1. Wake up at 6am
2. Get dressed, etc.
3. Drive to work
4. Spend 9 hours slaving away
5. Afternoon activity
6. Eat dinner if I'm hungry
7. Shower
8. Watch tv show of the night
9. Set alarm clock
10. Sleep by 10:30pm
The schedule never changes. The only variations I have are my afternoon activities. But even that's mundane. On Monday's, the afternoon activity is to start and hopefully complete my schoolwork. On Tuesday's, it's to complete the homework I didn't finish and go to the meeting. Wednesday's I go to the second job. Blah blah blah.
Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. I had this melancholy empty feeling in my heart. I didn't really know why I felt that way or why I was laying in the dark staring at pitch blackness. It wasn't until an hour passed that I decided to turn on my bed light and break out my journal. I didn't know what I was going to write about but when my pen hit the page, I started writing about the things I miss, need and want in poem format. I can't remember exactly what I wrote but it was along the lines of wanting to feel fall's brisk air through my fingers, hearing the symphonies of a solemn forest, wanting to dangle my bare feet over a cool stone wall, etc. I then went on to write all of the things that seem to cloud life like opening my wallet and seeing a bunch of receipts and not one dirty green dollar bill; joining the steady stream of California traffic on my way to the tall brown hodrum ediface with big letters on top which read "BOEING"; thinking of when I will find time to take care of one of my most hated tasks - grocery shopping; remembering what necessary phone calls I have to make so that my car gets proper treatment or my sisters know that I was asked to add a 4th harmony to the "Hey" track. It was all just stuff. The stuff of life that no one can seem to avoid.
After finishing jotting down those random thoughts, I re-read it and figured it out. I miss the natural and peaceful things in my life. When I was in grade school, my preppy, predominately white school always had me (the-I-despise-dirt-and-nature-little-black-girl) hiking up dirty mountain trails during insane temperatures, sliding into drippy mud for softball practice, and canoeing down some tiny rough creek in the rain. I was forced to do the so-called "white" things during those 8 years of schooling there. While I hated it then, I would do ANYTHING to have those moments back or to pick them up again in my new found adulthood.
After this first revelation, my soul mate called. (I forgot that I texted him earlier to mention that I couldn't sleep.) He asked me what was on my mind. After pitching what I thought was insane thoughts, he put the nail on the head by reminding me of how we used to get dressed on any random day and just leave the dorms with no destination in mind. Walking arm in arm, we used to just walk the streets of Harlem, randomly catch a stupid movie, find our way to Central Park or just sit on a random street like 69th and Morningside and people-watch. Being in the Hollywood of all Hollywoods doesn't afford me the luxury of being spontaneous. When I get in the car (which eliminates the randomness of it all in the first place), I have to have a plan; a destination in mind. Then he asked me what are two things that I would like to do during the week to break up the motonony that I'm feeling. It's crazy that he said that because at work yesterday I randomly went to the Orange County Performing Arts site and told myself to find a weeknight performance to attend. It's amazing how well he knows me, how he feels me before I even understand myself... Ode to my Soul Mate --->
"So thank you for standing right by me
So thank you for being behind me
And watching me grow
and letting others know
that you still believe in what I'll be"
I guess there's just certain things that I need in my life that I'm not finding. The more important things in life aren't forefront and my heart's craving them. The Bible says that all humans have a spiritual need and I think that need is calling me.
Close my eyes and smell the salt from the ocean
Feel the chill from the snow against my cheeks
See the colors of the flame burning at the camp fire
Lay on the cold, heard earth in the family tent
Watch the rugged faces of elders in the community
Talk about memories while my sister and I lay under her comforter
Listen to music together that sends goosebumps down my spine
Sit in silence with the sunset on my face
I'm searching for something calm in this volcano of a world
Let's hope I find it fast...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Current Mood
so annoyed that i'm exhausted
I'm so emotionally tired. I mean it's seriously weighing me down. I'm sinking to the bottom of the ocean. The bubbles from my last breath have already popped on the surface and I'm just going down. It's weird because my eyes are wide open. And I'm just looking around at everything go by me. The school of blowfish. The bright pink coral reef. The particles of plankton. I'm falling past them while they carry on. They don't even notice me. But I'm too tired to care. Too tired to catch up. To fight or to swim. My arms are heavy and my fingertips hurt.
Pretty dramatic way to say that my job is killing me huh?
I'm so emotionally tired. I mean it's seriously weighing me down. I'm sinking to the bottom of the ocean. The bubbles from my last breath have already popped on the surface and I'm just going down. It's weird because my eyes are wide open. And I'm just looking around at everything go by me. The school of blowfish. The bright pink coral reef. The particles of plankton. I'm falling past them while they carry on. They don't even notice me. But I'm too tired to care. Too tired to catch up. To fight or to swim. My arms are heavy and my fingertips hurt.
Pretty dramatic way to say that my job is killing me huh?
Bad News
Why do we even look at the news anymore? To have a bad day? To be disappointed? To become broken-hearted? Here's a few of today's headlines. Why even look?
Coach Accused of Being a Pimp
Man Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Prostitute
A police officer in Maryland heard a surprising story when he found a 15-year-old girl and an adult male engaged in a sex act at 3 a.m. in a car in Takoma Park: She was a prostitute, the girl said, and her pimp was a coach at a high school in Prince George's County.
Suicide risk high with body image obsession
People with "body dysmorphic disorder" are 45 times more likely to commit suicide than people in the general population, a new study shows.
4 Los Angeles Latino Gang Members Convicted of Anti-Black Conspiracy
The jury finds that the defendants terrorized African Americans to try to drive them from the Highland Park neighborhood.
Israel Widens Scale of Attacks in Lebanon
New Hezbollah Rocket Attacks Kill One Near Nahariya
Israeli special forces captured five Shiite militants in a helicopter raid on the Lebanese city of Baalbek overnight, and Hezbollah launched a record number of rockets into Israel Wednesday morning that left one Israeli dead and 19 injured.
Jealousy Spurred Gasoline Attack, Police Say
A Prince George's man charged with setting his girlfriend on fire last weekend attacked her after he accused her of cheating on him, according to police charging documents released yesterday.
WHAT IS THIS!!?!! Now how could you not believe that we are living in the last days for real?!
Coach Accused of Being a Pimp
Man Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Prostitute
A police officer in Maryland heard a surprising story when he found a 15-year-old girl and an adult male engaged in a sex act at 3 a.m. in a car in Takoma Park: She was a prostitute, the girl said, and her pimp was a coach at a high school in Prince George's County.
Suicide risk high with body image obsession
People with "body dysmorphic disorder" are 45 times more likely to commit suicide than people in the general population, a new study shows.
4 Los Angeles Latino Gang Members Convicted of Anti-Black Conspiracy
The jury finds that the defendants terrorized African Americans to try to drive them from the Highland Park neighborhood.
