Monday, December 29, 2008

Year End Reflections

I am so ready for '08 to be over. This time last year, I had just moved to NY. I was anxious, excited, nervous and terrified all at the same time. I moved 3,000 miles away from the love of my life to start a career with my dream job. Now that I no longer am with that 'love of my life' or that 'dream job', I'm at a full circle. I'm at yet another December feeling anxious, nervous, excited and terrified at the same time. But I'm ready for a fresh start. A beautiful beginning. Another chance.

I remember writing a post about wanting to work on 'glowing'. When I wrote that post, I had every reason to glow. Everything in my life was perfect. I really had no reason to complain. It's a little more difficult to glow when things are so uncertain, but I'm actually willing to accept the challenge and learn to glow during the un-perfect. It is understood that you build character not through the easy times, but during moments when the sun isn't so bright. It's all about how you get through the tough times that makes you the piece of work that you are. So I'm going to work on glowing through this particular time. Not that it's all that bad of a time. Things aren't bad. They're just different. Way different.

There's a line in a movie I saw recently that says, "the easiest way to make God laugh is to tell him what you have planned". How perfect is that, huh? Nevertheless, here's the tentative plan for '09 (subject to change). Move. Buy. Get spiritual. Get creative. Love. That's all I'm going to say for now. There's a whole lot more to it but I'll just let the rest play out in it's own time. If (when) it happens, I might explain further (assuming I remember this conversation). But that's the whole thing about goals and resolutions. Even if you do accomplish them, you forget that you set them and fail to celebrate how far you've come. I can't even begin to remember what I told myself I was going to work on in '08, except for glowing. I'm sure I can go back in my journal or blog to see where I was in life, but I never feel comfortable going back. (Ironically, that's something I always say to ex-bfs - "I never go back".) I like looking forward, not backwards where I can get a clear view into how stupid I was. Yeah, I should be able to see how far I've come as well, but... I just can't look back.

Without physically looking back in a journal or blog, let me see what I've learned this past year. In '04 and '05, I didn't know who I was. Newly out of college, I was naive, awkward and very much alone. In '06 and '07, I lived life to the fullest. Those years were mainly about coming into my own, gaining a special sisterhood unlike I've ever had before, having fun and falling in love. 2008 was a different kind of year. More so than anything, I've learned the power of God, the power of love, and the power of pain. Even though many a great things happened to me this year like moving to NY, meeting new associates who will probably be life-long ones, finding my style, rebuilding my relationship with God and growing closer to my family, I was in pain for the majority of it all. It sounds bleek, but I'm kinda proud of that. Even when my insides were torn apart and full of bullet holes, I was still able to suceed. Strength. I think that's one of my strongest virtues. What doesn't kill you... right?

All in all, I thought I was a pretty wise chick. Thought I had some things figured out about this here life. Boy was I wrong. Can't wait to learn even more in the '09.

Here's to a new year! Wahoo!

1 comment:

T.C. said...

It is understood that you build character not through the easy times, but during moments when the sun isn't so bright. It's all about how you get through the tough times that makes you the piece of work that you are. So I'm going to work on glowing through this particular time

very true words! i think that we all think at some point in time that we have it all figured out, the key is not to get so wrapped in ourselves and thinking we know it all but to honestly sit back and believe in GOD and that he'll take us to the next level...

i know that i prayed at the beginning of 2008 that ALL things would be revealed to me, and GOD keeps his word that i know for sure...so i think i am on the same page as you...no goals no resolutions, just prayers...

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