Sunday, December 14, 2008

Stuff On The Brain

I am in quite a jovial mood right now. I can say that a lot of my mood is due to the fact that I do not have to get up to go to work tomorrow. Ha ha ha!!!! Wooohoooo! Sundays sure do feel good when you don't have anywhere to be on Monday morning. I actually get to ENJOY my Sunday. Hallelujah! I love being a free soul. Even though I know I have them, I feel like I have not a care in the world right now. This break is soooooo nice. You just don't even know. Now the question of the day, or the century rather is, how can I make this last?!!!!

Haven't actually been on my p's and q's with my spirituality. I be slacking ya'll! A yo! Hold up for a second. HOL UP! How come I'm the only one that ever has to get up and go to church on Sunday? Why I ain't got no church goin friends huh? I always gots to be the only one leaving the spot early Saturday night. No fair! I need to find me some church goin friends yo. Seriously. I need more people like me... I don't think that I really roll with people I can indentify with 100%. I mean I suppose that's to be expectant being that we're not robots, but I don't have any roll partners/friends like me. I'm always the one sticking out like a sore thumb. I think, no... I know that's because I don't have any spiritual brothers and sisters in NY. I mean I do, but not j.a.c.-like spiritual brothers and sisters. I'm talking about the easy going, friendly, just trying to survive like me spiritual girlfriends and guy friends, ya know? Eh. It is what it is. (I miss you JennWill!)

So I think that I'm quite content with my life right now. I think that I have everything that I could possibly want (except a job and a man), but you know what I mean. I have my health (thank goodness that all this tooth pain is gone!), I have all the support in the entire world (yeah ya'll! my family LOVES them some j.a.c.!), my finances are in o-r-d-e-r (who would have thought that I would get a refund check from my old car insurance company! can you say ON TIME?), I'm still pretty smart (I don't know why I say 'still' like the smart juice is going to seep out of my brain through my ears or something, but I am very grateful that I have a brain, cuz some of these people out here... man), and my soul is quiet. I think that last one is the most important to me. My soul is pretty peaceful and it makes for such a good life. I have no nonsense in my life. No drama. No emotional pain. No bad choices to live with. I can say that I've been pretty blessed. God be takin care of me yo! I'm tellin you!

A commercial just came on BET of a bunch of male model naked nasties. Ugh! I can't stand looking at these calendar men with no clothes on. I don't know who thinks that's sexy but something about those men just make me want to throw up. They look so gay. I don't care how many ripples you have in your stomach. If you're posing for a calendar with your hand down there trying to look all sexy in the camera, something's not right. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's just not right.

So the reason why I'm watching BET (cuz I have to explain that) is because Keyshia Cole's show is on and I like Keyshia. So from time to time, when I'm flipping through, I pause on her show. Now you want to talk about some drama. Why is Neffe's baby's daddy holding the baby while barking and cursing at Neffe? Wouldn't you think that as you're holding your son next to your chest with all those angry rhthyms and vibrations and bad energy... that it's going to adversely affect the baby? See that's selfish right there. That's what parents don't understand. It's not all about you anymore. It's about that baby that you're holding against your chest while you're screaming at your baby's mother. Who cares what relationship and situation you have going on with your son's mother. The negativity must stop! It's not good for your child! So Squash that! At least while in front of your child. Next thing you know, that little boy is going to be disrespecting and screaming at women in his life. It's just not right. It's ignorant. (I can't stand cursing. Even though it's all around me and I might want to scream a vulgarity every now and then, something about cursing just gives me the creeps. Maybe it's how people curse. I think it's because cursing is usually a manifestation of anger. And I don't like anger or angry people. But I'm a big girl. I can handle it. I guess.)

Hmmm. What am I going to do tomorrow? I think it's time to buckle down and spend the day trying to find a job. I know that I do not want to stay in New York City. That much is clear. So now that I have that ironed out, I can put a little muscle into my transition. I completely revamped my resume today so I'm ready to do what I have to do. I pray that I'll find something vaguely interesting. I have decided that I will not compare my next job to Essence because there is nothing that can touch Essence. My next job will not be like Essence and that's okay. What's next will be next. Now if this future job can have something to do with culture, entertainment, media, creative or performing arts, I'll be content.

Oh! I'm going to work out tomorrow. Do my NYC ballet workout DVD and work on tightening up these thighs of mine. I'm about to be so sore, but I love the feeling. That means I worked it out. I wish I had an empty studio space. That's something I definitely have to have when I build my dream house. (I never thought about building a dream house. Hmmm.) I want a real studio space with mirrors and a bar all to myself. That will be marvelous.

Alright. I'm going to write in my journal now because I want to drop some real thoughts that I can't really speak about to the world. Have a great week.

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