Disclaimer: I understand that I'm making a large generalization of all black men. This may not apply to some, but for the most part, will apply to many.
Why don't black men like weaves? I have come across my fair share of young, black men who just do not like it when a woman wears a weave. I understand the whole being natural tidbit. I actually prefer being natural to wearing a weave, but I'm looking for a little insight here. What's the black man's main objection to full sewn-ins, tracks, hair extensions and the like? Is it because you aren't fully free to run your hands through her hair like you want? Is it because you feel like she's perpretrating a fraud? Is it too fake for you? Would you prefer to see her au natural, especially before dating her? Is it because you're afraid of being surprised or losing your attraction to her once the weave comes out? Be honest here.
A large percentage of women in California wear weaves. Beauty, attractiveness, hair, fashion...it's pretty important out here. So while some woman wear them to "fit in" and blend into the California dream, some simply prefer the long, thick, lucsious look on themselves. If a woman believes she looks better and feels 10x more confident with her sewn in, is that okay? What if a woman just enjoys changing her hair style and runs the gamlet between weaves, wigs, braids and her natural hair? What do you think about that? Is that just too much for you or what? I do feel like the older black men get, the less they care, but I could be wrong. And why is okay for celebrities to wear weaves and not the everyday woman?
I have another question: Are most black men aware that black women wrap their hair at night? If you are, would you be surprised if your girl wrapped her hair the first night you guys spent together? Or is that just not sexy? If not, at what point is it okay for her to break out her scarf, do-rag or head-tie?
You know we women do think about all of this when we start talking to you men. "Girl my hair is not going to be as fresh as it could be! You know I can't wrap my hair tonight!" "I hope he doesn't touch my head or ask me if this is a weave. If he does, we're going to have to have a talk!" "Please don't let him be one of those pull-my-hair type! My track might come out!"
Comments Please?
22 comments:
the issue of hair is long standing. the black men i know could care less if the woman has a weave, dreads, natural, or a relaxer. all they care about is how she looks and maitains herself overall. the irony of men saying they dont like weaves is that the majority of woman (read celebs) they find attractive ALL wear weaves. I'm convinced Beyonce, MJB, or Ciara even know what their own hair looks like anymore. *lol*
i'm not sure how man comments from men you'll get, but i hope those that do comment, will be honest.
Being that my mother has been a hairdresser for just under the amount of time I've been alive, I can guarantee this isn't just black men. I may be a little biased in my views, but for the most part during conversations with other black men, this is also what I hear about the issue (still very little).
Weave, in general - If you're thinning out, cool. If you don't have the time to maintain it and you gotta rock microbraids, cool. If you feel you need to fit in with the new mainstream look, cool. However, don't leave that same weave in until you got 8 inches of new growth and a tragedy on top of your head.
Celebrities with weave - Men don't care because those women are just like their hair and the plastic on some of their bodies, usually fantasies and nothing more. Nobody analyzes pleasant daydreams ad nauseum. So, you will rarely hear a group of men looking at women on TV or in magazines (essentially eye candy that will never be live and in living color) talking about how fake a woman's breasts, hair, butt, etc. look. You will also not hear those conversations at the bar/club/barbecue. A woman in your car, house, bed, or on your couch is a totally different thing.
Wrapping the hair - I have never had a problem with hair being wrapped unless the girl looks like her and that scarf went out riding tornadoes the night before, probably because I've been seeing it forever and know it's a part of the process. Do what you gotta do to make your hair last, but don't be mad at me if you forget a scarf and that junk loses bounce.
Insecurity - I'd advise any woman to stick to their comfort zone. I've been told by countless female friends (new, lifelong, and short-term) how insecure women can be about their appearance sometimes. We get just as insecure although you'd probably never guess it because we usually refuse to talk about it.
