Insane Mind

10:45pm - I'm in an expressionless mood. The fan is blowing from my left. I hear a helicopter overhead. Imogen Heap is playing from my computer. I feel stress free. The sounds are tranquilizing. I'm resting my face on my knee at the moment. I'm most comfortable with my legs curled up on the seat. Feet flat on the floor? Legs at a 90 degree angle. No can't do that. Not for long. At least one has to be tucked. To be entirely comfortable, that is. My hair is in a ponytail, but plenty of strands didn't make it. They're brushing across my neck. It's the fan. Some are tickling my ear. I just changed positions. Laying on my side. Propped up on my elbow. Still typing to Imogen Heap. If I could be anywhere - I picture myself on the back of a ship. Staring into the dark. Imagining the world passing me by. It's complicated and underrated. I hope you overstand. I would love to fly around stage to "Hide and Seek". Become a firefly lighting my way across empty space. "The sweeping insensitivity of this still life." Do you know what's it like to lose yourself inside your own heart? I feel that while in moments on stage. "Mmm Whatcha say? Mm That you only meant well. Well of course you did. Mm Whatcha say? Mm That it's all for the best. Of course it is. Mm Whatcha say? Mm That's it's just what we need and you decided this? Whatcha say?" Give people the opportunity to decide. "You don't care a bit." Ever met someone who didn't care? It hurts. How about someone who cared but acted different? I feel a weakness coming on. But I remain the same. Just for now. I need to grow some more. I will not become brand new, just new. Can we all just settle down please? What is the big deal? Why must we fight? Look at her in the eyes. I'm sure you can see her heart. Her intentions are pure. Remember the difference between what's real and what's not. We aren't for each other. We miss each other. Passing by to the left. But we'll never see. 11:54pm.