Do the Work

I have so much to say and so little time to say it in. Luckily, Jillly from Philly says it for me.

"You can hold me close, kiss me nice. Talk to me in the moonlight. You can take my hand. Be that strong man, you can. Hold me close. Make me feel so good. Talk to me in my ear. Tell me things that I need to hear...Come and give it to me soon, cause I need you. I can't take all of this without lovin. I'm tired of being strong all day. I need to get to know you in a familiar way. I can handle it all, but in the middle of the night, I need something right. I need you to get closer. Come a little bit closer boy. I need you to get closer to... Come and feel the fire with me. I need to feel the King in you. Let me see it soon."

I've been thinking a lot about the gift of singleness, in part because of a blog post that one of my sisters sent me about waiting for the right man. It was deep. I 100% agreed with everything that was said. There's no better time to explore who you are and to build a tough relationship with God than when you are single. No better time. Going into a marriage not knowing who you are is tough. It creates all kinds of problems later on. Going into a marriage with a strong spiritual relationship with God is tough. That too creates all sorts of problems.

As I go through these years of marriage, I am so happy that I took that time. I discerned, I researched, I discussed, I learned, I experienced hard lessons, I consulted, I prayed... I did a lot of work as a single person. I think my blog history can attest to that. Learning who you are is not easy. Forget about the fact that you still wonder if you accurately figured out who you are later on in life. Getting to a place where you are comfortable in your skin takes work. Let me say that again. Getting to a place where you are comfortable in your skin takes WORK. I mean real work people. You actually have to do something. For me, that involved a lot of reading and a lot of writing and a lot of decision-making. No, I will not be that person. No, I do not like that. Yes, I can own that character trait. Yes, this hobby definitely affects my personality for the better. Nope, another person's opinion can not alter how I feel about x. I really worked at planting my feet in soil, attaching my roots deep and growing from there.

Moving across the country was a blessing. Every single puppet string was detached when I made that move. I decided everything for myself. One of the most significant decisions was my decision to make a spiritual search. Proving the scriptures to myself, going against what the Bible recommended and learning the hard way that God's Word really has some truth to it helped me to draw closer to God. With the help of Jehovah, I studied my butt off and my conscious was trained. My social experiences also helped define my spirituality. As I partied all over LA, I learned what my Bible-trained conscious would allow me to do and what it wouldn't. I was actively putting my Bible studies to work (although not necessarily in a good way). I challenged everything I was learning and used my social life to do so. "Let me see if I can socialize with people who have not an inkling of spirituality about them, drink until 2am and still feel okay about myself the next day." lol. I did it. I did it all!

I say all that to say that yes lawd singleness is a gift. As I think back, everything experience was for a purpose. It was hard, but it was well worth it. And as I continue to grow in marriage, I look forward to looking back again and rounding up all the lessons and gaining insight into how marriage helped me spiritually and personally. So the work continues! I have a nice base, a great foundation, and now I have to keep building. Keep working. Keep reading, praying, writing, studying, consulting, researching... The hard work is well worth it. I promise you.

Do the work.

Be Healthy

From MadisonBalance.com

Don't wait until January 1st to start living a healthier life.  There are ways to get fit right now and stay fit through the holiday season.  Creating the good habit is half the battle.

1. Get outside and go!  Fall can be a treat for the senses: the crisp air, pumpkin carving, apple picking and beautiful fall foliage are all around you.  These few months are a great time to exercise outdoors without the sweltering heat or freezing temperatures.  Find a hiking or cycling trail, canoe or kayak.  Remember, working out doesn't have to be a chore.  Have some fun!

2.  Think outside the box.  Has it been your dream to learn to tap dance or box?  There's no time like the present to find a class that works for your schedule.  Classes are starting everywhere in the next few weeks. 

3. Be an active TV watcher.  Watching television doesn't mean you have to be a couch potato.  While you watch you can run in place, do standing lunges, tricep dips off the couch or lift weights.  Commercials are the perfect time to get in a set of push-ups or sit-ups.  You have an average of 20 minutes of commercial time during an hour program to get fit.

4.  Integrate exercise into your life.  Park your car farther away from the grocery store, take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk during your lunch break.  This may be the easiest way to get started on a healthier path.

5.  Rejuvenate.  Fall is the time to rejuvenate your body.  Your time spent doesn't have to always be about physical training.  Good health is also about mind and spirit.  Learn to meditate.  Treat yourself to a massage after a run.  

Thoughts

Today is one of those dreary days. It's raining and it's dark. But I don't mind it. It fits me at this moment. I'm not saying I feel dark or dreary, rather I appreciate the weather. It's calming. It's giving me a little bit of a break.

I bought Lana Del Rey's "Born to Die" album. Playing now is a song called 'Video Games'. I don't exactly know what it's about yet, but I like it. It matches me in this space. Slow and calming. I remember days when I used to lay on my pull out bed in California, put my head phones on and listen to an entire album from beginning to end. No phones, no computers, no tv. Just me and my headphones and my pull out bed. It's funny how you recall certain moments. Moments that you didn't even think were going to be important as you were making them back then. I think I want to lay on my sofa and put on my husband's Beats to listen to this album. I want to get lost.

Life has been good. Interesting lately but good. I've had a recurring thought these past few days that I'm not surprised is on my mind. All paths led and still lead to it. I haven't prayed about it in a while, so perhaps it's time to revisit that conversation with Jehovah.

I wonder what's next in life... I surely don't want it to get boring...

You know what I haven't made as priority? Travel.
France, Italy, England, Australia, Russia, Fiji, Tahiti, Germany, Ireland, Brazil, Canada, Puerto Rico.
When will there be time? The 9 to 5 holds me back. I have to wait for paid time off to accrue in order to enjoy the world? Seems so backwards.

Music: Yong and Beautiful - Lana Del Ray

No wonder Kanye proposed to Kim over this song - her favorite song right now.

I've seen the world
Done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant
And Bel Air now
Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child

Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
...

I've seen the world, lit it up
As my stage now
....
The way you play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul

Loving this song. I think I'm obsessed with it and the movie it came from. If you haven't seen 'The Great Gatsby' it's a must.