Lastly, stick to your comfort zone. If you like weave, wear it. Eventually, we'll all meet that special someone, and that connection should definitely be strong enough to push weave and all other petty issues to the back burner. I think it is also important to realize that a majority of men do not undergo cosmetic alterations to the extent women do. So, try to understand that stuff usually just doesn't enter our realm of thought. Personally, I like playing with hair and weave doesn't usually permit that. Also, some weave jobs are a hot mess and the stylist and wearers know it. Lastly, weave that's sewn in straight outta the bag and not cut or styled looks atrocious.
Sorry for the novella, but I could talk about this all day and just might in a post that gets ignored because of length.
Sorry, but lastly Proverbs 31:30 should provide some solace for any woman who feels pressure to look a certain way for anyone other than herself.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
-Proverbs 31:30
I think you hit it right on the nose yourself JAC...
"Is it because you aren't fully free to run your hands through her hair like you want? Is it because you feel like she's perpretrating a fraud? Is it too fake for you? Would you prefer to see her au natural, especially before dating her? Is it because you're afraid of being surprised or losing your attraction to her once the weave comes out?"
Every man is different so all of these don't apply to all of us but for those who don't like weave you may get any of these responses depending on who you ask. I will say that there are a lot of men who don't mind EVEN THOUGH they wouldn't prefer weave. Personally for me I am not a big fan of weave but I like all types of hairstyles not just long straight hair. There are some brothas that just want long straight hair so the weave may be ideal for them. I have had an experience where I didn't think a woman was as attractive without the weave as she was with it. I have had an experience where I didnt realize she had weave until she took it out...that is very shocking by the way! LOL. I think those experiences are why I am not a fan of it. Some women look great with it and I wouldn't stop my girlfriend from getting it...I would just let her know my preference.
Oh and as far as the stars with Weave...sometimes we don't know (Like I didn't know MJB was weave) and some we just dont' care (Like Beyonce) because we don't know or see those women personally. What difference does it make to us? LOL.
since i am freshly weaved up...lol...i must say that i was a bit nervous when i saw HIM on Saturday...(the reality IS you never know how your man will take any NEW hair style)wasn't sure how he was take the "fake" hair....
well he loved it..but i can honestly say that he loves any hair style i rock though, the braids, the cornrows, whatever...
i need a guy that can be flexible though becasue i change my hair like the wind...HA!
I liked the break down that bmw gave...
i too say stay in your comfort zone, hairdos cost too much to not maintain it...let's me real we can't go to sleep and wake up and our hair is still in place if we don't wrap it...that mess will be all over...so what do you prefer waking up trying to look like Beyonce, when really you look like the braid of Frankinstein, or wrap it up at night wake up, unwrap and look like you...hair STILL in tact!
cause honey imma wrap this weave right on up, cost too much not to...HELLO!
blu - wouldn't it be nice if all men were like that, but the world as we know it is superficial.
bmw - i appreciate the breakdown. but what do YOU think? i already know what your preference is, but do you have a problem with the weave?
daneger - thank you for replying. i can always count on you to comment on black men/black women topics for some reason. "...don't mind EVEN THOUGH they wouldn't prefer weave." hmm... what does that mean daneger? if you don't prefer it, then you don't care for it in a girls hair. so doesn't that mean you mind? here's another question: why don't you like long straight hair?
t.c. - ha! i hear you lady! wrap it up girl. i don't wrap my hair now because of it's length, but if i let it grow out, i definitely will do so. hairdos are too expensive not to do everything in your power to make it last! my mom had a business idea to creates scarfs that are fashionable to wear. i don't really know where she was going by that, but i understand her motivation. like bmw alluded to, wearing a dirty, holey, greased up scarf is NOT the business.
