Work is Work

My back hurts sooooo bad. The stress from composing yesterday's 15 slide presentation for the VP is beating me down. My back is tighter than Boris Kodjoe's abs.

Speaking of Boris Kodjoe, Marcus and I happened upon a woman while we were out in the ministry who said we look like 'Boris Kodjoe and 'em'. We thought that was pretty funny. She was so bright and happy. We have to go visit her again. Marcus makes me look good though. He's clearly the more attractive one out of us two.

Back to my stiff back... I'm taking it easy today. I declare it. I'm doing as little as possible here at work today. I need a minute and a mental break. I haven't gotten word, but I know January is going to be a doosie. Presentations and meetings galore about 2012 and pushing forward into 2013. And guess who's going to have to CREATE all of those presentations? Ugh. I should probably start now, before I get the assignment. But today is not the day. All in all though, I'm glad to have a job. While I was in the shower, I was thinking about how refreshing it is to have somewhere to be. I can only say that because I used to have no where to go back in the day when I was unemployed. There are only so many days that you can feel ok sitting at home while the rest of the world is about their business and on their grind.

Ugh. My phone is about to ring. Work is coming. I know it. "Can I call you in a second?" What am I supposed to reply back with?

Duty calls...

She Done Did It Again, Video: Stay

Just when she starts to irritate me, she wins me over again.

This right here!!!! Classy and Emotional.

Crazy Sexy Cool

"Wrong ring. Wrong guy" - Samantha

I'm watching Sex and the City while working from home today. I used to feel like that. If he proposed with the wrong ring, something that's so NOT you, then does he really know you? Now that I'm 2.5 years in, I can tell you that his taste in diamonds can be changed. That is the LEAST of your worries. The things you CAN'T change are the ones you need to worry about. Blatant things like his disrespect for women and his utter laziness or subtle things like his snoring at night and his sickening habit of farting when he pees. (lol. I had to laugh at that last one.) Well maybe those are things that can be changed with time, but YOU most certainly cannot change them nor should you try. That's what I'm learning in my marriage. I cannot change my husband. So lesson #492 is to let him be him. To do that, I have to do 1 of 2 things. Either ignore the things I can't change or become okay with whatever he's doing that I disapprove of. That leads me into a TLC-ism. Crazy Sexy Cool. If you have the album or have heard the album, you know what I'm talking about. That's my new motto. Crazy Sexy Cool.

Channel it J. Channel it.

10 Things Guys Wish Women Knew About Men

Interesting article, especially since I know all 10 are true of my husband. Stuff for me to ponder on. Thanks for sending Tiff.

http://www.ericrobersonmusic.com/2012/11/14/10-things-guys-wish-women-knew-about-men/

Ran-Dumb Thoughts (Special Edition)

I'm struggling
I think I'm getting sick
And marriage has been incredibly hard
It's internally hard
There's not a day that goes by where I'm not fighting myself
Fighting not to say something
Fighting not to nag
Fighting to do what's unnatural
Fighting to be upbuilding
Fighting to remember what the Bible says to do
This morning, there was a serious war in my brain
Do I push him to get up since he's late?
Will he think I'm nagging?
Is there a way I can say it nicely?
Just don't say anything at all
He's grown
He knows what time he needs to be at work
But wouldn't it be considered helpful?
Looking out for his best interest?
Especially since he has to leave on time today
That means he'll have to stay late one day
I hate it when he stays late
Is it my job to make him a better man?
Yes
No
Just shutup J
Seriously
That's what I did this morning while trying to snuggle into him
For 15 minutes straight
Every single minute that I'm around him seems to be like that
A constant battle
Cannons and rifles and knifes
Shots and screams and explosions
That's how I feel internally
And when I say it's like that every single minute I'm around him
I'M NOT LYING
My mind moves a mile a minute
It's tiring
And when he reads this
I wonder if he'll use it against me
Will my super active mind come up in discussion
Or even an argument
I'm trying to be the best me
Which is why it moves like that
Trying to think before I act
Find the right course
Find the path of least resistance
I want to do the right thing
Cause the least amount of stress as possible
I want to be the best me
But maybe the best 'me' is not stress free?
But I've begun to question whether it's 'me' he wants
Perhaps he doesn't like my natural 'me'
So how do I be 'me'
I want to be his buddy
I want to be his roll dog
I want us to have each other's backs
I want us to be close
But in reality
I'm his wife
And not in a good way either
I think he sees me as his mate that tries to keep him in line
The nagging one
The strict one
The enforcer
I'd rather not be those things
I'd rather not have to nag
I'd rather not have to say 'Can you clean the...'
I wish the household tasks where like a robotic machine
All wheels, rivets and gears did what they should do without word
I don't know
It's hard to be a wife
To have this craving for a man
And to be the backbone of the house
And to be the backbone of the man
To encourage
To be chill
To be fun
To be sweet
To sex
To cook
To clean
I have so many roles
So many support function
I feel like I'm juggling 10 balls
And not doing a very good job of it
I'm not balancing them all correctly
And that's why he doesn't like 'me'
Every day is a constant struggle
We're not as close as we used to be
And it breaks my heart
But I can't say anything
Because I'm just drunk off love
I'm extra
I'm over and above
He says love is not like that
He rolls his eyes or laughs
Or worse
Gets sad
Then I made him sad
I'm not being encouraging
I'm not lifting him up
I failed as a wife
What it is to be a wife
I had no idea
I have to be everything
And I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing
I'm trying to smile
Trying to be 'cool'
Trying to be 'fun'
Whatever he wants me to be
I want to be it all for him
Because I crave him
I need to touch him
Feel his heat
Hold his hand
I love it when he lays his hand on me in bed
He probably thinks its nothing
And it means nothing to him
But for me it's everything
It begins fills the gaping hole I have to feel 'in love'
It makes me feel like he recognizes me
It makes me feel like he appreciates how hard I'm working
How much I DON'T say
I know that's not what he's thinking
But I like to imagine
To remember the single moments when he touches me
I don't know why I'm crying
I'm overwhelmed by life I guess
I wonder if he'll ever be into me like he was
Or will I always feel like something on his to do list
Will he ever again take my face in his hands and say something beautiful
Will he ever nervously wonder if I'll be with him forever
Will he ever again think I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him
Or is all that a distant memory?
I want us to be solid
'Solid as a rock'
But I feel we're fighting to hold on
Fighting for peace
And it's with this fight that I'm pressing forward with
At the same time though...
I'm struggling

