I'm not okay.
But I don't want to complain.
What I do need to do is speak the truth.
Without my staples, loneliness can set in.
It's true that you don't know what you're missing until it's gone.
You don't know how valuable people are until you can't reach them.
But I should use this time for me.
Lord knows I could use it.
Still yet, I feel a bit lost in translation.
I don't know what to use the time for.
Nor do I want anyone to tell me.
This isn't where I want someone to jump in and 'fix it'.
My mind is very cloudy.
I haven't been clear for a very long time.
I remember a phase in my life when I saw everything like crystal.
Among westward sunny skies when I was me by myself.
In tune with myself, I was so peaceful.
I miss the absolute stillness that comes from clarity.
When is there time for that?
You have to dig deep down and find that place.
It's within all of us.
But when you're ripping, you crowd out the time.
Since I moved home, I've been swallowed.
I fell right back in line.
Jumped straight on the conveyor belt and haven't stopped yet.
I checked back in to 'my place' in this town.
The daughter, the PG girl, the regular.
I think that's the disappointing part.
I'm so used to being amongst the new.
Falling back into the regular halted my self-discovery.
Self-discovery should never end.
But now that I'm here, I'm not discovering anything.
I'm not okay.