Israel Widens Scale of Attacks in Lebanon
New Hezbollah Rocket Attacks Kill One Near Nahariya
Israeli special forces captured five Shiite militants in a helicopter raid on the Lebanese city of Baalbek overnight, and Hezbollah launched a record number of rockets into Israel Wednesday morning that left one Israeli dead and 19 injured.
Jealousy Spurred Gasoline Attack, Police Say
A Prince George's man charged with setting his girlfriend on fire last weekend attacked her after he accused her of cheating on him, according to police charging documents released yesterday.
WHAT IS THIS!!?!! Now how could you not believe that we are living in the last days for real?!
Interesting
12 Things The Negro Must Do For Himself
by Nannie Helen Burroughs
(Circa Early 1900's)
1. The Negro Must Learn To Put First Things First. The First Things Are: Education; Development of Character Traits; A Trade and Home Ownership.
· The Negro puts too much of his earning in clothes, in food, in show and in having what he calls "a good time." The Dr. Kelly Miller said, "The Negro buys what he WANTS and begs for what he Needs."
2. The Negro Must Stop Expecting God and White Folk To Do For Him What He Can Do For Himself.
· It is the "Divine Plan" that the strong shall help the weak, but even God does not do for man what man can do for himself. The Negro will have to do exactly what Jesus told the man (in John 5:8) to do--Carry his own load--"Take up your bed and walk."
3. The Negro Must Keep Himself, His Children And His Home Clean And Make The Surroundings In Which He Lives Comfortable and Attractive.
· He must learn to "run his community up"--not down. We can segregate by law, we integrate only by living. Civilization is not a matter of race, it is a matter of standards. Believe it or not--some day, some race is going to outdo the Anglo-Saxon, completely. It can be the Negro race, if the Negro gets sense enough. Civilization goes up and down that way.
4. The Negro Must Learn To Dress More Appropriately For Work And For Leisure.
· Knowing what to wear--how to wear it--when to wear it and where to wear it, are earmarks of common sense, culture and also an index to character.
5. The Negro Must Make His Religion An Everyday Practice And Not Just A Sunday-Go-To-Meeting Emotional Affair.
6. The Negro Must Highly Resolve To Wipe Out Mass Ignorance.
· The leaders of the race must teach and inspire the masses to become eager and determined to improve mentally, morally and spiritually, and to meet the basic requirements of good citizenship.
· We should initiate an intensive literacy campaign in America, as well as in Africa. Ignorance-- satisfied ignorance --is a millstone about the neck of the race. It is democracy's greatest burden.
· Social integration is a relationship attained as a result of the cultivation of kindred social ideals, interests and standards.
· It is a blending process that requires time, understanding and kindred purposes to achieve. Likes alone and not laws can do it.
7. The Negro Must Stop Charging His Failures Up To His "Color" And To White People's Attitude.
· The truth of the matter is that good service and conduct will make senseless race prejudice fade like mist before the rising sun.
· God never intended that a man's color shall be anything other than a badge of distinction . It is high time that all races were learning that fact. The Negro must first QUALIFY for whatever position he wants. Purpose, initiative, ingenuity and industry are the keys that all men use to get what they want. The Negro will have to do the same. He must make himself a workman who is too skilled not to be wanted, and too DEPENDABLE not to be on the job, according to promise or plan. He will never become a vital factor in industry until he learns to put into his work the vitalizing force of initiative, skill and dependability. He has gone "RIGHTS" mad and "DUTY" dumb.
8. The Negro Must Overcome His Bad Job Habits.
· He must make a brand new reputation for himself in the world of labor. His bad job habits are absenteeism, funerals to attend, or a little business to look after. The Negro runs an off and on business. He also has a bad reputation for conduct on the job--such as petty quarrelling with other help, incessant loud talking about nothing; loafing, carelessness, due to lack of job pride; insolence, gum chewing and--too often--liquor drinking. Just plain bad job habits!
9. He Must Improve His Conduct In Public Places.
· Taken as a whole, he is entirely too loud and too ill-mannered.
· There is much talk about wiping out racial segregation and also much talk about achieving integration.
· Segregation is a physical arrangement by which people are separated in various services.
· It is definitely up to the Negro to wipe out the apparent justification or excuse for segregation.
· The only effective way to do it is to clean up and keep clean. By practice, cleanliness will become a habit and habit becomes character.
10. The Negro Must Learn How To Operate Business For People--Not For Negro People, Only.
· To do business, he will have to remove all typical "earmarks," business principles; measure up to accepted standards and meet stimulating competition, graciously--in fact, he must learn to welcome competition.
11. The Average So-Called Educated Negro Will Have To Come Down Out Of The Air. He Is Too Inflated Over Nothing. He Needs An Experience Similar To The One That Ezekiel Had--(Ezekiel 3:14-19). And He Must Do What Ezekiel Did
· Otherwise, through indifference, as to the plight of the masses, the Negro, who thinks that he has escaped, will lose his own soul. It will do all leaders good to read Hebrew 13:3, and the first Thirty-seven Chapters of Ezekiel.
· A race transformation itself through its own leaders and its sensible "common people." A race rises on its own wings, or is held down by its own weight. True leaders are never "things apart from the people." They are the masses. They simply got to the front ahead of them. Their only business at the front is to inspire to masses by hard work and noble example and challenge them to "Come on!" Dante stated a fact when he said, "Show the people the light and they will find the way!"
· There must arise within the Negro race a leadership that is not out hunting bargains for itself. A noble example is found in the men and women of the Negro race, who, in the early days, laid down their lives for the people. Their invaluable contributions have not been appraised by the "latter-day leaders." In many cases, their names would never be recorded, among the unsung heroes of the world, but for the fact that white friends have written them there.
"Lord, God of Hosts, Be with us yet."
· The Negro of today does not realize that, but, for these exhibits A's, that certainly show the innate possibilities of members of their own race, white people would not have been moved to make such princely investments in lives and money, as they have made, for the establishment of schools and for the on-going of the race.
12. The Negro Must Stop Forgetting His Friends. "Remember."
· Read Deuteronomy 24:18. Deuteronomy rings the big bell of gratitude. Why? Because an ingrate is an abomination in the sight of God. God is constantly telling us that "I the Lord thy God delivered you" --through human instrumentalities.
· The American Negro has had and still has friends--in the North and in the South. These friends not only pray, speak, write, influence others, but make unbelievable, unpublished sacrifices and contributions for the advancement of the race--for their brothers in bonds.
· The noblest thing that the Negro can do is to so live and labor that these benefactors will not have given in vain. The Negro must make his heart warm with gratitude, his lips sweet with thanks and his heart and mind resolute with purpose to justify the sacrifices and stand on his feet and go forward-- "God is no respector of persons. In every nation, he that feareth him and worketh righteousness is" sure to win out. Get to work! That's the answer to everything that hurts us. We talk too much about nothing instead of redeeming the time by working.
R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R
· In spite of race prejudice, America is brim full of opportunities. Go after them!
And, this was written in the early 1900 's! The more things change the more they stay the same.
by Nannie Helen Burroughs
(Circa Early 1900's)
1. The Negro Must Learn To Put First Things First. The First Things Are: Education; Development of Character Traits; A Trade and Home Ownership.