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

My favorite day of the week. Friday. There will always be something about this day. No matter how long or work-ish it is, it's still a good day.

i hate my car
so much
i used to love Missy
but everytime the fuse box comes loose
or the CD button falls
or the cap on the end of my seat gets separated
i want to toss her away
and for that very reason I figured out what I want to do with my money
pay off my credit cards
and save up for a down payment
forget about the brighter winter wardrobe
forget about appliances for the house
forget about everything
i want a car
that is my number 2 priority after paying down debt
i'm almost done with my AmEx though
i'll be under a thousand with another paycheck
and then i'll take my third check of the month and put a grand on my Citi
these 2 credit cards WILL be conquered!
i need new glasses
when i drive in the dark, i see nothing but sparkles and glares
all the headlights and stoplights
it's bad
i feel like my mother
"i can't drive past 8pm!"
i guess i hate my glasses too
i thought about something last night
since my license plate is connected to my old address...
...where would a speeding ticket go?
not saying I am getting any
but I really don't know
i have a pretty heavy foot and I'm surprised I haven't received any
it's like the calm before the storm
or maybe I just don't have any
hubby was in a bad mood this morning
i had so much to tell him too
but the 'hey booper!' attitude wasn't there
he needs his space
what else?
i need to look at my budget again and see about this ski trip
my good friends are going
so naturally it'll be fun
i've never skied or snowboarded either
i've been wanting to do that for a while
i'm trying to figure out something else to talk about
not ready for work yet
i got a lot done yesterday
i feel like i deserve a break
working hard two days in a row?!
naaaaaaah
i'ma focus on one thing today
that's as much as i can do
i want to go to the movies so bad
i'm feenin for a good movie
there are no love stories in the theatre now
i want to see something romantic
something that touches my heart
my co-worker said to rent The English Patient
anyone seen that?
my eyes are getting heavy
we had a nap room at The Washington Post
shouldn't every office have a nap room?
it would only be fair
i'm getting better with my prayers
sometimes when i pray, my mind drifts
but i've been staying focused
it also helps when i write my prayers down
that's what i told my Bible study to do
she doesn't pray at all
she feels like Jehovah won't listen to her
lots of people have been there
including me
she only needs to start and work in harmony with her prayers
my manager has been working from home all week
it was so nice
why couldn't he close out the week and work from home today?
sigh
to work i go

Sandy and Me

Hubby said he's going to sleep all day. I guess it's just me and Sandy today. See, this is what happens when you've been married for a while. I envy all the newlyweds who are home together today. #NotBoo-edUpEvenThoughIHaveABoo

I wonder how bad this hurricane is supposed to be. It's been raining non-stop now for like 10 hours. But it's very light. They say it'll hit the DC area late today through early Tuesday. I pray we'll all be fine and not end up like all these tsunami and earthquake striken countries we've seen. My gut says it's nothing to worry about.

I wish I had a personal photographer. I'd like more random pictures of myself. Not off some vain stuff though. But I'd like to capture moments. Like right now. Me on my sofa, legs in indian style, wearing sweatpants and a big sweater. And laptop in tow. I think the moment represents me well. Just me. Not me as someone's wife, but just me. Because when I'm left to my own devices, usually not to my liking, this is how I am. Peaceful, thoughtful and warm.

I guess I can get some side gig work done today. I have a couple of storyboards to produce. Let me do that before the power goes out. Have a safe day with Sandy everyone!

The Happenings

I know I know I know...

I'm slacking on the blogging. I've been uber busy lately. I feel like I've been running at a constant pace at work for the past two weeks. There's absolutely no time to jog. I'm not quite sprinting, but I'm still exerting quite a bit of effort. That's okay though. The days go by faster.

I've gotten quite a bit of j.a.design storyboard requests lately. Mostly family members. It's helped me get back into my passion. I was on a bit of a hiatus from it actually. I think that comes from my house being settled. Of course there are things I could always change in the house but I'd rather spend my money on clothes right now. Fall shopping is priority.

What else has been going on? Well October is a busy month in general. Three weddings three weekends in a row. We will be on our way to Ohio after work Friday. I'm excited to get out of DC. I feel like it's been a while since I've been anywhere outside of the home area.

I've added 2 Bible studies to my plate and I love them. They're usually on Sunday but sometimes schedules don't allow for that so it's taken a bit of energy to plan, reschedule and commit. I also have to prepare for each of these studies ahead of time so that's takes some diligence as well. I really want my students to get the most of their studies. My favorite study is with Sam. A 20 year old witness who says she doesn't feel like one and doesn't feel close to God at all. Since she's not new in the truth, I'm giving her a crash course. In addition to her studies and preparing for meetings, she has homework to work on her prayers. She doesn't feel like God will hear her. I assured her otherwise. I'm excited to see where we are in a year. Speaking of Bible studies, hubby and I had a bomb family worship. Our marriage went through a period of stress so we considered Bible literature on marital relationships. It was nice to read it after the dust settled on our mini-war (for a lack of a better word). We simply read the entire article out loud, alternating paragraphs. No comments were necessary. Afterwards, we each took a sheet of paper and wrote down 4 or 5 things we each are inspired to work on. After sharing those with each other, we took each others sheet, flipped it over and wrote 2 or 3 things we need from the other. We read them, processed, clarified and put them on our nightstands for keeping. It was so simple. There was a lot of quiet understanding, realizations, readjusting and thoughtfulness going on. It was divine.