Growing

I'm in a place right now. My thoughts are flowing. The music in my ears is perfect. I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Sounds like the perfect storm for a blog.

I'm listening to Jon B.'s 'The Ride of Our Lives'. If you read this blog or know me, you know how I feel about this song. It gets me every time. But right before the song came pouring through my head phones, I was thanking my friend for coming to visit me this weekend with her newborn baby and husband. I was telling her over chat that it's very apparent that having a baby changes personalities and character for the better. There's something much calmer and sweeter about her. There was a moment yesterday when we were sitting in my living room with a few other people discussing a stressful situation in someone else's life. My friend had a similar situation that created a lot of pain for her, but as the conversation ensued, she waved her free hand in the air and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, 'it's not even worth it' while holding her daughter in the other. That little gesture while holding her sweet little baby is one that keeps replaying in my mind over and over again. Because of her history and knowing where she came from emotionally, I am simply overwhelmed with the transforming power of a tiny little human being. And of course, that stirs emotion in me.

I'm interested to know what would change in me. What kind of person would I be? What lessons would I learn? What are my most selfish areas of life? Do I go out often to the point where I would feel a change? Would my hair appointments go away or would I work to keep those moments to myself as a part of my me-time? What would no longer be important to me anymore? Probably my tv shows. I'm just looking forward to seeing and learning and figuring out and growing. I'm ready to stop being selfish and to live for someone else. Ya know?

 

Wants Not Needs, Or Maybe Needs

Hubby asked me what I wanted as a gift. While I think he has no idea what he's gotten himself into, this is a hard question for me to answer. If you know anything about me, you know that I love interior design. So there's a ton of stuff that I want for the house, but for some reason that doesn't totally feel like it's for me. I feels like it's his too. I mean, he gets to reap the rewards from it too right? But I guess I shouldn't be too concerned with that. So what if the gifts that I want are also the very items that he'll use.

I haven't shared any of these thoughts with him because I know how overwhelmed he gets with my ideas, but these are the 3 things I want (or need).

• A Willing Spirit - That's what I want my from my hubby more than anything right now. I'm a girl with ideas for the home, dreams of adventures, desires of life, aspirations of the heart, thoughts out the wazoo... And getting him to make a memory with me or help bring an idea to fruition takes a bit of work on my part. The ironic part about it is that when he finally gets into whatever idea I have, he loves it! You should have seen him as he created a new outlet source for our bedroom tv! He was in heaven! So, yeah. That's the greatest gift he could give me. Reminds me of a scripture we're all too used to hearing at our congregation meetings. "Let each one do just as he has resolved in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

• An Experience - I keep telling my man that an experience is worth more than some item of a gift. He actually listened to me when thinking of gifts for our anniversary. A couples massage and a horse back riding lesson for beginners. We didn't actually ever get to use the deals that he bought for me (they expired before he got around to booking them - boo), but it was a great start in the right direction. I recently had a convo with hubby about my desire to paint. So what better gift than to go to Michael's, buy the supplies and set us up in the garage with a painting session for two? Right?!

• An Office Space - I've desperately wanted an office space just for me for a while. And now that we have a bit of free space in our bedroom after moving some things into our bedroom-turned-closet, I think we're ready! We don't have a TON of room though so I think a thin mirrored desk would be perfect against our corner window, complete with a beautiful desk lamp and a chair. Just enough thickness for my laptop, maybe a few books, etc. I think this is a perfect gift because whenever we get the chance to sleep in, hubby gets slightly irritated at the tapping of my nails on my keyboard as I lay next to him. I love Rachel's space. I mean how amazing would it be for me to come home and see that hubby tried his hand at designing a space just for me that I can then take over and keep designing? Ugh. I just might cry.

That's it!

Discovering Joy

I had a creative orgasm this weekend. Yep. That's what I'm going to call it. While recuperating from a sinus cold on Saturday, I went from blog to website to blog to website discovering new designers, photographers and fashionistas who nearly made me loose my mind. I think I have an obsession with clean and crisp sites. There's something about them that draws me in and immediately impresses me. The site could be about doo doo. If it's clean and well organized and pretty, I'll read it. Anyway, I learned so much from browsing these sites.

I found a new 'Olivia Palermo' (my fashion icon) that I probably will steal outfit ideas from. I figured out where all these bloggers are getting their customized templates from. I happened upon some design ideas for my jacreative blog and I was introduced to a woman named Joy Deangdeelert Cho by way of Emily Henderson's blog (my designer icon). Emily just finished designing Joy's new studio space. You should take a look here. It's pretty cute.

Now Joy is an interesting woman. She is a mother and wife but more interestingly, she has her own design company called 'Oh Joy'. But I don't think it's fair to corner her into the box of 'designer'. This woman does A LOT. At her studio, she helps clients figure out their identity, packaging and more. She also creates products like stationary, fabric, baby clothing and wallpaper. I mean this woman has stuff in Target, Anthropologie AND Urban Outfitters. And then to top it off, she has a new branch of her company called 'Rx' in which she consults for and mentors small businesses/individuals on how to get their business off the ground, keep work/life balance, decide on next steps career wise, etc. I mean, hello?! Who does all of that?!

So you know of course she's a writer too. I bought both of these books.



"Creative, Inc." made me think of two of my 'sisters' who are new into the freelancing business world. "Blog, Inc." obviously piqued my interest because I'm a blogger. I skimmed through both books and as I did so, I found it funny how the key items she discussed like how to organize your blog and the importance of getting your site's link on other people's blogs had everything to do with how I found Joy and ultimately purchased not one, but two of her products. Smart cookie. But I think she's more than smart. She's helpful. I see that from 'Rx' and from these two books. There's no doubt that she's more than a designer. She's a philanthropist, a mentor and a… what's the best way to put this? A human being! And I can bet you $100 that that's what she wants her brand to represent. I got all of that from a blog, a website which housed her portfolio, a short youtube video and a book (or two). Sounds like a recipe for success to me.

To all my freelance readers and freelancers in the making, I think there's a lesson or two to learn here. Right?

A Story

I had a dream the other night. A good one. One of those dreams I didn't want to wake up from. I tried to force myself back into the dream but it didn't work. So I went over the parts that I could remember over and over again in my mind. I didn't want to forget. Here's how it started.

