Sunday, July 19, 2009

Intricacies of Dating

As I begin to get back out here and date, I'm coming into a realization that dating has phases. The first phase - the oooooh-i-think-i really-like-this person-phase - is cool, but it doesn't last for very long. Once the novelty has worn off, and you take the rose colored glasses off, you begin phase two where you start to learn a lot about a person. In particular, what you like about them and what you don't. If you're contemplating whether you could potentially marry this person, you start to tilt your head sideways and imagine if you could put up with their stubborness, laziness, insecurities, emotional issues, and baggage for the rest of your life. You might perhaps make a list of their good qualities and bad to see if the totality of the good can outweigh the bad. And if you decide to pursue a relationship with a person regardless of their less desirable traits, you begin phase three. I'm not anywhere close to phase three so it's a little difficult to recall what this involves, but if I remember correctly, phase three is where you be together. And I really mean just be. Simply put. All the while up to and through this point, you're still learning each other, but you pretty much know at this point who this person is and you 'be together' making memories and gaining experiences. Good ones and tough. Basically, you grow into each other becoming more familiar than you might care to. =) Hopefully after that, come marriage. I'm sure there's a whole new set of phases to consider there, so I'll keep you posted when I learn what they are.

I feel like I'm learning to date all over again. Actually, that's not true. I'm lying. I know how to date. As I begin to go through it however, I'm remembering how to date all over again. There are certain instances that pop up and from past experiences I can say 'no, don't do this' or 'this is how you handle this'. I seriously feel like I'm reaching back in my memory and applying the information to my present situation. I think the bullet point I'm recalling the most is when to shutup and when to speak up. Also, when it's best to give someone room and when it's okay to be together. Oh and one more thing. I'm also remembering how to let someone be who they are. But about that shutup and speaking up thing... I think I'm honest to a fault sometimes. I feel like when two people are getting to know each other, they should be completely open and tell everything. But that's not true. Everyone doesn't need to know everything because in most cases, timing is everything. I have to fight against my natural tendencies to tell everything though. The reason why I do it is so that I can give someone the opportunity up front to decide if they can handle me or not. (And yes I admit that I am a lot to handle.) I'm a hit it and quit it type of girl and I don't like bad surprises. If I could walk around with a sign that tells everything about me so others can see without having to open up my mouth, I would. Giving full disclosure is important to me. However, there is no fun or ease about telling everything upfront. It's also very blunt and lacks any type of charm. I know that patience is a virtue. Even though I don't like to waste time, there exists a certain amount of energy you have to invest in a person if you wish to get the desired results. You have to take the risk.

That's what dating is. Risky business. Among all the joys that comes with having a mate, it's the best when you find out all the not so good things though. That's when the good stuff really begins and the tests arise. That's when you can finally calculate your risk and deduce whether the returns are profitable enough. And if they are, hold on to your hats! Because you will then begin the ride of your life.

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