Next month is November. Where does the time go? It'll be 2013 in no time! I feel like new goals are in order. Sounds like a 'goal' blogpost is in order. Oh! Brandy's 'Two Eleven' album is out! Did you get it? I listened to a bit of it this morning while getting dressed. I'll give the whole thing a listen today as I work.

Alright y'all. I probably won't blog again this week so have a good weekend! Pray for our safe travels!

Ciao!

Marriage = Work + Moments of Loveliness

TIP gets married Sat. Wedding planning is torture. I know that. So while I'm concerned about her, I'm super excited. I hope that she's keeping her head above water. Most of all, amid all the chaos, I hope she feels like she's making the best decision of her life. I want her to have her happy ending.

For real for real, the wedding day IS the happy ending. Look at all the movies and fairy tales we see. That's usually how it ends. Because from that day forward, is the beginning of a life full of work and tolerance. I don't mean to sound so grim, but I'm not going to lie or sugar coat it. The wedding day is all about a celebration of love and feeling those emotions of warmth and romance and whatever else. After that, it's about the grind. Yes, you do come upon the days when you feel loved and give love, but for the most part, it's about co-existing in peace and order. For real for real, it's about being friends.

I find that in marriage you have to force yourself to remember how you were during the dating period - that kind, attentive, loving, sweet person that you were. And then after you heave those memories into your mind, you have to channel it into the present. If it's done right, you can probably bet a day or two of loveliness. But because we're all creatures of habit, it won't last long. That's why as married people, we have to make sure to create daily habits that foster a peaceful co-existence. I read this blog the other day entitled "Ten Basic Reminders All Couples Should Have In Their Phone". I thought this was very practical and useful. If couples can get in the habit of practicing some or all of these on a normal, regular day, than I think you pretty much have a successful marriage. Here are the ten below, but click here to view the blog for a more detailed explanation.

1. Say I love You.
2. Be Considerate.
3. Send a Nice Text.
4. Say please AND thank you.
5. Put the (fill in the blank) down NOW and have a conversation.
6. Give a hug.
7. Remember, no one is perfect, including YOU.
8. Show some interest.
9. Get over IT.
10. Try harder to get over IT.

I want to add 2 to this list.
11. Apply Bible principles. You know like the fruitage of the spirit. joy, peace, long-suffering, etc.
12. Pray together.

Notice that all of these things take WORK and none of this comes easy. So if couples who really love each other want to make sure they stay together forever, they will WORK for it each and every day and hopefully have moments and peppered days of romance and pure loveliness. That's what I call a good marriage.

Congratulations to my strong, smart and loyal sistafriend. I love you Tiff!

Today's Bible Text

I promise you I'm no good at praying unless I either write it down in full or start to do what the above text suggests. Without a visual outline, my prayers WILL be the same everyday. Short-term goal #1 will be accomplished.

How I'm Feeling

I like to give my feelings a day or two. But I still feel the same way I felt yesterday - like I need a breath of fresh air. Which leads me to Jill Scott...

You know she has the lyrics to express how I feel.

"i need to get closer to where i was meant to be...need to be"
"talk to me in my ear. tell me the things that i need to hear"
"i can't take all of this without loving"
"i'm tired of being strong all day."
"i can handle it but i need something right..."

- Le Boom Vent Suite

That's how I'm feeling.

Peace

I'm going through something. My soul feels empty. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel like I'm missing something.

I would like to sit in a Paris-like garden and learn how to paint. Or maybe climb a mountain in West Virginia and breath in the air as I sit and take in the fall colors. Or go kayaking with my dad down a river in Alabama. I want to go on an adventure. I want to clear my thoughts and my heart. Because right now, I'm struggling and irritated. Everything around me seems so silly and sad.

I have a thought... This didn't occur to me until just now (which is why writing is so therapeutic and great for me). I love my house, but I hate my surroundings. I feel like I live in the middle of trash. As soon as I get off my exit, my commute home is littered with boarded up apartments, females with bonnets and ill-looking outfits on, and dirty looking niggas playing in the middle of the street. There's a darkness and a sadness surrounding Congress Heights. I see no hope. No majesty. No calm and peace. So my house is my haven. My cheery, bright, airy, promising haven. The good thing about this experience is that I've learned my lesson. Even though my street may be nice, I need to take into consideration what I need to drive through to get there.

Contrast. That's what I need. A contrast to what I see every day. My soul needs to feel hope. And I feel there's no better way to get that than to be among Jehovah's natural creation. To sit and feel, experience and breathe in what paradise might be like. I need to be swept up in peace.

Who knows when that'll happen.





I'm sure this feeling was helped by the fact that there was a fight brewing between MJ and I on Saturday. Neither of us knew what it was and didn't care to figure it out.

Us

Hubster and I are doing good. What I'm most proud of is how we work out our issues. The biggest threat to our marriage right now is regularity. After a few years, things tend to get mediocre. The passion, spark, romance, interest level, and whatever else you want to add, declines. It effects our conversation and our sex life. I was talking to my sister yesterday and she was so happy to report that she didn't stress out when she called her husband who was out of town and he said he couldn't talk. "Ok bye!" is not a normal reaction for her. I'm glad she's at that state... for her own sanity. But as I look at my relationship, I'm looking for that you-hang-up-first-no-you-hang-up-first feeling. Alas, this is the real world and I'm fully aware that after being together for 4 years, that stuff is not going to happen very often. And I'm accepting of that. What I'm NOT accepting of is mechanical sex. That whole Step 1 go here, Step 2 go there... Naaaaah. I need the you-hang-up-first-no-you-hang-up-first feeling on this topic, otherwise I can't OPEN up. Sorry if this is TMI, but this is real and it's the type of stuff that I'm sure every married couple or every long-lasting couple encounters. But we talked, and we're game. For a woman, good sex starts with good conversation, good vibes, good energy. So in addition to working on the sex, we're working on the conversation, the connection, the emotion that involves wanting to be near each other...