"I signed the divorce papers." 
When he said that, her movements came to a halt and her heart dropped into her stomach. She filed for divorce over 6 months ago. Three months ago, they became friends again. 
"Oh," was all she could manage to say. He continued to place the groceries on the conveyor belt. Her best friend who was behind her and in tune to every shock of panic that radiated from her body, grabbed for her hand and squeezed it. Her soon-to-be ex husband never looked up.

Maybe I'll exercise my brain and finish it one day.

Black vs. White

I've been looking at a lot of photos of black couples lately. I love black love. But as a photographer, you have to watch that kind of stuff, especially if you wish for your portfolio to be published in part or full. I'm not too worried about this being that photography is just a hobby of mine. But even still, should I begin to shoot white people too?

There's an article floating out here about the lack of images of black couples. I agree with it. Other than Gabby & Dwayne, Beyonce & Jay-Z, LaLa & Carmelo and the Obamas, you don't have much. The article then went into interracial dating. If you didn't know, I'm one of those black women who see all these black men with non-black women and feel some kind of way. I perhaps can take seeing it sparsely, here and there. But when I see it in flux, my heart hurts. I guess it's about the realization that this decision that my black men are making is not rare, it's actually very common.

That leads me to something very interesting. My husband is starting to have a thing for white women. (Let's just pause there for a minute. Yeah, go on ahead and cock your head to the side. And then pause some more.) I'm not too sure how to take it because the whole white women crush thing he has going on might be a joke. MIGHT is the operative word. I'm not sure though. My husband plays too much and I'm gullible so you never really know. I'm teetering on the edge about it all though. Some time ago, we were talking about females that we think are beautiful and I named people like Jennifer Lopez, Paula Patton, Zoe Saldana, and Jessica Alba. Hubby pointed out to me that I didn't include any black people in my list. From then on, it's been a running joke that I don't think black people are pretty (which is absolutely false by the way). So just last week, hubby made a joke and said that he's beginning to see things "my way". Ugh. I think I just rolled my eyes. But as the joke continues and I hear his comments about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, something just doesn't feel right.

It's funny how we have these "black love" photos floating out on the web of us right now. Very ironic. Who my husband perceives as beautiful is very important to me because I want to be beautiful to him.

Video: If We Had Your Eyes - Michelle Williams

Love love love this song.

Our Do Over - A Photo Shoot

Hubby and I had the privilege of modeling for one my favorite photographers, Danielle Finney, for her wedding inspired shoot. As usual, Danielle's photos were incredibly beautiful and captured a look into my husband's and my interactions together. You wouldn't know it from the photo above, but we laughed our hearts out most of the photo shoot just like we do in our daily lives. It was nice to have a 'do over' of sorts where we enjoyed each other without the stress of our actual wedding day. Check out the rest of the photos on the bridal blog Munaluchi.com.

What I'm Made Of

Shannon Evans's blog serves as my shot of inspiration. I don't often term myself as a creative person, even though I am. But when I remember to check out her latest blog posts, she wraps me into a world of creativity that I feel like I belong to. Then I start to feel the passion.

'I am a writer dag on it!'

'I am a photographer!'

'I AM a designer!'

'And I'm good at it!'

As I perused her blog, Shannon rekindled these 'career' notions I've been toying with again. She has a few videos on her blog from an organization called TED whose whole purpose is to spread ideas. It's basically a collection of talks by riveting people whose whole point is to inspire you. I listened to a few of the talks and while they were good, I wasn't exactly inspired to leave my job like Shannon was. It didn't hit me the same way it hit her. Maybe that's because I don't have the same type of hole that Shannon did when she ran out of her office in corporate America and balled her eyes out. Maybe it's been drilled in me that I actually do have a career outside of corporate America that potentially saves people's life's (the ministry). Maybe it's because I like my paycheck. Whatever it is that stopped the inspiration from compelling me to stop over into my manager's office and firmly proclaim 'I resign', I'm going to listen to it. And I'm okay not to feel the same things as Shannon or other people I've known who decided to pursue their passions singularly.

So yes, Shannon inspired me. She inspired me to think, to listen, to feel and to decide. This is not to say that I will always stay satisfied with this corporate America job. More than anything, I believe my situation in life will dictate that satisfaction or lack of. Once I start to feel unsatisfied will be the real test. Will I take hold of the inspiration I get from Shannon and others and DO something about it. I hope to never become unsatisfied though. That way I won't have to find out what I'm really made of.

Career Moves

I love love love how I feel when a e-décor client comes back to me and says "I LOVE EVERYTHING!! It's pretty Jendayi, you did really good!" Ugh. My heart just swells, especially because I spent A LOT, and I mean A LOT, of time and energy on the client's e-design who gave me those rave reviews. I am beyond pleased with this hobby for hire service of mine. If I got rave reviews like this all the time, I might be able to do a little something something with this! This is one of the things that I feel I am 100% good at. 

Check out the latest piece of work that my client so lovingly adored here.

 

jendayiashacreative

I re-designed my professional blog yesterday. I did it off a total whim too. I was supposed to be working on a client's storyboard but got majorly side tracked. All wasn't lost though because I really think I made a major improvement to the site. It's prettier (at least I think so), it's easier to navigate (moved all the major tabs to the top), and it's better organized (no more personal stuff over there, keeping it strictly business). If I do any updates on my house or spill on what's on the to-do list for clients or feel the urge to write a monologue about how my day sucks, I will do so over here. Zuri She Wrote is the place for all that nonsense.

I also found a logo, header, brand identity for myself that I like. The j.a.creative = j.a.design + j.a.photography notion that you see below is sticking with me. I've been using the font in the header for a while on the e-design storyboards I've sent to clients. I actually found it online about a year back and fell in love. The white and gray feel is very much me too. I like the clean feel of it all. HOPEFULLY I won't change my mind anytime soon about all of this because I worked on this thing for about 12 hours. Yep. 12 hours.

