Monday, December 01, 2008

Let Him Lead

All this Ms. Independent stuff seems wonderful doesn’t it? Ne-Yo has single-handedly revolutionized who the independent woman is and what it means to be one. Men and women alike seem to love the concept. My homeboy Mike wrote once, “But Ne-Yo neatly describes the type of woman that turns me on and impresses me. Of course he doesn’t cover everything though. And yes it is something about a woman that has her stuff together and doesn’t need you but chooses to spend time with you because she genuinely enjoys you and sees as much in you as you do in her. To each his own - I know some of you fools like a trophy wife or a chick you can manipulate/control all the time - but give me Miss Independent.” Woman all around me are either stepping up their game to be the “independent woman” that Lauren London and Gabby Union portray in that stunning video, or pumping their feminist fists in the air and rolling their necks as their theme song blairs through the speakers.

Well ladies. Let me warn you. While it is great to have your own, be careful how far you take that mess. I sent a text message to a friend that said, “I’m taking your lead.” He replied back in shock, “And you follow a man’s lead?” Huh?! I’m confused. Is that surprising? If so, why? Isn’t that what woman are supposed to do - follow a man’s lead? Ladies ladies ladies. Why do we have men out here feeling like we want to handle/lead/control everything? I’m sure I don’t have to remind you but when we were created, we were created as help mates. That’s not to say that we’re weak or less qualified. Notice that Adam COULD NOT survive without Eve. Men need us! They need help. Haven’t you notice how your man can’t even pick out an outfit without asking you for advice (which is so sweet and endearing, isn't it?)! However, it is ESSENTIAL that you let…a man…be…a man. Yes, it’s true that we pretty much run things, but because you know this (and in most cases they know this too), you have to at least let them take the lead. Let me give you an example of how this works. If you are in the car together and you suggest he takes route A which is free of traffic or cuts the travel time down by 10 minutes, yet he thinks route B is best, let him go his way. When he runs into traffic or ends up lost, don’t trip and certainly don’t say that you told him so. Let him be the man that he is and find his way out. Although it may burn you up inside and eat at your soul, simply sit back and let him have the control. Not only will it allow him to feel like he wasn’t nagged into doing something he didn’t want to do, but he’ll respect your advice (which is usually 90% correct), AND take it next time! Lol. Imagine how nice it will be next time to hear, “Babe. Which way do you think we should go?” It’s really not that hard. At least not after you get past the first burning hurdle and learn to shut your mouth! =)

The most rewarding part of it all though is that following a man’s lead who has your best interest at heart is relaxing! Talk about a load off! As an independent woman who takes care of herself and makes decisions every single day, I would find it very refreshing to come home to a man who’s got me. To be able to sit back and have someone else make all the decisions for once will be like a slice of heaven right on time. Enjoy the “headship arrangement” and the advantages of being a woman ladies. And remember, two people can’t drive one car. If you try, there will be an accident.

12 comments:

Jenn Will said...

I can't wait to see the comments for this one! :)

Marcus said...

I absolutely love this... I love a woman who doesn't look at me like Captain Save'em as much as the next guy, but there is a thin line between being self sufficient and having an independent spirit.

T.C. said...

This is very on point and the point that i wanted to make you said at the end...."following a man's lead who had you best interest at heart" women NOR men can let someone lead who doesn't really care nothing about them...i have seen that happen time and time again...

but man oh man do i agree with this...you can be independent and take care of yourself without EXPECTING a man to SAVE you...but letting a man lead you...as you two build something together...

Eb the Celeb said...

I think the challenge lies in finding someone that is not only willing to take the lead but able... and I'm not talking about financially... I'm talking about in every essence of the world like our grandfathers did. Let's be real... just like men say we aren't built like their mama's are because we may not cook or want to be a stay at home mom... but the men aren't built the same either anymore... I have no problem letting a man take the lead... but so many don't... and I'm not about to fall flat on my face because you haven't... I'll be the driving force before that happens.

I think the battle in the black community is that there is a power trip constantly about who is going to lead... why can't we just want side by side... why does someone have to be out front.

miKeSee said...

Nice post.