Cry

Every time I stop, I feel the stress in my head as if I've been crying all day.

I did cry today though.

I cried as Iyanla Vanzant uncoded and revealed the depths of this woman's relationship with men and most importantly her parents. It was intense. I cried because of the pain. The pain that an absentee father or a hard un-loving mother causes their child. The paint that that child is infected with, which changes their lives for the worse. The lack of communication, the infidelity, the cursing, the lying, the lack of sympathy, the misunderstandings...

I can't stand it when parents put stuff on their children. Their crap. I just can't stand it. I know to some extent, it's not their fault. Their parents did it to them too. So they know no better. The cycle continues. But to a certain extent, you have to fix yourself, regardless of what your parents did or didn't do. You have to stop the cycle. "Do the work" as Iyanla says. It's imperative. Or else, you promote and pass on the pain.

Iyanla said something that I think a lot of woman don't pay attention to or recognize. She said "your womanly majesty....". How many girls and woman do we see everyday who do not recognize their 'womanly majesty'? The ones who stay in destructive relationships, the ones who commit to showing their bodies to the world, the little girls in all of these weaves and mini skirt getups. "Your womanly majesty." That really struck me as profound.

Just reflecting...

Showered With Love

I had the honor of photographing my good friend Tiffany's "Brunch At Tiffany's" vintage inspired bridal shower. I'm glad I was able to capture moments of a very special day. Here are a few of the shots I'm gifting the bride. Enjoy!

Congratulations Tiff!

Help!

This is the longest day ever. I'm in anguish! Please someone save me from this cubicle!

Good

This past weekend was especially long. It was only 2 days. But especially long. I am so proud of my husband and myself. We came up against a potentially nasty fight Friday night, but I am happy to say that there was no yelling, no fighting, no hitting below the belt and no name calling. I used restraint, he was empathetic. He listened, I listened. I chose my words carefully and so did he. It was quite amazing. I feel like we could have given a master class on how to handle/diffuse a bad situation between husband and wife. I am glad that I married that man. We work well together. Saturday, was Tiff's day. Her bridal shower was absolutely amazing. And she was so gorgeous. The vintage-inspired dress she wore... her hair... her makeup. It was all so perfect. It was a tiring event though being as though I did the photography, but it was worth it. The more and more I shoot, the more I learn that indoor shooting is impossible. Not having natural light can seriously break you. (Photography Lesson 1 - the less light you have, the longer you want your lens to stay open before it snaps the picture. The longer the lens stays open, the more light you let pour in. The problem with that is most often than not, your subject is moving, which causes uber blurry pictures. So in low light situations, it's hard to get super crisp/clear shots.) I literally have to snap 500 pics just to get 100 that are usable. Sunday, hubby took me to a baseball game. I was cheesing from ear to ear. It felt so good to be out during the daytime, doing something easy. Our weekend days are usually errand or event prone. And if we have no such events or errands, hubby is usually sleeping. I like the sun. I need to see the sun. I need to be among people who are indebted to the sun. There's nothing like an easy Sunday in a ball park eating funnel cake and half smokes. Baseball is such a white sport. It's so 'American'. lol. This weekend was good.

Things That I Love - Repost

Tiff and I were talking about Rachel Roy... One of the few woman I am totally obsessed with. Remembering that I've posted about her before, I searched my blog for her and wa-la. Behold, "Things I Love". This list hasn't changed at all.


city skylines
Rachel Roy's style
natural color palettes (burgundy, red, orange, cream, bronze, gold)
So You Think You Can Dance
discovering alternative music
spring or summer thunderstorms
VH1 Soul
my diamond stud earrings
thick long towels
trench coats and other fresh outerwear
having my spiritual connection in tact
"Gilmore Girls"
Mrs. Smith's apple pie and vanilla ice cream in a cup
romantic comedies
east coast character
simple classic wardrobe pieces
the idea of France, Italy and London (since I've never been)
being toasty and warm
white orchids and calla lilies
Alexis Phifer's clean look
short hair
flamenco and other Spanish dance styles
fall and summer
going to new places
journals
school (for free)
leather bags
pinot grigio wine
city life
Victorias Secret
"The Best Man"
special moments with mom, dad and sis
warm sweaters
oversized off the shoulder sweaters
men with passion
things that give me goosebumps
glasses (sun and prescription)
walking the runway
NFL
"Girlfriends"
my faux birthstone & diamond 3-stoned ring
black and white photography
surprises
the numbers 4, 7 and 14
clean fresh air
being up high
live music
writing stories, lyrics and personal thoughts
photo albums
old songs I haven't heard in a while
clothing that speaks effortless, elegant and classy sophistication
high-thread count sheets
big kitchens
engrossing books
being able to pay all my bills
learning who I am
eventful personal time
fun, spontaneous adventures in nature
riding over the bridge into Harlem
finding inspiration
purple
candles and incense
stepping into the house I grew up in after a long time away
taking walks
music that affects the soul
mood lighting
being prepared

Fall Fashion - Olivia Style

While I have no money to do so, I've been thinking about going on a fall shopping spree. It's been a while since I've gone fall shopping and I desperately love the season's fashions. I wanted to try and focus on a specific part of the wardrobe but I need everything. Boots, pants, dresses, tops, coats. I need it all. As is the case for everyone, as the years progress my style continues to change. I'm still the classic, tailored dresser and not at all the trendy, fashionable rocker type, but my ideas have gotten even more anal towards the pieces I buy. I need pieces that aren't based solely off emotion. I need pieces that look expensive and will be with me forever. (Man I wish I would have listened to my mom way back when!)

So to narrow my spree down, I'm going to look to my fashion and style icon, Olivia Palermo. Here's what I'm looking for.

Leather - skirts and pants

Printed Pants/Jeans

Pants in general - This chick wears the mess out of some pants.