"hair is a woman's beauty" - some old cliche I was told when I was younger.
i dont care. i love weaves. what matters to me is if she takes care of her body, which includes taking care of her hair.
but the weave can't be out of control and too obvious.
scarves are cool too, but I just have one rule - please don't try to be romantic/sexy with a scarf on.
you can't have on the lingerie set with a scarf talking about your hair needs to be fly for tomorrow. put on the scarf later, not before!!
if you wrap your hair to sleep, that's cool...sometimes, I wear a wave cap.
it's also annoying to me when a woman says she won't or can't do something because of her hair.
now, i understand that you just spent $$$$ on your hair to look fly - that's sexy. i understand that you don't want to go out in the rain - that's cool. but if you cant embrace some of life's greatest adventures - such as jet skiing , skiing, scuba diving, etc. - then something is wrong. don't let the hair control your life! just get some braids or something. if we are going scuba diving, and your hair gets messed up - it doesn't bother me...
as long as you take care of it...that's what matters you got to do that...
i feel you hm don't try to be sexy with the scarf...HA classic!
HM - "scarves are cool too, but I just have one rule - please don't try to be romantic/sexy with a scarf on." - i hear that! that's just awkward and dumb to have on lingerie and a scarf. lol. i think you made a good point on not letting your hair control your life. i think that's whack.
I haven't dated a girl with weave in a long time, and it's not because I've been avoiding women with weave. I don't think I have a preference between extensions versus none. I only care how it looks (is is fly or does it look like ground zero?). I think I'd prefer to see a woman's hair in its natural state before with a weave...just one less surprise.
bmw - i hear you. wait! what do you mean by one less surprise?! lol.
Is it a black man thing or is it a man thing? I have mixed feelings about this subject. I use to be against weaves period until I started to see white women and hispanic women, just to name a few, wearing weaves. Is it because she's perpetrating a fraud, is it because you can't run your finger through her hair, is it because you can't really se what she really looks like w/o the weave?... I think it can be all that. Women got it hard. Men want a beautiful, perfect model. I have to admit some women look waaaaayyy better with a weave...
My opinion is mixed like I said. I prefer for my woman to not wear a weave at all. I would prefer for my woman to not to HAVE to wear a weave for her to be pleasing to my eye. But, maybe she wanted to wear a weave once every blue moon.. okay I'm cool with that. I'm not totally against weaves as long as my woman fits into my criteria. NOT DEPENDENT ON A WEAVE TO BE FINE!!!! ( I know looks aren't everything) That's just me.
Ladies do you! Just because I don't like them or another guy doesn't like weaves SO what. Somebody else will. Maybe you don't like his little feet...lol. Maybe you don't like his beer belly...lol. Mayber you don't like that he still lives with his mama...lol.
Does anybody remember when braids where getting this same negative reaction that weaves are getting now? I do.
Do-rag shmo-rag. Most of us fellas know a woman who wraps there hair everynight. (mom, grand ma, auntie) Like I said "you ladies got it hard." I'm glad I am a man. My woman can wear a do-rag to sleep. I ain't trippin. Cuzz if she is tight how is a do-rag really going to make her look like the ugly duckling? DPG
Men pretend to be picky, but in reality...they will take whatever they can get! Beggars can't be choosers. lol
Of course a guy is going to talk trash about how "scarves aren't sexy"...but I bet that has never stopped them from trying to get it crackin in the middle of the night or the morning. My take is if you're worried about my hair being wrapped up then you're worried about the wrong damn thing! You can be sexy and have your hair wrapped up...it just depends on how you rock it and how much the guy is into you.
are you kidding.....weave?
Come on...it's not cute especially if we (men) can tell that it's not yours...sorry.
Do women like men who where hair pieces? It's a fair comparison.
dpg - yeah women do have it hard, but HM would argue that men have it harder. like reecie said, men really just take whatever they can get. a girl can run around in sweatpants and flip flops and still get holla-ed at. "I'm not totally against weaves as long as my woman fits into my criteria." i don't understand that. as long as she fits into your criteria? please explain further...
reecie - "but I bet that has never stopped them from trying to get it crackin in the middle of the night or the morning. My take is if you're worried about my hair being wrapped up then you're worried about the wrong damn thing!" this is the same argument why some women will go hard with the scarves, the facial masks, the rollers, etc. when they first get to know a dude. it weeds him out faster.
taj - i'm sure more woman wear weaves than you know. is a hair piece really a fair comparison? i guess so... hair pieces are just so wrong. lol!