I haven't decided though what this all means. Am I going to do push this blog out to the world? Will I advertise my services now?  Do I want more customers? Should I instagram the blog? I know I have the link on my profile page there, but should I do more? Will anyone besides my family and friends and the few readers I have here know about the re-design? (I sure wish I knew how many people read my blog. I have the feeling it's more than I think because of some feedback I've gotten on some occasions.) What's my next move? I know how Alisa feels about this (lol), but I don't know if I'm there yet. You know what my major fear is though? Having two jobs. I'm lazy and a perfectionist at the same time. I don't want to go home from an 8 hour job to have to start up on a design project that I can't finish and put all my energy into. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Crap. I have a report to run. I gotta go. See... This is what I'm talking about. This creative stuff takes time and I can't do both. Well I probably can, but I don't want to. Unless something gives... Gotta go!

Just in Case

The thought has been heavy on my mind.

What if I were able to sustain myself on photography and interior design? What if it would be a dream come true to work for myself? What if that ends up being what's best for my family?

Or will doing photography and interior design full time take away from the enjoyment that I get from it now? I could probably hang tough with interior design. Photography might not be where it's it. I realize I only like photographing people I know. Lol. While on my family reunion, I loved taking photos for my family. No one asked me to, but I knew that they would appreciate the results. And they did. I felt like I made a major contribution to the family that way.

Just in case though, I think I might take my hobbies a bit more seriously. Just in case...

Needed

O.M. to the G. You have NO idea how badly I need this vacation I'm about to embark on. One entire week, on the beach with the people I love the most. My family. I feel like I've been on everyone else's vacation but my own and I'm way past ready to do my own thing the way I like to do it. What I like most about my family reunion is the freedom I get to meander on the beach. I yearn for the beach right now like it's my long lost lover. The beach provides me with a sense of peace and comfort that I can't get from anywhere else. And since peace and comfort are what is lacking most in my life right now, I need him more than ever. Yes, the beach is him. That's my boyfriend for the next few days. I'm going to get lost in him and let him swallow me up. I'm going to let him whisper to me. I'm going to let his thoughts overtake me. I'm going to let him toast me. I'm going to let him love me the way I want to be loved. It's going to be so beautiful. But you know what the best time to be with my boyfriend is? At night. Have you ever connected with the beach at night?! You're just sitting there with the mass of darkness in front of you that you can't quite make out, but you feel it. And you hear it. And you know it's powerful. And it's much grander than you. You respect it and remember how small and inconsequential you are to it. There's nothing like the ocean.

So yes, that's what I'm looking forward to doing. Connecting with my boyfriend. I'm also glad all of my cousins will be together. I'm anxious to hear how everyone is doing. I'm anxious to be around my dad. The most refreshing male ever. My father... He's probably the only man who treats me how I want to be treated. I feel how strongly his heart goes out for me and how badly he wants to see me happy... I love that man. And then I'm anxious to go ATV riding with my fam bam! There's a trail or a course that's called 'down and dirty'. Awwwwwwwwwww yeah. My sisters and I rode ATVs for the first time on our vacation in Mexico and that it was so much fun. I felt so EMPOWERED riding that machine through the back, rough terrain. Woman Hear Me Roar!!! Lol. I saw pics from the 'down and dirty' trail and we are really about to get dirty, as in mudddddddyyyyy. It's going to be so much fun. But not to worry for all my bougie sisters out there (yes I am one of you too!) because I'll counteract all that with the spa later on in the week. =)

Indeed, this vacation is needed. It's coming at a good time. I need to disconnect from the problems at home in this Washington, D.C. area and get back to doing me. When I was single, I was great at channeling peace and doing me. I was so calm and clear back then. I understood everything. I was super reasonable in dealings with other human beings. I could isolate out intentions from mistakes that people (and I) made. Bible principles were easy to practice. Everything just clicked. The difficulties of marriage can cause you to feel wild and confused, so I will work on getting back to that place that I loved. I really loved that about myself when I was single. I took such good care of myself. I was strong and responsible and clear-headed and FUN. I haven't been feeling so strong and fun lately. Actually, I've been feeling very much beat down and drained. So I'm thankful. I'm thankful that this isn't just another vacation. I'm thankful that I NEED this vacation and it's more of a savior to me than just another trip. Thank you Jehovah! 

Oh! One last thing. I've been having SOOOO many dreams about my past lately!!!! I don't know WHAT the heck is going on in my mind but my dreams are really going in on me! It seems like every morning when I wake up, I need to pray and ask Jehovah to get those thoughts and dreams out of my head. My dreams are plaguing me! See why I need to clear my head? T minus 1 day and it's on.

What Now

I'm not going to lie. I'm having a hard time right now in my life. Out of nowhere. It's crazy how one moment, everything can be going well and the next, a volcano erupts that doesn't seem to die down. I feel so weighted and sad. And as a result, I am very stressed out. With all this stress, there's very little chance for me to conceive. I'm starting to feel the tears in my eyes as I'm writing this. Maybe I should just give up. Throw my hands in the air. What's the point? Maybe Jehovah is trying to tell me something.

What now/
I just can't figure it out/
What now/
I guess I'll just wait it out

Solving Problems In Your Marriage

I'm going to frame this article. I HAVE to frame this article. We have come to the determination that this is the ONLY way that Marcus and I can go about solving problems in our marriage. And for re-emphasis, here it is copied and pasted below. Thank you Jehovah for this!

 Keys to Family Happiness

 

Four Steps to Solving Problems

Consider the four steps listed below, and note how Bible principles can help you to solve problems in a loving and respectful manner.

1. Set a time to discuss the issue.

“For everything there is an appointed time, . . . a  time to keep quiet and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7) As demonstrated in the altercation quoted earlier, some problems may evoke strong emotions. If that happens, have the self-control to call a temporary halt—to “keep quiet”—before tempers flare. You can save your relationship from much damage if you heed the Bible’s advice: “Starting a quarrel is like a leak in a dam, so stop it before a fight breaks out.”—Proverbs 17:14, New Century Version.

However, there is also “a time to speak.” Problems, like weeds, flourish when neglected. So do not ignore the issue, hoping it will just go away. If you call a halt to a discussion, show respect for your mate by picking a time in the near future when you will talk about the problem. Such a promise can help both of you apply the spirit of the Bible’s counsel: “Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.” (Ephesians 4:26) Of course, you then need to follow through on your promise.