Statement dresses with Cover-Ups

I think that's narrowed down enough. Fall shopping here we go!!!!!

SYTYCD - Dance My Pain Away and Breathing Below Surface

You have to get the music right into your ears. Put your headphones or your earbuds in. I'm telling you, it makes a difference. And then watch his face and the relationship Lauren has as she helps him dance his pain away. Mmmm. I've been waiting for this performance all season. That one performance. This is it.






And then this... UGH! So SEXY. And so quiet. I lOVE quiet sexiness. And then he was so in control. And you see the way he lifted her chin. And then the look and smile they gave each other. Phew! Moist.

DFinney Photo Is The Bomb.com

i LiVE!!!! DFinneyPhoto has stolen my heart!!!! Aren't her photos fabulous? I can't believe this is me! And this isn't even the full set! To see the complete photo shoot, click here. And check out the beauty who made me a beauty. Makeup by Denyelle.

PhotoS oF ME!!!!!

Ooh La La!!!! Look at me! Props to DFinney Photo!!!

click here to view

love

Ran-dumb Thoughts

i'm so tired i want to cry
my eyelashes hurt
my body hurts
i'm emotional
good thing i'm the only one at work today
i couldn't take too much
i might even leave early
true signs of pms

i have my old school pandora station on
remember kut klose?
"i like the way you tease me"
now public announcement is on
these old school R&B songs help me
i revert back to childhood
into days when things were easier
case's "happily ever after"
that song makes me feel i can breathe again
i will forever have a love affair with that song
i had it on repeat on my cassette tape for the longest
and the video...
i'm still in a trance over it
it's the perfect visual
i always wished i could be her
i still wish i could be her

jendayi.asha.creative - New Blog

I Have A New Blog!

I've decided to separate out my creative interests like interior design and photography from my personal blog. Take a look at the new site! I'm really excited about it and believe I might start posting there more than here. But Zuri She Wrote is NOT going away. I need this blog for my sanity. =) Hope you enjoy the new site.

http://jendayiashacreative.blogspot.com/

Britt's Storyboard

One of my friend's daughters asked me to send her some ideas for a black + white bedroom. Even though I've put ideas together for people before, this is my first formal storyboard. I love the format of the storyboard and am very happy with my design. She didn't pay me (insert frownie face here) being that I made an allowance for her. I felt bad charging her because 1. she didn't know I'm doing this as a business and 2. she's fresh out of high school. One day though, someone will pay me!

As far as business is concerned, I found my font for "j.a.designs". Now all I need is a logo and business cards. I'm getting there folks!

Potrait of Me, by DFinneyPhoto

Sometimes I feel forgotten and overlooked, but this past weekend was different. I felt alive! I got in front of the camera and then behind the camera and partied all at the same time. I think this feeling might last me for the rest of the week!

dfinneyphoto.com Check out her work. I love the brightness she gives in her photos. It gives me life!

 

jendayi.asha.creative * List of Services *

Sometimes my passions turn into business! While I do not advertise my services as a full fledged business, I have been asked by many associates/friends/acquaintances for a price list. Soo... Without further ado, here are my list of services with pricing.

j.a.photography - natural light photography

~portrait session - $80
covers graduations, families, head shots, engagements/couples, singles, editorials photos

• consultation prior to the shoot
• photo session for 1 to 4 people
• custom post processing of 15 - 20 of the best shots (selected by the photographer)
• private e-gallery for ordering of prints

~events - $200 *Please note that I do not offer evening event photography. Outdoor bridal showers or indoor (with lots of natural light) brunches are examples of workable events.*

For samples of my work, visit j.a.photography on Facebook.

j.a.design - interior decorating consultant

~mini storyboard - $60
service + product combo that details the small finishes or little pieces you need help with; this service is for you if you're almost there but need that extra eye; allows you to take off running on completing your space.

~full storyboard - $125
service + product combo that details every element of your space's decor from the paint color to the furniture to the accessories; allows you to take off running on completing your space.

Storyboards include

• a pre-design consultation
• a first run storyboard and review with client
• a second run storyboard
• additional runs of the storyboard are $25 a piece

~styling - $75/hour
append this service to a storyboard service for a full A to Z interior design consultation; once pieces are delivered, i can assist in styling the space to your liking until there is a finished product.

• limited to the DC metropolitan area

Remodel: Man Cave Bathroom v2

How's it look?! I'll update this post with final pics soon.

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I got this Rick Ross/Nas playlist in my ear from Day2Day's site.
I feel like I shouldn't be listening to this.
What happened to all the censored versions?
I just wanted to get a little taste of what Rick's album sounds like.
Time to change.
Back to my random playlist on my phone.
And it's R.Kelly's TP2.
Is this much better?
Not really.
Next.
Beyonce's "Countdown".
Eh.
I need to switch out my iTunes music.
I'm trying to act like I'm doing work.
But I'm not.
Got my blog window real small in the corner.
The work window is front and center.
Mondays are such a waste.
Work on Monday shouldn't be allowed.
I can never get anything done on a Monday.
I have to remember to do the text today.
I wonder if hubby is grouting the tile right now.
I can't wait to put the finishing touches on the room.
It's a pretty masculine bathroom.
But that's fine by me.
He can have it.
Gotta throw 1 or 2 cushy bathroom accents in.
My hair is so much better now that it's re-braided.
The other people in Largo did a wack job.
It is a little suspicious it only took 3 hours.
I'm excited for my faux wedding shoot.
Someone on fb went crazy over MJ and my pics.
She said we should take more photos together.
I agree.
But I like candid natural photos.
Hubby likes to get into his stance and pose.
He's so serious on the model tip.
I don't think I've ever seen him relax and laugh for the camera.
We gotta stop this structured statue stuff.
I'm feeling the urge to take some photos.
Happy summery ones.
Yo.
Have you seen Ne-Yo's 'Lazy Love' video?
Whoa.
That's all I'ma say about it.
Why did I just think of that?
Oh, this Joe song playin in my earbuds.
With his freaky self.
Let's see.
I think it's vacation time.
A long weekend kind of vacation.
Where can we go?
What does Living Social have to offer?
Hmm, Orlando sounds nice.
What's the weather in Orlando during November?
4 days and 3 nights.
Why did I just think about the move Ace Ventura?
Ran-Dumb for real.