· The Negro puts too much of his earning in clothes, in food, in show and in having what he calls "a good time." The Dr. Kelly Miller said, "The Negro buys what he WANTS and begs for what he Needs."
2. The Negro Must Stop Expecting God and White Folk To Do For Him What He Can Do For Himself.
· It is the "Divine Plan" that the strong shall help the weak, but even God does not do for man what man can do for himself. The Negro will have to do exactly what Jesus told the man (in John 5:8) to do--Carry his own load--"Take up your bed and walk."
3. The Negro Must Keep Himself, His Children And His Home Clean And Make The Surroundings In Which He Lives Comfortable and Attractive.
· He must learn to "run his community up"--not down. We can segregate by law, we integrate only by living. Civilization is not a matter of race, it is a matter of standards. Believe it or not--some day, some race is going to outdo the Anglo-Saxon, completely. It can be the Negro race, if the Negro gets sense enough. Civilization goes up and down that way.
4. The Negro Must Learn To Dress More Appropriately For Work And For Leisure.
· Knowing what to wear--how to wear it--when to wear it and where to wear it, are earmarks of common sense, culture and also an index to character.
5. The Negro Must Make His Religion An Everyday Practice And Not Just A Sunday-Go-To-Meeting Emotional Affair.
6. The Negro Must Highly Resolve To Wipe Out Mass Ignorance.
· The leaders of the race must teach and inspire the masses to become eager and determined to improve mentally, morally and spiritually, and to meet the basic requirements of good citizenship.
· We should initiate an intensive literacy campaign in America, as well as in Africa. Ignorance-- satisfied ignorance --is a millstone about the neck of the race. It is democracy's greatest burden.
· Social integration is a relationship attained as a result of the cultivation of kindred social ideals, interests and standards.
· It is a blending process that requires time, understanding and kindred purposes to achieve. Likes alone and not laws can do it.
7. The Negro Must Stop Charging His Failures Up To His "Color" And To White People's Attitude.
· The truth of the matter is that good service and conduct will make senseless race prejudice fade like mist before the rising sun.
· God never intended that a man's color shall be anything other than a badge of distinction . It is high time that all races were learning that fact. The Negro must first QUALIFY for whatever position he wants. Purpose, initiative, ingenuity and industry are the keys that all men use to get what they want. The Negro will have to do the same. He must make himself a workman who is too skilled not to be wanted, and too DEPENDABLE not to be on the job, according to promise or plan. He will never become a vital factor in industry until he learns to put into his work the vitalizing force of initiative, skill and dependability. He has gone "RIGHTS" mad and "DUTY" dumb.
8. The Negro Must Overcome His Bad Job Habits.
· He must make a brand new reputation for himself in the world of labor. His bad job habits are absenteeism, funerals to attend, or a little business to look after. The Negro runs an off and on business. He also has a bad reputation for conduct on the job--such as petty quarrelling with other help, incessant loud talking about nothing; loafing, carelessness, due to lack of job pride; insolence, gum chewing and--too often--liquor drinking. Just plain bad job habits!
9. He Must Improve His Conduct In Public Places.
· Taken as a whole, he is entirely too loud and too ill-mannered.
· There is much talk about wiping out racial segregation and also much talk about achieving integration.
· Segregation is a physical arrangement by which people are separated in various services.
· It is definitely up to the Negro to wipe out the apparent justification or excuse for segregation.
· The only effective way to do it is to clean up and keep clean. By practice, cleanliness will become a habit and habit becomes character.
10. The Negro Must Learn How To Operate Business For People--Not For Negro People, Only.
· To do business, he will have to remove all typical "earmarks," business principles; measure up to accepted standards and meet stimulating competition, graciously--in fact, he must learn to welcome competition.
11. The Average So-Called Educated Negro Will Have To Come Down Out Of The Air. He Is Too Inflated Over Nothing. He Needs An Experience Similar To The One That Ezekiel Had--(Ezekiel 3:14-19). And He Must Do What Ezekiel Did
· Otherwise, through indifference, as to the plight of the masses, the Negro, who thinks that he has escaped, will lose his own soul. It will do all leaders good to read Hebrew 13:3, and the first Thirty-seven Chapters of Ezekiel.
· A race transformation itself through its own leaders and its sensible "common people." A race rises on its own wings, or is held down by its own weight. True leaders are never "things apart from the people." They are the masses. They simply got to the front ahead of them. Their only business at the front is to inspire to masses by hard work and noble example and challenge them to "Come on!" Dante stated a fact when he said, "Show the people the light and they will find the way!"
· There must arise within the Negro race a leadership that is not out hunting bargains for itself. A noble example is found in the men and women of the Negro race, who, in the early days, laid down their lives for the people. Their invaluable contributions have not been appraised by the "latter-day leaders." In many cases, their names would never be recorded, among the unsung heroes of the world, but for the fact that white friends have written them there.
"Lord, God of Hosts, Be with us yet."
· The Negro of today does not realize that, but, for these exhibits A's, that certainly show the innate possibilities of members of their own race, white people would not have been moved to make such princely investments in lives and money, as they have made, for the establishment of schools and for the on-going of the race.
12. The Negro Must Stop Forgetting His Friends. "Remember."
· Read Deuteronomy 24:18. Deuteronomy rings the big bell of gratitude. Why? Because an ingrate is an abomination in the sight of God. God is constantly telling us that "I the Lord thy God delivered you" --through human instrumentalities.
· The American Negro has had and still has friends--in the North and in the South. These friends not only pray, speak, write, influence others, but make unbelievable, unpublished sacrifices and contributions for the advancement of the race--for their brothers in bonds.
· The noblest thing that the Negro can do is to so live and labor that these benefactors will not have given in vain. The Negro must make his heart warm with gratitude, his lips sweet with thanks and his heart and mind resolute with purpose to justify the sacrifices and stand on his feet and go forward-- "God is no respector of persons. In every nation, he that feareth him and worketh righteousness is" sure to win out. Get to work! That's the answer to everything that hurts us. We talk too much about nothing instead of redeeming the time by working.
R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R
· In spite of race prejudice, America is brim full of opportunities. Go after them!
And, this was written in the early 1900 's! The more things change the more they stay the same.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I LOVE This SONG!! WWHOOO!! I CAN'T STOP DANCING!!!!
Ridin' in the Cadillac
Beatin' like some beat it up(?)
The game dun' changed
OutKast came to heat it up
You can't make the world go 'round
Where it goes
Ya' just don't know
My heart is like a marching band
I'm a fan in the stands
Yes I am and I'm hollerin'
hey baby
sayin' hey baby!
So baby please believe me
Don't you go (don't you go)
Baby no no no (baby no no no)
My heart is like a marching band
I'm a fan in the stands
Yes I am and I'm hollerin'
hey baby
Sayin' hey baby !
