a Superwoman. Yes I am. Still when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest with an 'S' on my chest. Oh yes, I'm a superwoman." I told her that I completely understood that. I'm always pulling my head up against the weight of the world even when my heart hurts. I already live the life of a superwoman. Have since I was little. But who's going to be there for me? Who's going to be my supersomeone? She had an answer right away. She told me to apply what she was about to say next to the Almighty God Jehovah. She said, "I just want you close where you can stay forever. You can be sure that it will only get better. You and me together through the days and nights, I don't worry cuz everything's going to be alright. And no one can get in the way of what I'm feeling." Then she asked me, you know why? I asked why, and she said, "When the rain is pouring down and my heart is hurting, you will always be around. This I know for certain." She was so right. When you have 'no one', who's the only person you can turn to that will be ALWAYS around? God.

There were so many other things that she said to me, but I'll keep that between Alicia and I. I ended up having a GREAT conversation with her, as you can see. There's something so spiritual and beautiful about that woman. Her insides radiate and I appreciated how she left her heart open for people like me to peak into.

GREEN LIGHT

I love this!! Great summer song. This should be a good album. Check it out!

John Legend feat Andre 3000 - GREEN LIGHT

http://www.zshare.net/audio/137122957b7ad11e/

On My Way To Work....

...this morning, I listened to Marques Houston's "Veteran". I forgot how great this album is. The music is so underrated. This is his greatest piece of work yet. It made me happy this morning. I don't even really remember my commute!

Tuesdays are doom days at work (reports, meetings, monthly close stuff), so hopefully I can get through it without a burn. After today, it should be smooth sailing. Wednesday night is Alicia Keyes and Thursday night, I'll be on a plane to LA. We're almost there people!

My fiance' pulled my credit score yesterday for me. I must say that I'm proud of myself. I was worried though. My debt is overwhelming at times. Two credit cards and my student loan. I promise that I will get rid of one of those credit cards soon. I might even get a second job just to pay them off. Yep. If I move, I'm getting a second job. It's decided.

I watched Michael Clayton last night. Good movie. I have a couple of good movies coming up in my Netflix queue. Roscoe Jenkins... Sweeny Todd... Mr. Brooks... You know what other movie was good? Surf's Up. The animated movie with the penguins. These animated movies now-a-days are so smart. The script is so clever.

What new music comes out this week? Ryan Leslie, Rihanna (again), Chante Moore, and Anthony David. Eh. I might pick up Anthony David. He played for us a couple of weeks ago and I really like his personality and voice. Or I might save my money for Dwele next week. I still haven't got that Lil Wayne yet. Right now, it's all about Santogold. I really like that chicks sound. Reminds me of a little bit of M.I.A. mixed with some doses of J'Davey. She has a fresh sound. I like N.E.R.D.'s CD too, but all of it starts to sound the same. I swore they re-used some of the beats. You already know what you're going to get before you put the music on. It's GREAT party music though. If you want a work-out, throw on some N.E.R.D.!

Did you know that my favorite cereal is Honey Bunches of Oats? Well I'm going to eat some right now! Enjoy your day family!

If A Man Loves You, He'll Spend Money On You Part 2

I just read a Brown Sista post, (If A Man Loves You, He Will Spend Money On You) and I need to piggy back on some things. While I agree with the post, I think it goes deeper than that. I don't know how many times we have to say this, but it's not about the money. IT'S ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS. A nice phone conversation. A sweet text message. The gift of a flower, even if it's picked from the front yard. A letter in the mail. A walk in the park while holding hands. A little surprise. A candlelight dance in the living room. Do something to make me feel good dag-on-it. It's so funny because women spend all of their time and energy catering to the man of their affections. We call. We daydream about them. We play songs for them that remind us of them. We send silly e-cards just to say that we thought about them. We give them our last dimes. We give them space when they ask for it. We keep ourselves up so his boys can validate how well he pulled a dime. All of that crap. The major challenge comes in when a man comes down with a sudden case of amnesia and forgets what it is that you want. Will someone please tell me, what is it about a man that makes him lose his ever-loving mind and fail to cherish you and all that you do for him? Well in the words of my man Dan from the CW tv show "Gossip Girl", "It's because I'm a man and I'm dumb." Now if THAT doesn't explain why men are apologizing the majority of the time, I don't know what does. So if a man loves you, he won't only spend money on you, he will use every ounce of his strength to fight the amnesia. He will include you in his thoughts and communicate his feelings. He will do his best to refrain from taking his long day out on you. If a man really loves you, he will work through issues with you. He will work his butt off to take care of you. The list goes on.