Remodel: Man Cave Bathroom

Seeing as our field service group is now meeting at our house every Saturday, we HAD to take care of this cracked toilet. I am not about to have an elderly lady topple over on account of my toilet. So if the toilet comes out, so does the entire bathroom. After my design and hubby's industriousness over the past 3 days, we're almost done!

Here's the cracked toilet that started the whole project.

 

And here's the before of the bathroom. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

After demolition, it looked even more ugly, but promising!

Here's hubby messing with the plumbing after mounting the flouting sink and painting the walls a "Dallas Cowboy" blue. It's the man cave so I can say nothing about it. Sigh.

And finally, here's the new tile, hubby applied. He's doing a killer job!

We still have grouting and sealing, putting up the baseboards, putting in the toilet and all the finishing touches to go.

I'll post a final pic when it's done!

Peaceful Luxuries

It's been a hard week. And it's not over.

I feel like I've been moving a mile a minute. You know how sometimes you go to sleep just so you can get ready for the next day? Well that's how I feel. Sleep hasn't been for me. It's been for preparation sake. I just need a moment to recollect myself. I would love a vacation but since that's no where in the works, I need to sit somewhere quietly and enjoy the peace. I would like very much to wander slowly through a museum actually. Maybe even to take my drawing pad and pencil, sit down in front of an artifact for 30 minutes and sketch. Something, anything to re-center myself. I remember the days in Long Beach when I would go to the park with my blanket, lay down and read for hours. Sounds like pure bliss to me. I miss the peaceful luxuries.

Yes, I'll make it happen.

Difficult

My heart is beating out of my chest. I'm continually nervous. I feel like I can't breathe. The pain of stress is piercing my lower back.

I guess that's what happens when you're coming off an extremely difficult couple of days and have a few difficult work days ahead. I hope these symptoms go away soon. I want my happiness back.

i Need a Bathtub

I just came back from my convention. I really haven't had time to process the usual post-convention action item list. I'm kind of drained really.

I sat by myself a lot this year. Hubby was busy being an attendant. On the contrary to what I thought, I didn't mind it much. I'm not my naturally quiet self when I'm with hubby so it was nice to revert back to calm, quiet, pensive J. What tends to be dangerous about that though is being left to my own thoughts. I hate it when I get ta thinking. Thankfully I stayed 90% in tune to the program so the awakening thoughts were abruptly shoved to the side before they had time to fester. And that's why I need a moment to process. I feel like I have a ton of little seeds of thoughts to develop. I have feelings that I definitely feel, but am not sure what they are yet. If that makes any sense. Basically, I'm unsettled.

But that's okay. I'll iron it out. Or not. It probably would be best not to. Who knows what tunnel I'll burrow myself into if I do.

I'm exhausted as all... Listening to my 'Black Men' Pandora station with Jodeci-esque songs doesn't help. All I want right now is to be right there, in that tub. Music in the background, candles on the floor, bubbles up to the neck, warm water cradling me, shades drawn... Wouldn't matter if I had this joy in my bathroom anyway right now. The water would be red.

Sorry to destroy that image for you...

 

JenWill wrote a post. After a year of silence... We've been on separate coasts for 5 years now. Haven't talked that much save for a few email exchanges once or twice a year. But whenever I read her blog posts, I feel like I never left. It's good to "see" her.

Man, I'm so tired. And we're supposed to go see this Batman movie after work. I hope I don't fall asleep. I also need to find out who the Bachelorette chose. Ever since coming off birth control, my periods have been heavy and long. I miss being on it, but now that I escaped it without any medical issues (unlike my sister who ended up hospitalized - death to Nuva Ring!), I'm afraid to go back on. And nope. Still not settled over this baby stuff. *shrugs shoulders* Too tired to go into it.

What else is there to speak on? I guess the last thing on my mind concerns looking forward to the new system. With these Colorado shootings and pain in my lower back and fear of having kids in this crazy world and the infirmities of all the older friends I saw on the convention arena floor... I'm so tired of this mess. I'm almost in the mind frame to ask Jehovah to hurry up and get this Armageddon stuff going and over with. Destroy the wicked! Get rid of sickness and death! End fear of man doing terrible, stupid stuff! But if I did that, I might not be included on that righteous list. Of course I hope I am. I'm doing pretty okay but since there's always room for improvement in our worship to Jehovah, who really knows. I just want peace. I'm ready for my own beautifully designed home on a paradise earth with no greedy, insane, sick or lying people. I'm ready to see my passed grandfather again... I miss him.

Interior Design: Girl's Room

LOVE this child's room. How different is this?!!!

source: decorpad.com

Eight Reflections

1. baby making
2. practicing fruitage of the spirit when working with my manager
3. finishing the interior design of my main level
4. juggling what little money i seem to have
5. looking for inspiration (novels, art, photography, stories)
6. recharging spiritually via the convention
7. making summer memories
8. preparing for 3 fall weddings

Queen, Beautiful

Today, I feel beautiful.
It's not always that I feel like this.
But today is special.

It's an insecurity of mine.
Looks, appearance, beauty.
I don't see what others see.
Do others even see?

But today, with braids piled high.
I feel regal.
Royal.
In charge.
Eyes pulled up in the corners.


I'm not sure when I turned this way.
Looking in the mirror was pleasing.
The reflection agreed with me.
But I took it for granted and looked away.

I didn't recognize me when I turned back.
Features, curves, and bones.
Could it be age?
Am I past my prime?
Will it no longer be like it was?

But today I feel beautiful.
Braids piled high.
A queen in my own right.
Today I feel beautiful.