I'm tippin' my off to ya baby
cuz you're so fine
blow my mind
I put in the time
Everybody knows you can't let a pretty one pass you by
Without sayin' hi
I'm so gone over you
Yes it's true
Baby do what you do
My nose is open so wide (so wide, yeah)
Lookin' at you such a pretty sight (so wide, yeah)
My heart is on my sleeve (my sleeve, yeah)
And this is how it sounds to me (this is how it sounds)
Baby you and me
We make a musical masterpiece
I travel the land
Me and the band
We bringin' the church back to your feet
So wait baby
Don't leave me, baby
Say wait baby
Don't leave me, baby
Whoooo Hoooo!!! Again!! Again!!! Play It Again!!! =D
Beatin' like some beat it up(?)
The game dun' changed
OutKast came to heat it up
You can't make the world go 'round
Where it goes
Ya' just don't know
My heart is like a marching band
I'm a fan in the stands
Yes I am and I'm hollerin'
hey baby
sayin' hey baby!
So baby please believe me
Don't you go (don't you go)
Baby no no no (baby no no no)
My heart is like a marching band
I'm a fan in the stands
Yes I am and I'm hollerin'
hey baby
Sayin' hey baby !
I'm tippin' my off to ya baby
cuz you're so fine
blow my mind
I put in the time
Everybody knows you can't let a pretty one pass you by
Without sayin' hi
I'm so gone over you
Yes it's true
Baby do what you do
My nose is open so wide (so wide, yeah)
Lookin' at you such a pretty sight (so wide, yeah)
My heart is on my sleeve (my sleeve, yeah)
And this is how it sounds to me (this is how it sounds)
Baby you and me
We make a musical masterpiece
I travel the land
Me and the band
We bringin' the church back to your feet
So wait baby
Don't leave me, baby
Say wait baby
Don't leave me, baby
Whoooo Hoooo!!! Again!! Again!!! Play It Again!!! =D
Favorite Song!!! Thanks T!!!
My favorite song right now!! It makes me so happy!!! =D
http://tclarkegolden.blogspot.com/2006/07/my-heart-is-like-marching-band.html
http://tclarkegolden.blogspot.com/2006/07/my-heart-is-like-marching-band.html
The Model Prayer
Mood: Curious
Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. Amen.
Matthew 6:9-13
Have you ever thought about this model prayer and what it truly means?
"Our Father which art in heaven" - That's pretty self explanatory right? God resides in heaven.
"Hallowed be thy name" - I just looked up hallowed and it means to make or set aside as holy and to respect or honor greatly; revere. So he tells us to respect his name right? Well what's His name? I guess that question is up to interpretation and religion but it seems that He has a name just like you and I do. If he wants us to respect, sanctify and make his name holy within us, why don't Christians call him by His name?
"Thy kingdom come" - So this means that His kingdom is coming. Most people think His kingdom is coming after Armageddon right? Ok. Well what about this question. Where is His kingdom coming? Well, when you say the word 'come', doesn't it usually mean that whatever it is will work its way towards where you are? So if it's coming to us, then does that means that it's coming to the earth? God's kingdom is coming to the earth....? Well that's makes sense if we look at the next sentence...
"Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." - So if God's (or Jehovah's) kingdom which is in heaven now is coming to the earth in the future (do we believe that yet?), than of course Jehovah's will is going to be done here on the earth. He wants whatever's going on in heaven (which is basically a paradise rule by Him) to be done here on earth as well.
Let's stop here. Interesting stuff right? Within those three sentences, we learn or speculate a lot. God's kingdom is going to come to the earth! Well I looked up earth in the back of my Bible and I came across these verses.
Genesis 1:28 "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it..." God's purpose for the earth is for us humans to fill it and to bring it under cultivation. Do you think His purpose is the same for the earth or has it changed?
Psalm 37:29 "The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein forever" This tells us that the land or the earth is going to be populated by righteous people forever and ever. So this brings up and interesting issue. How does this correlate with the viewpoint that all righteous people are going to heaven? hmm...
Matthew 5:5 "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" So the inheritance for meek ones is the earth. What time frame are we talking about here? Well when you think of inheritance, don't we think of after someone dies? So how do we figure this one out? After a meek one dies and is resurrected, they come back to earth?! hmm...
So what's all this talk about earth? What about heaven? Hmmm.... Research people. Research!It's amazing what you can find out when you really read and dissect the Bible.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Good Question Kepa
Kepa,
Hmm. What does it take to impress me? That's a good question. (You always ask such good questions!) I'm assuming the "impress" stage comes after you already know someone. The initial attraction and all the reasons that drew you to the person in the first place have most likely already been realized. I feel like you have to know a person for a second in order to be impressed. But I'll start with what attracts me and then go into what impresses me.
Attract
- calm, peaceful, laid back attitude - that probably draws me in faster than any other trait
- humble
- down to earth
- strong presence - a man who's quiet in his demeanor but still draws eyes is the sexiest!
- warm to others
- personable - can have a full fledged conversation with ANYONE
- smart
- secure in himself
Impress
- good use of vocabulary - ha!
- perserveres through trials
- hard-working
- healthy love and acceptance of himself
- looks you in the eye
- CHIVALRY
- leadership skills
- responsible
- great outlook on life
- doesn't complain
- attentive/listens and then acts
- a thinker
- carries on good conversation
- stays clear of drama
- concern for others
- has a vision for his life/goals
- has a talent/passion
- And the thing that would put the cherry on the top is if he has ALL that AND is spiritual!! Oh My Goodness!!! lol.
Now I do admit that's a lot. Of course, no one person is going to have EVERYTHING you've ever wanted. But I think that some traits will come with others. The thing that's important to remember is that there are traits that are more important than others when it comes to having a stable marriage, family, and future together. I was once told that when you are dating a person in order to see whether or not you prefer to continue on to courtship, you have to try to determine if you can accept what he does have and deal with the things that he doesn't. For example, a man that doesn't have a talent is perfectly ok, but I cannot deal with a man who doesn't have a relationship with Jehovah. Looking at my list though, I'm trying to see if I could narrow it down, and I do have to say that it's extremely hard. I guess I could get rid of the good use of vocab trait, attentive/listens then acts trait, and the talent trait like I said before. I feel like those may be things that we could figure out or cultivate together. Ya know? Being in a relationship that makes you a better person is a fabulous thing. But anyway, I hope that answers your question Kepa. =)
J
Hmm. What does it take to impress me? That's a good question. (You always ask such good questions!) I'm assuming the "impress" stage comes after you already know someone. The initial attraction and all the reasons that drew you to the person in the first place have most likely already been realized. I feel like you have to know a person for a second in order to be impressed. But I'll start with what attracts me and then go into what impresses me.
Attract
- calm, peaceful, laid back attitude - that probably draws me in faster than any other trait
- humble
- down to earth
- strong presence - a man who's quiet in his demeanor but still draws eyes is the sexiest!
- warm to others
- personable - can have a full fledged conversation with ANYONE
- smart
- secure in himself
Impress
- good use of vocabulary - ha!