Of course these things should go both ways. But I'm not talking about females right now because most of this mess comes naturally to us. Please get it right fellas. It really doesn't take much. All we need is tenderness and a thoughtful sentiment every now and then. It really has nothing to do with money. I'll live in a box with a man if he loves me like a queen. But, err, if you're going to have me in a box, you really have no choice but to treat me as such. Because if you make me feel stupid for being in the po' house with a man who mistreats me, I'm burning your box down, taking what little money you do have, talking bad about you to everyone I know, and then buying me a house with the secret stash I've had all along! Holla!!!!

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

So many things on my mind.
When you get engaged, everything goes from me to we.
I'm not used to this yet.
Every decision I make, I have to think about him.
It's taxing sometimes.
I found a new Brandy song on Concrete Loop that's resonating with me.
It's called Escape.
"So many complications.
Everyday it's something.
Escape from my mind."
Brandy's music is great.
I can't wait until her new album.
"I'm losing all my patience.
It's so hard to resist it.
You don't know what I'm going through."
I can listen to this song all day.
I'm thinking about moving.
An apartment will become available in August.
I'm tired of living with family.
It's beneficial for my wallet if I stay.
Sometimes you just don't care.
If I didn't leave my aunt's to have my own, I would've been a different person.
It was one of the best decisions of my life.
I'll have roommates this time around.
Can't live in NY without.
Lunchtime.
I'm not hungry.
Haven't been hungry in quite a while.
I ate really well in Atlantic City this past weekend though.
Had so much fun with the ladys.
My abs got a workout I laughed so hard.
The Alicia Keyes concert is Wednesday.
Not particularly excited yet.
I took my aunt to see her a couple of years ago.
She put on a good show.
JennWill flies in Thursday.
Gotta remember that.
I need to pack tomorrow.
I live out of a suitcase.
I probably should cancel my hair appointment.
We might go swimming.
No need to have a fresh head for that.
Wondering what to do July 4th weekend.
My parents and sis will be gone.
Should I go home and have the house to myself?
Maybe I should discover NY.
I need to get with some friends.
Just emailed them.
What's going on July 4th weekend yall?
I think I should take a break, even if I don't eat.
Later.

R. Kelly ACQUITTED?

Acquitted?! How?! What in the world?!!! (Should I be surprised?)

http://www.essence.com/essence/themix/entertainment/0,16109,1814418,00.html

Essence/Toyota Event

Last night, my job had an event in partnership with Toyota called "If Looks Could Kill". (see Bossip post here) (and Brown Sista post here) (and YBF's take) Toyota has spent much of their effort on marketing the 2009 Camry towards African-American women, hence the partnership with Essence. Check out the online component of the campaign here. PR Weekly said this about the site. "[It] includes a series of videos that feature a resourceful fashion designer and Camry driver involved in an espionage plot. Users can navigate within the 3D scene to play along with the adventure, picking up clues to assist the main character, and potentially winning 1,000 prizes over the course of the campaign." I haven't checked it out yet, but it looks fun.

So Alexis Phifer of Ghita (also Kanye West's ex) and Keyshia Cole provided our entertainment and I have two observations. I bumped into Alexis on my way out to lunch and boy was she short. Who would've known?! Two - Keyshia Cole was surprisingly GORGEOUS! Not that I ever thought she wasn't pretty, but in person she's remarkable. Of course she was wearing a Diane von Furstenberg dress. And I hated her for that. lol. Here are a few pics from the event below.

Solange's "I Decided"

This is so good ya'll!