Thoughts on a Monday

I love that my family wants me to have children.

"Y'all better get started soon." - Dad
"I really want to be an aunt!" - Sis
"You better get these kids out while I'm still young and full of energy!" - Mom

I think it's cute. And no, I feel no pressure. It's simply cute.

So for laughs and giggles, the three of us (mom, sis and I) googled preschools and the like and came up with all sorts of plans and schedules. My mother even called a school that we all agreed to like. "This may sound crazy but I'm an aspiring grandmother..." Yes, she did that. But get this! People sign up for the wait list even before they are pregnant! How insane is that?!

Let the insanity begin.



I love to write. I think you all know that. Lately I've been writing more in my journal than on the blog. I hope to even it out a bit. I saw something on another website about a 'writer's contract'. Perhaps I'll sign it. I definitely want to get a bit more creative. Write prose and lyrics - the stuff I used to do before I got married.

-like-

I almost forgot to put panties on.
I almost forgot to cover up.
Exposed.
Unhidden from the lights that beam.
I did forget to put makeup on.
Flaws highlighted in the spotlight of the world.
In places where no one should see.
Nooks and crannies.

I'd rather be naked.
In every way.
An open book.
Blurting thoughts that should be kept quiet.
Secrets that really aren't secrets.

Instead, I write my soul down.
In private places.
In hopes that I'll lose it.
So someone can find it.

I almost forgot to throw the blunt away.
So no one would know.
Who I really am.
Hiding the eventualities of my personality.
I did forget to shut the door.
It's not like they could see me.
Others tell me differently.
Too exposed.
They call me 'inappropriate'.

I'd rather be naked.

-Fin-

Beautiful

The definition of Beauty

Cars or Babies?

I can't blog from my work computer anymore. That makes me want to kick someone in the face. Or maybe that's how I'm feeling because my manager is freakin annoying right now. Either way, I want to kick somebody in the face.

I'm all confused up in this mind of mines. I'm looking for a new car to purchase which is proving more difficult than I thought. It's also making me think twice about having babies. I saw a bad convertible white Benz the other day and thought to myself, 'why do I want kids again?' Now that I'm off birth control, I'm on a level 4 about this kids thing. Going from a level 12 to a level 4 in a matter of months scares me a bit. What does that mean?! Don't literally answer that question my lovely reader you. Differing opinions are not good for me right now. My motto has always been When You Don't Know What To Do, Do Nothing. I'm sure my feelings will settle on one side or the other soon. What I DO know is that I don't want to get back on birth control so that says something right?

Back to cars... Missy makes me feel like I'm 22. The scratches, the dents, not being able to read the time in my car, the broken CD button... I'ma need my car to catch up to my life. And THAT I feel 100% certain of. You know what I want? Acura or Lexus to make the Kia Optima. The Optima is EXACTLY the look I'm going for. But a noisy ride? Ugh. I want to write an emphatic "I CAN'T" but I might have to settle. Again. There is not another car that appeals to me right now. So my decision is to wait. I have no other choice. Save up a few G's and wait.

Babies and cars. Cars or babies? Don't judge me. I'm not superficial. There are other good reasons to pick "cars" over babies that I'm not explaining here. But if you have any car suggestions, I'm all ears!

Hot Fun In The Summertime

Summer plans!

BBQ/Picnic - ?????
Theme Park - Six Flags with little brother?
Beach - VA Beach and Ocean City
Summer Nights - Screen on the Green? National Harbor evenings?
Concert - Coldplay


Other things I want to do:
Weekend shopping trip to NY
Black Alley shows
Go to Beach Club
Visit museums

                         
So what are you summer plans? Anything interesting? Let's make this summer a good one folks!


                

What's My Identity?

I was watching one of my tv shows this morning and was basking in how womanly the main characters were. Strong. Fierce. Solid. Curvy. Feminine. They were true grown women. Women with confidence. Women with experience. Women who know what they want and what they have to offer the world.

While putting on my M.A.C. red lipstick and I had to pause a little bit while meditating on what a 'grown woman' is. After about 10 seconds, a light bulb went off, I titled my head to the side, looked at myself in the mirror and said 'I'm a grown woman too!' Well I didn't quite say that out loud, but I might as well have because the sentence was so clear in my head. If I were to have this conversation with another, I can already hear the response. 'Well what did you think you were?!' Yes, technically I am a grown woman, but I haven't thought of myself in the way in a very long time.

Then, of course, I began to wonder why. Immediately, I narrowed in on my relationship with my husband. I don't know if it's that he's younger than me and loves to joke, play around and have fun, but I don't feel like a grown woman when I'm with him. Actually, bag that younger-than-me-stuff. Yes we are young at heart together but that's not it. It's more than that. I feel like a female who's under the wing of a man. And that image/sentiment makes me more of a kin to a little yellow, newborn chic than a strong, independent gazelle. Does that make sense? I don't know why I'm likening myself to farm animals but the analogy fits right?

It's interesting how having a husbandly head changes my identity. For sure I used to be that confident, experienced, truly grown woman, especially as a single woman. And maybe that's the way people see me from the outside, but that's definitely not how I feel. And that's not a bad thing. I feel protected. I feel delicate like a well-made vase. I feel like I'm second-in-command, which I am and have no problems with. I like how my husband makes me feel. I love not having to be in charge of everything and having to make major life decisions, difficult decisions on my own. I like being able to watch him handle it all, because he can and does it well. Well of course a woman keeps a household together so I like being in charge without really having to be in charge, if you know what I mean. In any case, I am someone's complement. I am someone's someone. I am attached to someone else. On the outside and to others, I may be what I'm seeing in other women, but I certainly don't feel like one.

But that begs the question...Should having a husbandly head change my identity? I am definitely not the person I used to be when I was single. But there should be things about you that are firm and true. You should have a foundation and know who you are right? So, I repeat. Should having a husbandly head change my identity?