Actually I disagree JAC. If I don't prefer something it doesn't mean I do mind it. I prefer taller women but I have dating girls that are 5'3-5'4 and it didn't bother me, I prefer brown skin women (like moms and sis) but I have dated women as light as TC and didn't mind. I mind a chick with no legs or I might mind a woman of another race (just hypothetically, I am not a racist or bigot...LOL). You see the difference?
As far as the question about long straight hair...I never said I didn't like long straight hair. I said "I like all types of hairstyles not just long straight hair" that statement doesn't exclude straight hair from one of the types that I like I was just showing that it's not the ONLY type that I (as a man) can like.
Hope that clears it up for ya.
Criteria for a weave to be acceptable for me: Not necessary for my girl to be pleasing to my eye. Not dependent on a weave to be fly. The ability to rock different hair styles and still be fresh. (you gotta know what you want,right?) Even when a girl is in those sweatpants and flip flops she can still be sexy. Cuzz if she looks good in sweatpants imagine what she looks like dressed. hmm (if a woman is busted she is busted sweatpants or dressed it doesn't matter)DPG
"What do you mean by one less surprise"
Ha Ha. I'm just saying that people aren't usually the same person you meet the first time. When I said 'one less surprise' it wasn't meant to be negative. I'm just saying that's one less barrier to go through to see that person in their natural state (extreme example: you gotta know older people for a long time before they'll talk to you with their teeth out).
I didn't mean to go so in depth, but that's how I feel. ;)
and thats exactly why i was glad that i met my honey while in the mall, micros in (but getting old) with a hat on my head, some chill pants, shirt and jean jacket....that's how we met, and I must say i was still "cute & sexy" HELLO!!!!
Hey Mami, Sorry so late...
This was a great post...
Now, I wear weaves and braids....mainly because I'm lazy. LOL
I hate sitting in the hair salon for hours on end - for a damn roller wrap.
But seriously, I'm a soccer mom, I volunteer at church and in my community. I work in community outreach and politics. So its not uncommon for my picture to be in the news paper on local tv or representing my job at a community wide event.
So its easier for me girl to get a great look on short notice - and my hair is natural underneath (which means no relaxer) - so its much easier at this time...
And yes, I've worn my hair short, medium, I've grown it out. I've relaxed it. Done it all...
I will note, that I find I get more attention when my hair is cut short - Men always tell me that it suits my face and body type. So who knows...
Anyway, But its much easier with matienance when you have that stuff in a weave or braids. (it suits my current lifestyle)
Now - when my hair is relaxed, natural, weaved or braids. I sleep w/ my 'doo rag' aka "SILK SCARF" on...yes, I'm hood. LOL
None of the guys that I dated didn't mind it. They knew the deal. LOL - I mean, unless they didn't want me waking up looking a Hott Mess.
Well, I don't wear weaves and have always been natural but I have always had long hair so I saw no reason to.
I don't usually add anything to myself, not even nails but that's jsut my personal preference.
I do wrap my hair EVERY night with a silk scarf and I have never dated a guy who had a probelm. Actually, they seemed to already be in the know. I agree that you should NOT try to be sexy with a scarf on. That's a big HELL NO!!!! No women shoudl even find that sexy...point blank period.
All of the men I've dated seems to prefer your natural self but that doesn't mean they dislike women who wear weaves or weaves period. I do agree that weaves suit some women better for different reasons.
I have no idea if a weave could possibly suit me better because I've never worn one, nor do I care to. I am a very low maintenance women who gets my hair done every two-weeks and wrapping it every night suits me just fine. Yes, I do travel with a silk scarf just in case and I keep combs in my purses. You never know...LOL!!!
Now, I personally see nothing wrong with well kept, TAMED weaves (a dis to Beyonce...LOL!!!). A lot of them actually look very good.
I actually don't know much about them but if you feel that a weave enhances your look and gives you the overall confidence you need, then do you. Just like anything else, just keep them up/maintained and TAME them for God sakes. Thanks.
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