Mr. Breezy

UPDATE: Pics Now Included

Chris Brown
Rockefeller Plaza
A rare chance to see him
Came into work
Dropped my bags
Headed back out the door
Walked across the street to the plaza
Crowd is unusually large
More guards and police officers than ever
I faked like I was buying a cup of coffee to get into Dean & Deluca



Screaming girls everywhere
I secretly screamed
I like the mohawk Chris



Took as many pics as I could fight to take
Finishes the first song
Police start to come into D&D
I leave
I hover around the crowds to see the interview
He smiles
Cute A
nd then he performs Forever
I love that song




A guard comes over and tells me I have to move
He touches me and I tell him don't touch me
(I can't stand it when people of enforcement think they can touch you)
So I move around him
Watch for a couple of minutes
And head back to work
Chris Brown

A light bulb just went off today...a true aha moment. There's been this little thing that has bothered me for some time now. Maybe even as far back as high school. It was/is strange but whenever I had/have an informative or deep conversations with someone, I secretly walk away, not enlighted, but hurt. It didn't make sense because whatever advice I was hearing was usually for my benefit. Most likely, it would come from people who loved me and wanted the best for me. So why feel hurt by it? Well, in an attempt to not look ungreatful, I shoved the feeling deep down inside and never spoke of it. I never could put my finger on why I often felt so insulted, but today I figured it out. Today's the first day I've spoken this into the air.

I don't think I'm given enough credit.

From a very early age, I was told that as a pretty, light-skinned girl, people will perceive me similar to a dumb blonde. I might have mentioned this in a previous blog, but I did all I could to fight that stereotype. I wasn't obsessed with the notion of proving myself though. I didn't let it lead my life. I just made sure that when I opened my mouth, I had something of substance to say. I'm not sure if I feel like I'm treated like a dumb blonde, but I now know that I surely have this general sweeping feeling that people assume I'm not smart enough to think.

My director emailed me today and told me that if I don't have numbers by end of day Friday, I should email the managers on Monday to ask for them. Umm... It's now Wednesday. Why do you not believe in me or in my intelligence enough to know that I not only thought about that, but DID something about it 2 days ago? This exact case happens often in my life. In discussions, I often hear people say that I need to learn to do this or perhaps I should try to approach it this way. Maybe it's because I'm usually talking to elders that they assume I don't know. On occasion though, it's come directly from my peers. During those times, I wish I could plead with that person to realize that I'm not a retard and that I had that very same conversation with myself 2 days ago.

My mother asked me is there something that I can do so that I don't feel that way. Perhaps communicate more. I told her that I need to speak my intelligence more. She then told me that maybe I don't because it shows humility. Well I don't know what to do then. I just want to know when am I allowed to have wisdom without telling everyone that I have it? I'm not trying to say that I never have to listen to advice again because I'm not so ignorant to believe that I don't need help. I am only 25 years old and have so much to learn about life. I told my mother and my aunt today that I have no idea how to be a wife. And when that day comes, I'm going to call them and ask for help. I'm looking forward to learning from their personal life's so that I don't run into the same ditches they ran into in their marriages.

I think this is all coming up because of my engagement. While they are happy for me, they're worried for me. And it's adding a certain weight to my special announcement. (And I know they don't mean to, so I'm not blaming anyone.) To quote them, they said that it is "bittersweet" because while they're happy for me they know the valleys that marriage brings and wonder if I'm strong enough. Yes, there is a lot of joy and pain in marriage. It's a fact. And you better believe that I've thought about this. Why say yes if I haven't? I know that my parents and relatives are afraid. They want to protect me from everything, and they're scared. It's sad that in this system of things, marriage brings forth such a cloud. And I can understand why. 50% of marriages end in divorce. They're hard. And by Christianity's standards, there's no way out with the exception of infidelity. It's a serious step. A major, life-changing decision.

I don't know. This is all so new to me. I don't want to tip toe around everyone as they worry for me. I want to STOMP around during my engagement. I want to scream it to the world. Dag on it, I'm getting married!

STRESSED

I'm so stressed today. I'm doing all I can not to lose my mind. My director is driving me crazy, it's dark and rainy outside, I only have one of me to do all of this work... Lord please help me get through this day!