- perserveres through trials
- hard-working
- healthy love and acceptance of himself
- looks you in the eye
- CHIVALRY
- leadership skills
- responsible
- great outlook on life
- doesn't complain
- attentive/listens and then acts
- a thinker
- carries on good conversation
- stays clear of drama
- concern for others
- has a vision for his life/goals
- has a talent/passion
- And the thing that would put the cherry on the top is if he has ALL that AND is spiritual!! Oh My Goodness!!! lol.
Now I do admit that's a lot. Of course, no one person is going to have EVERYTHING you've ever wanted. But I think that some traits will come with others. The thing that's important to remember is that there are traits that are more important than others when it comes to having a stable marriage, family, and future together. I was once told that when you are dating a person in order to see whether or not you prefer to continue on to courtship, you have to try to determine if you can accept what he does have and deal with the things that he doesn't. For example, a man that doesn't have a talent is perfectly ok, but I cannot deal with a man who doesn't have a relationship with Jehovah. Looking at my list though, I'm trying to see if I could narrow it down, and I do have to say that it's extremely hard. I guess I could get rid of the good use of vocab trait, attentive/listens then acts trait, and the talent trait like I said before. I feel like those may be things that we could figure out or cultivate together. Ya know? Being in a relationship that makes you a better person is a fabulous thing. But anyway, I hope that answers your question Kepa. =)
J
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Random Thoughts All Day Long!
Ok. Bad Boy 2 is on! I LOVE this movie!!!! No other movie has ever made me laugh as much as this one. Martin and Will are hilarious together. Especially Martin. They Have to do a Bad Boy 3.
Yo. My desk is dirty. I definitely need to do a little mr. clean cleanie clean up in this place.
I'm so full. Chipotle is the best!
Flats, stiletto heels, or wedges? I have entirely TOO many pairs of stilettos. I'm so addicted! If I haven't had a new pair of stilettos at least once a month, I go through withdrawls. Come on now J. Get yourself under control.
"I want my MPG!" That commercial always gets stuck in my head. It's so true though. Somebody needs to CHECK these gasoline prices. Someone done lost their ever-loving mind!
Oooh Will! You better get out of there!! LOL. Martin is so stupid! "Just another day with Mike Lowry."
My rent just increased $50. I swear this world is trying to wring out every cent of a cent that I own. What is going on?
Oooooo Will is so fine in this movie! Did you see when he walked out and pulled his jacket lined with the pink material up over his shoulders!?! Oh sookie sookie now. I don't know about the pink lining, but still that man is dangerous!!!!
Excuse me for a sec. I need to get my jello.
mmmm. so fruity. =)
It's funny how put together i am during the week and then how
I like Jay-Z in this new HP notebook commercial. That man is so fly. He's just as cool as he wanna be. Diddy or Hov? Who's the most fly?
Miami seems to keep popping up all over the place. This movie takes place in Miami. Diddy's love him some Miami. Did you know Diddy is the executive producer of this movie too? I can't wait to go see what all the hoopla is about. Miami December '06 baby!
That's so nasty. Cadavers being thrown all out the back of the van like that. Ill man... Can you imagine having a cadaver in a plastic bag roll under your tires and or one fall on your windsheild? I think I'd just about lose my mind. They say don't panic right. Yeah well...Shoo...I might manage to pull over and not kill myself, but do you know how messed up I would be?
"This has to be the most worst, most emotional cop week of my life." Lol. Oh Martin.
Is my A/C on? Man!
You know what I wish I had right now? Some funnel cake! I haven't had funnel cake since forever! I wonder if IHop's funnel cakes taste like the amusement park's funnel cakes.
You remember Great Adventure?! I remember when we used to go there to see Raw Image, RE and other go-go bands perform. Aww. Memories. Now I have the sudden urge to hear "Water Dance". Aww DC!
Oh this part is funny! It's at the part when Reggie comes to pick up Martin's daughter. This joint is Hilarious!!! "You ever made love to a man?" So stupid!!!
Upp! My phone's ringing. Gotta go!
Yeah, this blog was pointless. But if you didn't like it, you shouldn't have read it!!! Ha!
Yo. My desk is dirty. I definitely need to do a little mr. clean cleanie clean up in this place.
I'm so full. Chipotle is the best!
Flats, stiletto heels, or wedges? I have entirely TOO many pairs of stilettos. I'm so addicted! If I haven't had a new pair of stilettos at least once a month, I go through withdrawls. Come on now J. Get yourself under control.
"I want my MPG!" That commercial always gets stuck in my head. It's so true though. Somebody needs to CHECK these gasoline prices. Someone done lost their ever-loving mind!
Oooh Will! You better get out of there!! LOL. Martin is so stupid! "Just another day with Mike Lowry."
My rent just increased $50. I swear this world is trying to wring out every cent of a cent that I own. What is going on?
Oooooo Will is so fine in this movie! Did you see when he walked out and pulled his jacket lined with the pink material up over his shoulders!?! Oh sookie sookie now. I don't know about the pink lining, but still that man is dangerous!!!!
Excuse me for a sec. I need to get my jello.
mmmm. so fruity. =)
It's funny how put together i am during the week and then how
I like Jay-Z in this new HP notebook commercial. That man is so fly. He's just as cool as he wanna be. Diddy or Hov? Who's the most fly?
Miami seems to keep popping up all over the place. This movie takes place in Miami. Diddy's love him some Miami. Did you know Diddy is the executive producer of this movie too? I can't wait to go see what all the hoopla is about. Miami December '06 baby!
That's so nasty. Cadavers being thrown all out the back of the van like that. Ill man... Can you imagine having a cadaver in a plastic bag roll under your tires and or one fall on your windsheild? I think I'd just about lose my mind. They say don't panic right. Yeah well...Shoo...I might manage to pull over and not kill myself, but do you know how messed up I would be?
"This has to be the most worst, most emotional cop week of my life." Lol. Oh Martin.
Is my A/C on? Man!
You know what I wish I had right now? Some funnel cake! I haven't had funnel cake since forever! I wonder if IHop's funnel cakes taste like the amusement park's funnel cakes.
You remember Great Adventure?! I remember when we used to go there to see Raw Image, RE and other go-go bands perform. Aww. Memories. Now I have the sudden urge to hear "Water Dance". Aww DC!
Oh this part is funny! It's at the part when Reggie comes to pick up Martin's daughter. This joint is Hilarious!!! "You ever made love to a man?" So stupid!!!
Upp! My phone's ringing. Gotta go!
Yeah, this blog was pointless. But if you didn't like it, you shouldn't have read it!!! Ha!
