Thursday, March 01, 2007

Venting

I'm so sick of men.
This is not my normal type of post, but I just need to get some stuff out.
First of all, who has the right to tell me that breaking up with my ex was a bad decision?
Who is my uncle to tell me that in 5 years, when I mature, I'm going to realize that I made a mistake?
EXCUSE ME?!
Who are you?!!!
This isn't the first time he's said that he thought my ex was the one for me, but this time he pissed me off.
He's 63 years old man and believes that because of age and his gender, he knows everything and that because I am 24 and a female, I know nothing.
(He's the most chauvenistic man I've ever met in my life.)
I told him that I wasn't happy with my ex, but he said that when I get older, I'll realize that you have to work through issues.
Huh?
Who are you talking to?!
I am NOT a child!
After going back and forth for 20 minutes with him (which I shouldn't have done in the first place, but kind of had to because I couldn't disrespect him and walk away) I told him that it may have looked all pretty from the outside but the inside was a different story.
In other words, you have no idea what you're talking about because you weren't in my relationship so shut up.
UGH.
You would think if I tell a family member that my ex didn't make me happy or that he made me cry more than he made me smile or that he talked down to me, that they would WANT me to kick him to the curb!
But in all fairness to my uncle, I understand where he's coming from.
Crazy huh?
The man cares.
He just doesn't care the way I need him to.
I think he's worried that I won't meet anyone.
Both my father and my uncles (notice I wrote the plural form of uncle) think that there aren't any good men out here.
One uncle in particular thinks I'm too strong, independent and intelligent.
I'm not even going to get into that, but I understand their worry.

Like I mentioned in earlier posts, I'm in the south on a business trip.
In the course of my 2 days down here, 5 people (grown adults I've come across and another ex bf) have asked me if I have a man or why I'm not married.
I would answer politely and then turn around with an expression on my face that would say "what in the world is going on!?"
I asked a friend back in LA what that's all about and he helped me to realize it's the norm in the south for 23/24/25 year olds to be engaged or married by now.
That made a lot of sense.
But I have an issue with that.
I don't know if "issue" is the right word, but I think it's interesting that, in general, we don't get married "up north" until a our late twenties or early to mid thirties.
My friend said that we're so busy "surviving".
And by that he meant getting our careers/investments/grinds in order.
Ok.
I hear him.
But something about that is not sitting right with me.
I guess it's because at 24 years of age, I could get married tomorrow.

Is that what this "oh-no!! did-you-say-the-'M'-word?!" mess is all about?
Building your career?
So you want to be secure and have the ability to support a family.
I understand that.
But most people who say that already have a secure job, are on the way to owning or already own a house, and have been stable for years.
Perhaps you just don't want to get married!
Let's be honest here!
And it's funny because most of the people who say they don't want to get married are in long-term relationships.

That just trips me out!
You've been with your girl for 1.5 years but when someone asks you about marriage, you look at them like they have lice crawling on their face.
Huh?!
I don't understand!
Why are you with her if you detest the idea of marrying her?

What happened between the old days and now?
Why is there such a horrible stigma against getting married before the age of 25?
I'm almost afraid of the answers I might get to that question.
I don't really want to hear about the age of our time, economics or any other bull like that.
Be real with me please.
What are we afraid of?
Could this have anything to do why my dad and uncles are so worried?
And people wonder why I look to older men.
25 year olds try to hang but you don't even WANT to hang.
Why waste your time and mine?
I'm not the type of girl to be in a 1.5 year relationship and one day see that reaction that stabs me in the heart.
The more I write, the more annoyed I get, so I'm going to leave it here.
Opinions please.

6 comments:

T.a.c.D said...

wow...I have a lot to say about this, but I will wait to see what others say and chim in...but what I will say for now is, I totally understand your frustration....being that I am knockin on the door of 27, and entering into my late 20s and there is or seems to be NO resolution in sight...again, I could write a whole response in a blog about this one...
My father, uncles, brothers...they all constantly tells me..."you might not ever get married...you are intimadating..." or whatever else they tend to say...complex, rough around the edges, whatever...but agian I can't wait to see what is said...and oh, I feel ya!

jendayi said...

t.c. - write a response!!

miss alisa - i was thinking it was a commitment issue too, but i want to give men the benefit of the doubt. that's always the issue that we use, so hopefully someone will say that it's something else, ya know?

jendayi said...