TRY THIS: Pick a regular time each week when you can discuss family problems. If you notice that you are more prone to argue at a certain time of day—for example, when you first arrive home from work or before you have eaten—agree not to discuss problems at those times. Rather, choose a time when you are both likely to be less stressed.

2. Express your opinion honestly and respectfully.

“Speak truth each one of you with his neighbor.” (Ephesians 4:25) If you are married, your closest neighbor is your spouse. So be honest and specific about your feelings when talking to your mate. Margareta, * who has been married for 26 years, says: “When I was newly married, I expected that my husband would just know how I felt when a problem arose. I learned that such an expectation was unrealistic. Now I try to express my thoughts and feelings clearly.”

Remember, your goal when discussing a problem is, not to win a battle or conquer an enemy, but simply to let your mate know your thoughts. To do so effectively, state what you think the problem is, then say when it arises, and then explain how it makes you feel. For example, if you are annoyed by your mate’s untidiness, you can respectfully say, ‘When you come home from work and leave your clothes on the floor [the when and what of the problem], I feel that my efforts to care for the home are not appreciated [explains exactly how you feel].’ Then tactfully suggest what you think would be a solution to the problem.

TRY THIS: To help you have your thoughts clearly in mind before talking to your mate, write down what you understand the problem to be and how you would like to resolve it.

3. Listen to and acknowledge your mate’s feelings.

The disciple James wrote that Christians should be “swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” (James 1:19) Few things cause more unhappiness in a marriage than the impression that your partner does not understand how you feel about a problem. So be determined not to give your mate such an impression!—Matthew 7:12.

Wolfgang, who has been married for 35 years, says, “When we discuss problems, I get kind of tense inside, especially when I feel that my wife doesn’t understand my way of thinking.” Dianna, now married for 20 years, admits, “I often complain to my husband that he doesn’t really listen to me when we discuss problems.” How can you overcome this barrier?

Do not presume that you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. “By  presumptuousness one only causes a struggle, but with those consulting together there is wisdom,” states God’s Word. (Proverbs 13:10) Allow your spouse the dignity of expressing his or her opinion without interruption. Then, to ensure that you understood what was said, rephrase what you heard and repeat it to your mate, doing so without sarcasm or aggression. Permit your mate to correct you if you misunderstood something that was said. Do not do all the talking. Take turns in this style of conversation until you both agree that you understand each other’s thoughts and feelings on the matter.

True, it requires humility and patience to listen attentively to your spouse and to acknowledge his or her opinion. But if you take the lead in showing your mate such honor, your mate will be more inclined to honor you.—Matthew 7:2; Romans 12:10.

TRY THIS: When repeating your mate’s comments, do not just parrot his or her exact words. In an empathetic manner, try to describe what you understand your mate is both saying and feeling.—1 Peter 3:8.

4. Agree on a solution.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their hard work. For if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10) Few problems in a marriage can be solved unless both partners work together and support each other.

True, Jehovah appointed the husband as head of the family. (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23) But headship does not mean dictatorship. A wise husband will not make arbitrary decisions. David, married for 20 years, says, “I try to find a point of agreement with my wife and look for a decision we both can support.” Tanya, now married for seven years, says: “It isn’t about who is right and who is wrong. Sometimes there are just different opinions on how to solve a problem. I have found that the key to success is to be flexible and reasonable.”

TRY THIS: Create a spirit of teamwork by having both of you write down as many different possible solutions to the problem as you can think of. When you have run out of ideas, review your list and implement the solution that you both agree on. Then pick a time in the near future when you will check whether the decision has been acted on and how successful it has been.

Master Plan

We just came back from our annual spiritual convention. I am spiritually FULL with a lot on my mind. But first, I want to test how I've been doing on my short term goals and maybe add to them.

Short Term Spiritual Goals

• Bible reading – The best time for me to do my scheduled reading for Wednesdays is on the train Monday morning and afternoon. I've been doing ok here. For two weeks straight I got my Bible reading done by way of my train rides, but I have to admit, the week of the convention, I slacked off. I gotta get back on this ASAP.
• Daily Text – Read this every day before I get out of the bed. This has been going extremely well! This one has been easy because the first thing I do in the morning is pick up my phone. So instead of opening email or social media apps, I open to the daily text. I'm happy about accomplishing this goal so far. 
• Daily Bible reading – Utilize my time in the car – listen to audio recordings of the Bible and other spiritual literature (this will help me cut out the poor music choices too!) I did this for a week and I'm actually looking forward to starting up again this week as I start driving to work again tomorrow. 
• Personal Study – This one is hard… I need to schedule this on a day where it’s never interrupted.  Mondays are pretty low key days. I guess I’ll have to tack it on to the end of our Family Worship evening. I need a desk in the living room… This is my first time following through on this goal, hence me blogging on a Monday night. I've been having this nagging issue on my mind that I was able to work out through some research a little while ago. I actually prayed that Jehovah would help me find the answer to my nagging question and the first thing I looked up and read answered my question! Well how about that?! I guess testing Jehovah out is not such a bad idea after all. That definitely boosted my faith. This personal studying thing might really work!
• Use the fast forward button on the remote. Do not order any Rated R movies on Netflix. Instead of listening to certain music, listen to Bible literature in the car. Guess what? I've gone 4 day straight without tv! Granted, I was away at a spiritual convention, but there was plenty of time to turn on the tv while preparing for bed and preparing to attend the convention in the mornings. But I forced myself not to touch the remote. To be 100% honest though, I turned on the tv today (the 4th day), but it was to watch the new DVD release that we received at the convention. So that doesn't count. It was strictly for spiritual purposes. Nevertheless, I figured that if I get out of the routine of turning on the tv everyday, my goal can be easier to reach.

Now for new lessons learned and new goals…

The last speaker of the convention said something that resonated in my gut. He said this about our every day distractions. I didn't get the first part of what he said but I got this. "...inability to hear God's voice with all the background noise in our life." That half statement immediately stood out to me. It has a lot to do with what I was feeling and thinking in my last blog post. I want to hear God's voice, I want to do what's right, but there's just so much dag on background noise and distractions that I can't hear Him. I can't hear Him over my tv shows, the music on the radio, the gossip blogs, the pleasures of life and even my own laziness. Those are my distractions. So what am I going to do about them? 