1/2 the equation
i haven't had a crush since high school. it's been quite a while since i've had those little butterflies floating around in my stomach to the point where i can't breath. well that feeling is back. i don't think much will come of this crush for more reason than one, but it's nice to feel awkward and nervous again. ya know? =) it makes me feel young and girlie, giddie and cute, sexy and nervous... i love it! i don't get giddie over men and it usually takes a lot to impress me so i'm glad that i know someone who does that to me. just for the sake of the feeling... that little knot in my stomach... i just pray that i'll feel this way when i meet the one. it seems like you always have to settle for 1/2 of the equation. you know...someone who you have chemistry with but who also turns out to be a heathen... or someone who's responsible and spiritual but you have no fun with. doesn't that just suck! dah well!!!!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Sisters and Friends
My family of sisters are going to be having a breakfast together in DC tomorrow and I won't be there. =( My blood sister asked me to write a letter to open up the breakfast though, so at least I'll be there in spirit. While doing so I just realized how much I love my sister. We used to fight like crazy. She threw and apple at my stomach, I burned her with an iron, she burned me back, I slapped her in the face...yeah all of that. But guess what? After all that, she's basically my best friend now. She's so intelligent, proactive, opinionated, and fun. And I so respect her. I never thought as a little girl that I'd look up to my little sister, but it's good to know that we feel the same way about each other. I look up to her and she looks up to me. My sister and I are partners in crime. It's pretty cool to have the relationship that I do with her. I love you Pooh!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Sigh... =(
Ever feel like everything in your life is so up in the air that you're beginning to lose oxygen? Like the hard earth is 1,000 miles below you and all you long for is to touch it with your pinky toe? Yeah, well that's how I feel. I have no permanence and if it wasn't for the fact that I know my purpose is to minister to others, I wouldn't have a point either. (Thank Jehovah for supplying me with a purpose. Things would be pretty unbearable right now with that.)
So I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life in the next few months. I feel like everything's so up in the air and I don't know what the right decisions are. I do know that I want to leave CA and come back east. I do know that I want to continue building my relationship with Jehovah without distractions. I also know that I want to feel at least a little more permanent with my next move. Living here is so pointless because I know that this is not where I'm meant to end up. It's so temporary that I don't even listen to people here anymore. When people talk, it's like, what's the point? I'm not going to know you in 4 months so why are you talking to me? I'm tired of feeling like that. I'm tired of feeling like there's no point. So I could either move back to DC or go to Atlanta, I guess. I'm seriously nervous about both. I'm nervous about Atlanta for the simple fact that I have to start all over. What if I don't like it down there? I'm used to being around different types of people and I honestly think that I'll get tired of SOO many black people. I know I'll miss the diversity and being around people who think differently than "us". I've never been around only black people and I don't think I'll feel comfortable in that situation because of what I've been exposed to. To be honest, I really can't take close-minded, ghetto, ignorant black people. That sounds bad but hey... It's how I feel. I admit it! I'm bourgeois! So what if i get to ATL and find that that's all there is? And then coming home... yeah... there are too many cons there. Of course I wouldn't come home home but I really love my independence and being away from people. I like sitting in my apartment by myself and going to movies and driving into town alone. Yeah I love my sisters and I like to hang, but on a very minimal level. Believe it or not, I'm a loner. I also feel like coming home would distract me and take me away from what I need to do. There are too many guys around that I've known or currently know. I like very much being out of reach. And then there's my desire to buy a house. I can't do that in DC, but I can very much do that in ATL. DC would be a very good challenge for me though. I've learned so much about myself here and if I've grown as much as I think I have, I should be able to be J anywhere. If my faith is that strong in God, it should carry with me wherever I go. I can't not live in a state because of particular person or set of people. I can't run away. So I don't know. Wherever I go, I want to make it a place where I can buy a house and possibly have a family. If I do come to DC and meet someone, that person needs to be someone who likes to move. I definitely don't want to meet anyone who LOVES DC to the point where thinks there's nothing better. Well... I don't know. Maybe I'm putting too much on it. Boo... Oh and my lease needs to either be signed for another 6 month lease for $875 ($50 higher than what I'm paying now) or a month to month lease at $925 by July 30th. I'm not sure which one to sign it for which is why this is so stressful. Oh man oh man...
So I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life in the next few months. I feel like everything's so up in the air and I don't know what the right decisions are. I do know that I want to leave CA and come back east. I do know that I want to continue building my relationship with Jehovah without distractions. I also know that I want to feel at least a little more permanent with my next move. Living here is so pointless because I know that this is not where I'm meant to end up. It's so temporary that I don't even listen to people here anymore. When people talk, it's like, what's the point? I'm not going to know you in 4 months so why are you talking to me? I'm tired of feeling like that. I'm tired of feeling like there's no point. So I could either move back to DC or go to Atlanta, I guess. I'm seriously nervous about both. I'm nervous about Atlanta for the simple fact that I have to start all over. What if I don't like it down there? I'm used to being around different types of people and I honestly think that I'll get tired of SOO many black people. I know I'll miss the diversity and being around people who think differently than "us". I've never been around only black people and I don't think I'll feel comfortable in that situation because of what I've been exposed to. To be honest, I really can't take close-minded, ghetto, ignorant black people. That sounds bad but hey... It's how I feel. I admit it! I'm bourgeois! So what if i get to ATL and find that that's all there is? And then coming home... yeah... there are too many cons there. Of course I wouldn't come home home but I really love my independence and being away from people. I like sitting in my apartment by myself and going to movies and driving into town alone. Yeah I love my sisters and I like to hang, but on a very minimal level. Believe it or not, I'm a loner. I also feel like coming home would distract me and take me away from what I need to do. There are too many guys around that I've known or currently know. I like very much being out of reach. And then there's my desire to buy a house. I can't do that in DC, but I can very much do that in ATL. DC would be a very good challenge for me though. I've learned so much about myself here and if I've grown as much as I think I have, I should be able to be J anywhere. If my faith is that strong in God, it should carry with me wherever I go. I can't not live in a state because of particular person or set of people. I can't run away. So I don't know. Wherever I go, I want to make it a place where I can buy a house and possibly have a family. If I do come to DC and meet someone, that person needs to be someone who likes to move. I definitely don't want to meet anyone who LOVES DC to the point where thinks there's nothing better. Well... I don't know. Maybe I'm putting too much on it. Boo... Oh and my lease needs to either be signed for another 6 month lease for $875 ($50 higher than what I'm paying now) or a month to month lease at $925 by July 30th. I'm not sure which one to sign it for which is why this is so stressful. Oh man oh man...
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
So You Think You Can Dance
AHHH!!!! I love this show!! I am a dance fiend and every time I watch the show I get more and more ill. My heart is beating so fast right now. Phew!Ok. I'm going to record my reactions after each dance. (Warning: You might not find the rest of this blog necessary. I'm entering the dance realm which may cause me to lose some people. Ah well!)
Donyelle's solo. It was ok. There was no choreography to it. I needed to see something planned. It was very improvised and basically a bump and grind dance. Her energy was incredible though.
Martha and Ivan did their duo. Eh. No comment.
Ok. Now Heidi and Ryan. So sick! That mardador routinue was so intense. I love the paso doble when it's done right and these two definitely did it right. Ryan actually became the bull and Heidi personified his cape better than I've ever seen a dancer become a cape. Absolutely wonderful.