I think one of the consequences of a lot of guys out here not having their stuff together is women over-stepping their boundaries as far as how much they want to lead. When men don't show that they are good leaders why should women follow? I understand why some women feel that way. If I went out with a bunch of dead head girls that didn't have their stuff together or at least some potential then there's a chance I'd always be overly domineering and want to call the shots (even when I don't have to or we can discuss) when I'm with that lovely, independent woman. And that would be because I'm overcompensating for the lame ducks I'd been out with in the past. That is, until I realize that she is not like them. I'm sure you ladies can relate to that one.

But I agree with you for the most part and it's like I said in my post: "Not too independent though. Some women take that shyt to a whole new level that's a bit extra."

But the main part of this post that I like is this..."The most rewarding part of it all though is that following a man's lead who has your best interest at heart is relaxing!" That is a beautiful thing but I'll be honest and say that there are quite a bit of women out here with so much baggage that they can't trust a man enough to let this happen. I understand that just like it might take me some time to realize that you aren't an unambitious chicken head that just wants a free meal, it will take you some time to realize I am not Ray Ray that used to treat you like trash. Yet-and-still, a lot of women push good men away because of whatever defense mechanisms and baggage they have that they can't let go of. If women would listen to Mama's Gun and men would listen to 808s after their break-ups maybe the world would be a better place, LOL.

j.a.c. said...

i so agree with you Eb and Mike, especially that last line Mike. do you know how many barriers 808s knocked down? kanye has made it okay for men to outwardly FEEL. what a concept!?

Eb - you are so right. find me a man who CAN lead. they are very few and far in between. the reason why we can't just do the 'side by side' thing is that it wasn't intended to work like that. not from creation it wasn't. what ends up happening though is that when a man leads with respect and the woman lets him lead knowing that he has both of their best interest at heart, they end up being a team. she asks him what the final call will be, he asks her what she thinks, they put their heads together and in the end, it all evens out anyway. most likely, a man will not make a decision without the consent of his woman. like i said in the post, they need us.

Reecie said...

Excellent post! It's always funny to me how guys assume that since I'm a strong, opinionated, successful woman that I want to control everything and wear the pants in a relationship. That couldn't be more wrong. Your statement summed it up best...after working hard everyday and handling business nothing could be better than just coming home and letting the man take the lead and handle his business. I believe a man should be a man and a woman should be a woman. Letting the guy lead doesn't make you less of a woman and it actually makes the guy feel good.

For instance one of those things I find charming is when my guy asks me what I'm ordering and then when the waiter comes he orders for me. I don't know why guys do this, but hey I just roll with it and I love the feeling of being doted on and catered to.

Anyway...that's my two cents!

But maybe it's just me... said...

Good stuff and I agree. I am excited about the day when I can sit back and let a 'right him' be the head of my household. I am an independent woman because that's what I've had to be as a solo act. I'll have no problem letting a man, ultimately my husband, lead as long as he is worthy of following.

Jenn Will said...

I think its easier said then done. Like everything, I guess.
I am opinionated and smart, which is sometimes a deadly combo. I sometimes have "knowitallitis" its a common inherited condition and if I am not consciously paying attn to my condition it can get away from me...Point is, I firmly believe in letting my man be the man, in fact I look forward to it. I love the opportunity to allow a man to chose my drink, pick our destination for the evening, maybe even order for me. All very sexy.
But what if my husband, although wonderful in all other respects, is terrible at finances, a bad driver, or likes to throw money at every cockamaimey dream he has? Will I be able to sit back and accept his final decision on the matter? For how long? At what point do I demand to take over the finances, demand to always drive us, and cut up his debit card? I'm all for support but if I know that the decision that you are about to make is idiotic will I be able to keep my mouth shut? Honestly I don't know. We'll have to see. But I imagine that any man that is foolish enough to marry me will not be all that surprised when I pipe up with an opinion. :)

miss alisa said...

Great post, J!

Kep said...

"In all thing moderation. . . " Discernment, tact, humility. . . The Almighty's just pouring wisdom through you m'dear.

Peace,
Kep.

Anonymous said...

Love this article, this is exactly how I view things. I am a successful, independent woman and I love my man to lead. It was really important for him to be equally yoked with me. He leads naturally.

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