Well I have a plan in place for tv and music, but I'm also interested in cutting down my list of recorded shows. That'll help a ton. Maybe I'll stop recording 'Mad Men' or 'La La's Full Court Life' or 'The Haves and Have Nots'. I need to go through the list and see what I can do there. The music part is going to be a challenge because I'm not the only one with speakers in this house. Not sure what to do there other than be picky about my own choices. I just need to try hard not to get sucked back in while hearing the other stuff. 

Gossip blogs - I only look at these when I'm bored so that means I need a substitute 'go-to'. I guess that should be my daily Bible reading. Instead of going to my phone's bookmarks and tapping on theYBF, I should tap on that Bible app I have… I just took a second and rearranged my apps on my phone. Bible app is on the first page at the top. Subtle reminder not to go any further. All my social media apps are on the second page. If that still doesn't help me get it together, I may have to let some accounts go. I'm not choosing social media over daily Bible reading and personal study. If I can't get the important things done in my spiritual routine, then I don't have time for social media. At least that's what we learned this weekend!

Laziness - I think I'm combatting this with some of the things I've laid out so far. 

But more on that later once I've tried out a couple of these ideas, goals and lessons. If laziness ends up being bigger than I think, I'll revisit and devise a master plan.

This planning is making me sleepy. Night world.

Spiritual Goals

I know I’ve been missing in action. But it’s not my fault. I can’t blog on these dag on work computers. Every time I try, there’s this weird error that pops up on my screen that I can click past, but it keeps popping up. It’s so annoying. So today, I’m writing in Microsoft Word. I think I can copy, paste and save this into the blog before the error comes up.

You know what’s on my mind a lot? My sucky spirituality. [insert stank face here] Goodness my spirituality sucks right now. I have so much freakin crap to work on! You know what my main problem is right now? Entertainment. I am having THE HARDEST time with what I take in. And it’s not that what I watch or listen to has gotten any worse than it’s always been. I’ve always watched the same tv shows and listened to the same music. What has changed is the fact that I have a 20 year old Bible student. Do you know how hard it is to preach being obedient to God when you’re not doing yourself?! Talk about A GUILTY HYPOCRITE. You should have seen me last week. We were sitting there talking about how fornication and adultery, things Jehovah hates, should not be among the things we ingest with our senses.  And then we go further into it by talking about how we need to be careful of our association as it relates to entertainment because we get connected to these characters. They become our friends and we root for them! And then I start talking about how much I like Gabrielle Union’s ‘Being Mary Jane’ character because I understand her and how it’s a clean show and……………………………… Why did my voice trail off just like those ellipses (yes, I did just look up that terminology)? All of a sudden, flashes of her sexscipade with dude number 1 ran through my mind. Her bare booty sticking out… The implied image of her having sex with dude number 2 not even a week later… Dag nabbit! My study could tell that I was renigging because she started to laugh at me. And then why did she say that next week, we’ll come together and see if we made any changes. DAG NABBIT! See this is why I don’t like to tell people what I watch or what I listen to. I don’t need this kind of pressure to do right! Lol.

You know what’s on my mind a lot? My sucky spirituality. [insert stank face here] Goodness my spirituality sucks right now. I have so much freakin crap to work on! You know what my main problem is right now? Entertainment. I am having THE HARDEST time with what I take in. And it’s not that what I watch or listen to has gotten any worse than it’s always been. I’ve always watched the same tv shows and listened to the same music. What has changed is the fact that I have a 20 year old Bible student. Do you know how hard it is to preach being obedient to God when you’re not doing yourself?! Talk about A GUILTY HYPOCRITE. You should have seen me last week. We were sitting there talking about how fornication and adultery, things Jehovah hates, should not be among the things we ingest with our senses.  And then we go further into it by talking about how we need to be careful of our association as it relates to entertainment because we get connected to these characters. They become our friends and we root for them! And then I start talking about how much I like Gabrielle Union’s ‘Being Mary Jane’ character because I understand her and how it’s a clean show and……………………………… Why did my voice trail off just like those ellipses (yes, I did just look up that terminology)? All of a sudden, flashes of her sexscipade with dude number 1 ran through my mind. Her bare booty sticking out… The implied image of her having sex with dude number 2 not even a week later… Dag nabbit! My study could tell that I was renigging because she started to laugh at me. And then why did she say that next week, we’ll come together and see if we made any changes. DAG NABBIT! See this is why I don’t like to tell people what I watch or what I listen to. I don’t need this kind of pressure to do right! Lol.

Yeah so that’s why I think my spirituality sucks. It’s not just entertainment though. It’s all around just wack. My thought patterns, my lack of energy and zeal, my failure to do personal study and Bible reading. I remember the days when I used to be so on point. I was so inspired and energetic and strong. Love and Hip Hop…oh they cursing and fighting? Naw. Rated R movies… Naw. Strip club songs… Naw. And then slowly but surely…FAIL, FAIL and FAIL. Sigh. It’s hard when you come from doing so well to doing so poorly all the while trying to teach someone to be on top of their game. And it’s not just about my Bible study. I’m pretty sure that my God’s feelings on the matter should be a factor as well. What are the chances He wouldn’t mind me listening to and singing ‘Strip clubs and dolla bills…Patron shots, can I get a refill…Stippers going up and down that pole…’?

I feel stuck. How do you just stop? How do you go cold turkey? Hmm… I think I need to start by using my fast forward button a bit more. I’m sure if I was doing some personal study and reading my Bible on a daily basis like I’m supposed to, this wouldn’t be that difficult. But right now, it is what it is. But since I can’t let it stay how it is, here’s the plan.

Short Term Spiritual Goals

• Bible reading – The best time for me to do my scheduled reading for Wednesdays is on the train Monday morning and afternoon.
• Daily Text – Read this every day before I get out of the bed.
• Daily Bible reading – Utilize my time in the car – listen to audio recordings of the Bible and other spiritual literature (this will help me cut out the poor music choices too!)
• Personal Study – This one is hard… I need to schedule this on a day where it’s never interrupted.  Mondays are pretty low key days. I guess I’ll have to tack it on to the end of our Family Worship evening. I need a desk in the living room…
• Use the fast forward button on the remote. Do not order any Rated R movies on Netflix. Instead of listening to certain music, listen to Bible literature in the car.