Mia Michaels is one of the most respected choreographers there is in the dance world. I've been choreographed before by her and it's very challenging to understand the things that come out of her mind. Mia makes you WORK and that was clear in the routinue that Allison and Ryan did. They had a lot to tackle but I think they did well.
Martha's solo. What in the world!!?? Absolutely horrible. .
Now I like Ivan. His solo was cool, but it's not the best I've seen from him.
Donyelle and D are doing the lindy hop. Let's see. Ok. Ok. They done good yall. Donyelle did a really good job. She got that lindy hop down. What I like about her is that she can do everything that's thrown at her. She always looks like she's studied whatever particular dance they've given her for years. That's truly what being a good dancer is all about. Not mastering, but being good at ALL styles. Of course you have to master your special skill though. Unfortunately I didn't think she did that in her solo. She's good at all, but not GREAT in one.
Natalie and Benji - jazz dancing. Oh my goodness!!!!! Benji Benji Benji!!!!!!!!!! His extension! I didn't know the boy had an extension like that!! He was great!
Heidi's solo was well... She's a very talented ballroom dancer but she's sometimes a bit too wild. She's like a firecracker that needs to be tamed. The judge said something good. It was a smart solo and I agree. She used her space which is always a huge challenge for a dancer.
Smooth Waltz for Ivan and Martha. It was definitely forgettable. Moving on.
Travis's solo. Now this boy is a turner. His pull up and sense of center are amazing. And when he dances, you can see that he loves it. Good job Travis.
Allison and Ryan's second routine in the wonderful style of BROADWAY. Good ole' Liza Minelli with Bye Bye Blackbird. It wasn't a good interpretation of Fosse. Bob Fosee is a very specialized technique and while it looks easy, it's VERY VERY hard. I remember our dance All That Jazz and while there was no technique in it, pin-pointing that style was extremely frustrating. Again, I don't think they hit it.
Natalie's solo. It was very pretty. So lyrical and passionate. So pretty. So Natalie. Thank you for dancing from your heart.
Good Job Benji!!! He's really opening my eyes! That boy's pretty good!!!! To be a swing dancer and be able to execute a solo like that! Boy!
Second duo for Donyelle and D. Samba. Whoa! That last pose. That was the bizness. It made me scream! Ok. They messed up the footwork in a couple of places but Donyelle covers it up well. She dances with her expressions so you can't get past her face in order to watch her footwork or count the number of turns that she's actually supposed to do.
Heidi and Ryan's second. Contemporary it is with Mia Michaels again. Can't wait to see it. Heidi's crying in the video intro. Mia will make you do that. She's so HARD! ......... I can't breathe. Why am I crying? That was the most beautiful think I have ever seen. I die for moments when the fingertips of dance brush my heart.
Allison disappointed me. She's so incredible that I expected 100 times more. I'm your biggest fan Allison. Please don't let me down.
Benji and Natalie doing hip hop. I don’t know about that. We’ll see…Just as I expected. It’s really hard for two very not raw dancers to get raw. It was all steps. lol. The judges keep saying it wasn’t ghetto enough. I’m not sure if I like that. Hip hop does not equal ghetto. It’s a culture that obviously they just don’t get.
If this boy Ryan don’t put a lid on all this technique… man. He’s great at what he does but he needs more. It’s all technique and no style. Arabesque here. Battement there. Developpe over there. Too much showing off Ryan.
Ok. So that’s it. All in all, I’m not voting for anyone tonight. No one individual dancer blew me away so… That’s it folks.
DANCE!
HAM Award of the MONTH!!
you have GOT to hear this mess!! click on the last song in this blog. it's called "Industry Chick" by Daron. this must be comedy.
http://www.honorablemedia.com/blog/mp3s/163
http://www.honorablemedia.com/blog/mp3s/163
Music = Good Mood
yeah Yeah YEAH BABY!!! I'm in a good mood today AND I'm at work... That's what's up. I just watched Joe's new video "Where You At" and.... I know I know, why am I watching videos at work? CUZ I CAN DO THAT!! SO MIND YOUR BUSINESS!! (well not really but so what) Cassies's Me & U video is on right now. If I were to make a video, that's exactly how I would make it. Just me and a dance studio. So perfect. So simple. Oh yeah, but back to Joe. I really like him ya'll. I have all his CDs and I will continue to support him. There's just something mature about him that I love. He's one of the few older R&B men out there that keep my attention without all the glitter, glam and huge dance productions that these young ones have now-a-days. I wonder when his new one will drop. His music SO caters to me. You know who's CD I can't wait for? The Making The Band chicks. I really want to hear what that's all about. The track they just laid on last week's episode was nice. I will definitely support them just based off of the fact that they've been through so much. Of course, EVERY artist out there has been so much, but Diddy knew what he was doing when he made it into a show. He wants us to FEEL the pain. And I do, so... Good job Diddy. Ok now...I just happened to pop up on JT's new song "Sexy Back". Of course it's sick...with your sexy self...do it boy! Dag on real! Bring that Sexy Back JT! FUTURESEX/LOVESOUNDS ...hmm... I wonder about that album title. September 12th though! I'm on it. His and Be's. I'm going to be in music heaven for about 4 weeks learning every hook, verse, beat, pulse, and rhythm.
Oh music. How do I love thee.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Moses Jackson
oh my... oh my... oh my! i have goosebumps running ALL up and down my body. there are no more words to express how I feel because I am sincerely overwhelmed with that passion that you feel when you become lost in the notes, melodies, beats, chimes, cadences, rumbles... of music. you know what i'm talking about. when you step into that music box, when you step inside the pounding speaker and see the notes flying by you. you feel everything but feel lost at the same time...i'm so inside of the energy and the colors of this song... oh my sweet "Bebel". and "Math Rough Copy" too! shoo! both of these baby's are EVERYTHING. turn it up, TURN IT UP!if i made music, this is what i'd make.
excuse me Mr. Moses Jackson. who are you?! can i step into your world?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
India Arie
I don't really know if I bought India's CD because I really wanted it or because I felt like it was wrong not to get it. I feel like everyone's supposed to like India Arie because she's so different. "India's so natural!" "She's not a conformist." "She's true to herself unlike other artists." "She's deep." "She's so refreshing." Yeah well look. No disrespect to India but I'm kinda turned off by earnest expressions of self-righteousness and uniqueness. If you're different, don't tell us you're different. If you're not like all the other video girls, don't speak the fact that you're not. Just be like the Goapele's, Dwele's and J'Davey's. We'll see it for ourselves if it shines through. I know that she's big about her hair. Yes we know that you are not your hair, but India I hope you're not putting your hair in little doo doo balls, shaving your head, and wearing bushes just to prove a point. I don't know...Does anyone else feel like she's trying too hard? I'm not saying that I don't appreciate her music. Her songs are very motivational. I'm sure that I'll marry that one song on her CD that gives me goosebumps as soon as I take a thorough listen. But India, be cool darling. Just be cool.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Grumpy.