From Kep: (His comment wouldn't publish)

I think it's interesting that you brought up the comparison of marriage rates in the south to those in the north. My dad always recommended marrying a woman from the South. There does seem to be more of a family focus down there and career focus up here. Plus people are just warmer. I know it seems like a stereotype, but "southern hospitality" does indeed exist.

But that's another discussion. Let's put everything in perspective here. What do you have that a lot of single women in America who never get married
don't (the same goes for you, TC if you're reading this. . .)? A strong relationship with the Almighty. He's good for His word right? Trust in him, worry not for tomorrow for sufficient for the day are its problems. As unlikely as it may seem that you'll find your match, and as much as people talk it down. . . one of two things is going to happen: either the man will come, or the Almighty will remove the desire to have a man. At that point you really won't care!

And it's not like you're going to have to try to not care, you just honestly won't. But that's not necessarily the case though. I think you will end up with a good man, because you're an exceptionally good woman (still reading, T.C.? Still talkin' to both of you!)

All you have to do is keep the Almighty first and make sure that you're not getting in the way of your own blessing. A lot of the times, especially in our society, we're really concerned with wants and preferences instead of needs. Your dream guy may not come with the tailored suit. . . or he may.
Just make sure you're holding on to the essentials and leave it up to the Almighty to decide which preferences will be taken care of.

I'm confident in this process because of what I've been taught (through the Word, my parents, and life experiences) as well as what I'm experiencing now. Contrary to what my facebook status says, I am still very happily in a relationship with the same woman and if I asked for anything else in a woman it would be greedy. But when I met her, I'd gotten over many of my preferences and stopped looking for the ideal. Honestly, I stopped looking period. Then the Almighty turns around and gives me the ideal completely randomly.

Don't look at the odds, homie. People work in odds. Matt 19:26 " . . .,'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' "

jendayi said...

t.c.'s response to Kep:

Hey Kepa
I totally read the entire comment...
Thanks for starters.... now for seconds...I think that everything that you are saying right on point...it will come when its supposed to come, how its supposed to come, its not going to be all that easy but it won't be all that hard....so things will work out how HE sees fit...and that's real talk...

jendayi said...

my response to Kep:

I love this Kep. You always put things into complete perspective. That's for turning it back around full circle. Your wisdom speaks volumes...

T.a.c.D said...

@jac-why do I have to write a response???!!! Gessh I don't have the answers all the time...

I think what it is, is that a lot of the world is really out for self...we are taught go to school, get an education, get a job, don't depend on no man for anything be strong, be independant...

most men are taught, go to school, get an education, get a job, have your fun, and watch out for those women that just want to use you...

we haven't been taught that there are good people in the world, we are always taught "don't talk to strangers" so from the jump we have this guard up...and its good to protect your heart, BUT if you are guarding yourself to the point that you aren't even allowing yourself to let people IN, then you may be blocking your own blessings..

we live in and come from a very materialistic society (DC & LA for exmaple) the values in the area are so based on getting that money FIRST and love second...

I agree with Miss Alisa...for me age doesn't matter...the older I get the more frustrated I have or was getting should I say because in MY mind I thought I should have been married at least a year by now...thinking about having kids and things...but that's not how GOD saw it...

So I think its ok, to take time to really focus on yourself for spiritual and emotional reasons before getting into a serious relationship (thus leading to marriage) because two WHOLE people should come together in marriage because that is a lifetime commitment...

whats so sad is that people care more about making it financially and material wise than making it in life with a true heart to heart connection...

I too believe that there are GOOD men out here for us, that can handle strong women such as ourselves...I am learning one now...its having some ups and downs because two strong people can sometimes be a lot to handle...LOL

but if you are willing to communicate you can work it out...

So I say, don't get discouraged...in time when GOD sees fit, we will have it all...and like Kep said he may come in that tailored suit and he may not...and everyone might not "get" why you love him the way you do...but that all won't matter...what matters most is that HIS heart is reaching out to yours (mines) that's all that really matters...

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