I Feel Like A Man

Due to a late night at the office, I was privy to spend time with the co-worker who I thought I was going to eventually have to fight. lol. In our hour together, we talked about everything including... dun dun duuuuuun... love and relationships. I learned that my co-worker, who is from Pakistan, had an arranged marriage not even 6 years ago. As discussions continued, I told him that I wish I could have an arranged marriage and that I would totally trust my parents to pick the best future husband for me.

As a result, since last night, I've been thinking alot about why I feel this way and even had a few discussions this morning about it. Here are some snippets below.

me: yes bump romantic love

MJ: what kind of love do you believe in then?

me: i believe that it exists, but i don't really have any faith in romantic love. i've had that plenty times before and it ended in chaos. i believe in agape but in terms of romantic love...

i would rather be set up, and let it come afterwards. everyone falls "in love". it's flimsy. like a piece of paper. Jordan Sparks has a new song called Love Is A Battlefield. i hate to say this, but i feel her! i don't want to be cynical and "damaged" per se, but i don't know. Jordan says to get your armour and i think that's real.

MJ: it sucks because things shouldn't be like that...barriers are built up of course from past hurt and those barriers are not broken down as soon as you get into a relationship but don't let that past hurt punish your next BF

me: yep i know i'll be careful

MJ: its a balancing act! and super hard

me: it won't be blatant that i'm weary. i won't push that in anyone's face but i will be very quiet. i can see myself just sitting back and watching

MJ: yeah... listen. very important... keep ur eyes open to potential issues, while avoiding excess scrutiny since no one is perfect

MJ's last statement hit home for me. I've always known how I would handle future situations, but never knew how to express it.

And then my other co-worker said this:

I think the love brings the two people together, however a marriage isn't going to work unless a few other things happen (mutual respect, compassion, ability to compromise, etc...). In addition, I think one of the biggest reason why they don't work is because people don't hash over enough potential issues that may arise after marriage. I can go on all day about this!

And finally, here's where my issue is illuminated.

me: love is overrated. let me correct myself. romantic love is overrated.

BT: romantic love is overrated....hmmm....i think in the beginning its there, then over time the relationship becomes very ummm...like, shyt becomes practical after a while. like the love is there but it becomes more functional. thats the word,functional. like who takes care of what...who specializes in this...how can you both work to make this/that work...yada yada. compromise. functional. so u know...love will always be there but people have issues with the functional aspects. if that makes sense.

me: EVERYONE falls in love. most don't know how to stay there. so i saw let's get the other stuff together first. compromise, respect, trust, etc. and THEN see if there's romantic love. and even with all of that, the things that hold two people together, i can understand wanting a relationship to be hot and heavy. like where's the passion! why isn't he cupping my face in his hand and staring deep into my eyes?! yeah well, umm, bump that!!!! you can give that to someone else! i feel like i'm turning into a man. lol. i don't wanna be this way!!!!

I'm not even sure how to put a conclusion on this. I guess it just leaves a whole lot of questions (which I honestly do know the answer to). I don't want to appear hurt, but do I? Could my heart be a little iced over? Will it be harder for the next dude? Either way, Raplh Waldo Emerson said it best, "Experience Is The Best Teacher." And as for me, I learn from the past.

What's Your Take?