Man Cave Update

We updated the man cave this weekend. I know it's not my go-to room being that it's the "man cave" but boy was I glad to see something happen to that room. You see, I want guests to be comfortable when they come to my house. And since MJ likes to invite guys over to hang, I was really feeling like the man cave needed to be filled out a bit more.

So here's what we did. We went to Ikea looking for this one George Jetson looking chair, but decided against it when we sat in it and felt the coldness and hardness of the thing. After 40 minutes of deliberation, hubby decided on a less expensive alternative in a black leather finish. Half of the time we took was to figure out how to match the chairs with the bright blue sofa that hubby already has in the man cave. To add the inexpensive flair that the room needs, I mentioned needing pillows so we mosied on over to the pillow section which had nothing. On our 3rd or 4th time going back through the same sections at Ikea, hubby looked at the model of his sofa that he has at home and says, "things would be so much easier if the slipcover was this color". Excited by the idea of being relieved from having to decorate an entire room around electric blue, I encouraged him to buy the more subtle but cool grey slipcover. So with the location and bin numbers for the new slipcover in hand, we went BACK to the chairs to reconsider our chair choices. With the slipcover being $250, he decided to downsize from the leather to the cotton chair. So 2 hours after walking into Ikea, we left out with a new look and feel to the man cave sofa and two new chairs to fill out the room.

The next thing we should probably do is paint. I really want this room to start taking shape so paint would be the natural step. Paint makes everything feel different. Hubby wants to go with a greyish silver so we should be able to scope some paint choices out in the next two weeks or so. After that comes the sawhorse table. That thing is going to be cool. Hubby said he wants to build it from scratch so I'm interested to see how it turns out. It should be fun though. I'm thinking we should paint the table that electric blue that was on the sofa. Talk about a PoP of cOloR! And then if we can find a really vintage stool... a workman's stool of sorts...that would be nice. Later on, we can add some storage components, throw some art on the wall, include some accessories and wa-la. Finito!

I wish I could post pictures but my blog has reached it's photo-uploading-capacity. I may need to create a new blog huh?

I'm excited about hubby's man cave. When it's finished and more homey, I'll be able to chill with him down there more often. Not too often, but more often. =)

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday everyone! It's muggy and gloomy as ever but it's still the best day of the week!

I have a wedding to attend tomorrow evening in Williamsburg. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the most decadent princess type wedding I've ever been to. I'm excited to see the razzle and dazzle. I need to glamazon my outfit up of course, so accessories shopping is on the menu for my lunch break. I already bought my glitter fingernail polish. All I need is a necklace, and a banging bracelet. The earrings are pretty much taken care of but if I see something...!

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Get Some Class!

I got in my feelings while watching the majority of chicks walk by at the Beyonce concert over the weekend. It was so disturbing. My husband even heaved a couple of times from the nasty sights. Ladies! Where is your class?!

If it's see-through: Put on a slip!
If you're wearing a thin material and it shows all your cellulite and dimples: Put on some spanx!
If you have a pooch or your stomach hangs over: Don't wear a super tight shirt!
If the back fat is there to stay: Avoid outfits that expose and cut into the rolls!

I miss the classy older days when women wore tailored outfits and lace gloves and pearls and high heels. We were so feminine back in the day. What happened?!

Housewives of DC - JW Edition

It's been a while I know, but things have been busy. Work has been crazy, my social calendar has been packed, and life has been good. The schedule is not letting up any, but that's okay. I have hair appointments (plural), girls night, the Beyonce concert in AC, VH1's Single Ladies premiere (yes!) and a wedding in Williamsburg coming up in the next week and a half. And I can't wait! My manager is out starting today for 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to his time away. Even though I'll be handling things alone, I get to handle them on my pace and at my level of intensity. I do hope that Italy treats him well though.

I took a pole dancing class last night. A private pole dancing class with 2 of my other friends, in a studio apartment with two gay, little men, one of which was the instructor. (pause for effect) Cameras should followed us last night. It was the most shocking, most hilarious, most random, most entertaining experience I've had in a very long time. My husband was dying laughing this morning when I told him how it all went down. Tavon (our instructor) was great though. And very professional. So much so that the girls and I will be going back for more bartered lessons. We made a deal last night that if we bring him food and tips, he'll continue to give us free lessons. I know it sounds crazy but trust me, it's all legit. One day, I will go to one of his classes that he teaches at Pole Pressure near DC's Eastern Market. But you have to pay for those. For now, free classes in exchange for a happy meal works for me.

Girls night on Friday is going to be just as entertaining as a gay, pole dancing instructor. Just watch. We're supposed to pick a character from 'Sex and The City' OR 'Girlfriends' OR 'Basketball Wives' to emulate. Why we have so many different options, I don't know. Either way, it's going to be a hilarious mess. I haven't watched BBW in so long so I don't think I'ma go with any of them. Joan sounds like a good option to me - as crazy as she is. I might need to watch a few episodes of 'Girlfriends' to prepare for my acting debut Friday night.  We picked names out of a hat to do a gift exchange at dinner, so I need to get to a mall today or Thursday if possible.We are going to have so much fun. My husband said he needs to talk to Ryan Seacrest about 'Housewives of DC - JW edition'. lol. Hilarious.

My hair is in a ponytail today! Can you believe it?! I don't know how long it's been since I've worn a ponytail. When I looked at myself in the mirror it was a strange sight to see such a clean swept away look. I'm still getting used to it. It's such a minor change but I feel like it's a brand new thing for me. I'm getting my hair done Thursday though so it'll be a short lived change.

I have to train a colleague over InterCall Conference in 30 minutes so let me get to understanding how this sharing desktop function works on this piece of software.

Ciao.

Ready For Someone Like Her In My Life

Focus

Should anybody ask for me, tell them I’ll be right back in a real short time. It’s just that I lost my mind; gotta find it. But once I hop on my train of thought I get back in pronto to collect myself. There’s really nothing you can do to help. - Focus

Go to song when I'm unbalanced...