An Audience Reaction: It's Hard

It's quite an experience

to watch black face that is

I've never had the...

opportunity?

pleasure?

chance?

to see a minstrel show live and in action

feet from my own brown face

I didn't know what to expect

To be quite honest, I didn't really give it much thought

prior to the play that is

It was another night at the theatre

It was supposed to be just another night at the theatre

My brothers, my peers, my generation

painted their brown faces black

Fought the weight on the very own hands to apply

black face paint, white wide mouths, and big red lips.

How did you do that?

How did you release that weight?

How were you able to bring your hand up to your face?

I'm awe-struck

I mean, we're the same age for goodness sakes

We go to the same spots

Know the same people

Listen to the same music

Care about the same things

Have the same struggles

Are birthed from the same mothers

You're just like me

But you just left me

You're surppasing me here

You're understanding something more complex than I can imagine

Somwhere within you

you found what it takes

to perform

blackface

I just want to let you know that it's hard

It's hard out here in the audience

I'm sure it was hard for you

It just had to be

But it's hard out here too

What do you expect me to do?

Am I supposed to laugh knowing what I know?

Do I laugh like "they" laughed?

Strangely I found myself a minstrel

just doing what you wanted me to do

You told me it was a satire

So I laughed

Even though it was awkward to laugh at minstrelsy

like "they" laughed

But you needed me

You needed my reaction

You needed to fee off of me

As a fellow performer I know you needed the fuel

my energy

my approval

You needed to know I was entertained

Hmm...

Think about that

Isn't that ironical?

There has been times when I left stages

in tears

starved of an audience reaction

Malnurished

I couldn't do that to you

Even though I felt like a minstrel

You needed me

So I laughed

I laughed the way "they laughed"

even though I didn't want to

I just want you to know that it was hard

But thank you

Thank you for the education

It's an uncomfortable way of learning

but that means I'll never forget

But more than that...

Thank you for speaking with an advanced vocabulary as you explained

Thank you for speaking to us as educated, black men after the show

It was scary how well you portrayed that minstrel clown

Terrifying actually

So thank you for letting them know

who you really are

and where you came from

That you're an educator

That you're not oblivious

A thinker

A passionate leader

A playwright

An artist

A courageous adult

I understand

Believe me I do

I know why you must fight against the weights

on your hands and arms

As an educator, a mentor, a big sister, a minister

I understand the significance of your works

But I just wanted to let you know that it was hard

Still yet

Thank you.