I have a slight headache this morning.



I forgot to bring my journal to work. I wanted to put down a few ideas floating around in my head. Perhaps I'll get it during lunch... The only problem is that I'm motivated right now. I might not feel like it later. And I can't use my blog for the things I'm thinking. Some things are just personal.



I've been feeling extra spiritual lately. I've been thinking a lot about the fruits of the spirit which seem to keep swirling around my head. I guess that's a good thing though. I remember doing a post about the fruits of the spirit a while back. (Love, Joy, Peace, Long-suffering, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Mildness and Self Control.) You know.. if everyone embraced practicing the fruits of the spirit, we would all get along. The whole world would be in harmony. Now isn't that something?! =) Well, since these fruits of the spirit seem to be haunting me, I think I'm going to try to focus on one a week, research its meaning, and see how I can practice and apply it in my daily life. That sounds like a plan. I think it'll make me a better individual.



I've been thinking a lot about the scriptures recently. Maybe it's because I had such a whirlwind of a weekend and am now looking for an explanation or a way in which to deal. I did a whole lot of crying, which was cool because I haven't had a hard cry in a while. I guess it was long overdue. I didn't get the job and proceeded to break down promptly afterwards. I want a new job so that I can progress with my life and eventually get baptized. My second mom said that something's holding back Jehovah's Holy Spirit. There's something that I'm missing or doing to block it. I think that might be true.. I need to do a thorough self-examination. Am I living my life in line with godly principles? If not, what do I need to change? What do I need to work on? It's one thing to read the Bible and know the difference between right and wrong. It's another to actually live it every day. But what is it that I'm missing? I'm already doing my best to live chaste, which is probably my biggest struggle. I'm not forsaking my spiritual food. I've even picked up my ministry. But maybe my hearts not in it. Maybe I need to open my eyes wider. Maybe I need to endure this. Maybe I need to get rid of something in my life. I'm not sure... But I'm tired of being where I am. I have to make a drastic change.



I talked to 3 old friends yesterday, which was great. Each of them made me laugh and smile. I haven't that good of a time, where I just crack up for no reason in a minute. I don't know why I don't talk to them on a regular basis. Maybe it's because I need those i-haven't-talked-to-you-in-a-while-catch-me-up-convos. That's probably what makes them so fun. Especially the reminiscing about good times part. (I'm smiling right now.) I needed those convos. I'm glad they're in my life. They made me happy when I wasn't feeling so hot. I love you guys!



I'm taking control of my life. I'm putting aside all the frustrations and focusing on taking care of business. I'm going to start studying for my GMAT and I'm going to dive into the job search. I'm going to practice my weekly fruit of the spirit and continue furthering my spirituality. I need God more than ever right now, so I'm going to penetrate into his word. I'm going to search deep. I'm going to make myself happy again. No one can do that but me. And I'm going to fight everything that gets in the way of my happiness. No more roadblocks for me. No more crap. It's just me and God right now. No more drama. I'm focused maaaaann!