Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Feel Like A Man

Due to a late night at the office, I was privy to spend time with the co-worker who I thought I was going to eventually have to fight. lol. In our hour together, we talked about everything including... dun dun duuuuuun... love and relationships. I learned that my co-worker, who is from Pakistan, had an arranged marriage not even 6 years ago. As discussions continued, I told him that I wish I could have an arranged marriage and that I would totally trust my parents to pick the best future husband for me.

As a result, since last night, I've been thinking alot about why I feel this way and even had a few discussions this morning about it. Here are some snippets below.

me: yes bump romantic love

MJ: what kind of love do you believe in then?

me: i believe that it exists, but i don't really have any faith in romantic love. i've had that plenty times before and it ended in chaos. i believe in agape but in terms of romantic love...
i would rather be set up, and let it come afterwards. everyone falls "in love". it's flimsy. like a piece of paper. Jordan Sparks has a new song called Love Is A Battlefield. i hate to say this, but i feel her! i don't want to be cynical and "damaged" per se, but i don't know. Jordan says to get your armour and i think that's real.

MJ: it sucks because things shouldn't be like that...barriers are built up of course from past hurt and those barriers are not broken down as soon as you get into a relationship but don't let that past hurt punish your next BF

me: yep i know i'll be careful

MJ: its a balancing act! and super hard

me: it won't be blatant that i'm weary. i won't push that in anyone's face but i will be very quiet. i can see myself just sitting back and watching

MJ: yeah... listen. very important... keep ur eyes open to potential issues, while avoiding excess scrutiny since no one is perfect

MJ's last statement hit home for me. I've always known how I would handle future situations, but never knew how to express it.

And then my other co-worker said this:

I think the love brings the two people together, however a marriage isn't going to work unless a few other things happen (mutual respect, compassion, ability to compromise, etc...). In addition, I think one of the biggest reason why they don't work is because people don't hash over enough potential issues that may arise after marriage. I can go on all day about this!

And finally, here's where my issue is illuminated.

me: love is overrated. let me correct myself. romantic love is overrated.

BT: romantic love is overrated....hmmm....i think in the beginning its there, then over time the relationship becomes very, shyt becomes practical after a while. like the love is there but it becomes more functional. thats the word,functional. like who takes care of what...who specializes in can you both work to make this/that work...yada yada. compromise. functional. so u will always be there but people have issues with the functional aspects. if that makes sense.

me: EVERYONE falls in love. most don't know how to stay there. so i saw let's get the other stuff together first. compromise, respect, trust, etc. and THEN see if there's romantic love. and even with all of that, the things that hold two people together, i can understand wanting a relationship to be hot and heavy. like where's the passion! why isn't he cupping my face in his hand and staring deep into my eyes?! yeah well, umm, bump that!!!! you can give that to someone else! i feel like i'm turning into a man. lol. i don't wanna be this way!!!!

I'm not even sure how to put a conclusion on this. I guess it just leaves a whole lot of questions (which I honestly do know the answer to). I don't want to appear hurt, but do I? Could my heart be a little iced over? Will it be harder for the next dude? Either way, Raplh Waldo Emerson said it best, "Experience Is The Best Teacher." And as for me, I learn from the past.
What's Your Take?


Jenn Will said...

I hate that you now sound like me...

T.C. said...

i can relate but then i always go back to just being friends first...
i have seen situations where love for love without the romance didn't work it was just a realistic option and it didn't work and romantic love hasn't work...but there is a balance when you start off as friends and are open to possiblities all the while being as MJ stated aware of the WHAT and WHO the person really is...a lot of times romantic love clouds the WHAT and the WHO and so we just don't get that had we just been OPEN to see them for who they really where we could avoid all that...further more, what we feel like is romantic love men don't even think of the same way...they want to profess, protect and provide that's how they show love...romance isn't really their thing in the first you know we all have to find that balance and for me its definitely starts with FRIENDSHIP

i actually picked up steve harvey's book and i hate to admit it but a lot of what he says makes sense and it sheds light on a lot of things...i recommend every woman read it and take from it what she can, its not all 100% but it makes sense...

learn from your past to my your future will all come will be harder for the next dude because your standards have gotten even higher your test even tougher, but the man that's really and truly for YOU will surpass it all...

Deja~I~Am said...

Yea, I agree TRUE Friendship before the relationship is the key. But that's another problem because it has to be TRUE friendship. Not the kind where one person secretly wishes for something more - and in many female/male relationships this is the case.

Ant.M and I started off as friends, really good friends, without any pretenses. We honestly were and continue to be two peas in a pod. It's so crazy. Even now, when we have so many issues (and TRUST we have our share) it's harder to seperate or leave them unresolved because i would be losing my best friend AND my boyfriend and I will argue that there is a DISTINCT difference.

So if you can find that guy that you can be honest to goodness friends with..... Not that, "well, could we be friends then, wink wink" ..... Look to head down that road.

Not only may you find a boyfriend but your life will liven up too because dudes just wanna have fun. They're not as serious. That's why I try to surround myself with them.

Sorry for the post. I had no intention of writing this much.... so let me stop. HE HE

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