I'm so grumpy today! I know it's not right to put out bad energy like this, but I need to write to figure out why I'm feeling this way. So if you need to skip this particular post, please do so. I definitely don't want to dampen anyone else's day.
What is wrong J? I felt the exact same way last night when I was trying to complete my homework. There I was reading my professor's lecture notes for Latin American Comparitive Literature, and I remember making a scowling expression at the computer screen and thinking, "What in the world are you TALKING about!!?" His lecture made no sense! You know how english or literature professors can go off the deep end talking about fantasy vs. reality and the modernity of civilization and the 'nature of being' or whatever it is that they conjure up in their distorted little minds, and relate it to a story about a salamander! Oh please, SHUTUP! Ok, J. Stop. Stop being mean. That's not right. Just because you're having a bad day doesn't make it ok to trash someone else. Positive energy...positive energy...positive energy. Ok... I think I'm in a new place.
Have you ever woke up in the morning and felt extremely heavy because you have to go into work? Well I haven't felt that in years. Actually, I haven't felt that since high school when I worked at this incredibly heinous law firm. Maybe that's too strong of a word to use but I don't feel like thinking about a better word. Anyway, I remember how hard it was to start the processes of getting up - to get one leg to go over the edge of the bed. I hated that feeling. So much so that I told myself that as long as I'm working for someone else, it MUST be for something that I believe in and support. Well, I'm starting to feel that heavy weight again. And it just hit me this morning. I don't believe in my job. Ever since I rotated into my new department, I've felt like a slave. I'm anxious all the time, I'm stressing out during month-ends when processing occurs, and my manager gets on my nerves. It's definitely time to make some moves, don't you think? East coast, here I come.
My mom called me this morning and after telling her how miserable I was today, she laughed with me, empathized and then proceeded to tell me how truly miserable one of my little sisters is at this very moment. B put her baby down, walked away, heard a noise, and runs back in the room to see her baby shaking with his eyes rolled back into his head. The baby had a seizure. B is at the hospital right now finding out all sorts of horrible things while watching doctors and nurses prick, prod, and pull at her tiny son. The baby has a tumor in his brain.
....I think I'm going to cry.
What is wrong J? I felt the exact same way last night when I was trying to complete my homework. There I was reading my professor's lecture notes for Latin American Comparitive Literature, and I remember making a scowling expression at the computer screen and thinking, "What in the world are you TALKING about!!?" His lecture made no sense! You know how english or literature professors can go off the deep end talking about fantasy vs. reality and the modernity of civilization and the 'nature of being' or whatever it is that they conjure up in their distorted little minds, and relate it to a story about a salamander! Oh please, SHUTUP! Ok, J. Stop. Stop being mean. That's not right. Just because you're having a bad day doesn't make it ok to trash someone else. Positive energy...positive energy...positive energy. Ok... I think I'm in a new place.
Have you ever woke up in the morning and felt extremely heavy because you have to go into work? Well I haven't felt that in years. Actually, I haven't felt that since high school when I worked at this incredibly heinous law firm. Maybe that's too strong of a word to use but I don't feel like thinking about a better word. Anyway, I remember how hard it was to start the processes of getting up - to get one leg to go over the edge of the bed. I hated that feeling. So much so that I told myself that as long as I'm working for someone else, it MUST be for something that I believe in and support. Well, I'm starting to feel that heavy weight again. And it just hit me this morning. I don't believe in my job. Ever since I rotated into my new department, I've felt like a slave. I'm anxious all the time, I'm stressing out during month-ends when processing occurs, and my manager gets on my nerves. It's definitely time to make some moves, don't you think? East coast, here I come.
My mom called me this morning and after telling her how miserable I was today, she laughed with me, empathized and then proceeded to tell me how truly miserable one of my little sisters is at this very moment. B put her baby down, walked away, heard a noise, and runs back in the room to see her baby shaking with his eyes rolled back into his head. The baby had a seizure. B is at the hospital right now finding out all sorts of horrible things while watching doctors and nurses prick, prod, and pull at her tiny son. The baby has a tumor in his brain.
....I think I'm going to cry.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Today's Message
I just had a rather encouraging and informative lesson today. For most people who know anything about God, it would be common knowledge to know that Jehovah knows and sees all, including what will happen in the future. When I first encountered that concept as a little child, I marinated on the idea, pondered a little bit, but came up with a LOT of questions. I remember asking, "If God can see what will happen in the future, why does he let bad things happen to people? If he knows that a person who drinks and drives will cause a major fatal accident, why didn't he help to avoid the situation." I can't really remember if my questions were answered, but today's lesson definitely cleared any misconceptions that I might have had as a little girl.
Jehovah God is a loving God. His four cardinal qualities (love, wisdom, justice and power) tells us that although He has unlimted power, He never acts unjustly. Because He loves us, He provides us with everything that we need to make decisions for ourselves. Take Adam for example. In the Garden of Eden, God endowed Adam with the ability to think, to reason on a matter, and to reach a conclusion. What Adam chose to do with his endowments was up to him. The same goes for us today. Jehovah gives us the ability to make choices and understand the consequences that our actions might have. We know that God would not look into our futures and see that our drinking and driving will cause a death, and wait for it to happen. Jehovah is not a cruel God. In fact, He only gives us the good things in life. (Matthew 7:11) Jehovah's exercise of foreknowledge is selective as He gives US the ability to determine our own paths. For real, Jehovah could rule our lives and not give us any choice as to how we want to live, BUT He doesn't do that because He loves us. Jehovah gives us a command to seek His kingdom and all His righteousness so that all things will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). If we seek the things of Jehovah, He promises that we'll have the things that we need including wisdom, discernment and knowledge.
It's so wonderful that God gives us the privilige of learning about Him through His provisions. The Bible and those brothers and sisters with Bible-trained consciences are a direct gift from God. Thank You Jehovah!
Jehovah God is a loving God. His four cardinal qualities (love, wisdom, justice and power) tells us that although He has unlimted power, He never acts unjustly. Because He loves us, He provides us with everything that we need to make decisions for ourselves. Take Adam for example. In the Garden of Eden, God endowed Adam with the ability to think, to reason on a matter, and to reach a conclusion. What Adam chose to do with his endowments was up to him. The same goes for us today. Jehovah gives us the ability to make choices and understand the consequences that our actions might have. We know that God would not look into our futures and see that our drinking and driving will cause a death, and wait for it to happen. Jehovah is not a cruel God. In fact, He only gives us the good things in life. (Matthew 7:11) Jehovah's exercise of foreknowledge is selective as He gives US the ability to determine our own paths. For real, Jehovah could rule our lives and not give us any choice as to how we want to live, BUT He doesn't do that because He loves us. Jehovah gives us a command to seek His kingdom and all His righteousness so that all things will be added to us (Matthew 6:33). If we seek the things of Jehovah, He promises that we'll have the things that we need including wisdom, discernment and knowledge.
It's so wonderful that God gives us the privilige of learning about Him through His provisions. The Bible and those brothers and sisters with Bible-trained consciences are a direct gift from God. Thank You Jehovah!
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