So this should help with putting more clean and god-approved words, images and thoughts in my head. Now if I can manage to stick to it…! That’s the challenge. We’ll see how this goes.

Time Flies

Wow. Time certainly flies doesn't it? It's been 3 weeks since I blogged last. Summer is already here. And half of the year is already pretty much over. I feel like I need to catch up before I get left behind. Speaking of catching up, here's an update on life.

Love
My marriage hasn't been this good since my first month of marriage. You know what he said to me this weekend? We were relaxing in bed. I was on my iPad searching for a special something (more on that to come!), and he was laying there watching me. Out of the blue he says, 'You're so cute.' Since I had my bonnet on my head, I turned to look at him with disbelief in my eyes, but then he went on to mention that he really likes me and plays with me so much because of how much he enjoys me. If you know my husband, you know how much of a joker he is, so to be the object of his jokes I guess is a good thing. Nevertheless, it was so nice to hear him express himself out of the blue. I live for moments like that.

Right now, he's in the man cave with 4 or 5 other guys who kind of invited themselves over at the last minute. Game 7 must be entertaining because I can hear them all the way up here in my bedroom. I'm glad hubby is having fun though. As time has progressed, I care more about him smiling and having fun and being happy than I used to. One can either look at that as a terrible thing, or a good thing. I choose the latter.

Girlfriends
I've only had one girlfriend who I talked to almost every single day. I was her person and she was mine. I miss that a bit. I have a great group of girls to hang out with and talk to if needed, but it doesn't go much farther. And I'm ok with that for now. I had a great double date with a new couple on Friday. It's interesting to watch a budding romance as a married person. You have so many suggestions and ideas and cautions to give. At the same time, by watching the new couple, you get to remember your courtship days. Besides all that though, I had a really good time. We dived into a few good conversations that allowed us to all show each other who we really are. I love stuff like that. Not to mention that the weather was perfect. I haven't gone to a rooftop lounge in a long time… since days in LA in fact. Looking out over the DC landscape was nice. I want to do more things like that with people. Eat, talk, have deep conversation, laugh. Sometimes I wish I had my person that made me her person so I could do that all the time without having to call someone up and ask them, but it's all good. Sometimes you have to put the work in and I'm not going to be lazy about it.

Family
Sis and brother-in-law are good. They are studying the Bible together with another spiritually mature couple. Loving that. The couple that they're studying with visited DC over Memorial weekend so hubby and I got to meet them. I think they are all a good fit for each other. I'm excited to see where the studies take my family. Mom and Dad are good too. Same ole with them. My mom calls me every day it seems. Dad is still as chipper and happy as he's always been. My in-laws are all doing well. They have teenage son issues, but what family with a teenage son doesn't?

Spirituality
If I had to rate my zeal right now, it would be a 7 with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest. We had a public talk recently about whether your heart goes out in the ministry with you whenever you do field service. I thought that was interesting because I'm not sure mine does. So I want to work on that. I'm still very consistent in my commenting and my preparation. My Bible reading isn't that great though. In family worship tonight, hubby and I did the Bible reading for the week together. That was nice. We put in our applications for the Regional Building Committee a few weeks back. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. The idea of building Kingdom Halls and Assembly Halls is cool. Especially since I love interior design. Hopefully I'll get to help out with something like that.

Car
Can I just say that I love my car?! I had to drive out to Reston, VA today for a meeting and the drive was so much more enjoyable simply because of my car. I was thinking about my love for my car as I was breezing down George Washington Memorial Parkway. I haven't felt this good about a choice in a long time.

Career
Meh. It's there. I have a job. I get paid on time. The end.

Future
Here's what I'm looking forward to.
1. Visiting Hampton this weekend, seeing hubby's dad and my preggers amiga and of course, doing some outlet shopping which I really saved for this time! No credit cards.
2. The convention. I think we're getting a new Bible or something. There have been plenty of clues/hints leading me to this conclusion. I mean why else can no one order a Bible anymore at the literature counter?
3. My family reunion. I have $72 more to pay and then I'm free. A week long vacation on the beach with all of my family can't come soon enough. I think this is the first year that every single person will be there too. All of the cousins, the grand babies…everyone.

I think that's a sufficient update, don't you?

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I haven't blogged in a while
I feel like I've been away somewhere
But I haven't
I'm extremely antsy
I can't seem to settle down
I notice it when I'm trying to find something to listen to in the car
Station change
Nope
Station change
Nope
Station change
I don't want to hear that
There doesn't seem to be anything happening on the radio
Nothing intriguing
Or maybe I'm just bored
Either way, I'm antsy
I miss Jennifer
I was talking to my mom about girlfriends
And I've learned that my definition of a friend...
...is one who will never talk bad about you.
I have a nice group of girls that I hang out with
But only a few of them would never talk bad about me
I don't think there's anything particularly bad to say about me though
I try not to get on anyone's nerves
Or be shady
Or act big headed
Or be untrustworthy
But Jennifer
She would never bad mouth me to someone else
Or talk about me behind my back
That's a true friend
She's too far away
I haven't been back to LA since the day I said goodbye
It's been way too long
I have work to do that I don't want to do
An ad hoc analysis that is so messy I could care less anymore
The data to start with was messy
So nothing ties
But oh well
They should collect better data next time
I have a photo shoot coming up
Not a picture taking one
But one where I am the subject
I'm excited about it
MJ is in it too
I enjoy taking fully produced shoots with my partner
I haven't been eating much
Having $10 to my name makes that a reality
I get paid tomorrow though so the forced-upon-me-fast will be over
Being sick last week didn't help either
No dairy
Ugh
I miss cereal and yogurt
And that seem to be all that we have in the house
I'm addicted to salt
These pretzel rods that they bought for the office kitchen
Gosh
I look at them like a full meal at Olive Garden
That's my favorite chain restaurant by the way
What else is up?
I'm bored
I need a trip or something
Gotta check and see what Living Social and Groupon have
I've been married for 3 years now
Seems like nothing number wise
The legite number is 5
After 5, then I think I'll won't feel like a newbie anymore
Sometimes I trip out about the fact that I am going to be with him...
...for the rest of my life.
God willing, that's a lot of years
With the same person
Oh well though
What's going on for Memorial Day weekend?
I have not ner plan
Well there's a bridal shower
But what a perfect time to go to the beach
Let me get on this living social app
I needs some excitement in my life

Juice Fast

Hey peoples.

Hubby and I just finished a 3 day juice fast. What an experience! Who knew that 3 days could last so long!? Lol. It was very interesting to feel how devastated your body gets once it realizes that you are trying to clean it out. Day 2 was the worst for me. I had the worst headache that I've ever had. We learned through research that when you go through pains/headaches, it's because the toxins in your system are trying to escape your body. Hubby thinks my toxins are related to the amounts of salt that I take in. He's probably right since I eat a lot of Lean Cuisine tv dinners for lunch at work. They just happen to be on sale all the time at CVS! And I love the sweet and sour chicken one! Between Lean Cuisines, White Castle cheeseburgers and Digorno pizzas, I spend $20 on lunch for TWO WEEKS. I know I know...The savings do not make up for the fact that I have to do better. Hence I will.

The worst day for hubby was day 3 (yesterday). He had to leave work early because he had no more juice left at work and was getting a headache. If how he felt was anything like how I felt, there was no way he could sit there for 4 more hours and make it. Yesterday was great for me. I felt so clear and clean! I wasn't even hungry. My mind wanted food more so than my body did. Knowing that my fast was coming to an end, I couldn't mentally understand the difference between eating on Wednesday night as opposed to Thursday morning like I was supposed to do. Fasting is truly more of a mental exercise than it is a physical one. That mind is a strong organism man!

What we've learned is that we need to be more careful about what we put into our bodies...the salt, the caffeine, the sugar, the non-essential fat, etc. And since we did it together, we also grew closer. The feeling of making a huge life change together was uniting. I'm looking forward to incorporating juicing into our normal lifestyle (especially because we have nothing but shelves of veggies in our fridge now). Since we don't eat veggies like we should, the spinach/kale/lettuce juices we made will be essential to our diets going forward. I'm excited about this new healthy lifestyle we're embarking on. I'm more excited about the possibility of less ailments in my house. Hubby's headaches have GOT to go. If I were to do anything different, it would have been to continue our fast 2 days longer. I heard that the 4th and 5th days are amazing. The energy levels, the lack of ailments that you had before, the refreshing feeling... I'm interested to experience that and to see what it does for hubby since he gets sick so often. And perhaps we shouldn't have broken our fast with a slice of pizza. lol. The pizza wasn't even all that good either! Womp.

Anyway, I'm in a good mood, my body feels good and I'm excited about our progress. Let's pray we can keep this momentum going!

Defining Success

You know what? I had to take a moment and blog this. I'm having an aha moment. I've been doing some recreational reading lately and there are a bunch thoughts I've come across that are hitting me. This is one of them....

This is what I wanted. When I was praying and dreaming about a successful life, this is what I prayed for. So I'm glad to take the moment to reflect back on what I asked for and to see that I really do have exactly that. A good marriage, a beautiful house, an approved relationship with Jehovah, a comfortable financial standing and more. I know that I get so focused on what's not right and where I need to be that I don't appreciate the here and now. I'm sure that if the person I was 5 years ago was looking at me right now, she'd be happy. So here I am being happy for the here and now. I've worked hard to attain to my goals and have traveled on a wild journey to get here. A journey I don't regret... It was all worth it because I've created the life that I want for myself and couldn't be more proud.

Do The Work

I took the day off today. When I woke up this morning, I had that familiar feeling. The feeling of disdain when thinking of another day of work. It's been over a year since I've been at my job and up until recently, I've enjoyed it. For the most part. But these past couple of weeks have been trying. I've experienced what I call 'work dread' in past jobs and it's not the business. 'Work dread' consumes your life. You spend weekends living it up way past the point that you should all to mask the eventuality of 5 days of prison. So I've made a decision. I'm going to do the work and fortify myself. I'm going to make the decision to not have that old experience again.

So I'm revisiting a book by Amy DuBois Barnett that had a profound effect on me in my 20's. While I'm in a different place in my life now, I can probably pull some quotes out of it that'll help me. Like this one...

"We don't appreciate the good things we may already have and we certainly don't value the experience of adversity and the strength it gives us to make the life we truly want." ~ Two things... My job is a good thing. It's a blessing. I'm financially comfortable and appreciate that. Secondly, the adversity that I'm going through right now is only going to make me stronger. Maybe I'm learning tools that'll help me to be a good wife or mother. I should always look at the adversity and say 'what can you learn out of this?'

"For the first time in my life, I was truly happy because I'd created this life for myself." My sis Tiff has been posting thoughts like this on instagram lately and it's forced me to think. Happiness is a choice. It's a unilateral choice. No one can help you be happy and no one can force you to be unhappy. My manager cannot force me to be unhappy. I have to create my own happiness.

"When you fall in love with who you really are, it's that much easier to be you, always." This isn't work related. Just something that strikes me and is worth typing out. I think I was at my best when I lived in LA. It wasn't so much the location as it was the space I was in. I was learning, growing, understanding, and defining myself.

"Living a full life is actually experiencing the entire range of emotions we have...being able to understand challenges as experiences in one long adventure will change your whole attitude." This is a good one. If you understand the challenge as that, then you can also understand the positives.

"Learn from others' successes and failures." This is under the subheading Stop Comparing Yourself To Others. I think this will help me with my manager. He's a bit of an overachiever which means that sometimes the work he has me do is over and above. I'm a numbers person and if you know anything about math, engineering and technical people, you know that we look for shortcuts. We're lazy. We try to complete a task with the least amount of steps. So my manager frustrates me when he asks me to do things that I feel are unnecessary. But I need not focus on that. The fact of the matter is that he's a smart guy who leaves no leaf unturned. He is more thorough than anyone I've ever met. I can learn from that. I need to learn from that. There's no problem with stretching myself a little bit more.

Ok, I think that's enough. I'm going to keep reading but I'm done with typing. I'm all about doing the work today...